"Unbelievable." (ie: There's no way that's true.)
That's how he felt when he heard the transformation stories.
He was in a place of desperation.
Being in the marriage felt like a chore.
But that glimmer of hope that kept him listening to the transformation stories made him wonder if he should take the leap of faith and schedule the free Clarity Call ( delightyourmarriage.com/cc )
Well, he did.
His wife didn't know.
We don’t make these stories up. Maybe your marriage could be next. We invite you to schedule a free, no obligation call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. What do you have to lose? This could permanently change your life.
From a graduate:
“After 36 years of marriage and being ‘settled’ (or maybe complacent?) in the rhythm of our relationship, I figured something along the lines of, ‘Well, for us this must be as good as it’s going to get!’
Now, two months and eight modules later, my feeling is, ‘If it can be this good already, and I still have four modules to go, where are we going from here?’”
There are so many people I wish I could help when I meet them at the playground, park, at a party... so here it is.
Marriage can be tough. VERY tough.
And there is a dearth of helpful insight nowadays.
My content is focused towards people who follow the teachings of Jesus.
But I really want to give you help because, from one perspective, we may not even be able to ask the hard philosophical questions about "is there a God?" or "what is Truth?" if we're bogged down with so much emotional pain in our marriage.
So, I tried my best in this episode to give you a roadmap at a very high level of how to rescue your relationship.
Whether you follow the teachings of Jesus or not. (Yes, all my training is based on that, but I want to HELP you... so I invite you to listen in because I am very practical.)
Maybe you want to stay married because of the kids (good for you!) or you really can't afford a divorce, or you want to keep the commitment you made however many years ago, or you have the slightest bit of hope that you could get back to what you had at first or... fill in the blank.
So, how do you do that when your partner has hurt you in so many ways?
And most of all I want you to have hope that it can change and that it's worth you putting in the work (yet again) to see to it that your kids have a solid and safe family to grow up in.
Love & Blessings,
PS - To help you determine the current health of your marriage, take this free assessment at delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - If you want help in your marriage, click here to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent graduate of a Delight Your Marriage program said:
"No hope of anything beyond glorified roommates. We were lacking in communication, vulnerability, trust, emotional connectedness and of course physical intimacy."
[We had a sexless marriage].
That she has initiated love-making multiple occasions. We made love 3 days in a row on our anniversary trip and twice in a row on a recent work trip.
I feel like I have a system or structure—a way forward—to a better marriage. Whereas before I felt lost, hopeless and stuck.
I have loved the program! ... I cannot believe its been 13 weeks!!! WHAT?!"
Sign up for a Clarity Call to see if this is right for you! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Their marital intimacy never seemed to be right.
Early on, they struggled with infertility and then a heartbreaking miscarriage.
God did give them a baby (praise God!), and then that was another layer of challenge.
But she couldn't seem to get intimacy "right."
And she knew he wasn't satisfied.
And that was a big dig to her confidence. Consistently.
Which impacted their relationship.
She decided to take the brave step and schedule the Clarity Call (with wonderful Dana).
But even just on that call, she felt so heard and cared for. And had a twinkle of hope.
She sees sex as pure and good. She already knew that. But somehow, through this work, it went from head to heart.
She felt so encouraged by the community. And finally had a judgment-free zone to deeply share.
Now she has gotten a great sense of freedom that she didn't have previously, and even encourages adventure in intimacy -- why not!?
May Rose's story encourage you. There is hope for you, too.
Our team is praying for you and we hope this episode leaves you with encouragement and hope that it can happen for you, too. <3
Here's where you can sign up for a free, non-scary Clarity Call with super kind and friendly Dana at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
From another program graduate:
BEFORE the program: "I wanted to leave the marriage or die."
AFTER the program: "We are making each other the happiest we have ever been."
If you're a wife...this podcast is dynamite!
Wow, I just gotta say...thank You, Lord, for giving our dear Belah such wise insight and for her willingness, humility, and surrender to keep sharing the powerful things that You give her to share with all of us!
After listening to this podcast, I feel like I just got a feast at a banquet table!
This is a message that empowers our God-given role as wives, breaks it down in simple, yet incredibly insightful and inspiring ways, AND enlarges the vision for the Kingdom of God and how our role as wives plays such a vital role in it all.
I truly hope and pray that this podcast speaks to and encourages your heart as it did mine. This will be one of my favorites that gets repeated many times over!
Thank you, Belah!
Thank You, Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit for Your work in Your people and the incredible love You have for all of us that You show us the way to abundant life...and it is all though an intimate walk with you...a TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP with The King of Kings and Lord of Lords! What an amazing gift!
PS The resource Belah mentioned is available at https://delightmarriage.lpages.co/boundaries-in-sex/
PPS If you'd like to schedule a free Clarity Call, we invite you to do so at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Delighted Wife client quote:
"I'm so happy that I fought for this marriage. We are much better together than apart. We are an amazing team!"
When asked if she would recommend the program:
“Yes! It works! It has transformed my crummy life to an amazing happy fulfilled life.”
My goal today is to inspire a curious heart.
Could God have really designed men and women differently?
Could your differences truly be HIS design?
Could it be that "in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female he created them.” Gen 1:27
Could your husband's member be God-designed?
Could it be that sex is God-designed?
Could there be a reason God's boundaries around this gift are all over the Bible?
Could loving your husband well (loving your husband the way he receives love) bring God glory?
Love & Blessings,
PS -- This is a free Marital Health Assessment to find out how healthy your marriage is in emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy: delightyourmarriage.com/health
So, I think God gives us opportunities to change all the time.
Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world.
And it makes me sad when so many of us choose to assume this is as good as it gets and we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.
Nothing in the world has ever improved with that kind of thinking.
To me, that's a very negative mindset called "wallowing."
I think it's childish, in fact. (I say that with conviction because I've been there far too often myself!)
I think God wants us to take our power back and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.
Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world.
And as followers of Jesus, we DO something about it.
We link arms with a mission or organization doing the work that needs to be done (like the Good Samaritan picking up the beaten man and paying for him to get better at the inn---he didn't start his own inn---he paid someone else to do the work that needed to be done).
So, in your marriage, you need to do one or the other:
1 - Use discontentment to motivate you to change your marriage
We can help. (We are the "INN!" You don't have to make it up -- we know how to fix it by God's grace.)
Join a program and use your discontentment to change the whole thing! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
2 - Choose to no longer be discontent, and instead, be grateful for what you have and live in God's purposes in other areas of your life.
You may be quite surprised that things get better as you choose a life of contentment and purpose in God's will.
Ultimately, take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on.
Don't be a “Discontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!”
It's not cute.
And I think it has eternal consequences...
Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus.
PS - Would you like to improve your marriage?
Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship?
Would you like our help?
If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates:
“DYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage!
After several years of feeling “stuck” in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage.”
Hi, dear sisters.
My husband felt inspired to share some thoughts with you.
Actually, I was trying to communicate something to wives that I just kept re-recording and re-recording and I just couldn't get it right.
So I brought in the big guns. Yes... my husband is here to communicate what I couldn't.
I invite you to see how to CATCH what may be most important for you to hear.
May God work in your heart as you listen so that you will remember what He wants you to hear through this.
PS - If you are ready to find out how healthy your marriage is, I invite you to find out through this free resource: Marital Health Assessment: delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - If you're ready to transform your marriage, join a free Clarity Call (it's such a blessing) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Recent Delight Your Marriage program graduate's testimonial:
"After listening to the podcasts for a couple of years, I had hope that this might be a source of real change.
But now that I have participated in MR [Masculinity Reclaimed], I can say that my hopes at the beginning have been greatly exceeded...
In my experience, DYM [Delight Your Marriage] is one of the most Christ-honoring and Spirit-empowered ministries that I have benefited from after following Jesus for 26 years.
DYM would be the first ministry I would recommend to transform a marriage in a real and lasting way."
You may be on a journey to get a better marriage...
But do you know where you are right now?
The trouble is when people with a 9/10 marriage give advice to someone with a 2/10 marriage...
It doesn't make sense. AND a left turn at the WRONG TIME could lead to disaster.
That is why we developed the Marital Health Assessment, a tool you can use to determine if you're on track in your marriage.
Or if you need a left turn now or to stay straight for another 37 exits :)
I invite you to take this free Marital Health Assessment to determine where you are now so you can wisely choose your next steps!
Roy was married 25 years with 5 kids. And they had a good marriage.
They love the Lord and seek to serve Him with all.
Intimacy was tough though.
And every time he brought it up, she would get defensive, or feel like she wasn't good enough, or like he'll never be satisfied.
Anyone else feel that way?
He had heard about Masculinity Reclaimed for a couple of years and finally decided it was time.
He kept hitting a wall.
And if you're in that place, I want you to know...
It's legitimate that issues around intimacy hurt.
They hurt deeply.
But Roy got to a place where trying to change her wasn't working.
And so, he decided it was time to look at himself.
He knew going into the program if he let his wife know, in the beginning, she would put many, many more walls up...
So, he decided to go forward without her knowing. Because, as he said, this was a coaching program FOR HIM.
He had to talk to someone.
It was either therapy or a coaching program.
(And he said she doesn't really like therapy either).
Anyway... that's where things started.
But, in 12 weeks, God did something amazing.
If you're a man looking/grasping for hope and/or you want the tools for changing your marriage, I invite you to listen.
If you're a woman who will listen with a curious heart to find out how men really feel about intimacy, I invite you to listen.
Love & Blessings,
PS - Would you like to work on your side of your marriage? I invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call here at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPS - How healthy is your marriage, really? Take the free Marital Health Assessment here! delightyourmarriage.com/health
Quote from a Masculinity Reclaimed Graduate:
"I've learned so much, your course helped me figure out so many things I've been struggling with in my life and I've really been able to make sense of pain and emotions that I haven't figured out until now.
There are many more great things that have come from doing your course!"
Is what you're doing in your marriage right now working for you?
Do you feel hopeless?
Are you lonely in your marriage?
If you believed that your actions alone could make a difference, if you knew the tools to use to make a difference in your marriage, would you be willing to use them?
Tom's story is inspiring and is not unique to graduates of Delight Your Marriage programs.
Praise God, the tools given to married individuals through our programs have moved so many marriages into places of hope, joy, and a much greater degree of the abundant life that God wants for us to live out as His people.
It is not easy. It requires us to have humility, faith in what God can do with a yielded obedient heart, perseverance, and a desire to please our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
If any of this resonates with you, we invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call right here.
We hope that Tom's story gives you hope that marriage could be more and motivates you to a willingness to do the work of building a better marriage and family...as much as it depends on you.
Love and prayers,
Darcy (on behalf of Belah)
Quote from a Graduate:
"The MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] program was the best thing I’ve ever done for my marriage, hands down! Wish I’d taken it years ago.
Just amazing to see the work God can do in a person’s heart, if that person is willing to do the work and make the changes needed.
I hope everyone who goes through the program tells their friends about it. I for one will be spreading the news about DYM [Delight Your Marriage]!!
Why wouldn’t I, when it changed my life??"
Is there dignity in humility?
Is there dignity in humiliation?
Initially, you might think not.
But then we have to take a moment to consider the cross.
An excruciating death, reserved not for Roman citizens, but for rebels and slaves...
because it was
And yet, the God of glory, the One who DESERVES all glory and honor...
Himself not only to come as a baby,
giving up His power,
constraining Himself to human form,
and giving up His rights in an infinite number of ways...
to then suffer the humiliation, the pain...
for the joy set before Him.
Not because we deserved it,
...but because it is a testament to HIS surrender to the Father's will that He endured the cross.
This is why you are humble and a servant to your spouse,
...because humility is the VERY dignity of Jesus.
Humility is what Jesus Himself modeled.
Why do you close your mouth when you want to criticize your spouse?
Why do you pause instead of, "let them have it," when they deserve to be dressed down for their bad behavior?
Why do you go out of your way to make them feel special, even though they haven't done it for you?
Why do you forgive them for the pain they have caused you?
Why are you joyful even though they don't add to it in the ways they know you'd love?
Because you are walking in the humility that Jesus Himself invites you to.
Every single day, in your marriage, you are invited to walk in His humility.
What does humility look like?
Was He a pushover? No.
Was He passive? No.
But was He an extravagant servant? Most definitely.
So, are there boundaries to humility? Yes.
I invite you to have a curious heart if God has something for you here.
I reference the book "Humility," by Andrew Murray, a lot in this episode. I also reference the Bible a lot. (I highly recommend it :)
Love & Blessings,
PS - Have you already downloaded our intimacy framework so that you can love your spouse the way they receive love? If not, go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework
PPS - Are you ready to be the spouse God has called you to be, but need some guidance about what that looks like? To schedule a free Clarity Call, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if our programs could be what you need.
A Graduate's Testimonial:
"I would recommend this program to a fellow Christian who is looking to make their marriage better in all aspects. The intimacy aspect is important but there were so many other ideas and realizations around other ways to better my marriage.
I appreciate so much Belah's enthusiasm and honesty. There is a lot of great info and expertise in here. She did an amazing job propping guys up and being positive which was infectious!"
"It's my spouse who needs to change."
If you've said this or thought this...you are right.
So now, no need to listen to anything because there's nothing for you to do but wait around in a grumpy mood 'til your spouse decides to do something.
Maybe there's another opportunity here.
Maybe we can be (as our team member Kyle says) "playfully curious" about this response.
Why do we assume it's all on our spouse?
What questions are we...
a-refusing to ask
b-unaware that we need to be asking
c-too distracted to think about it :)
(Oh, was that your email/TikTok/IG/Facebook/text message notification that just went off? :P )
Today's episode is to help you honestly look at where your marriage is, and discern if and how your partner is the issue.
And, if and how, with playful curiosity, you might have an opportunity in your situation, as well!
Love & Blessings,
PS If you want to see if we can help you in your marriage and honestly evaluate where you can work in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call by clicking here.
Quote from Masculinity Reclaimed Graduate:
“I have spent much more money trying to rekindle my marriage with no results. I have 2 failed “Romantic Vacations” and a bathroom remodel to prove it. I spent less on this and had fantastic results. This might possibly be the best investment of my life."
This episode was back from the very beginning of 2019. Wow! It's STILL relevant. And even when I re-listened, I was struck by a specific exercise that put life in great perspective. I encourage you to do the same -- for God's glory to ultimately be experienced in your marriage, family, and life!
In the long view of your 100 years on earth, what is going to matter in THIS season?
I had an abrupt and unsettling realization when I had a parent-teacher conference a few weeks ago. Though I believe I was discerning God’s will and way for my life, I don’t believe I was pursuing it in God’s timing.
And that is one of the central themes around today’s podcast. What is your season (mine is a quarter inch) in the grand scheme of life? And what matters most right now?
From there, what do you do with that understanding? How does it become practical and lived out?
PS If you’d like to see if we can help you in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call here.
From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
“My confidence with my wife is now enabling me to be her rock much more effectively. (Before DYM [Delight Your Marriage] I would often blame myself and pull away when we had disagreements).
Thank you and Belah and the whole Team for being there!! God specifically used MR 1 [Masculinity Reclaimed] and 2 [MR Graduate group] to transform me into a much better man and husband in a way I did not think possible!”