I'd like to share Kevin's story, mostly in his own words.
As always, there is a huge message of hope and transformation available in this story, so I hope you'll listen in!
After 28 years of marriage, feeling like roommates, Kevin said "I felt helpless" and "very isolated, very alone" in the struggles he experienced.
As a very successful (and busy!) IT exec overseeing teams in India, UK, France, and elsewhere, and really being able to figure out most things on his own...
It was confusing to not be able to figure out marriage in the same way. And it was painful to hear his wife caring more about something like Diet Coke than him. Logically, he knew it wasn’t true but it sure felt like it at times.
He listened to the DYM transformation stories (like this one!). And they sounded too good to be true.
But he kept hearing parts of his story over and over again through other people's DYM interviews.
He thoroughly checked into the DYM work and dived into the podcasts.
Of the work, he said, "the more and more I listened, the more I found and heard the biblical basis of everything and heard the logic."
Then, he took courage and had the Clarity Call which he said "the Clarity Call was exactly what it says: it was very clarifying."
Once in, of the program: "It was very incremental, very linear, and based in a way where it clicks, where it makes sense."
"The feedback loop, the accountability, the camaraderie of all the other gentlemen going through the program, that environment is an extra dimension of learning that I think is important, if not key to success."
"It pours all the ingredients together to make things work."
"I talked about things I have never talked about with anybody in my whole life during that part of the program."
Through the Delight Your Marriage program, Kevin experienced an improvement in his marriage and a greater sense of fulfillment and walk with God.
(And who knows, maybe just like Kevin, you'll be our next transformation story who initially thought it was "too good to be true"!)
Love & Blessings,
PS -- If you're wondering how healthy your marriage is right now so you can get clear on the aspects to improve, fill out the Marital Health Assessment for a free evaluation of your marriage health so you can take steps to make it even better! delightyourmarriage.com/health
I am grateful so many men share their unfiltered hearts with me.
It is an honor and a privilege.
I find that many men feel extremely misunderstood. And they have numbed their pain just to "get through".
The problem with numbing is we don't see the people right in front of us and the pain they are experiencing.
What I see so frequently is men who are desperately trying to be the men God designed them to be, but are frustrated with the lack of respect in their marriages.
I want to help you understand...
1 - that your feelings here are valid and even God-designed
2 - there is a productive way to handle this gap
(Spoiler alert: it starts on the inside of you.)
Love & Blessings,
Are you curious about the overall health of your marriage? Respect is a big piece and when it's missing, it impacts the emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy of a marriage.
Discover the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage with our free online Marital Health Assessment delightyourmarriage.com/health
When you do, we'll send you some free resources and recommendations based on your specific situation and needs.
Fill out the free Marital Health Assessment now. delightyourmarriage.com/health
"It's changed it completely, our home environment is filled with tenderness, compassion, love and respect."
Oh, the pain of frustration, being consistently misunderstood, and having your needs (legitimate needs) consistently trampled upon.
Both Jerry and Joyce felt it. And Jerry desperately looked for answers. Delight Your Marriage wasn't his first program -- but unfortunately, the other one gave advice that almost drove his wife to a nervous breakdown.
Jerry didn't get out of his marriage, though his frustration level (due to his hurt) was through the roof.
The pain was so deep for her, she couldn't even attend the church he pastored.
Joyce was considering separation and even talking with lawyers.
But then Jerry decided to give Delight Your Marriage a try.
Now... a year later, Joyce not only loves her husband again, but "likes him," too.
("Liking" your spouse can be way harder than "loving" them.)
She's actually looking forward to raising their small children together and is happy even being a pastor's wife now.
The healing that has taken place in just over a year, is now impacting every single person in their ministry and family life.
God is amazing and we give Him all the credit for this transformation!
We are honored He has used the programs of Delight Your Marriage to help bring about these changes for them.
If you're at a similar place (or not quite as extreme), then know there is hope for you, too.
There is a price for change like this -- effort, time, financial investment, energy, courage, humility and even getting uncomfortable --
But take it from Joyce...
It is worth it.
Your next step is to get on a Clarity Call ( delightyourmarriage.com/cc ) to discover how to change you that will impact all those around you (and specifically your marriage).
PS - Seriously... It's time to discover how you can be the change agent God wants to use to turn your marriage around, so you love AND like your spouse.
Have a free Clarity Call to gain insight and discern your next steps: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - If you know a marriage that needs hope like this, will you take the courage and care to forward this episode on? You may be saving a family and faith community in the process.
Quote from a course graduate:
"The things that I’ve learned are really priceless when it comes to my marriage… When I first started this program it seemed like my wife didn’t even want to talk to me, much less make love to me. Man how things have changed...The changes that I see in my wife are nothing short of a miracle, she has went from being cold and callous, To warm and loving!"
Join us for an inspiring conversation with Jenny, a loving housewife and mother of four from Finland. In this episode, Jenny shares her remarkable transformation journey and the positive impact it had on her marriage.
Previously working as a nurse before having kids, Jenny and her husband made a conscious decision to prioritize their family and serve the Lord in a unique way. Through their involvement in a discipleship-making movement, they found Delight Your Marriage, a program that brought significant changes to their lives.
Jenny's husband initially joined the men's program and experienced a profound transformation (from her perspective as the wife). Encouraged by his progress, Jenny recognized her own need for growth and decided to embark on her own journey. She realized that she had lost touch with her own needs while prioritizing the needs of her family, often neglecting her spiritual well-being.
But she realized she was busy and God spoke to her heart that she was being a "Martha" far more than a "Mary."
Through the Delighted Wife program, Jenny discovered the importance of immersing herself in the Word of God, prayer, and worship. These foundational habits reignited her passion for the Lord, restoring her joy for her children, and enabling her to share the Gospel with others.
One significant change in Jenny's transformation was her renewed desire for intimacy in her marriage.
As she developed a deeper understanding of how women and men were designed, thanks to participation in the program, Jenny felt more comfortable expressing her needs to him.
By cultivating new habits and taking small steps, Jenny found her way back to a more fulfilling and vibrant spiritual life.
She shares her story as an example of how investing in one's marriage, time with God, and meditating on the Word of God can lead to profound transformation. If you're longing for a more joyful, intimate, and fulfilling marriage, Jenny's story is sure to inspire you.
To hear Jenny's full story and learn more about her transformation journey, listen to the complete interview on this episode.
If you're ready to take the next step in your own marriage, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and discover how Delight Your Marriage can help you experience a delightful and intimate marriage like never before.
Remember, your marriage is a precious gift that deserves your investment and attention.
Don't miss out on the incredible transformation possible when you prioritize your relationship and embrace personal growth.
Delight Your Marriage team
PS - Ready to experience a delightful and intimate marriage? Take the next step towards transforming your relationship by signing up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc today.
Discover how Delight Your Marriage can empower you to cultivate a deep and fulfilling connection with your spouse.
Quote from a program grad:
"If you're committed to the program and make it a priority, you can be truly successful! Bella has changed our marriage in a really special way."
Mother's Day is almost here! (This Sunday!)
Make sure the mom in your life is getting treated really nicely! She is WONDERFUL and deserves to be celebrated!
I have a wonderful mom.
She sacrificed so much for me. I am forever in her debt.
As a mom myself... I believe sacrificing to be a good mom brings her greater joy than if she had never sacrificed at all.
Sacrifice. Duty. Responsibility.
Sounds antiquated, old-fashioned, and maybe even oppressive...?
Am I morally obligated to take care of my kids?
Did I assume the responsibility for their well-being when my husband and I enjoyed...
"actions with procreative potential"...
which (happily) resulted in a child?
I would submit the answer is "yes."
I now lay down Feelings and pick up a life built upon proper values.
Hopefully, your mom did the same... otherwise, it would have been a very difficult existence for you.
The nature of a mother: assuming a role and duty to care for those souls entrusted to her.
What does this have to do with wives?
In today's society, we often hear that women should only make love if they Feel like it.
And they might say it's bad to make love when you don't naturally desire it. When you don't Feel like it.
If I used that logic in caring for my children... only when I Feel like it, they'd justly arrest me for child neglect.
I am a self-centered, selfish, self-focused, narcissist if I am led by Feelings.
Feelings are not my guide.
How do I know who Jesus is, so I know what He is like, and what He wants of me?
Is there any other source that clarifies who and what Jesus asks of me better than the Bible?
If all that is true... why is it we (ok... maybe it's just me :) struggle like this...
Feel down, follow by: laying on the couch...with a bag of Cheetos
Feel anxious, follow by: distracting my worries by scrolling through interesting video clips
Feel tired / annoyed / down / uncomfortable / frumpy / fat / unattractive / undesireable / lazy / anxious / stressed / cramped / worried / distracted / entertained / even happy..., follow by: heading straight to bed avoiding all manner of intimacy... at all costs.
At times, my mouth says: "Jesus is my King,"
but in real life: "my Feelings rule".
(These all certainly have been true, but when I repent sincerely and come back to Jesus' way, He has helped me to stop following the tempting Feelings less and less.)
We all need to live by our values from the Bible.
The Bible becomes the standard for life and there are a lot of important things about marriage, marital sacrifice, and the purpose of marital intimacy.
It would be worthwhile to look these up: Matt 19:4-6, Mark 10:6-9, Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 1 Timothy 5:14, Romans 13:13-14, Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7, Hebrews 13:4.... and that's just the New Testament!
I assume the responsibility of taking care of my children, to fulfill the role of Mom.
I assume the responsibility of taking care of my husband, to fulfill the role of Wife.
This is not following the world's definition of happiness.
It is true happiness.
This is in God's will.
This is following Jesus.
Happy Mother's Day!
I bet you wouldn't wish you followed Feelings more and sacrificed less to follow Jesus... in your role as a Mom.
I invite us both to hold that same standard for your role as a Wife.
You have sacrificed well, happily, and joyfully...and it is worth it! :)
Bravo & thank you!
The precious souls in your care, thank you!
PS If applying this thought process toward your spouse feels
convicting, we understand and have been there, too. We're here to help...if you want help, schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Do Delight Your Marriage programs help? That's a fair question...here's another graduate quote to give you hope:
Before the program challenges were:
"low sex drive, no physical pleasure from sex, pressure to have sex often, resentful of having to have sex often, insecure body image"
After the program:
"I now look forward to sex, enjoy it physically, am able to seduce my husband, and we both feeling amazingly satisfied all the time!!"
Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This title was hard to come up with.
Essentially, I want you to have the tools and mindset to figure out how to set boundaries with yourself and with others when needed.
Jesus was the servant of all.
He came to serve not to be served.
He was the most humble and meek.
And yet, Jesus set boundaries.
Here are a couple, but once you read this, you'll probably not be able to read a parable or look at the life of Jesus without noticing His leaning into boundaries over and over again.
Jesus disappointed people because his priority was God over people
In Mark 1:35-39,
In Matthew 16:21-23,
Jesus tells his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer at the hands of the elders, chief priests, and scribes. Peter rebukes him, saying that this should never happen to him.
Jesus responds by telling Peter that he is setting his mind on human things rather than God's things and calls him a hindrance.
In Luke 14:25-33,
Jesus sets the boundary of the cost of discipleship. He says anyone who wants to follow him, essentially compared to their love for Jesus, must hate their family and even their own life. They must carry their own cross, and give up all their possessions.
If they're not willing to pay this price, they can't follow him.
In John 2:13-17,
Jesus clears the temple of the money changers and merchants, telling them to stop making his Father's house a marketplace.
He shows anger and uses physical force to set this boundary.
Jesus was the servant of all but did not allow anyone to trod on boundaries.
So, what if you are trodding on God's boundaries?
What if your spouse wants to trod on the boundaries set by God?
Should you set boundaries with yourself?
Should you set boundareis with your spouse?
If so, how?
Is there a way to have a generous heart and a kind spirit and yet set a firm boundary?
This conversation goes into these things that are HARD to tease through.
I don't think I have it all right.
This is a topic that I feel a bit reticent to release. And I think it will require prayer as you discern how it applies to you.
And what your next steps are.
Love & Blessings,
PS - Let us know if this topic spoke to you and if we can help, email us at belah at delightyourmarriage.com
PPS - Quote from a program graduate:
“I have become a delighted, playful wife that enjoys and desires sex.
My relationship to the Lord, my husband and our daughter has become more intimate.”
Pastor David had a rocky start with his marriage.
Facing his hurts wasn't what he actually wanted to do. He was nervous to bring it up to his wife -- they share all their finances. So he brought it up to her and said he wants to transform into the man, husband and father he wants to become.
Even only 4 weeks into the program, Pastor David's wife commented, "I have noticed a change. Keep it up. It was worth the money."
And she is not a physical touch kind of person, which was his highest love language. Yet, even in just those 4 weeks of implementing what was taught in the course, this has increased.
It's hard to face our pain, isn't it! It's tough to be vulnerable about the things we struggle with that are closest to our hearts...yes, it takes courage to open those wounds up so that we can get them healed.
Husband... wife... you don't have to struggle alone. Do you desire to grow but don't have a safe space to be open and real with what is going on in your heart and marriage?
We're here for that...we're a safe place to gently open up that really private, hurting space...or that struggle that you don't dare to share with anyone in your life.
We want your heart to be healed. We want to help you break free from the chains that hold you back. We want to breathe life into your weariness, hope into your despair, and help you be the man or woman of God that you long to be in your marriage and family...and ministry.
There is hope! We invite you to fresh faith and to follow even closer to the One who is THE way, THE truth, and THE life.
We'd love to help. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if our program would be a good fit for you.
Darcy (on Belah’s behalf)
PS - The Pre-Dating workbook is finally here! If you've been blessed (like David -- who said he already bought 6! and plans to buy more!) by the content from Delight Your Marriage over the years and want to see young people get these tools before they ever get married, get your copy now! https://amzn.to/3NhF8DL
Our interview is about how to get a young person to read/do this workbook that could set them up for a successful dating and married life!
WOW! I am honored and grateful! My goodness.
So, the story goes... yesterday morning Amazon told me that it might be 3 days before the workbook could be live...
Biblical guidance from a marriage trainer and coach
Of course, we've all been counting down the days and the launch day was Friday.
So yesterday (Thursday) I sent an ask to my list that they would pray that it would in fact be live on Friday.
And guess what posted late on Thursday.
By the time I saw it, somehow some clients had picked it up and already had purchased AND already had REVIEWED!!!
So, today BEFORE we even told our email list that it was live, it has been named #1 New Release for Christian Youth Ministry!!!!
THANK YOU if you have already purchased! If not, here's the link!
Brett is fantastic! Firstly, many men have a similar past that we work with but don't share it openly. I really appreciate Brett's boldness to share and it encourages so many others!
That yes, even for your history, there IS HOPE!
My favorite quotes:
His marriage is transforming, healing, and trusting again -- his friendships are deep and encouraging, and as a father, he's influencing his kids for the Lord.
(His wife is really liking the changes -- but he hasn't yet shared that he did the program.)
His relationship with the Lord is thriving like never before!
It's amazing to see what God has done! I hope you will feel encouraged too!
PS - If you'd like help like Brett, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - We're very soon to launch our Pre-Dating Video Course & Workbook - What you need to know & do before you start dating (but definitely during).
Keep an eye on your inbox!
You are teaching them.
Whether consciously or unconsciously, they're observing you and figuring out whether you have something they want.
Do they want the marriage you have?
Is marriage worth it?
Do you have guidance that would actually give them the result they want?
If you’ve been around Delight Your Marriage a while, you know we are passionate about helping marriages get better, SO THAT they can do God’s will better in the world.
But what if your marriage was set up with the right framework, role modeling, and good habits BEFORE you even started your dating relationship?
Since we started teaching marriage, we have always been told that they WISHED they knew this before ever getting married.
And it’s so true.
So many people didn’t start out with the tools.
They’ve never even seen a good marriage!
But your son or daughter could get a leg up.
They could get started on the spouse pursuit journey by having not only a great example (you!) but also the tools clearly articulated for them.
What if your son or daughter knew how to find and attract the right partner to help you fulfill your God-given purposes?
In our climate that may seem like a tall order!
You are teaching your kids whether you like it or not.
They learn that you have nothing helpful for them, or they learn that you can give them the tools and insights they need to thrive in their most important human relationship!
With all of our work with men and women, we have seen it done well and done very poorly many times.
And it is the right time for us to help this next generation START their marriage pursuit well. Ultimately we want them to find, marry, and sustain a wonderful marriage built upon biblical wisdom SO THAT they can do God's will in the earth.
Today’s podcast is about how you can help the next generation.
We'd like your help as we're finalizing a pre-dating resource! If you'd like to offer your wisdom and experience and suggestions, we'd really appreciate your input! Partner with us by filling out this survey How to help the next generation get and stay married? delightyourmarriage.com/dating
PS - Seriously, I want to know what you think! We’re finalizing pre-dating resources now – get in on this!
PPS - If you need help on your own marriage for the sake of your kids, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When the crisis occurs outside of your home, if it's not peaceful and healed in your marriage, it becomes an additional stress instead of support in a horrible time.
I am not sure if you’ve lived through war – literally – but if so, you’ll relate to Alex. I’ll share more about him in a second.
Every member of our DYM team witnessed life transformation in their own marriages (first) and then God seemed to give us a need for a position right as He gave us the person who fits that need.
But with our need for a tech and automations specialist, the expertise was so specific that it was important we go for someone who is foremost extremely good in their specialized field, as we can’t risk the infrastructure of the organization to not work correctly.
That’s when, last April we hired Alex as our tech and automations consultant. He has amazing experience in the field, with our specific systems, and has worked with hundreds of clients, some businesses making millions per year and one even $50M per year.
It was such a relief to hire him. Purely on a professional level, he has been amazing to work with – hardworking, proactive, humble, responsible, and (shockingly) positive.
But he was living through war.
His home is the capital city of Kyiv, Ukraine, which was attacked last February. Since, he has endured this horror at his doorstep.
Eventually, he and his wife were able to escape to Spain but after a couple of months, they returned to Ukraine to help with generators and getting food and clothing to orphans suffering the bitter winter.
As a member of the team – he was the only one who hadn’t gone through the program. But unlike anyone who has ever been a candidate for the program, he had seen the full backend. How we handle data, how we set up the program, the many transformation stories and really getting to know our team personally.
He also had an opportunity to decide is now a good time to focus on his marriage and take the Masculinity Reclaimed program.
Yes, it was.
And his encouragement to you is
"don't postpone it...
as it won't only affect your marriage but it will have a positive effect on your entire life."
All in all, there is hope.
Even if you're struggling and the battle rages not only outside your home but inside.
It is worth it to get your marriage better so you can withstand the difficulties and even literal wars in this life.
We would love to help you.
PS - Sign up for a free clarity Call to find out if you're the right candidate to witness the transformation as well: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Another recent grad wrote:
"I want to reiterate my appreciation of the whole DYM process: from Dana's Clarity Call, Darcy's logistic support, Bob and Russ's guidance, the shared vulnerability and support of the other men, and Belah's profound wisdom through divine inspiration.
I would really recommend this program to all married men. There is so much wisdom and depth to this program that can be applied to intermarital problems that seem almost universal.
I wish I had this coaching and information 30 years ago."
Are you exhausted from the fight? The struggle? The resist and then fail? Then try, then fail, then good, then fail, then try again, then fail...
Maybe you have a few good days, weeks even months...
But it's lurking in the background.
Waiting to take you down again. And who knows how long you'll be down this time. Maybe it'll be just this once... maybe you'll be down forever.
Maybe you'll never get back out.
Maybe you'll never be the man God has called you to be. Truly.
Maybe you'll squander the life He gave you...
And no one knows. And the ones that do, don't understand.
I honor you.
In your suffering.
I hear you.
I hear you.
I hear you.
You are not alone.
And there is hope.
And there is a way out.
It's Good Friday tomorrow. And you know the story. And you know the ending. And you know what happens. And you sing the songs. And you attend the service. And you have heard it all -- maybe you even conduct the service. And you know the stuff -- maybe you've memorized it. You teach it to others. And you believe it. And you're even grateful.
That's really good.
And I want to invite you...
There is a way out of your prison of shame.
PS - Seriously. There is a way out.
So... a serious ex-military gent (on his way to becoming a drill sergeant) decided it was time to fix his marriage.
Then as a business leader and a leader in the church, people would come to him for marriage advice. Their connection looked good on the outside, but sadly it was lonely.
When he started the program, he began to realize maybe he should stop giving marriage advice.
He shares in his story how hard, but necessary it was to become humble.
Which as, Andrew Murray says, is the chief sin -- all others flow from it.
Murray goes on to say, if you think you don't struggle with pride, sadly, you do more than those who are at least aware of it.
We all have to fight against pride.
Steve decided to take on that challenge. (Maybe his military background helped?)
And he decided to listen and deeply consider if his heart, perceptions, and approach have been wrong in his marriage.
He not only became humble, but he also became teachable and asked the Lord to change him from the inside. And that caused him to lead as God designed.
Well, God is faithful... and did that.
And when we seek first His Kingdom -- it's possible He changes things in our world as well (not guaranteed... but what IS guaranteed is we will see eternal riches though!)
Steve ended up being so grateful for what God did through the Masculinity Reclaimed program.
Before, he admitted that he would feel jealous of his own children because his wife gave them so much attention, affection, and pursuit and he was left with less than crumbs.
Now, things have shifted SO much that she pursues him!
And he LOVES being around his kids now. He said he feels he is the father they need.
He said this program has ultimately changed the trajectory of all 5 of their lives because it has changed their father and the home they grow up in.
It's a story in which you'll be inspired and challenged and encouraged. If God can do it for Steve, He really can do it for you.
(And Steve's wife didn't do the work... in fact, she didn't even know he took the program! Seriously, it can happen for you too. Have hope. God does miracles still!)
PS - The only way to get into this program is through a selection process called a Clarity Call. It is free, however, it takes a lot from our team and is a true gift to the one who signs up.
If you are ready like Steve was, make the call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We work with wives in a separate program and God does amazing things there too!
A different, recent graduate wrote:
BEFORE the DYM program:
I didn't enjoy time with her, intimacy was not passionate, physical touch was lacking, we didn't have a connection anymore besides being parents to the same kids.
Every day was a struggle, and I often avoided my wife because I wanted to protect myself from attacks
AFTER the DYM program:
I have rediscovered joy! I am the leader of the home, in terms of mood, spiritual life, finances, relationships, everything. And by leading my house, my wife will become the partner I need and the woman she was created to be.
I've become the man my wife trusts, someone she can talk to openly and at length. We enjoy each other's company again & look forward to spending time together. Physical intimacy is no longer a chore, but a way to connect in addition to frequent non-sexual touch.
This program is so incredible, it has changed the trajectory of my household forever. "
(Wife didn't know he did the program).
Let's see if we can help YOU just like this! Sign up now, it's worth it: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
"Unbelievable." (ie: There's no way that's true.)
That's how he felt when he heard the transformation stories.
He was in a place of desperation.
Being in the marriage felt like a chore.
But that glimmer of hope that kept him listening to the transformation stories made him wonder if he should take the leap of faith and schedule the free Clarity Call ( delightyourmarriage.com/cc )
Well, he did.
His wife didn't know.
We don’t make these stories up. Maybe your marriage could be next. We invite you to schedule a free, no obligation call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. What do you have to lose? This could permanently change your life.
From a graduate:
“After 36 years of marriage and being ‘settled’ (or maybe complacent?) in the rhythm of our relationship, I figured something along the lines of, ‘Well, for us this must be as good as it’s going to get!’
Now, two months and eight modules later, my feeling is, ‘If it can be this good already, and I still have four modules to go, where are we going from here?’”
There are so many people I wish I could help when I meet them at the playground, park, at a party... so here it is.
Marriage can be tough. VERY tough.
And there is a dearth of helpful insight nowadays.
My content is focused towards people who follow the teachings of Jesus.
But I really want to give you help because, from one perspective, we may not even be able to ask the hard philosophical questions about "is there a God?" or "what is Truth?" if we're bogged down with so much emotional pain in our marriage.
So, I tried my best in this episode to give you a roadmap at a very high level of how to rescue your relationship.
Whether you follow the teachings of Jesus or not. (Yes, all my training is based on that, but I want to HELP you... so I invite you to listen in because I am very practical.)
Maybe you want to stay married because of the kids (good for you!) or you really can't afford a divorce, or you want to keep the commitment you made however many years ago, or you have the slightest bit of hope that you could get back to what you had at first or... fill in the blank.
So, how do you do that when your partner has hurt you in so many ways?
And most of all I want you to have hope that it can change and that it's worth you putting in the work (yet again) to see to it that your kids have a solid and safe family to grow up in.
Love & Blessings,
PS - To help you determine the current health of your marriage, take this free assessment at delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - If you want help in your marriage, click here to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent graduate of a Delight Your Marriage program said:
"No hope of anything beyond glorified roommates. We were lacking in communication, vulnerability, trust, emotional connectedness and of course physical intimacy."
[We had a sexless marriage].
That she has initiated love-making multiple occasions. We made love 3 days in a row on our anniversary trip and twice in a row on a recent work trip.
I feel like I have a system or structure—a way forward—to a better marriage. Whereas before I felt lost, hopeless and stuck.
I have loved the program! ... I cannot believe its been 13 weeks!!! WHAT?!"
Sign up for a Clarity Call to see if this is right for you! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Their marital intimacy never seemed to be right.
Early on, they struggled with infertility and then a heartbreaking miscarriage.
God did give them a baby (praise God!), and then that was another layer of challenge.
But she couldn't seem to get intimacy "right."
And she knew he wasn't satisfied.
And that was a big dig to her confidence. Consistently.
Which impacted their relationship.
She decided to take the brave step and schedule the Clarity Call (with wonderful Dana).
But even just on that call, she felt so heard and cared for. And had a twinkle of hope.
She sees sex as pure and good. She already knew that. But somehow, through this work, it went from head to heart.
She felt so encouraged by the community. And finally had a judgment-free zone to deeply share.
Now she has gotten a great sense of freedom that she didn't have previously, and even encourages adventure in intimacy -- why not!?
May Rose's story encourage you. There is hope for you, too.
Our team is praying for you and we hope this episode leaves you with encouragement and hope that it can happen for you, too. <3
Here's where you can sign up for a free, non-scary Clarity Call with super kind and friendly Dana at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
From another program graduate:
BEFORE the program: "I wanted to leave the marriage or die."
AFTER the program: "We are making each other the happiest we have ever been."
If you're a wife...this podcast is dynamite!
Wow, I just gotta say...thank You, Lord, for giving our dear Belah such wise insight and for her willingness, humility, and surrender to keep sharing the powerful things that You give her to share with all of us!
After listening to this podcast, I feel like I just got a feast at a banquet table!
This is a message that empowers our God-given role as wives, breaks it down in simple, yet incredibly insightful and inspiring ways, AND enlarges the vision for the Kingdom of God and how our role as wives plays such a vital role in it all.
I truly hope and pray that this podcast speaks to and encourages your heart as it did mine. This will be one of my favorites that gets repeated many times over!
Thank you, Belah!
Thank You, Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit for Your work in Your people and the incredible love You have for all of us that You show us the way to abundant life...and it is all though an intimate walk with you...a TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP with The King of Kings and Lord of Lords! What an amazing gift!
PS The resource Belah mentioned is available at https://delightmarriage.lpages.co/boundaries-in-sex/
PPS If you'd like to schedule a free Clarity Call, we invite you to do so at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Delighted Wife client quote:
"I'm so happy that I fought for this marriage. We are much better together than apart. We are an amazing team!"
When asked if she would recommend the program:
“Yes! It works! It has transformed my crummy life to an amazing happy fulfilled life.”
My goal today is to inspire a curious heart.
Could God have really designed men and women differently?
Could your differences truly be HIS design?
Could it be that "in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female he created them.” Gen 1:27
Could your husband's member be God-designed?
Could it be that sex is God-designed?
Could there be a reason God's boundaries around this gift are all over the Bible?
Could loving your husband well (loving your husband the way he receives love) bring God glory?
Love & Blessings,
PS -- This is a free Marital Health Assessment to find out how healthy your marriage is in emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy: delightyourmarriage.com/health
So, I think God gives us opportunities to change all the time.
Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world.
And it makes me sad when so many of us choose to assume this is as good as it gets and we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.
Nothing in the world has ever improved with that kind of thinking.
To me, that's a very negative mindset called "wallowing."
I think it's childish, in fact. (I say that with conviction because I've been there far too often myself!)
I think God wants us to take our power back and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.
Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world.
And as followers of Jesus, we DO something about it.
We link arms with a mission or organization doing the work that needs to be done (like the Good Samaritan picking up the beaten man and paying for him to get better at the inn---he didn't start his own inn---he paid someone else to do the work that needed to be done).
So, in your marriage, you need to do one or the other:
1 - Use discontentment to motivate you to change your marriage
We can help. (We are the "INN!" You don't have to make it up -- we know how to fix it by God's grace.)
Join a program and use your discontentment to change the whole thing! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
2 - Choose to no longer be discontent, and instead, be grateful for what you have and live in God's purposes in other areas of your life.
You may be quite surprised that things get better as you choose a life of contentment and purpose in God's will.
Ultimately, take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on.
Don't be a “Discontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!”
It's not cute.
And I think it has eternal consequences...
Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus.
PS - Would you like to improve your marriage?
Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship?
Would you like our help?
If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates:
“DYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage!
After several years of feeling “stuck” in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage.”
Hi, dear sisters.
My husband felt inspired to share some thoughts with you.
Actually, I was trying to communicate something to wives that I just kept re-recording and re-recording and I just couldn't get it right.
So I brought in the big guns. Yes... my husband is here to communicate what I couldn't.
I invite you to see how to CATCH what may be most important for you to hear.
May God work in your heart as you listen so that you will remember what He wants you to hear through this.
PS - If you are ready to find out how healthy your marriage is, I invite you to find out through this free resource: Marital Health Assessment: delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - If you're ready to transform your marriage, join a free Clarity Call (it's such a blessing) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Recent Delight Your Marriage program graduate's testimonial:
"After listening to the podcasts for a couple of years, I had hope that this might be a source of real change.
But now that I have participated in MR [Masculinity Reclaimed], I can say that my hopes at the beginning have been greatly exceeded...
In my experience, DYM [Delight Your Marriage] is one of the most Christ-honoring and Spirit-empowered ministries that I have benefited from after following Jesus for 26 years.
DYM would be the first ministry I would recommend to transform a marriage in a real and lasting way."
Roy was married 25 years with 5 kids. And they had a good marriage.
They love the Lord and seek to serve Him with all.
Intimacy was tough though.
And every time he brought it up, she would get defensive, or feel like she wasn't good enough, or like he'll never be satisfied.
Anyone else feel that way?
He had heard about Masculinity Reclaimed for a couple of years and finally decided it was time.
He kept hitting a wall.
And if you're in that place, I want you to know...
It's legitimate that issues around intimacy hurt.
They hurt deeply.
But Roy got to a place where trying to change her wasn't working.
And so, he decided it was time to look at himself.
He knew going into the program if he let his wife know, in the beginning, she would put many, many more walls up...
So, he decided to go forward without her knowing. Because, as he said, this was a coaching program FOR HIM.
He had to talk to someone.
It was either therapy or a coaching program.
(And he said she doesn't really like therapy either).
Anyway... that's where things started.
But, in 12 weeks, God did something amazing.
If you're a man looking/grasping for hope and/or you want the tools for changing your marriage, I invite you to listen.
If you're a woman who will listen with a curious heart to find out how men really feel about intimacy, I invite you to listen.
Love & Blessings,
PS - Would you like to work on your side of your marriage? I invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call here at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPS - How healthy is your marriage, really? Take the free Marital Health Assessment here! delightyourmarriage.com/health
Quote from a Masculinity Reclaimed Graduate:
"I've learned so much, your course helped me figure out so many things I've been struggling with in my life and I've really been able to make sense of pain and emotions that I haven't figured out until now.
There are many more great things that have come from doing your course!"
Is what you're doing in your marriage right now working for you?
Do you feel hopeless?
Are you lonely in your marriage?
If you believed that your actions alone could make a difference, if you knew the tools to use to make a difference in your marriage, would you be willing to use them?
Tom's story is inspiring and is not unique to graduates of Delight Your Marriage programs.
Praise God, the tools given to married individuals through our programs have moved so many marriages into places of hope, joy, and a much greater degree of the abundant life that God wants for us to live out as His people.
It is not easy. It requires us to have humility, faith in what God can do with a yielded obedient heart, perseverance, and a desire to please our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
If any of this resonates with you, we invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call right here.
We hope that Tom's story gives you hope that marriage could be more and motivates you to a willingness to do the work of building a better marriage and family...as much as it depends on you.
Love and prayers,
Darcy (on behalf of Belah)
Quote from a Graduate:
"The MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] program was the best thing I’ve ever done for my marriage, hands down! Wish I’d taken it years ago.
Just amazing to see the work God can do in a person’s heart, if that person is willing to do the work and make the changes needed.
I hope everyone who goes through the program tells their friends about it. I for one will be spreading the news about DYM [Delight Your Marriage]!!
Why wouldn’t I, when it changed my life??"
Is there dignity in humility?
Is there dignity in humiliation?
Initially, you might think not.
But then we have to take a moment to consider the cross.
An excruciating death, reserved not for Roman citizens, but for rebels and slaves...
because it was
And yet, the God of glory, the One who DESERVES all glory and honor...
Himself not only to come as a baby,
giving up His power,
constraining Himself to human form,
and giving up His rights in an infinite number of ways...
to then suffer the humiliation, the pain...
for the joy set before Him.
Not because we deserved it,
...but because it is a testament to HIS surrender to the Father's will that He endured the cross.
This is why you are humble and a servant to your spouse,
...because humility is the VERY dignity of Jesus.
Humility is what Jesus Himself modeled.
Why do you close your mouth when you want to criticize your spouse?
Why do you pause instead of, "let them have it," when they deserve to be dressed down for their bad behavior?
Why do you go out of your way to make them feel special, even though they haven't done it for you?
Why do you forgive them for the pain they have caused you?
Why are you joyful even though they don't add to it in the ways they know you'd love?
Because you are walking in the humility that Jesus Himself invites you to.
Every single day, in your marriage, you are invited to walk in His humility.
What does humility look like?
Was He a pushover? No.
Was He passive? No.
But was He an extravagant servant? Most definitely.
So, are there boundaries to humility? Yes.
I invite you to have a curious heart if God has something for you here.
I reference the book "Humility," by Andrew Murray, a lot in this episode. I also reference the Bible a lot. (I highly recommend it :)
Love & Blessings,
PS - Have you already downloaded our intimacy framework so that you can love your spouse the way they receive love? If not, go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework
PPS - Are you ready to be the spouse God has called you to be, but need some guidance about what that looks like? To schedule a free Clarity Call, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if our programs could be what you need.
A Graduate's Testimonial:
"I would recommend this program to a fellow Christian who is looking to make their marriage better in all aspects. The intimacy aspect is important but there were so many other ideas and realizations around other ways to better my marriage.
I appreciate so much Belah's enthusiasm and honesty. There is a lot of great info and expertise in here. She did an amazing job propping guys up and being positive which was infectious!"
"It's my spouse who needs to change."
If you've said this or thought this...you are right.
So now, no need to listen to anything because there's nothing for you to do but wait around in a grumpy mood 'til your spouse decides to do something.
Maybe there's another opportunity here.
Maybe we can be (as our team member Kyle says) "playfully curious" about this response.
Why do we assume it's all on our spouse?
What questions are we...
a-refusing to ask
b-unaware that we need to be asking
c-too distracted to think about it :)
(Oh, was that your email/TikTok/IG/Facebook/text message notification that just went off? :P )
Today's episode is to help you honestly look at where your marriage is, and discern if and how your partner is the issue.
And, if and how, with playful curiosity, you might have an opportunity in your situation, as well!
Love & Blessings,
PS If you want to see if we can help you in your marriage and honestly evaluate where you can work in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call by clicking here.
Quote from Masculinity Reclaimed Graduate:
“I have spent much more money trying to rekindle my marriage with no results. I have 2 failed “Romantic Vacations” and a bathroom remodel to prove it. I spent less on this and had fantastic results. This might possibly be the best investment of my life."
This episode was back from the very beginning of 2019. Wow! It's STILL relevant. And even when I re-listened, I was struck by a specific exercise that put life in great perspective. I encourage you to do the same -- for God's glory to ultimately be experienced in your marriage, family, and life!
In the long view of your 100 years on earth, what is going to matter in THIS season?
I had an abrupt and unsettling realization when I had a parent-teacher conference a few weeks ago. Though I believe I was discerning God’s will and way for my life, I don’t believe I was pursuing it in God’s timing.
And that is one of the central themes around today’s podcast. What is your season (mine is a quarter inch) in the grand scheme of life? And what matters most right now?
From there, what do you do with that understanding? How does it become practical and lived out?
PS If you’d like to see if we can help you in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call here.
From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
“My confidence with my wife is now enabling me to be her rock much more effectively. (Before DYM [Delight Your Marriage] I would often blame myself and pull away when we had disagreements).
Thank you and Belah and the whole Team for being there!! God specifically used MR 1 [Masculinity Reclaimed] and 2 [MR Graduate group] to transform me into a much better man and husband in a way I did not think possible!”