Alternate Title: 7 Steps to a Productive Disagreement
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Arguing. Ugh. It's so... so... unhelpful.
When have you left an argument where the dust has settled and you felt 100% good with everything you said -- your eyes, your words, your tones...? Everything.
In fact, how would you feel if your church congregation watched what you said and did?
Would you be proud of yourself?
Would you feel small and immature?
Usually, after an argument, I only feel the latter.
To clarify, what I mean by arguing is having elevated emotions when we start using a stronger voice and intense words.
Essentially, the judging/reasoning/impulse-control part of our brains (pre-frontal cortex) goes offline during that stressful conversation and we're left with the "lizard brain" which only knows how to flight, fight, or freeze.
All the wisdom that we have cultivated throughout all of our lives and have prayed for and read about, goes out of the window during an argument.
We say things we don't mean and throw verbal knives at each other.
Sure, we might apologize for it the next day when we're calm, but those words leave scars.
So, can we ever disagree?
Yes.
We need to disagree. That's healthy and correct.
We need to be courageous and disagree about things that matter.
But we need to do it the Jesus way.
I have some very practical tips on how to disagree well, and how to honor God in it.
It's easy to use "popular thinking" and just say what you think. But the Bible is clear that's not best.
"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check...
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:1 & 6
(Also, see the full book of James for more of this type of goodness. :)
How do we make sure we're not setting forest fires with our mouth?
Well, I have given you 7 or 8 keys in this episode that if we could consistently apply, I'd be a closer reflection of Jesus, and I think you would be, too.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage and intimacy - to be connected, and for you to rate your marriage a 9 or even a 10 out of 10 marriage!
If you're interested in finding out if we can help you, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Encouraging believers is a very biblical concept in the New Testament.
I want to encourage you in this episode.
I am praying for several people through this episode:
7:00 - invitation prayer
8:30 - prayer for men who feel like they're not leaders in their home
12:28 - men who are receiving frequency in intimacy, but it feels like a duty from their wife
14:30 - men who don't have frequency in intimacy and lack joy in their marriage
17:00 - women who have a critical and judgmental husband
19:45 - women who want to find pleasure and desire
23:30 - churches and ministries and pastors who would have courage to address the hard issues around sex, sin, desire, & God-designed passion
May God give you grace and strength and encouragement - wherever you are in this mix. Or, if you want to agree and pray with me on these topics.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS We're here to bring hope and help in all these areas of your marriage...we invite you to schedule a Clarity Call to see if we can help you.
*"I speak the name of Jesus over you
In your hurting, in your sorrow
I will ask my God to move..."
*Lyrics to "In Jesus Name" by Katy Nichole
I'm excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you!
She is actually the Delight Your Marriage Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you and truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope.
Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. I am excited to let you hear what she has to say!
Love,
Belah
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Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.
God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness!
*“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.” Ps. 63:3-4
I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Prov. 13:12
This is my prayer for you:
Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know them...intimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys.
You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God.
Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them.
God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust You...to take You at Your word...
I encourage you to read this scripture as though you've never read it before:
*"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:18-28
Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and every thing that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do!
You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine!
Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappoint...we wait on You.
...in Jesus' name, I ask this, amen.
So, dear listener, remember:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Ps. 34:18
*"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4
And let me ask you:
How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner?
How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son?
How long were the Jews in captivity?
Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said.
God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise - Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so.
Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God.
Husband...wife...are you willing to believe God?
Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes?
Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God.
What does that look like for you in your situation today?
He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it!
Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises,
Darcy
Office Manager
*(All verses are in the ESV Bible version - emphasis mine)
PS If you would like to grow in your walk with God in many various ways, and particularly how that relates to your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our very caring Clarity Call advisor - click here to schedule
A testimonial from a course graduate:
"I was very, very nervous to try this program out. My wife still doesn’t know about my involvement and I was very nervous about doing this without her knowledge.
But it has really exceeded any expectations I had about what might happen in my marriage.
I do believe I will talk with my wife about MR, in the right time, and I think it will go just fine. But if that is the reason you are hesitating, I can tell you…it really can work!"
Well, first of all, I feel very ill-equipped to answer this question.
However, I don't think it serves you best for me to pretend that I don't know the limited things that I do believe God has taught me.
So, with that in mind, I'd like to share the general themes of today's episode
-humility
-the horrific humiliation of the cross
-how that makes us more surrendered followers
-the necessity of solitude
-the reality of our nothingness which we will only perceive should we stay in solitude long enough
-how I wrestle and fight pride and seek humility -- and how I always hope to.
May this draw you closer to who God wants you to be.
Blessings,
Belah
Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible!
We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.
Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call. I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”
Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible! We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.
Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call. I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”
A quote from a course graduate: “Nothing good ever comes easy, so if you are ready to stop trying to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place and start TRAINING to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place…this program is for you.”