They saved themselves for marriage. (Yay!)
But there were other hurdles encountered as a result of a lack of insight around intimacy and God's wonderful design.
Hear how Lindsay got to the other side. Was it just flipping a switch and suddenly there's freedom? No.
It was a process.
It was a journey, and it took support and guidance.
I look forward to you hearing from someone who got there, and you can, too.
For men: her husband went first.
For women: she had to commit and realize it was important enough for her to get free.
PS - Like Lindsay, if you want freedom in your intimacy but have hang-ups from purity culture, you can get on a free Clarity Call to be listened to and asked questions. Maybe our program is the right fit for you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
If you're a husband who sees his wife "holding back" because of this, Lindsay's husband took the men's program first, so I also encourage you to get on a Clarity Call. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Program Graduate Quote:
Before the program: “We had recurring arguments surrounding intimacy. I felt like [my husband’s] love was conditional and he felt like I neglected his needs.
It was so discouraging. [My husband] felt lonely and I felt like a failure. The cycle would repeat every couple months, leaving both of us discouraged and hopeless that things could ever change… especially after 23 years of marriage. It impacted every relationship in our life, including our kids, work, in ministry, etc.”
Same graduate after the program: “I am amazed at the peace and unity in our marriage. I no longer feel like sex is an obligation but something that I am really learning to enjoy! It’s better than it has ever been. I have a hard time taking credit for it because [my husband] is killing it at implementing the principles from his ‘Masculinity Reclaimed’ program. I have never felt more known, safe or wholeheartedly cherished. It is easy to respond to a man who loves me like this. It is easy to be attracted to and vulnerable with a man who loves me like Jesus loves his church.
I have really grown in vulnerability, boldness and freedom in my sexuality, including discovering how sex can be so enjoyable for me. And turns out, [my husband] LOVES when I enjoy it! I am overcoming my physical insecurities and realizing that my body is a gift for my husband. What a beautiful design and privilege that I can please, comfort and bless my husband in intimacy. I want to continue being courageous to experience all God has for our marriage.
I see how my upbringing and the influence of culture have warped how I think and hindered me from experiencing marriage like God designed. I see how I desperately need God to renew my mind to see myself, marriage and sex the way He does.
This is the best marriage material we have ever come across. The Lord is using you in huge ways!”
We are LOVING the excitement about the Pre-Engaged Workbook, which will be released soon.
(It is supposed to go live today, but isn't available yet... there is a hold-up in the review process. We will let you know once it goes live!)
What I think happens a lot in marriages is a dynamic of competition.
They both want to impress their spouse, and both of them are clawing on top of each other trying to get the other one to notice them and admire them.
They’re trying to get their spouse to see that they’re doing a good job.
At the very same moment, the other spouse is trying to get them to see that they’re doing a good job and trying to impress them.
So each is trying to get their security and their approval and their sense of doing a good job from their spouse. And so this competition takes hold.
Instead of enjoying each other and the gift that they are---in the strengths and the differences---they are competing and they can’t see past their own hurt and lack of encouragement from their spouse.
So, what I highly recommend is that you consider if this dynamic is happening in your home.
Are you trying to get compliments and admiration and encouragement from your spouse but getting hurt over and over and over again?
My recommendation is that you listen to this episode to understand how to actually receive the affirmation, the approval, and the encouragement you crave.
The good news is you could actually have both security and affirmation… and change the dynamic from competition to love and generous compliments.
You’ll find out how if you listen to today's episode.
PS - Help could be a click away…you’re invited to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if you’re a good fit for our programs.
What do graduates say about the results of the program?
“Before I took the program, I thought my wife and I were getting on ok, but as it turned out this was far from the case. It soon became clear that my wife had been feeling very lonely and isolated for years, and this had been showing in her behaviour, which though pleasant, was somewhat aloof and detached emotionally.”
“Things moved exponentially, very quickly, though not without struggle and some reverses.. She did not recognise this “new husband” as she put it! …Completely unintentionally I had made my wife feel ignored, not attended to, and taken for granted… Communication was generally businesslike rather than affectionate. …As the program has gone on, huge strides have been made in our marriage. We now spend quality time together most meal times, we’ve started going out on dates again, we are much more playful than before and we enjoy being with each other. Most importantly, my wife has relaxed, she’s begun to trust me, and her true bubbly self is coming out into the open. And it’s a delight to see. It almost feels like it used to when we were first dating. Sex has even taken on a completely new appearance.”
I just have to apologize ahead of time because this headline is way too sensational. I can hear you saying, "It's frankly not realistic."
I get it.
But, hear me out. (Or, hear him out...? :)
So, Hunter had twin 4-year-old girls.
His wife was fed up with asking him to change. To pull his fair share. To be proactive in the family responsibilities.
She said she was done. They had talked about divorce in the past, but there was finality this time.
He could tell she was serious. And she was.
This is when a lot of people would feel helpless and decide they're going to give up and end the marriage since their spouse wants a divorce.
He had done a Clarity Call a year earlier and wasn't ready to take that step then. But knew, at this point, he had to dramatically change to save his marriage.
He said, "At the beginning of the program, I had trouble getting just a few sentences out before I would bust out in tears..."
Week in and week out Hunter plugged along.
But because of the amazing men in our program, he didn't feel he was doing it by himself.
They were texting him, praying for him, encouraging him each time it got hard.
When he had a bad week and felt absolutely worthless and hopeless, they'd be there to brush him off and remind him WHY he was doing this. They'd help him get encouraged and refocused.
Hunter did one scary change after another, one step forward and one step back, one awkward skill practiced after another until it became normal, natural, and just who he is...
And his wife started to respond.
She started to end the snarky, mean comments.
And she started even being receptive to his touch.
Ever so slowly, she started to trust that he is indeed a new man.
And he was indeed able to heal his marriage even though she didn't do the program.
Now he feels closer to God and he can see that she is closer to God, as well.
Now they are in love again… like when they were first married.
Now their 4-year-old girls are 5, and they are in a family with parents that are unified and loving.
This is a big deal and worth a giant celebration! And, a sensational headline (because it's true).
PS - If you need a transformation like Hunter, please don't let hopelessness overtake you. Focus on WHY it's so important for you to save your marriage, and get help.
We have resources to help you every step of the way (literally, it's step-by-step). You may be so flooded with fear and pain that you can't even think straight. It's okay, we've got a step-by-step process. It's proven, and it works.
Wife or husband, we want to help you. Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call.
Like Hunter, take the next courageous step. It's worth it.
Like Hunter, gain clarity on a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Like Hunter... it could save and transform your marriage, forever.
From a recent lady graduate:
"Delight Your Marriage has brought a breath of fresh air to our marriage! It helped me to forgive myself and others for wrong that had been done in my life.
DYM [Delight Your Marriage] gave me new tools to use to revive my marriage and a renewed focus on God to guide and direct our marriage through the next phases of life!
I enjoyed every aspect of this program! From the first podcast I listened to, to the clarity call, accountability calls, modules, and coaching calls! It all has been a joy, challenge, and work that has helped me and my marriage now thrive!"
We invite you to learn more! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
(If you know someone who needs this... forward this episode to them! Maybe you'll save a family.)
We're all insecure.
We might not be insecure about the same things, but we've all got it.
Today, I want to talk about the insecurities that are common for women and the insecurities that are common for men. Spoiler alert: they're different.
But the insight most of us miss is that our specific insecurity in marriage actually is harming our spouse.
Because of the way our spouse is designed by God, if there are certain things missing in marriage, it pains them.
This is an episode I hope you'll take to heart.
Your insecurities may be harming your spouse.
Included in this episode:
-What are insecurities?
-What are yours as a husband or as a wife?
-How are they affecting your spouse?
-How to move past them?
-How to get free of them?
I really hope this helps.
PS - We'd love to have you on the inside of a program and witness God do something amazing in and through you! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc is the place to sign up for a free Clarity Call.
When asked how we can improve the program a recent graduate wrote:
The course is absolutely brilliant. The course materials (videos and pdfs) are top notch in terms of content, and Belah is totally invested in her teaching and coaching, the content of which is simply superb.
It’s been meticulously researched. And the materials are attractive and mostly very user friendly.
The accountability groups are a master stroke. Most of all, everything is covered by prayer and led by the Holy Spirit. I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious.
More importantly no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behaviour as this one. There are very few things that could be improved.
Well done Belah and all the team in producing something that is not only very professional, but is an absolute life saver in so many marriages, including mine!
Amber can tell you straight up... God has changed her.
For so many reasons, she would have said her behavior was warranted.
(I know the feeling and have said the words myself!)
And God was kind to open her eyes to her pride.
The pride that was ripping her husband apart.
And yet, God got her attention.
He stretched forth His hand and showed her what she couldn't see on her own.
He used her husband's leadership to bring her to a place of recognition of her sin.
And then she chose the humble and wise way.
I must say I am SO proud of Amber. How she has grown. How she now lives out the joy that God restored to her marriage!
It's worth celebrating. I hope you'll listen and be encouraged by what God has done in her heart (first), (then) in her marriage, and in her family.
Love and gratefulness for our amazing Father,
PS - If you'd like to see how to transform your situation, we'd love to help. The first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Client testimonial... before the ladies program (the state of their marriage):
“Completely overwhelming! It was causing pain and sadness in every area of our lives.”
After the ladies program:
"Our love has grown beyond my imagination. My husband and I are tender and loving and supportive to each other like never before. My husband has truly softened over the last few months through my using the tools in this program. Our fighting has stopped! Arguing is not our way of life anymore. Our children are doing so amazing and I can see them feeling settled and safe. Our intimacy is God honoring and I desire my husband…which was never the case!
Our marriage will never be the same! I honestly rejoice every day that Jesus brought this podcast and program in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!"
There can only be 1 answer to this question:
Yes, or No.
Well, who do you go to to answer questions like this?
Do you have a pastor?
A favorite author?
A porn counselor?
An SA therapist?
A previous user?
Your own experience?
Your own intuition?
Who has the authority in your life to answer this question?
Ahem... "the great Belah Rose?"
Just so we're clear, when I said, "Let there be light"... it stayed dark.
When your pastor said it... when your favorite author/researcher/friend/counselor/author/confidante said it... probably the same.
Maybe there was a window already open, so God's light actually allowed it to be light... but ultimately, they don't have power or authority anywhere, ANYWHERE close to God.
But is He the biggest authority to you?
Does what He says matter to you the MOST?
I invite you to pause. Ponder.
Are His words MOST important?
Let's say, your answer is yes.
But then, how do you know what God says... especially about an exclusively 21st-century issue, i.e. porn?
Well, actually it isn't a 21st-century issue.
And God speaks about it. Many times.
And He clearly answers this question.
I don't know if you want to hear it, but He does speak to it.
Before we get there.
Apathy is easier.
Skepticism is easier.
Laziness is easier.
But just because you don't care (apathy),
or believe (skepticism),
or want to (laziness),
...swim away from the impending waterfall,
doesn't mean it won't kill you when you inevitably get to it.
Do you care what the Bible says? Do you believe what the Bible says? Do you want to discover what the Bible says?
I had a conversation via email with a dear friend about a year ago. I would love for you to read it to learn why I think the Bible should be pursued, is trustworthy, and can be utterly wonderful for you: delightyourmarriage.com/bible
So, to answer this question...
"The great Belah Rose" fears God too much to not tell you:
yes, it is a salvation issue.
"Anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart...
better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."
Jesus says it is. We're talking about hell. We're talking about lust. We're talking about salvation.
(In Matthew 5:28)
I hope one day this will be true of me...
"I never shrank back from telling you what you needed to hear... either publicly, or in your homes [or in your earbuds].
I have had one message...
the necessity of repenting from sin
and turning to God,
and of having faith in our Lord Jesus."
PS - Next steps:
Repent from your sin.
Turn to God [i.e. read your physical Bible to learn / discover / encounter who He actually is] and have faith in our Lord Jesus.
PPS - There IS hope AND help. Maybe we can help. Jesus most definitely can help! If you’d like to investigate whether or not we can help, we invite you to schedule a free, no obligation Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Quote from a graduate of Masculinity Reclaimed:
Before MR: "My sex life was a mess before I found DYM. It's really hard to find anyone that will talk to you about sex in a godly way. The world is full of lies, DYM pulls the truth out of the Bible and gives you exactly what you need to get on a healthy trajectory for your marriage and sex life!”
After MR: “I think my biggest celebration is just having the weight of discontentment lifted. It is so frustrating and depressing to be constantly dissatisfied with your sex life. It truly is like carrying around a huge weight. To finally be free of that and realize that I could be satisfied and happy without doing anything but changing my heart posture was amazing. I no longer feel like the victim of a bad marriage, but rather the recipient of a blessed marriage!"
I don't have to tell you that the enemy is out for families. Because the best-case scenario is a mom and dad that love each other raising children that grow up to be the men and women to do God's will in the earth.
So, if the enemy can tear at the soul of the marriage. The most sacred part. The intimacy. Then the family crumbles.
Wayne is so courageous to share what God has done because he knows it can help someone, maybe like you to know you're not alone.
This is a story I've heard many times. Wayne made a big error. One that could have changed his family's future to one completely different with so much pain and heartache.
When he was found out, it was the hardest days of their lives. It was devastating.
A friend told him about Delight Your Marriage.
When he heard Mick's testimonial (Episode 363) he knew he had to do the program and he went ahead.
It wasn't easy for him. It took ownership. It took struggle. It took perseverance. It took time. It took patience.
It took prayer. It took other men rooting him on. Encouraging him. Praying for him.
He didn't give up.
And God healed their marriage.
God healed their connection.
God healed his wife's heart.
There is so much good in that home now. Their many kids feel more relaxed and able to be themselves in the home. Their friendship is stronger. He appreciates all the levels of connection he now enjoys with his wife.
She said, "if you told me this [is how it would be] a year ago, I wouldn't have believed it." He agrees "That's not who I was" but now it is.
God be praised.
I hope you are encouraged by another journey that God is healing families. It's not easy but it is SO worth it.
If you needed this to own your mess and turn your family's future around. It's time. Don't waste any more precious time and join our men's program to transform it all.
PS - Have a conversation with Dana at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see how we can help you.
PPS - A different husband who graduates next week wrote:
"I feel very different. A kinder, more gentle, caring human being has emerged.
I feel more confident in myself and in my masculinity.
I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious.
More importantly, no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behavior as this one."
Maybe it's your turn: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Driving down the road, crying out to God.
And, maybe, the strongest he's ever heard the Lord responded to him.
It wasn't rebuke. But an invitation.
He saw into the heart of God.
Real tears started rolling down his face.
I invite you to listen to Dan's story.
Maybe it's not unlike yours...
...have a marriage, for some decades.
...have gone through struggles and broken dreams.
...have a couple of children.
...desire to be who God called him to be.
...desire to have the connection with God he hoped was available.
A friend at church shared with him about the podcast.
He started listening to dozens of episodes... and eventually felt he needed to do a call.
He took the courage to have a Clarity Call with Dana.
Then found out his friend did the program and was on the podcast himself testifying of what God had done.
I hope you are encouraged that, just as God spoke to Dan, He wants that level of connection and intimacy with YOU.
I invite you to shut off distractions and go before Him...
...in joy, silence, praise, worship, prayer, bowed head, bowed knee, bowed heart... before our love, God, King and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Also, from a different wife who graduated today:
"What can a blind man who now sees say, except "Praise God! It's a miracle! My life has been forever changed and I will be eternally grateful!"
God did ALL of the work and He gets all of the credit. But He 100% did it through this program."
Sign up for a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
I should be clear... I don't struggle with this. The stories I share about my pride in this episode are a complete rarity. Almost never happens.
I also don't struggle with lying... :D
(Just kidding :)
I need this learning as much as anyone... which is why I'm excited to share what God is teaching me!
"My spouse needs to change..."
"[He is / She is] doing so many bad things...so many..."
"There's nothing I can do unless [he / she] changes..."
I knew this was a disempowering mindset that I saw often.
But it wasn't until this week when God confronted me with my pride, that I learned that "self-pity" is the sin of pride.
(I learned this through the book by R. T. Kendall's The Power of Humility. I highly recommend it.)
Wallowing in your pain isn't God's way.
"But I don't deserve to be treated like this!"
I hear you.
Job didn't deserve his suffering either.
His suffering was profound.
Maybe yours is too.
Job started out strong. Even when others encouraged him to deny God's goodness, he stayed faithful to God and honored His faithfulness regardless.
But eventually, he succumbed to self-pity, he was severely corrected for his wallowing in self-pity.
I hope you and I will heed what God said to Job. And that we would respond the way Job did to His correction.
I encourage you to lean into His discipline.
He is a good Father who disciplines His children.
God is kind to bring us to repentance.
And don't worry... I needed this episode too. Let's draw near to God. Lay down our pride and acknowledge and seek Him as Lord and King.
PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call.
PPS - If you're wondering how healthy your marriage is right now to give you insights on what needs to change and the first steps in how to with free resources... go to delightyourmarriage.com/health to take the Marital Health Assessment.
From another recent graduate:
Before the men's program:
"Struggles - Arguing, lack of trust, loss of peace frequently, little laughter, lack of joy, lack of fun. I was worried that if I didn't change, my wife might leave me after the kids leave for college.
Back 1.5 years ago, Taylor went through the men's program and witnessed God do some important work. Most important: in his heart.
But as Jesus says:
For from within, out of the heart of man,
come evil thoughts, sexual immorality,
theft, murder, adultery, coveting,
sensuality, envy, slander,
All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
If the point of Delight Your Marriage is to help men and women get their heart right, then of course the rest would follow.
My encouragement to you today, is focus on the heart. Focus on surrendering your heart to the Lord so He can free you of all of that which you hate.
He is God and there is freedom with Him.
PS - If you're looking for changes like this, we would love to help you on a Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
From another recent graduate:
MR Grad: “GOD is certainly using DYM [Delight Your Marriage] to impact lives.”
Before MR: “Some of the biggest struggles I was facing were that marital intimacy was all but nonexistent. That included emotional intimacy- whether I wanted to see that or not.
I have long struggled with pornography... My self-worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough.
After MR: “I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God.
In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit.
The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God.”
You may be on a journey to get a better marriage...
But do you know where you are right now?
The trouble is when people with a 9/10 marriage give advice to someone with a 2/10 marriage...
It doesn't make sense. AND a left turn at the WRONG TIME could lead to disaster.
That is why we developed the Marital Health Assessment, a tool you can use to determine if you're on track in your marriage.
Or if you need a left turn now or to stay straight for another 37 exits :)
I invite you to take this free Marital Health Assessment to determine where you are now so you can wisely choose your next steps!
We are indeed at war.
Now is not the time to walk idly by.
Now is not the time to pretend it's all just fine.
Now is not the time to think only about ourselves.
And your marriage matters during the tribulation.
Regardless of who endures the end times (our generation... or the next, or next, or next...) what you do or don't do in your marriage matters.
Whether or not Christianity is worthwhile to your kids can be significantly impacted by what they see in your marriage.
But what does preparing for the end times PRACTICALLY look like?
What does marriage have to do with the end times? Actually, a lot.
Well, I am hoping today's episode is entertaining and encouraging.
We'd love to help you delight your marriage. Your first (courageous, yet super easy -- and worth it!!) step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Men's Graduate Quote:
"Your program is so holy spirit inspired. I just continue to be amazed at the content in the teaching. I like that it was very practical and easy to understand. I love that the first and main focus was on our relationship with God before it moved into other areas or even included our wives."
As an Amish growing up, Donny has had quite the journey.
Just a couple of years ago after God rescued him from a very difficult place, his marriage actually was fairly good.
He found and listened to the podcast for quite a while and felt convicted that he needed to do the men's program.
He was content in his own marriage, he just wanted to know if he could recommend it to others.
But he was surprised to see how helpful it was to him personally, and his marriage grew even more than he thought possible. :)
Things got tricky when some people approached him with concern about the fact that I'm a lady in leadership.
Wisely so, he and his wife grappled with and prayed about it.
He distinctly felt the Lord speak to his heart about it. I would love for you to hear what he felt the Lord say.
I hope his story encourages you.
PS - If you would like to see how we can help you, take the courageous step and sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Delighted Wife Grad Quote:
Before DW: "We had a home full of animosity. Chaos. Yelling and fighting. We were not intimate."
After DW: "This program has truly changed my marriage forever! This has empowered me to forgive, put my trust in Jesus, and to bring my marriage to the place I never thought possible. I started this program broken and in utter despair. The sadness and the defeat was a physical pain. That weight has been lifted off of me. We still have things to work on, but so thankful for the tools and hope to keep on pursuing toward the marriage I dreamt of!"
As empty nesters, you know how they say you'll enjoy growing old together. Well, Kim says, "We were growing older, but not enjoying it."
Kim was suffering in her marriage -- crying on her friend's shoulder. As they prayed that God would change it.
Then, that friend told her about the podcast, the one you're listening to.
That friend also told her husband. After hearing all the testimonials, he joined the men's program.
Kim was kind of annoyed that he did this. Because she also listened to a couple of episodes and it pointed to areas of her marriage that she had wounding around.
Things turned around... REALLY beautifully.
I know Russ, her husband, and Kim pretty well by now (after two years) and it has been remarkable seeing this couple grow.
Their first transformation story was episode 293 (be sure to check that out!). That was the first time I met Kim.
It's been amazing to have her in the Delighted Wife program and to see what God has done through it.
May this story encourage you. There is hope. If you're suffering and crying on a friend's shoulder... you just never know what God might do.
We invite you to take the next step and schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PS - Kim's entire marriage turned around because a friend had the courage to point her to a podcast. What if YOU are meant to be that friend to someone else?
I invite you to forward this to someone who may need hope... hope that God still transforms marriages and families.
Recent wife grad quote:
"Belah has done the most important thing for me which is change the negative beliefs that I have had concerning my marriage and helped me to see from a renewed perspective which has forever impacted my marriage! Both my husband and I am grateful for what this program has done for us.
I have attended many marriage seminars and trainings throughout my marriage and this is by far the best investment I have ever made."
My heart goes out to any wife who has experienced sexual abuse. There are so many layers of pain... it's truly horrible.
As a husband, the evil that was done to your wife harmed her immeasurably. The person you love the most.
And it impacted your marriage, your intimacy, and your life forever.
Is healing possible?
What if she doesn't "DEAL WITH" her abuse?
(Sometimes I hear men say that their hands are tied if she doesn't deal with her trauma.)
Can a husband do anything?
I believe Bill's story can give you hope.
He would say, "Yes."
From many years of a full life but an empty marriage, he is thrilled to tell you, there is hope even for your marriage.
He has 43 years under his belt.
He was a self-diagnosed "podcast addict." :) Always looking to FIX his wife. He knew there had to be a solution. But nothing moved the needle
...until Delight Your Marriage.
He said after 3 months of the Masculinity Reclaimed program (MR)...
from decades of passionless marriage, they feel "like 60-something teenagers ...we're so in love!"
His wife sent me an email after she heard his interview and she confirmed what he said and shared her sentiments as well. I read that on the podcast as well.
May you be encouraged for yourself or others!
(I encourage you to share this with someone who may need exactly this hope and encouragement!)
PS - You're ready to witness God's transformation like Bill? It's as easy as a phone call to a friend, her name is Dana, and she's our Clarity Advisor. :) delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Sign up for a free Clarity Call to help you sort through the hard and gain insight on next steps... possibly with us to have a transformation like Bill's!
PPS - This episode made my husband cry... that doesn't happen often. I hope it is healing to your heart like it was to his.
Quote from a program grad:
"I would recommend this program to any husband who feels trapped like I did when I first reached out to Belah. I came into this program looking for someone to 'straighten out my wife.' Truth be told, I needed more help then she did. Belah challenged the narrative in my head. She pushed me to be vulnerable and soft and patient - all things that run counter to our culture. It was not always easy. In fact, it was often very uncomfortable and felt silly. But once I realized it wasn't about me and I committed wholeheartedly, I saw my wife begin to change before my eyes. The changes I made in MYSELF changed my wife. It wasn't always easy and it required more patience than I sometimes had, but in the end it was worth it. Every aspect of my relationship with my wife has improved and that was more than I bargained for. I have a greater understanding of who my wife is and why she is so special to both God and myself. Belah didn't fix my marriage - she did something better. She gave me the tools and the guidance to fix it myself, with God's help. This allows me to continually work on it, improve it, and cherish it after my time [in Delight Your Marriage] is over and for that I will always be thankful."
Clarity is crucial in a marriage because it allows individuals to gain self-awareness, understand their own emotions and behaviors, and without even realizing it, it can help you take responsibility for your part in the relationship dynamics. Maybe you didn't "cause it" but you haven't worked to solve it.
When couples face challenges or conflicts, it's easy to blame each other or external factors without examining what is really going on under the surface of the behaviors. A Clarity Call encourages an individual to look carefully at themselves, their patterns, history, and reflect on their thoughts, feelings, actions, and current situation.
Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
By engaging in a Clarity Call, individuals can identify their own patterns and unresolved issues that may be impacting the relationship. It helps them recognize their own biases, insecurities, woundedness, and areas for personal growth. Through a Clarity Call, individuals can better understand how their own behaviors and reactions may influence the dynamics within the marriage.
Believe it or not, a Clarity Call can also foster empathy and compassion. When Dana speaks with an individual -- they take the time to understand their own experiences, process them, and become more attuned to their partner's emotions and perspectives.
This increased awareness enables them to approach conflicts with empathy, communicate more effectively, and find solutions that meet both partners' needs.
This is why the individuals on today's call said this:
Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
I'd like to share Kevin's story, mostly in his own words.
As always, there is a huge message of hope and transformation available in this story, so I hope you'll listen in!
After 28 years of marriage, feeling like roommates, Kevin said "I felt helpless" and "very isolated, very alone" in the struggles he experienced.
As a very successful (and busy!) IT exec overseeing teams in India, UK, France, and elsewhere, and really being able to figure out most things on his own...
It was confusing to not be able to figure out marriage in the same way. And it was painful to hear his wife caring more about something like Diet Coke than him. Logically, he knew it wasn’t true but it sure felt like it at times.
He listened to the DYM transformation stories (like this one!). And they sounded too good to be true.
But he kept hearing parts of his story over and over again through other people's DYM interviews.
He thoroughly checked into the DYM work and dived into the podcasts.
Of the work, he said, "the more and more I listened, the more I found and heard the biblical basis of everything and heard the logic."
Then, he took courage and had the Clarity Call which he said "the Clarity Call was exactly what it says: it was very clarifying."
Once in, of the program: "It was very incremental, very linear, and based in a way where it clicks, where it makes sense."
"The feedback loop, the accountability, the camaraderie of all the other gentlemen going through the program, that environment is an extra dimension of learning that I think is important, if not key to success."
"It pours all the ingredients together to make things work."
"I talked about things I have never talked about with anybody in my whole life during that part of the program."
Through the Delight Your Marriage program, Kevin experienced an improvement in his marriage and a greater sense of fulfillment and walk with God.
(And who knows, maybe just like Kevin, you'll be our next transformation story who initially thought it was "too good to be true"!)
Love & Blessings,
PS -- If you're wondering how healthy your marriage is right now so you can get clear on the aspects to improve, fill out the Marital Health Assessment for a free evaluation of your marriage health so you can take steps to make it even better! delightyourmarriage.com/health
I am grateful so many men share their unfiltered hearts with me.
It is an honor and a privilege.
I find that many men feel extremely misunderstood. And they have numbed their pain just to "get through".
The problem with numbing is we don't see the people right in front of us and the pain they are experiencing.
What I see so frequently is men who are desperately trying to be the men God designed them to be, but are frustrated with the lack of respect in their marriages.
I want to help you understand...
1 - that your feelings here are valid and even God-designed
2 - there is a productive way to handle this gap
(Spoiler alert: it starts on the inside of you.)
Love & Blessings,
Are you curious about the overall health of your marriage? Respect is a big piece and when it's missing, it impacts the emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy of a marriage.
Discover the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage with our free online Marital Health Assessment delightyourmarriage.com/health
When you do, we'll send you some free resources and recommendations based on your specific situation and needs.
Fill out the free Marital Health Assessment now. delightyourmarriage.com/health
"It's changed it completely, our home environment is filled with tenderness, compassion, love and respect."
Oh, the pain of frustration, being consistently misunderstood, and having your needs (legitimate needs) consistently trampled upon.
Both Jerry and Joyce felt it. And Jerry desperately looked for answers. Delight Your Marriage wasn't his first program -- but unfortunately, the other one gave advice that almost drove his wife to a nervous breakdown.
Jerry didn't get out of his marriage, though his frustration level (due to his hurt) was through the roof.
The pain was so deep for her, she couldn't even attend the church he pastored.
Joyce was considering separation and even talking with lawyers.
But then Jerry decided to give Delight Your Marriage a try.
Now... a year later, Joyce not only loves her husband again, but "likes him," too.
("Liking" your spouse can be way harder than "loving" them.)
She's actually looking forward to raising their small children together and is happy even being a pastor's wife now.
The healing that has taken place in just over a year, is now impacting every single person in their ministry and family life.
God is amazing and we give Him all the credit for this transformation!
We are honored He has used the programs of Delight Your Marriage to help bring about these changes for them.
If you're at a similar place (or not quite as extreme), then know there is hope for you, too.
There is a price for change like this -- effort, time, financial investment, energy, courage, humility and even getting uncomfortable --
But take it from Joyce...
It is worth it.
Your next step is to get on a Clarity Call ( delightyourmarriage.com/cc ) to discover how to change you that will impact all those around you (and specifically your marriage).
PS - Seriously... It's time to discover how you can be the change agent God wants to use to turn your marriage around, so you love AND like your spouse.
Have a free Clarity Call to gain insight and discern your next steps: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - If you know a marriage that needs hope like this, will you take the courage and care to forward this episode on? You may be saving a family and faith community in the process.
Quote from a course graduate:
"The things that I’ve learned are really priceless when it comes to my marriage… When I first started this program it seemed like my wife didn’t even want to talk to me, much less make love to me. Man how things have changed...The changes that I see in my wife are nothing short of a miracle, she has went from being cold and callous, To warm and loving!"
Join us for an inspiring conversation with Jenny, a loving housewife and mother of four from Finland. In this episode, Jenny shares her remarkable transformation journey and the positive impact it had on her marriage.
Previously working as a nurse before having kids, Jenny and her husband made a conscious decision to prioritize their family and serve the Lord in a unique way. Through their involvement in a discipleship-making movement, they found Delight Your Marriage, a program that brought significant changes to their lives.
Jenny's husband initially joined the men's program and experienced a profound transformation (from her perspective as the wife). Encouraged by his progress, Jenny recognized her own need for growth and decided to embark on her own journey. She realized that she had lost touch with her own needs while prioritizing the needs of her family, often neglecting her spiritual well-being.
But she realized she was busy and God spoke to her heart that she was being a "Martha" far more than a "Mary."
Through the Delighted Wife program, Jenny discovered the importance of immersing herself in the Word of God, prayer, and worship. These foundational habits reignited her passion for the Lord, restoring her joy for her children, and enabling her to share the Gospel with others.
One significant change in Jenny's transformation was her renewed desire for intimacy in her marriage.
As she developed a deeper understanding of how women and men were designed, thanks to participation in the program, Jenny felt more comfortable expressing her needs to him.
By cultivating new habits and taking small steps, Jenny found her way back to a more fulfilling and vibrant spiritual life.
She shares her story as an example of how investing in one's marriage, time with God, and meditating on the Word of God can lead to profound transformation. If you're longing for a more joyful, intimate, and fulfilling marriage, Jenny's story is sure to inspire you.
To hear Jenny's full story and learn more about her transformation journey, listen to the complete interview on this episode.
If you're ready to take the next step in your own marriage, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and discover how Delight Your Marriage can help you experience a delightful and intimate marriage like never before.
Remember, your marriage is a precious gift that deserves your investment and attention.
Don't miss out on the incredible transformation possible when you prioritize your relationship and embrace personal growth.
Delight Your Marriage team
PS - Ready to experience a delightful and intimate marriage? Take the next step towards transforming your relationship by signing up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc today.
Discover how Delight Your Marriage can empower you to cultivate a deep and fulfilling connection with your spouse.
Quote from a program grad:
"If you're committed to the program and make it a priority, you can be truly successful! Bella has changed our marriage in a really special way."
Mother's Day is almost here! (This Sunday!)
Make sure the mom in your life is getting treated really nicely! She is WONDERFUL and deserves to be celebrated!
I have a wonderful mom.
She sacrificed so much for me. I am forever in her debt.
As a mom myself... I believe sacrificing to be a good mom brings her greater joy than if she had never sacrificed at all.
Sacrifice. Duty. Responsibility.
Sounds antiquated, old-fashioned, and maybe even oppressive...?
Am I morally obligated to take care of my kids?
Did I assume the responsibility for their well-being when my husband and I enjoyed...
"actions with procreative potential"...
which (happily) resulted in a child?
I would submit the answer is "yes."
I now lay down Feelings and pick up a life built upon proper values.
Hopefully, your mom did the same... otherwise, it would have been a very difficult existence for you.
The nature of a mother: assuming a role and duty to care for those souls entrusted to her.
What does this have to do with wives?
In today's society, we often hear that women should only make love if they Feel like it.
And they might say it's bad to make love when you don't naturally desire it. When you don't Feel like it.
If I used that logic in caring for my children... only when I Feel like it, they'd justly arrest me for child neglect.
I am a self-centered, selfish, self-focused, narcissist if I am led by Feelings.
Feelings are not my guide.
How do I know who Jesus is, so I know what He is like, and what He wants of me?
Is there any other source that clarifies who and what Jesus asks of me better than the Bible?
If all that is true... why is it we (ok... maybe it's just me :) struggle like this...
Feel down, follow by: laying on the couch...with a bag of Cheetos
Feel anxious, follow by: distracting my worries by scrolling through interesting video clips
Feel tired / annoyed / down / uncomfortable / frumpy / fat / unattractive / undesireable / lazy / anxious / stressed / cramped / worried / distracted / entertained / even happy..., follow by: heading straight to bed avoiding all manner of intimacy... at all costs.
At times, my mouth says: "Jesus is my King,"
but in real life: "my Feelings rule".
(These all certainly have been true, but when I repent sincerely and come back to Jesus' way, He has helped me to stop following the tempting Feelings less and less.)
We all need to live by our values from the Bible.
The Bible becomes the standard for life and there are a lot of important things about marriage, marital sacrifice, and the purpose of marital intimacy.
It would be worthwhile to look these up: Matt 19:4-6, Mark 10:6-9, Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 1 Timothy 5:14, Romans 13:13-14, Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7, Hebrews 13:4.... and that's just the New Testament!
I assume the responsibility of taking care of my children, to fulfill the role of Mom.
I assume the responsibility of taking care of my husband, to fulfill the role of Wife.
This is not following the world's definition of happiness.
It is true happiness.
This is in God's will.
This is following Jesus.
Happy Mother's Day!
I bet you wouldn't wish you followed Feelings more and sacrificed less to follow Jesus... in your role as a Mom.
I invite us both to hold that same standard for your role as a Wife.
You have sacrificed well, happily, and joyfully...and it is worth it! :)
Bravo & thank you!
The precious souls in your care, thank you!
PS If applying this thought process toward your spouse feels
convicting, we understand and have been there, too. We're here to help...if you want help, schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Do Delight Your Marriage programs help? That's a fair question...here's another graduate quote to give you hope:
Before the program challenges were:
"low sex drive, no physical pleasure from sex, pressure to have sex often, resentful of having to have sex often, insecure body image"
After the program:
"I now look forward to sex, enjoy it physically, am able to seduce my husband, and we both feeling amazingly satisfied all the time!!"
Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This title was hard to come up with.
Essentially, I want you to have the tools and mindset to figure out how to set boundaries with yourself and with others when needed.
Jesus was the servant of all.
He came to serve not to be served.
He was the most humble and meek.
And yet, Jesus set boundaries.
Here are a couple, but once you read this, you'll probably not be able to read a parable or look at the life of Jesus without noticing His leaning into boundaries over and over again.
Jesus disappointed people because his priority was God over people
In Mark 1:35-39,
In Matthew 16:21-23,
Jesus tells his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer at the hands of the elders, chief priests, and scribes. Peter rebukes him, saying that this should never happen to him.
Jesus responds by telling Peter that he is setting his mind on human things rather than God's things and calls him a hindrance.
In Luke 14:25-33,
Jesus sets the boundary of the cost of discipleship. He says anyone who wants to follow him, essentially compared to their love for Jesus, must hate their family and even their own life. They must carry their own cross, and give up all their possessions.
If they're not willing to pay this price, they can't follow him.
In John 2:13-17,
Jesus clears the temple of the money changers and merchants, telling them to stop making his Father's house a marketplace.
He shows anger and uses physical force to set this boundary.
Jesus was the servant of all but did not allow anyone to trod on boundaries.
So, what if you are trodding on God's boundaries?
What if your spouse wants to trod on the boundaries set by God?
Should you set boundaries with yourself?
Should you set boundareis with your spouse?
If so, how?
Is there a way to have a generous heart and a kind spirit and yet set a firm boundary?
This conversation goes into these things that are HARD to tease through.
I don't think I have it all right.
This is a topic that I feel a bit reticent to release. And I think it will require prayer as you discern how it applies to you.
And what your next steps are.
Love & Blessings,
PS - Let us know if this topic spoke to you and if we can help, email us at belah at delightyourmarriage.com
PPS - Quote from a program graduate:
“I have become a delighted, playful wife that enjoys and desires sex.
My relationship to the Lord, my husband and our daughter has become more intimate.”
Pastor David had a rocky start with his marriage.
Facing his hurts wasn't what he actually wanted to do. He was nervous to bring it up to his wife -- they share all their finances. So he brought it up to her and said he wants to transform into the man, husband and father he wants to become.
Even only 4 weeks into the program, Pastor David's wife commented, "I have noticed a change. Keep it up. It was worth the money."
And she is not a physical touch kind of person, which was his highest love language. Yet, even in just those 4 weeks of implementing what was taught in the course, this has increased.
It's hard to face our pain, isn't it! It's tough to be vulnerable about the things we struggle with that are closest to our hearts...yes, it takes courage to open those wounds up so that we can get them healed.
Husband... wife... you don't have to struggle alone. Do you desire to grow but don't have a safe space to be open and real with what is going on in your heart and marriage?
We're here for that...we're a safe place to gently open up that really private, hurting space...or that struggle that you don't dare to share with anyone in your life.
We want your heart to be healed. We want to help you break free from the chains that hold you back. We want to breathe life into your weariness, hope into your despair, and help you be the man or woman of God that you long to be in your marriage and family...and ministry.
There is hope! We invite you to fresh faith and to follow even closer to the One who is THE way, THE truth, and THE life.
We'd love to help. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if our program would be a good fit for you.
Darcy (on Belah’s behalf)
PS - The Pre-Dating workbook is finally here! If you've been blessed (like David -- who said he already bought 6! and plans to buy more!) by the content from Delight Your Marriage over the years and want to see young people get these tools before they ever get married, get your copy now! https://amzn.to/3NhF8DL
Our interview is about how to get a young person to read/do this workbook that could set them up for a successful dating and married life!
WOW! I am honored and grateful! My goodness.
So, the story goes... yesterday morning Amazon told me that it might be 3 days before the workbook could be live...
Biblical guidance from a marriage trainer and coach
Of course, we've all been counting down the days and the launch day was Friday.
So yesterday (Thursday) I sent an ask to my list that they would pray that it would in fact be live on Friday.
And guess what posted late on Thursday.
By the time I saw it, somehow some clients had picked it up and already had purchased AND already had REVIEWED!!!
So, today BEFORE we even told our email list that it was live, it has been named #1 New Release for Christian Youth Ministry!!!!
THANK YOU if you have already purchased! If not, here's the link!