With so much going on in the world, I think people are making big changes in their lives.
Given that people are becoming more aware of their own mortality, I think its making them decide to take action.
My encouragement in today's podcast: 256-How to Not Fail at Marriage, comes from a failure at marriage --ehemm --me!
When my first marriage failed I blamed him. When my second marriage was on the rocks, I realized I was the common denominator.
When I transformed myself, I witnessed this man change before my very eyes.
Now, that I work with many men and women from around the world, I wish I understood these truths and the essential Framework a wife and husband needs to not fail at marriage. And in fact thrive.
This episode is for you if your marriage isn't what you think it could be. I'd encourage you, if you know someone in that spot, this may be the perfect opportunity to send them insights that very well may transform their marriage.
None of us know when it's our time and God calls us home.
But right now, God has given us our spouse as the most important human relationship and I hope you honor it as such.
On today's show I cover:
-The 3 things men need to feel fulfilled in marriage
-The 3 things women need to feel fulfilled in marriage
-This Framework is what men and women need to understand to love each other the way the other receives love (hint: it's different for each spouse)
-What I wish I had known about sexual intimacy in my first marriage
-Why we are more respectful to strangers than our own life partner
If you are new to the Delight Your Marriage philosophies, this is a really good introduction. If you've been around for a while "repetition is the mother of learning" so I encourage you to take these insights too!
Find a deeper understanding of the Framework here!
Love & blessings,
PS - I'd love to invite you to send this to a friend if they're facing marriage challenges right now, this could save their marriage.
But the one about "do not covet your neighbor's wife," if taken seriously, guards against the "do not commit adultery" commandment.
Coveting is actually a very important sin for men AND women. We each need to take it very seriously.
It causes your sex life to dwindle if either partner is doing it.
Though men and women covet differently around sex, if given to that temptation, it has a huge impact on the bedroom.
God cares about our hearts. He cares about how we think and how we judge. And when we covet, we are taking our eyes off of what God wants us to focus on and consuming our attention with things that just don't matter as much and maybe they are even egregious sins.Coveting is actually a very important sin for men AND women. We each need to take it very seriously.Also, I talk about the sins of sex addiction and greed in this episode because I think they're very related as well.
When women covet the "neighbor's wife", it's still sin.Maybe we're jealous of another woman's flat stomach or some other standard of beauty we think is better than our own.
It causes us to hide, feel insecure and go away from intimacy with our spouse. Leaving our marriage more exposed to potential destruction.(Also, ladies, I still have to fight against this! That's our fight to win--the fight in our hearts and minds.)
If you want the specific Framework I use when working with my clients to help them love--the way their spouse receives love.
When you discover how your spouse receives love, and fulfill them in that way, they will naturally naturally love you the way YOU receive love (men differently than women)!
So go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework for the free download!
Have you been hurt? Have you been disappointed?
By your spouse. By those you love. By God.
I think the answer has to be yes. Disappointment is part of the human experience.
Jesus was disappointed and hurt by those he loved. But he somehow put his disappointments in a category where it didn't slow down His mission to do God's will.
In this episode, I share how I felt disappointed by my husband and went about things the wrong way.
And I share what I should have done (for your benefit :)
Yes, I'll share how to motivate your spouse to do what you want, but more importantly what to do if they don't. It's a perspective shift that's required if you're going to have a healthy and happy marriage.
But also I share how to have less disappointments and be less hurt by your spouse.
If you've been disappointed by God, I want to speak to that as well.
Especially as this pandemic is taking it's toll on so many in so many different ways, we can easily get disappointed at God. How could he do this? How could He allow this?
How does He not stop this? I want to speak to this.
I aim to comfort you and help you process your disappointments and give you a road map of how to have a much better sense of control when you are seeking to heal things with your spouse.
Love & blessings,
Hoping you're well? In challenges, my aim is to keep showing up and helping inspire and empower you to have a wonderful marriage and intimacy in it. To that end...
This is Part 2 of my Interview with my husband about his perspectives on fatherhood (and why that makes me so attracted to him!)
Is it his ripped abs and amazing biceps?
Well... let's just say he's got a very healthy "dad bod" going on right now. :)
Truth is, the attraction may have started out physical, but became emotional. Because that emotional attraction is there, it flows back into a physical desire for intimacy.
So, if you're concerned that the "Quarantine 15" (aka weight you put on because of being in the house all the time) has left you less attractive to your spouse, I'd say worry more about your character, which will attract her to you.
To answer the question: what makes me so attracted to this man?
His sincerity. Kindness. Genuine care for me and our family... that makes me want to love him in all the spicy ways possible.
Just by tuning in, I think you can "catch" his heart and emulate it.
Check out the episode: 253-The Sexiest Dad Alive! Interview with My Husband, Part 2
And as an added bonus: it's more efficient than the hours in the gym... it's about what's inside.
Here's a story that's not in the episode...Last night, our just-turned-7-year-old insisted that we relax on the couch with our wine while he made us dinner.
He found a recipe for tacos in his school book and asked daddy to buy the right ingredients, so he could make it!Then when the 5-year-old finished showering, he taught his younger brother how to scoop the salsa, avocados, beans and lettuce into the shells.Between the two of them, about 1/8 of the ingredients landed on the floor...
But golly---we ate dinner and didn't have to make it! You better believe those boys got some serious compliments and encouragement for treating mom and dad to a "feast"! And because of our reaction I'm sure it won't be the last time!
(You should have seen those boys puff out their chests!)Am I bragging? Well, maybe. I think there is purpose to it. I'm hopefully casting a vision of what's possible when you have an amazing marriage.
I never saw or heard of such things. EVER. Growing up. So, maybe this is me sharing a vision of what I wish I had had.Here's what I've learned...
My son treats us that way because he imitates his dad. His dad treats me that way. And (I fail plenty... but..) I sure try to treat my husband that way.
As I listened to her husband talk I fell to my knees in tears. I have been teaching men for a long time, and have been thirsting for someone to look up to. Yes, it's Jesus.But I heard Jesus's character in these two's hearts. It was beautiful hearing Belah laugh at and affirm him.I loved it when he spoke so highly and with gratitude of her and listened to her sounds in the background.Their interactions and emotion while speaking is novel in a world where we are so used to sarcasm and selfishness and calloused feelings about our kids and loved ones."
You have an Assignment (1 Cor 7:17). A plan a purpose God laid out for you to do.
A set group of people He wants you to impact.
Jesus didn't assign you to everyone.
He even had limits on himself.
Jesus himself limited his prayers: "I am not praying for the world, but for those whom you have given me" John 17:9
But if we think that we're supposed to be doing everything, we'll miss who He is really assigning us to. Thus, His perfect plan doesn't go forward.
This impacts your sex life, and is impacted by your sex life. Whether you're a woman or a man this has impact.
I think this allows us to all take a breath and say, "Lord help me to know who you have given me.
Help me to be content with who you have given me. Help me to truly serve, love and impact only those you have given me".
And if all of us did that... then the world would look a lot different, I think.
I share how I'm doing that in my life, with my family and in my current launch of the renewed Masculinity Reclaimed program right now.
I share how men I've worked with (who I believe God put in my assignment) have been able to stop "burning with passion" even though they're married and get on with what God wants them doing. Because after my program they are more Christ-centered men.
One--maybe surprising--thing I share in this episode is how I wish my ex-husband took the Masculinity Reclaimed course. It's basically written for a man who thinks like that to help him become a man who thinks like my current husband...a man by his behavior and heart motivates me to want to make love to him. (I'll tell you it works!)
I hope this encourages you to deeply reflect on your Assignment and the role sex plays in it. And I pray that will help direct your steps.
Enrollment for the Masculinity Reclaimed program is open now, but is closing very soon, so I hope you register now. Delightyourmarriage.com/mrsp
This is probably THE question I hear in one way or another over and over again.
Lights off, sheets up and "vanilla" sex is the refrain that is very frequent.
Why is she like this?
How can this change?
What about specific things she's squeamish about like "intimate photos of us", anal sex, and mirrors?
If you'd like more insight on anal sex: delightyourmarriage.com/sod
All that is covered in our conversation! Especially for men, but helpful for women!
In the Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again!
You'll learn how to strategically transform your marriage so she WANTS to enjoy sex with many new positions, visuals and variety...
...a 92% success rate!
We are launching very soon (and won't be opening up the doors til next year!) so go to delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining to get all the details!
To my beloved listener,
I want to encourage your heart in trying to understand what’s happening and why.
I know you’re doing hard work to figure out what your role is and should be in all of this.
And I commend that so much. <3
Also, as you’re going through so much right now, I hope you rest.
I invite you to practice self-care especially right now.
I hope you’ll read, write by hand, & meditate on Matthew 7:12-24 & Galatians 5:19-24
By Gods grace... We’re going to get through this.
If you're not signed up, be sure to soon (it'll only be available for a limited time!)
Playfulness doesn't seem important now that life is so busy and stressful, but it's actually central to a good marriage and a PASSIONATE marriage.
When you think about what your relationship was at first, it probably was full of laughter.
Right? The value of playfulness-
Laughter makes you smarter Makes you more creative Improves your immune systems
The JOY of the Lord is our strength Rejoice... is a constant refrain in the Bible even in the WORST circumstances, we are invited to rejoice in the Lord.
There is power in joy.
Sex can be awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing just to name a few.
And if there's a playful culture in your marriage, it causes laughter.
If there's not, it causes distance because you both are trying to look better than you feel.
For both parties, they're insecure around sex, so if your marriage is more playful...
You're not trying to be perfect in front of the other. You're not trying to compete with the other.
You're not trying to change the other. You're staying present and looking at the joyful parts of life together.
I think this episode will not only convince you WHY but also HOW to make your marriage, playful, safe and passionate.
Get the Wild Romance At Home video training ($97 value) for FREE by leaving an iTunes Review and sending me a screenshot to belah at delightyourmarriage.com If you need more instruction on how at https://delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
As a husband, maybe you're wondering where the passionate nights went from your first months or years.
Your wife may be wondering where the romantic DAYS went.
But, maybe you're stuck at home and it feels like you're not able to do any kind of romance given the circumstances.
I hear you... I will add that I live in NYC, in a 1 bedroom apartment with two sons (age 5 & 6) during quarantine. Which means we've probably left our physical apartment 5 times in the last 7 weeks...
...and I'm here to tell you, you can DEFINITELY have a Wild Romance even during this season. (You'll understand more on this show).
I want to gift (for FREE) two valuable resources from a $297 course that I have only offered to my current students...
Because it's almost Mother's Day & I think you need to understand the template on How To Be Romantic while at home...
And this will help you forever understand what your wife wants when she says she wants to be "wooed".
There's a catch.
I give you a behind-the-scenes-look at how the business of Delight Your Marriage works. And how the podcast is made and why I think it's God's will for me to rely on people like you.
If you jump through some hoops to post an iTunes Review, you'll get the resource for FREE.
Don't worry, I'll guide you step-by-step on how to "jump through the hoops"--we'll do it together! If you still have questions, I have a specific step-by-step guide, here!
THANK YOU, so much. If you've been a listener for a while, I am SO honored that you would take the time to listen all the way through this episode.
As you know DYM doesn't have ads because I care more about your impact than the revenue that comes in that way. So THIS is how you can make sure the podcast continues.
And if you pray for DYM, please pray that people would listen to this podcast and do the steps so it can grow. The podcast is listened to in 155 countries worldwide and that's because you have spread it--or done what I request in this podcast! So, thank you!
I have included valuable encouragements and insights for you but also an ASK from me.
It means A LOT that you would do this for me and for the spread of this work.
I love you.
So, what I’ve noticed is that all of us are insecure. For some of us it’s more obvious than others.
It shows up in life, and it shows up in the bedroom.
I want to talk to you about what men are insecure about around intimacy and I want to talk about what women are insecure about around intimacy.
We have the opportunity to help our spouse feel more secure.
But how do we help our spouse when we ourselves are struggling with fear of judgment, rejection and body image (to name a few)?
Well, I think we need to understand where that fear is coming from.
And that’s what we explore together on today’s show.
Do you feel worthy?
Do you treat your spouse like they are worthy?
How can you help your spouse not be so insecure...
-around professional things,
-around the ways that they are in the world?
Hint: it’s different for men and women.
(To understand more about this framework, and get a free PDF download go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework )
So, on today’s show I want to tell you about what I think will be helpful for you to love your spouse in a way that will make them
-take down their guards,
-be less perfect (yep perfection is a mask for insecurity)
-be more vulnerable,
-be more messy & real,
-be more kind & loving,
-be less awkward,
-be more open, and
-be more secure.
And you too.
Addiction runs rampant... for most of us. Myself included.
Especially when we're facing tough things: anxiety, pain, loneliness, vulnerability, identity, significance.
During a stressful time we are trying to avoid the pain...
so we move towards the pleasure of distraction, entertainment, alcohol, gossip, food, video games, cigarettes...
God has specific insight into what to do on a consistent basis to bring us to PEACE.
Specifically, I'm thinking about this scripture...
Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him".
That makes me what to squirm and run away and pretend I didn't read it and that it's not in the Bible.
If I'm really honest my response is
Waiting feels like facing the tiger that's chasing me. The truth is when I wait, when I'm patient, when I am still... I discover over and over again that it's a paper tiger.
Is meditation new age / non-Christian? I talk about that... and how to ensure your meditation is Christian.
I share what I do to be still and be present in intimacy and OUTside the bedroom to impact my pleasure in intimacy.
Also, when "Receiving" in intimacy is too hard, there are other ways that are easier at times and bring us together in beautiful ways.
A few resources I mentioned:
I'd like to invite you to be on my email list. I send emails a couple times a month and I'd like to offer you some free resources for you...
For wives, you're welcome to get "8 Tips to Stay Present" in the bedroom:
For husbands, you're invited to get the "7 Blocks to Her Libido" which clarifies what may be keeping her from desiring intimacy in your marriage.
I'm very excited to share this interview with Dr. Kahn a renowned cardiologist (seen on Dr. Phil and The Doctors tv series among other great accolaides). This is my second time having him on the podcast and you're in for a treat!
What you put in your mouth affects your intimacy. (And I mean outside of the bedroom! :)
From libido to sexual response, our diet helps or hurts.
We also talk about COVID health and how the studies are showing there are specific things you can do to help your immune system (and of course be very focused on prevention).
On our last podcast I shared what I'm doing health-wise and how I think those things helped my health when fighting COVID -- some of those things Dr. Kahn encouraged (and some of them he DIScouraged!)
I encourage you to listen in to discover what may be most helpful for your intimate-life and your overall health.
You can find more about Dr. Kahn's work at drjoelkahn.com
Check out some of his books: Vegan Sex, The Plant-Based Solution, and his newest one Lipoprotein(a): The Heart's Quiet Killer
Happy Good Friday. It feels a bit strange going to service online, but the beautiful thing about Jesus is we get to meet Him anywhere because of what He did for us on this day so long ago.
I am curious how you're doing? I've been praying for you and hope you're doing ok.
We haven't chatted for a while because I've been a bit behind. My husband and I got COVID. The real one.
You probably have heard of plenty of really sad stories. I wanted to share ours to hopefully encourage you and add one story to the "FAITH pile" in your heart.
How do we know we got it? Well after a grocery store cashier sneezed on my husband a few days later we got flu-like symptoms and then we both lost our taste and smell!
(JFYI it's SO weird to not be able to taste or smell anything).
For me, I had super mild symptoms (thanking God!) and my husband has fairly mild symptoms though he's yet to be 100%.
When she found out me, my husband or my 2 sons (ages 5 and 6) hadn't crossed the threshold of our cozy NYC apartment in 13 days and we've had a peaceful and contented existence throughout, (by God's grace)... a friend asked "what is your secret weapon?"
Well, that's what I share in our conversation today, so you have it too: "Your COVID Secret Weapon".
I think there are a few things you can focus on amidst the chaos, anxiety and stress that will benefit you, your marriage, your health and ultimately the Kingdom of God.
(At the end of the broadcast I share the specific health things I do that I think helped our situation as well, in case you're interested in hearing my opinions on it -- immune health is a personal passion of mine.)
Spoiler alert: I talk about intimacy being vital during this time.
So I would love to have you listen for encouragement and PRACTICAL insights on how to use this time to HEAL your marriage.
Blessings & love,
Corona virus, COVID-19, has impacted you.
For so many the fear is tangible.
I know it's impacting your marriage. Sadly the divorce rates in China have skyrocketed as a result of the quarantine.
I don't want that to continue or become worse.
I want to help you. In your marriage, in this time, is it possible to be a soft landing DURING this crisis?
How can you get better? How can you and your spouse grow into the people God wants you to become DURING this crisis.
Many of us have a lot more time on our hands. (If you're in the medical field, please know we're praying for you).
How are we using that time?
I want to invite you to a FREE online workshop: SOFT LANDING Webinar: Be encouraged & be loved by your spouse DURING crisis
On that webinar I'll be launching a brand new group: Delight Groups to help you stay encouraged DURING the crisis.
You don't have to do this alone. If you want to sign up for the THRIVE webinar or learn more about the groups, sign up here.
Over the Christmas break my son had a very serious health crisis. And we cried out to God. And God moved. My faith was increased and everyone who has heard the story was impacted to trust God more.
Have you ever heard, "There are no atheists in foxholes"? People want hope to grab onto. And when reason fails to give that hope, the power of God can come in to help people experience His love.
This is an opportunity to be an example to all who you know.
Don't be the victim who numbs your fear, but the leader who stands in faith.
Believe me I've been the former, but I am want us to stand up and encourage and pray and love those who are in fear right now.
As Jesus-followers, we are lucky to know that this earth is not the end. But how do we encourage and pray for our neighbors? How can you start now? You may have a lot more time on your hands. How can you start to encourage and help others even RIGHT NOW?
Encourage your spouse. Love them generously so they can do their best in the world right now. Prioritize peace in your home so the storm isn't ALSO raging in your home.
Sign up to my newsletter for more encouragement during this time: www.delightyourmarriage.com/present
And you'll also get my 8 Tips to Stay Present in Intimacy
Love you and I'm praying for you,
In the midst of the storm that you both would be bound together. That any worry or fear would be replaced with faith, hope and love.
So, I messed up. I'm throwing myself under the bus here. I'm having trouble having grace with myself. I share what happened here. Maybe you can totally relate to my situation, or maybe you can't. Hopefully you'll at least be amused by my humbling...
We all have thorns in our flesh to keep us humble so hopefully this will be encouraging to you... to see me hum-iliated :)
I want to help you be motivated toward intimacy. Whether you're a wife who needs motivation to love your spouse with sexual intimacy or you're a husband who needs motivation to care about your wife's emotional desires... or anywhere in between. This is how to be motivated to intimacy: emotional, physical and spiritual in your marriage!
A couple of FREE resources I mentioned (after you're motivated of course) is learn to seduce!
The 5 Amazing Seduction Tips delightyourmarriage.com/tips
Also, for men to understand their wife and how to remove the blocks that are keeping her from intimacy: delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks The 7 Blocks to Her Libido
Thanks so much for listening--looking forward to speaking again next week!
So, I hear you.
And I validate your desire.
I wish wives would understand the importance and privilege she has to love him the WAY HE RECEIVES love.
With that in mind, I want to encourage you, dear husband.
Jesus KNOWS about your high sex drive. In fact, God is responsible for it. It's very clear in the Bible that He knows and designed you with it.
So, when I am encouraging you in how to view your wife, it's actually the most PRODUCTIVE thing you can do to bring you both at a better place in intimacy.
It's not the last step, but it's the FIRST and has be there BEFORE anything else.
If you want to understand the next 12 steps (literally), you can sign up for a FREE Clarity Call (worth $500!) where you and I will talk about what your SPECIFIC situation is.
You'll get clarity and great value and as I'm listening and discerning whether or not you'd be the right fit for me to expect amazing transformation in your marriage:
-like a husband who was celibate for several years because his wife shut him out now they're making generous and enthusiastic love several times every week!
-like a husband who walked on eggshells hoping his wife wouldn't reject him at night and she hadn't initiated in 20 years - now she's the ONLY one initiating and they're making passionate on a consistent basis!
If that's what you'd like to see in your marriage, I'd love to consider your story on a Clarity Call and IF I think you're the right fit I may invite you to work with me. Go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/call
(Due to capacity, I am only offering this call for husbands at this time though I have some options that may include them if I feel it's the right fit.)
You may have an inkling, but I bet you'll be surprised by my guest Sharon Jaynes (sharonjaynes.com) and the interesting topics we dig into to help others understand in what ways the Song of Solomon was speaking about intimacy between husband and wife.
(Hint hint, they're not talking about the farmer's market). :)
Sharon Jaynes has authored over 20 books and is passionate about women walking confidently and freely in their God-given calling. She loves marriages and seeks for women to be free in intimacy as well as love their husband through prayer. Sharon and I had a lot of fun talking about how the Bible specifically gives us the green-light to do far more in sex than most Christians realize. Listen in!
Be sure to get Sharon's new book: Lovestruck: Discovering God's Design for Romance, Marriage, and Sexual Intimacy from the Song of Solomon to find out even more!
A couple of free resources I mentioned on the podcast that I'd love to offer you:
Why did she heal?
What motivated a woman who was a size 0, undernourished, had been abused horribly to decide it was worth the challenge to heal?
How did she heal and now have a thriving intimate life with her husband?
Catherine gives us insight, hope and practical tools for you. You too can be healed, by God's grace.
Whether you were abused or your spouse, this will be helpful to understand the process and know that complete healing and restoration is possible for you!
Catherine is incredibly inspiring and has used her story to bring light and safety to so many through her organization Stop Trafficking Us (stoptraffickingus.org) which helps people out of being trafficked.
If this resonates with you and you'd like some additional tips on how to stay present during intimacy, I'd love to also give you a free resource: "8 Secrets to Stay Present during Intimacy".
You can get it here: delightyourmarriage.com/present
Today's interview is a story of resilience and hope.
Catherine goes into her story lightly because her full story is extremely difficult to take in.
HOWEVER, there is hope. Catherine is a living example that God can heal you.
1 in 4 women AND 1 in 6 men have suffered some form of sexual trauma. So, the healing needs to happen for SO many of us.
What can you do as a wife or husband to heal?
What can you do to help your spouse heal?
What are the underlying causes for pain for the person who is trying to help their spouse heal?
There's a lot of great insights even for practical and fun ways to heal... yeah it doesn't have to be another exercise in pain to heal.
God can help even when the mood is light!
To find out more about Catherine Wilson's work, visit: https://www.stoptraffickingus.org/
If thoughts are inhibiting you in the bedroom and you're a wife, I'd like to get my 8 Secrets to Staying Present in Intimacy for FREE, you can go to this link!
Part 2 is coming out next week, I hope you'll come back for that on Thursday!
So this is one of those topics that even when we're talking about intimacy we don't talk about.
But because I have the honor of speaking to women and men about some of the stuff they have never told ANYBODY, this comes up.
I want to share this episode because I want to help you. I don't want you to feel alone and icky and like you're sinning. Maybe you're not OR what are the specific Biblical boundaries?
Maybe there are small tweaks you can make to your thought-life that will align them with God's will. Maybe there are wees growing in the garden of your mind and they need to be pulled up and we'll talk about that.
But you may be surprised by some of my thoughts even around homosexuality. It starts in the mind and what we focus on grows. Just because someone has same-sex attraction doesn't make them gay. I want to clear about that because that's an insecurity a lot of people have.
I believe we all have proclivities, it's what we do with those proclivities that matter. Some of us are more violent, some of us easily lie and some of us have other proclivities we need to keep in check. What you focus on grows. So if you're focusing on the ways God wants you to be attracted and turned on by your spouse, I think you might be quite surprised by the way God will redirect your thoughts, feelings and even stimulation just by directing your fantasy-life.
I am SO excited to invite you to my 3-part FREE Online Seminar, people had amazing things to say about it!
There's only a couple of days left to go and get the replay!
"Belah, your webinar was absolutely amazing, we both enjoyed it and can't wait for the other 2! You have such an incredible insight on the male - female relationship that we haven't seen from any other relationship expert!
Your content was spot on and was such an awesome introduction. Where were you 25 years ago!!!!!!!" - Husband
"Thank you so much, Belah, for the distilling a lifetime of wisdom and teaching about God's plan for marital happiness, family harmony and personal fulfillment into one webinar!!!" -Wife of 32 years
"Belah , your webinar was absolutely amazing , we both enjoyed it and cant wait for the other 2!
You have such an incredible insight on the male -female relationship that we haven't seen from any other relationship expert !
Your content was spot on and was such an awesome introduction . Where were you 25 years ago !!!!!!! Lol"