If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger". 

My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages. 

What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.

You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.

For many, it works (by God's grace). 

But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you. 

This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse. 

Here's what I hope for you. 

I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally. 

Whether they do X or not, you get to love them the way Jesus does. 

The cool thing is...

Humans are designed to respond very differently to unconditional love. 

Humans heal. 

Humans let down their guard. 

Humans start to act differently when they know the rug won't be pulled out from under them at any moment. 

The desperation ends. 

Peace and freedom begin. 

And marriage can become pretty amazing. 

BUT your motivation should be to love your spouse unconditionally and enjoy--every moment--every smile--every laugh--every miscommunication--every peculiar habit--enjoy life alongside this wonderful God-designed being you get to love.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - Loads of free downloads here: delightyourmarriage.com/free

Delight Your Marriage has been awarded in the Top 30 Relationship Podcasts for 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021!

"Through working with Belah, my marriage is saved and thriving, and I am forever changed and grateful."

We work through recommendations---if you've been impacted by our work, please consider helping another couple by sending them to delightyourmarriage.com

In our family, we are going through some important paradigm shifts around parenting - through a coach, articles, books, etc.

It's great! It’s also hard to look at the mistakes. 

The truth is that it is hard to change. It is not only difficult to do things differently, but it also takes courage.

It takes courage to say, "You know what? I was doing things wrong and now I'm going to do it better.” 

It's vulnerable and can feel excruciating - very!

But it is strength, not weakness, to change.

God is a good God and He will lead you when and how He wants you to change. 

There are times the enemy will use those genuine convictions from God as opportunities to take you into a tailspin of self-doubt/self-loathing...don't let him! 

Here are some fantastic tools to give you more insight to help you change faster without the issue of depression that you've done it wrong for so long. 

That's the beauty of Jesus...He is leading you. He is guiding you. 

He is revealing what He wants to reveal to you in the season He wants you to learn it. We can trust Him on that. 

The fact that you're willing to "go there" means you're already on the right track!

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you leave an iTunes review and send me a screenshot, I'd happily send you a couple of free trainings from some of my best-selling courses!

If you're not sure how to do this, find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes

Duty sex" or "lazy or selfish husband". These are phrases I hear a lot. And it's sad. 

It's certainly not what a good and loving marriage should be. "Duty sex" often means a wife's body might be present during physical intimacy, but her mind and enthusiasm are far, far away. These are painful to a man's heart. 

And "lazy or selfish husband" is usually the man who from her perspective takes her for granted--the romantic getaways, surprises and special gifts or experiences are long gone and his character is abysmal. These are painful to a woman's heart. 
It comes down to our discipline to change these parts of ourselves.

Feelings are important and God-given. They get to be acknowledged, drained, and let go. They are important, and you can curiously listen to them (in yourself and others), but at the end of the day they don't get to "drive your bus"--your values do.

 
In this episode, both husbands and wives will be edified to become more aware of their own gaps of discipline which is causing their feelings to go in the wrong direction. 

And I'll share the important and generally unusual disciplines that will get your feelings on track to pursue God's will for your life in the context of your marriage.

Blessings, 

Belah

PS If you write a review on iTunes, I'd love to send you some free trainings!

Post a review and send me a screenshot - find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes

I talk a lot about success stories. To inspire you that transformation can happen and God does it all the time!

But this is really all about unconditional love. That your actions and words towards your spouse are "I love you no matter what." 

Why is that such a difficult posture to take with our spouse?

I think our culture and society teaches us to compare, wrong ways of interacting with our spouse and a very "I won't do that unless you do this."

So, this podcast episode is to...

1-Remind you that you're doing a really good job at a hard thing. The fact that you're listening in means you want to do this God's way--and I'm proud of you!

2-Remind you that this is all about loving the way Jesus loves. 

3-What to cut out of your life that may be getting in the way of you doing this.

Bravo to you. 

Love,

Belah