This one honestly wasn’t that easy to think through or record.
Here’s what I cover:
When I work with women, I think the biggest problem is they don’t have boundaries. And for them to slowly strategically come out of abusive relationships and cause their marriage to thrive instead of the abusive, they have to have boundaries. But it might not look the way you think it will look.
I grew up without boundaries myself. And So I never learned that I was responsible for me: my feelings, my thoughts, my choices, my property, my own things, my privacy... So naturally when I got married, I didn’t think I owned these things either. And I didn’t think my husband did either. Especially hearing the “two will become one flesh”, to me that meant that I owned him and he owns me. So we had to be the same.
However that doesn’t work.
How do you create boundaries in your marriage? How do you make sure those boundaries are respected?
And should we always be “honest” with our husbands? I don’t think so necessarily.
I look forward to our conversation!
DYM is sponsored by my new business Couragess: Christian Women’s Mastermind group. Would love for you to check out my new site and get my free resource: 3 Habits to Grow Your Confidence immediately! www.Couragess.com
(So sorry, my computer broke so I wasn't able to edit and this is late, but I think the content is all there!)
I was abused and I was completely unaware at the time. Because he was spiritually gifted I trusted him. But he wasn’t exhibiting the fruits of the spirit.
If you’re being abused, it’s so hard to see what’s really going on in your marriage because something that’s inherent in abuse is blinders. Today, I talk about my own experience with abuse in my first marriage, and what it took to get the blinders off for me.
And then not only removing your blinders, but then what is your next step after becoming clear on what’s really going on in your marriage. And then to make wise action towards what I believe can completely transform him.
This is the beginning of a series of DYM shows on abuse. There’s many different levels, categories and types of abuse towards women in many aspects of life. I want to help a woman who is currently in an abusive situation to think through the really difficult areas to walk the hard strategic road to recovery that I believe is possible.
Please note: I am not a licensed therapist or social worker and I cannot provide that “professional” guidance. But this is what I have learned through my story and the suffering I went through and what I have helped some of my coaching clients out of.
Regardless of my credentials, we need to be helping women in this extremely common and devastating arena.
The resource I referenced about getting support around domestic violence and abuse is www.nomore.org
Not discussed… but it’s common to be attracted to someone that’s not your spouse.
What do you do about it?
First, figure out where you are in your level of attraction and then decide action steps:
-1-3 (when you see them/talk to them you feel a chemistry)
talk to God, get busy, be an enthusiastic lover with your husband, redirect your thoughts, read the Word, work with your hands
-4-7 (find your mind wandering to this person consistently) confide in a mature friend of the same sex–tell them what’s going on and be very honest, avoid spending time with this person, journal about their qualities and affirm that your husbands qualities are better because x, y & z, speak affirmations in faith, draw close to your husband
-8-10 (if you’re considering an affair, divorce or in that spot already) seek counsel of a therapist or counselor, use all sexual inspiration and direct it towards your spouse, be as enthusiastic in the bedroom as you’d be with this new person, pray fervently, be very intentional about falling in love with your husband again, write pros and cons list of this decision and include EVERYONE who would be positively and negatively affected in short term and long term—be honest with what you’re dealing with, pretend you’re in the future looking back on your life and determine whether you’d make that same choice if you could do it all over again
Remember, what you imagine you see now…it’s all a fantasy. You are with the right person. And God will give you the grace to see that if you trust in him.
UPDATE: I have had to postpone this virtual class referenced on the podcast. Feel free to sign up here to hear more about when the class is ready to be open.
I have men that reach out to me a lot of direction and support because they wish their wives would be interested in my material. My heart goes out to them and I’d like to give them individual and specific guidance, but I don’t feel comfortable working with men one on one. So, I am developing a Delight Your Wife virtual classroom just for men. This will be a weekly class where I will be live with you discussing a particular topic. You can send me your questions or add to the discussion during the call. These will be recorded and ready for you any time you’d like them in the future as well.
If you sign up in November 2018, you’ll have the lowest subscription fee as the content is still being developed and the virtual classes will just be getting started. Sign up for Delight Your Wife here!