If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".
My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.
What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.
You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.
For many, it works (by God's grace).
But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.
This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.
Here's what I hope for you.
I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.
Whether they do X or not, you get to love them the way Jesus does.
The cool thing is...
Humans are designed to respond very differently to unconditional love.
Humans let down their guard.
Humans start to act differently when they know the rug won't be pulled out from under them at any moment.
The desperation ends.
Peace and freedom begin.
And marriage can become pretty amazing.
BUT your motivation should be to love your spouse unconditionally and enjoy--every moment--every smile--every laugh--every miscommunication--every peculiar habit--enjoy life alongside this wonderful God-designed being you get to love.
PS - Loads of free downloads here: delightyourmarriage.com/free
Delight Your Marriage has been awarded in the Top 30 Relationship Podcasts for 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021!
"Through working with Belah, my marriage is saved and thriving, and I am forever changed and grateful."
We work through recommendations---if you've been impacted by our work, please consider helping another couple by sending them to delightyourmarriage.com
In our family, we are going through some important paradigm shifts around parenting - through a coach, articles, books, etc.
It's great! It’s also hard to look at the mistakes.
The truth is that it is hard to change. It is not only difficult to do things differently, but it also takes courage.
It takes courage to say, "You know what? I was doing things wrong and now I'm going to do it better.”
It's vulnerable and can feel excruciating - very!
But it is strength, not weakness, to change.
God is a good God and He will lead you when and how He wants you to change.
There are times the enemy will use those genuine convictions from God as opportunities to take you into a tailspin of self-doubt/self-loathing...don't let him!
Here are some fantastic tools to give you more insight to help you change faster without the issue of depression that you've done it wrong for so long.
That's the beauty of Jesus...He is leading you. He is guiding you.
He is revealing what He wants to reveal to you in the season He wants you to learn it. We can trust Him on that.
The fact that you're willing to "go there" means you're already on the right track!
PS - If you leave an iTunes review and send me a screenshot, I'd happily send you a couple of free trainings from some of my best-selling courses!
If you're not sure how to do this, find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
Duty sex" or "lazy or selfish husband". These are phrases I hear a lot. And it's sad.
It's certainly not what a good and loving marriage should be. "Duty sex" often means a wife's body might be present during physical intimacy, but her mind and enthusiasm are far, far away. These are painful to a man's heart.
And "lazy or selfish husband" is usually the man who from her perspective takes her for granted--the romantic getaways, surprises and special gifts or experiences are long gone and his character is abysmal. These are painful to a woman's heart.
It comes down to our discipline to change these parts of ourselves.
Feelings are important and God-given. They get to be acknowledged, drained, and let go. They are important, and you can curiously listen to them (in yourself and others), but at the end of the day they don't get to "drive your bus"--your values do.
In this episode, both husbands and wives will be edified to become more aware of their own gaps of discipline which is causing their feelings to go in the wrong direction.
And I'll share the important and generally unusual disciplines that will get your feelings on track to pursue God's will for your life in the context of your marriage.
PS If you write a review on iTunes, I'd love to send you some free trainings!
Post a review and send me a screenshot - find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
I talk a lot about success stories. To inspire you that transformation can happen and God does it all the time!
But this is really all about unconditional love. That your actions and words towards your spouse are "I love you no matter what."
Why is that such a difficult posture to take with our spouse?
I think our culture and society teaches us to compare, wrong ways of interacting with our spouse and a very "I won't do that unless you do this."
So, this podcast episode is to...
1-Remind you that you're doing a really good job at a hard thing. The fact that you're listening in means you want to do this God's way--and I'm proud of you!
2-Remind you that this is all about loving the way Jesus loves.
3-What to cut out of your life that may be getting in the way of you doing this.
Bravo to you.
2 Different Stories:
1 - Norm's wife shared that she wanted to end the marriage. That she didn't like or love him anymore.
He prayed fervently, listened to, and read lots of resources (including to all of mine :), but he didn't realize he was missing some key components that were actually undermining the good he was doing.
He joined Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) because he wanted the marriage that he heard from other MR Graduates had. He shares the specifics of what he did that made the difference in his marriage:
"A complete 180...our marriage is completely reborn, everything is wonderful...she's pursuing me now."
Before frequency was 1x a month and often ending in an argument. But now she comes to him and it's about 3x a week. And it's open and loving with awesome visuals and freedom from her.
She didn't know he did the program. And still doesn't know. But she says she's "in love" with him now!
He said "It's never been like this in our entire marriage" in intimacy and every other way.
Here's another story of God's transformation from a different marriage:
2 - Hope has been a part of DYM for 4 years. And now she's part of the Intimate Freedom program which includes Grad Groups.
She helps to clarify the confidential space of Grad Groups and invites you to join the journey with other ladies.
And how the philosophies of DYM have changed her and what she thinks about this program for her and other women.
Enrollment of the men's and women's programs closes on Thursday at 11:59pmEST. Join now! delightyourmarriage.com/enroll
ANNOUNCEMENT: For those of you already registered for the FREE Masterclass---they are being released at 7pmEST, TODAY.
Or sign up here: delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
About 15-20% of couples are "sexless" meaning very few instances of intimacy per year. When I work with these couples it's evident that both people are hurting.
And often the husband doesn't realize he's injuring his wife on a daily basis which prevents her from coming towards him in intimacy... which leads us to Paul's powerful testimony of Jesus' work in his marriage.
This conversation is such a joy because you can’t help but be in awe of God after listening.
Paul and his wife had been married 38 years. And unfortunately, many of those years were sexless.
Though they spent 21 years in counseling, tens of thousands of dollars on counseling, they had experienced separations and he said they were housemates and often adversaries.
“The year before your course, we had sex 4 times” and as he puts it there was no intimacy, just “sex”.
He decided to take the leap of faith and enroll in the Masculinity Reclaimed program. He worked for 3 months. But he saw changes even after the first meeting.
His heart changed. He started to see her as an incredible woman again. Something he hadn’t been able to see for many years.
And his wife started noticing his changes and liking them!
And then they started making love! Enthusiastically and regularly! And even a few months after the program (and him still implementing what he learned!) SHE suggested they make love every week in a playful and positive way.
They went from housemates to friends and lovers.
Lovemaking increased in all ways, but as Paul mentioned it is reflective of their entire relationship improving.
And she didn’t even know he was doing the program, because he didn’t want her to think his efforts to change their marriage were selfish or all about sex.
When he did share it with her a couple of months after the program, not only was she glad he did it, but she also said she was glad he didn’t tell her.
Otherwise, she would have been suspect.
I grilled Paul pretty hard on this point because it’s a question I get from husbands a lot.
They want to take the program but feel they need to involve their wives. But Paul wonders how about planning a surprise for your wife--a birthday party for example.
It’s also a secret, but a good secret. And one your wife will THANK you for later.
You’ll be encouraged by Paul’s testimony. You can have hope of transformation. Truly you can.
The burdens of rejection, stress, and oppression were gone and instead were replaced with creativity, energy, and LIFE.
Intimacy can be hard to navigate especially when your marriage seems to be falling to pieces, but by God’s grace, it does not have to stay that way.
Listen in to this amazing testimonial of God's transformation! And Paul gives plenty of advice and encouragement for you!
PS Today is the day for the FREE Masterclass! One for men or the other one for women, go to delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass (It’ll be available for just a few days.)
It's released at 7pmEST today!
Have you ever felt like your intimacy was just a duty that needed to be marked off the “to-do” list?
What about that sex was great physically but emotionally it was empty?
Or, have you gone to bed wondering why this amazing, God-given thing is causing so much strife in your marriage?
Kyle & Ali were both there at one point in their marriage…
Ali saw sex as a “thing” that was constantly there pestering her. She was intimate with her husband to please him and only him.
Their children noticed that their marriage was suffering. They were not emotionally connected, so they were not acting as a team. They communicated solely to run their family.
They took a leap of faith and joined the Delight Your Marriage men’s program and women’s program!
Now Ali loves communication and their home is a “peaceful and cozy environment.” The pressure is gone and she feels the freedom to initiate. Intimacy is a priority now and not just another chore to be done.
In fact, she shares,s, “I desire sex now! I didn’t think I’d ever say that.”
Kye hated that his wife did not seem to desire him or intimacy at all. He spent a lot of time discouraged so he struggled to be fully present as a husband, father, or friend.
He did not understand why this God-given thing was causing so much stress in his marriage. He wanted to enjoy intimacy and for Ali to actually desire it.
After their Delight Your Marriage programs, they both discovered the missing link to their chain.
Kyle described their intimacy as being a 10 out of 10 now!
He began loving his wife the way Christ loves the church in practical ways and now intimacy is no longer a duty, but instead, it's full of mutual service and love.
To hear the way God is truly using these programs to transform lives is such a testament to His goodness and faithfulness.
Be sure to join in; you don’t want to miss it!
Anne and Glenn lived in a blissful honeymoon state at the beginning of their relationship, until their relationship quit growing and grew stale. They described it as being stuck in winter.
Anne felt like intimacy was an obligation and sex felt forced. She did not feel emotionally connected and he did not feel physically connected, so the suffering began.... and stayed for over two decades.
The power of a praying wife… God touched Glen and caused him to start a journey to better himself and turn his marriage around.
He stumbled upon a Delight Your Marriage podcast and shortly afterward signed up for Masculinity Reclaimed.
In fact, at 3am God prompted him to sign up… and he’s glad he did!
He discovered how to date his wife again, how to connect deeper, how to forgive, and how to be vulnerable in his marriage. Not only did Anne begin to notice the changes, but so did their daughter and son!
The trickle effect continued when Anne decided to take the Delight Your Marriage, Intimate Freedom course. She gained confidence in herself and for the first time in a long time, intimacy was fun! She found her femininity and felt like she could truly be herself because the emotional trust was there.
She challenges us listeners: if you are not going forward, you are going backward. It is your choice.
Tune in to hear this amazing testimonial. It will inspire faith--no matter how long your marriage has been “this way” it can change!
PS If you’d like to join the free masterclass coming up March 25 for men or the other one for women, go to delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass (It’ll be free for a limited time)
If you’d like to find other free resources go to delightyourmarriage.com/free
If you want your marriage to change... this is required.
Faith that it will change.
But how do you even get there? How does it relate to your life?
I have some extremely practical ways for you to have a renewed sense of faith that things can change. Keep in mind, if you don't have faith things will change---undoubtedly they never will.
It is so easy to compare our lives and our circumstances to those around us. Add on plenty of cultural norms that make negativity almost an expectation.
That becomes the breeding ground for anxiety, worry, depression, and angst to grow.
But God has called us to live a life full of joy and abundance even in our marriage and intimacy.
Join me as we discover the deeper meaning of faith, what having a disciplined mindset means, and how to visualize positivity for our lives in the middle of a hard season.
PS If you’d like to join the FREE training for women all about confidence in intimacy — which will be available for a limited time — go to delightyourmarriage.com/sc
If you’d like to be included in the FREE Men's Masterclass: Passionize Your Marital Intimacy---even if you're the only one who works: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
This is very interactive, so you don't want to miss it!
Today’s interview is with Jeremiah, a graduate of my Masculinity Reclaimed program.
They had a pretty good marriage. And originally their sex life was pretty good, but life happened…
Like many of my listeners, once kids came into the picture things began to deteriorate in that department.
She no longer felt emotionally connected and he no longer felt fulfilled intimately.
Jeremiah realized he was only getting out of his marriage what he was putting into it; it was not actually all her fault.
So, he set out on a journey of self exploration, enrolled in Masculinity Reclaimed, learned how to emotionally connect with his wife, and slowly but surely progress began to follow.
At one point he basically says -- honestly, I thought the men you interviewed of their success through your program were paid actors… until it happened to our sex life!
But most importantly he shares in this episode the specific shifts he made in himself that transformed their intimacy.
Join me as we dive into how Jeremiah went from somewhat stale and obligatory intimacy to deep, emotionally fulfilling lovemaking (where she initiated even 2x in one day!)
Be inspired--be encouraged--get motivated!
If you’re a man, you’ll really want to sign up for this free training “Men’s Masterclass” at the end of March 2021 at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
If you’re a woman you can attend a free class all about confidence in intimacy — which will be available for a limited time go to delightyourmarriage.com/sc
If you’d like to find other free resources go to delightyourmarriage.com/free
Frequently, men are craving intimacy more than their wives. If you're in that category, then this podcast will help you.
Darcy is a busy business owner, mother, and grandmother--married 28 years.
She loves God and has had a better than average marriage all that time.
A friend of hers invited her to listen to the podcast--saying it had brought them to tears.
And when she listened, she too was brought to tears with a very different understanding of intimacy than she had ever realized.
God did an utter miracle in her heart and her marriage.
For days she had a voracious appetite for intimacy with her husband. She says it gave her insight into how a man feels all the time. And she feels a oneness with him she's never felt previously.
Her husband changed! His low-grade depression disappeared! He is becoming a better father and man of faith. He is thriving before her eyes.
Their daughter even asked: "Mom, what happened to dad??"
If you're a wife, I encourage you to listen with an open heart.
God may want to speak to you through Darcy's story of love for Jesus. Which fueled a change of heart towards her husband.
I encourage you, if you know someone who may need to hear this story, send this to them. That's how Darcy's life changed. Someone had the courage to share it with her!
God bless you,
PS - I have MANY free resources! I would love to invite you to check them out: delightyourmarriage.com/free
I love new years because everything feels fresh and energized. Even though practically speaking it's the same as every other day, you just have to start training yourself to use a new number at the end of your dates.
But I am all about using whatever energy there is to increase my chances of growth and change--in God's will.
So, that's what today's podcast is about. Becoming stronger in your vision. It's about realizing that you're going to stand before Jesus and He'll be curious what you did with your days, which lead to weeks, which lead to years and then decades.
We must be cautious about how we spend our time, and spend it in priority to God's will.
I will show you the specific document I have used since 2013 and review at least quarterly to align my life with how I perceive God wants me to live.
I will also discuss the process I use to discern God's will for my life every quarter. Because I think we need to be considering God's will consistently in our lives and move towards it more and more every day.
I think you'll love the conversation and I look forward to hearing from you!
PS, if you'd like the free resource I mentioned to help you understand how to love your spouse the way they are craving, go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework