So much stress revolves around communication.
I've been there!
My husband and I have miscommunications everyday.
Today, for example, I was telling him about a sore in my mouth and he was sure I was talking about Europe.
That is silly and allowed for laughter.
But what about when someone is lost and just hoping for the other to quickly look up directions.
Or when you're in a stressful situation and one of you is incomprehensible (to you).
Well, I want to invite you to reframe what good communication is.
I want to invite you to consider what really matters in communication with your spouse.
I try to debunk some unhelpful cliches:
"Your spouse should be your best friend", or
"You have to be compatible with someone to be happy", or
"If you don't connect on common interests, you'll die a miserable, lonely, painful death.”
Alright, that last one isn't a cliche I've heard! (but maybe have felt?)
Let's get some fun back in our lives and let miscommunication be the fodder!
PS If you need immediate help in your marriage and you've seen some changes from podcasts so far, now is the time to let that inertia grow into long term transformation with training and tailored support.
So if that's what you need, get on the phone with a Clarity Advisor and they'll see if we are the right fit for your situation: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Two brothers were at the playground the other day.
I was talking to their mom. This happens to be a beautiful playground with a huge fountain and amazing monkey bars, places to run, sand, swings, ride-on toys, and loads of other kids to play with.
But guess what these two did? They fought over the same circular "stool" to stand on!
The mom and I laughed. With everything available for them to do, THAT is what they had to fight about.
Then I think about God.
We get into squabbles with our spouses. Over...
Who told the story most correctly, who knows the quickest way to the store, what they really meant by that phrase, whether or not they're late, who squishes the toothpaste out correctly...
Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His thoughts higher than our thoughts, are His ways higher than our ways.
God have mercy!
May we get it right...get into God's will for us.
That starts with the fear of the Lord.
The fear of the Lord puts our lives, habits, tiny things we do, and ways of being into the perspective of eternity.
I talk about how vital it is to get into the Word in order to see things correctly.
We can have absolute faith in the Word when we pursue people who have studied this. In fact, many people who started as atheists studied it and became Christians. The discipline is called "Apologetics" and I encourage you to pursue it to bolster your faith and then get on with what God wants you to do in this world.
...And let me tell you it doesn't include squabbles about toothpaste (or other things that are at that level of small, childish thinking.)
Listen in for perspective shifts and encouragement.
PS - Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to have a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to get help for your marriage right away!
I really do mean this title.
I keep seeing miracles, but when people don't recognize God's working in their lives... it may not continue.
It seems that sometimes people can get so fixed in a mindset of misery that when God does a miracle, they can think it was just a fluke and go back to their same ways of thinking.
The problem with that is, when your wife does something out of the ordinary and you don't thank God for it and have a grateful heart about it, she thinks it didn't matter to you and doesn't do that, or anything more, again.
Or, if your husband finally does some movement in the direction you've desperately prayed for him to go, but you don't believe it's really real, he decides it doesn't really matter to you so he decides he won't do that (very vulnerable) thing again.
We have to recognize God's miracle, let go of the past, trust His hand in our lives and live like He has done the work.
Ten lepers were healed. Jesus didn't call it faith that they were healed.
He called it faith when the one leper came back and praised God for the healing.
I don't think it was that they weren't grateful. I think they doubted the miracle. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe it would have happened anyway. Maybe it won't last.
And the problem is, from the story, Jesus only said, "Your faith has made you well," to the one who praised God for the miracle.
Sadly, I don't know if those other 9 got to keep their miracle...
I encourage you to recognize God's hand in your life. Call it a miracle. Praise God for it and witness Him continuing to work in your life.
PS - If you need immediate help in your marriage, sign up for a Clarity Call where a Clarity Advisor (trained by me and a graduate from DYM programs themselves) will help discern if we can help and what the right next step would be! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Do not let the sun go down on your anger IS a scripture.
But for us go-getters it often feels like an argument has to get settled before any of us go to sleep.
So there we are fighting about sex at 12am and wondering why the conversation didn't make both of us feel warm and connected?
My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her.
My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her. Forgive him.
And... as the scripture actually reads:
"Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger".
And get a good night's rest. Then be wise about how to have a real and connecting conversation in the future that moves the ball forward.
Short and sweet today. But hopefully powerful for you!
PS - If you'd like some free downloads check them here: delightyourmarriage.com/free
PPS - We're hiring!
I'm looking for an awesome part time Tech person who loves Jesus and DYM -- who knows about online business-type apps, integrations, and basically the stuff I don't :) And that you love tech!
You'll be trained on our particular tools, our tech team and I currently use, but I'd like you to come with some fantastic skills to bring to the table!
You'll be joining an amazing team and have the opportunity to use your skills and passion to truly impact lives around the world for the Kingdom!
Send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and we can send you more details. <3
I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it.
Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral.
Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good.
My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean.
Maybe it's our human nature?
Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do...
He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.
(We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader.
And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.)
But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse...
I was doing everything and unless I would nag, push, correct, complain, teach, criticize... it wouldn't get done.
I was so exhausted.
It wasn't until I decided to
and no longer hold his past over his head---let him be a new man in my eyes,
2-let God change my heart according to His will,
3-change my words, and
Did I witness my husband transform.
And He changed without my "brilliantly helpful" input.
I also speak to women who have experienced betrayal in the form of pornography, an affair or something else.
My heart breaks for you. I would love to hold you in your legitimate anger and pain.
And I want to give some guidance on what I think is helpful next steps.
I encourage you to listen with an open heart and see if God has a nugget of wisdom that you need in your life.
PS If you need immediate help, please apply for a Clarity Call ($300 value) for free at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Clarity Advisor (graduates of DYM programs) will walk through your specific situation with you and help discern if this is the right fit for you to witness God's transformation of your marriage. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Also, I have loads of free content to get for you: delightyourmarriage.com/free