From a past of pain and hurt Reed realized he needed healing.
His first wife left him after twenty years. He then found out that she had had several extramarital affairs.
Completely devastating. And left him with 5 kids to raise on his own.
Now, God be praised. He is remarried -- his wife is utterly wonderful. They had a really good marriage.
But he realized, the areas of his marriage that were not fully there around intimacy had to do with his woundedness from the past.
He is in full-time ministry and heard God encourage him to take the program for himself. Not for others -- but he needed healing.
And as he did the work of the program, his heart healed and his marriage did to -- in the ways he didn't even realize it was lacking.
I want to share his story because -- you might be like Reed.
Maybe you've done the right things for a LONG time... and you are hurt. And you are wounded. And you have rightfully, steadfastly done the good work.
I want you to have hope through Reed's story. He not only shares his story -- but he also shares his process for healing. He gives lots of practicals!
He started by taking the free course: Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations (starting again Sept 12, 2022) -- and then decided to go forward with the full 3 month program.
I am excited for you to get inspired by Reed's heart for the Lord and for his marriage and intimacy shifts because of the healing God brought in his heart.
Love & Blessings,
PS -- We would love to have you on the Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations free training right around the corner -- sign up before you forget: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Reed began his healing through the free course.
PSS -- Seriously go register! :) But seriously... delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
I'm thrilled to announce that we're running our free training -- Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations training in just a couple of weeks!
It will happen September 12, 2022.
If you've heard any of the transformation stories on the podcast or elsewhere you have heard God do amazing things through our (extremely practical) men's training.
And in this free foundations course -- you get those tools -- condensed and released over the week of September 12, 2022 for free!
This is the last time we're giving away this training this year. It's all re-recorded and newly produced videos. And we're really excited to share it.
Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
We will be opening the doors to our full 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed program after the free foundations training completes. So, if you're curious, keep an eye out for that.
But either way, you'll get wonderful free value by just going through the free course.
Sign up easily by adding your email here and then there will be an automatic link to add it to your calendar.
We want you to get the most out of this training, so be sure to sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Praying for you!
Belah and the whole Delight Your Marriage team!
An episode for a struggling husband -- or his wife.
To give you hope.
See, if you don't know what is the root of a behavior it's very hard to "white knuckle" yourself out of the behavior.
Therapist Sam Tielemans specializes in helping couples who have suffered through the pain of porn addiction.
He gives the specific reasons he sees over and over again at his practice (in Las Vegas of all places!) what is at the root of the porn addiction.
Why does he keep going back?
Why is he overwhelmed by shame but can't seem to stop?
And for the wife, how can she find healing in this?
Could she understand this addiction to see that the behavior is covering up the pain?
Should she have boundaries, and what should those be (we touch lightly on this -- there's a lot more depth we'll go into in the ladies program -- if you're interested, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc so we can support you).
For the man listening, Jesus took your sin. If you accept his sacrifice -- you are clean. Whiter than snow. As though it never happened.
You can walk with that confidence.
We speak more about it -- but if you only read this -- I want you to know the truth.
Jesus took your sin (yes, this is a bad sin). But HE -- the God of the universe -- died for it.
Don't keep the sin and pay the price of shame anymore -- God came to die to pay the price FOR YOU.
The gift you don't deserve.
That's the good news.
As a person who was addicted to porn for years, I know you can walk in victory, too.
PS -- The men's training is coming up! All new videos and fresh training for you. I can't wait! It all starts September 12, 2022 -- sign up delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Ladies -- if you want to witness your marriage transform -- go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc and get on a Clarity Call to see how we can help you.
PPS -- Sign up before you forget! It'll be gone before you realize it!
We invite you to listen in to Jameson's story.
Jameson participated in the free MR Foundations course that we offered in March 2022, and then decided to enroll in the full Masculinity Reclaimed course. (We're offering the free course very soon for a very limited time - Sept. 12th! Sign up here!)
Having a good marriage, but wanting to take it to the next level, he learned of the free course and signed up for it.
One of the first lessons in the free course "wrecked me," Jameson said. He realized that he had more work to do on himself than he had realized. The deep reflection caused him to see things that he couldn't see before.
Another cool thing Jameson shared as an unexpected, but also "biggest game changer" result of him taking the Masculinity Reclaimed course, "was me growing with God."
"I wish I could make everyone take the course." ~Jameson
One important thing to remember about Jameson is that his wife joined the women’s program AFTER he did the work on himself. She was incredibly impressed with the results and wanted to join him in the journey! He said there’s no chance she would have done the program on her end had he not gone first. And he’s very grateful – by God’s grace – that things transformed.
If you're doubting that things can ever really change, check out Jameson's story. God can and does do powerful things in marriages and we invite you to have faith to believe that God CAN move in your marriage...through YOU!
Come join us for the free sampler course...what do you have to lose? God cares about you and your marriage and we do, too! Sign up here.
The FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations training is back for the last time this year. If you missed it previously, join on September 12 -- sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
First of all.
I'd like to tell you that I'm right in all that I do.
In fact, I'd like to say that I'm right... all the time.
I'd also like to tell you that I'm right even when others think I'm wrong.
I'd especially like to tell you that I'm right when other people think I'm right. (I mean, isn't that extra confirmation that I am definitely right...?)
So, the truth is...
[I have] become like something unclean, and all [my] righteous acts are like filthy rags (Is 64:6).
Even the things I think I did that are right... are filthy.
Even the things you think I did that were right... are filthy.
Oh, but then the things I did that were wrong! (The things I am sure were wrong... eek!)
I hope you see where I'm going with all of this.
You're in the same sad boat that I am.
And... it's sinking.
Can you imagine being on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and it sprung a leak... and then another... and then another...
Seriously, take a moment to put the picture in your mind... breathe fast... your stomach is turning and feel utter alarm and desperation.
The ONLY way you could survive is by being saved.
That's what's happening here. You and me. We are in a leaky boat in the middle of the ocean.
We desperately need to be saved.
Every single time we sin and we hammer a hole in our boat, we need a Savior to restore it. We can't do that ourselves.
When we try to defend our sin, we continue to hammer through the sides of our boat.
What does this look like in your marriage...
As an example, when you are rude and cruel to your spouse (disrespecting and/or making them feel unsafe), you hammered a hole in your "marriage boat".
And then you defend your own righteousness by saying they triggered you... thus hammering another hole in your "marriage boat". Making your marriage worse.
The marriage boat is sinking and your self-righteousness is making it worse... it's going to continue to make it worse and worse and worse.
You can't fix it.
We can't hammer our way out of a leaky boat.
How hopeless this is for people who don't depend on Jesus.
If you don't, here's how it is...
You know you're on a leaky boat. You've made mistakes and your whole sense of self is tied up to being a good person.
So, when you see evilness in yourself, it threatens you're whole identity of being a good person. And you can't erode your whole identity by humbling yourself and saying you were wrong (!?)
Of course not! It wasn't your fault, you were triggered, someone didn't do something they should have... it was someone else's fault.
Do you see yourself in that description?
Are you following Jesus? Do you really believe in Him? Is He really your King, Master, Lord?
Is He mine? Every. Single. Day?
Our boat is sinking.
That's why only in Jesus is there hope.
We need forgiveness for our sin against God and others.
We need Jesus over and over and over again.
Every single action.
It's pride to think we can do it ourselves.
It's pride to think we're good enough.
It's pride to think we are righteous.
It's pride, to defend our own righteousness.
It's even pride to think we can do something great for God without Him.
That's why our burdens are heavy. We think it's our job to do what only God can do. We just need to be grateful slaves. Humbled servants. Dying to ourselves and doing it God's way.
Humility means depending on Him.
Humility is coming before Him.
Humility is needing Him.
Humility is resting in Him.
Humility is being faithful to Him.
Humility is not contriving and defending an identity of perfection, it's boasting in our weaknesses.
Instead, go before Jesus, hand your worry, your issue, your burden, your identity, your pride to Him.
Humble yourself... you can't fix your sinking boat.
You need to be saved. Over and over again.
If you're married... you have hurt your spouse. You have hurt others in your life.
And that was sinning against a precious child of God.
That was sinning against God.
That was tarnishing God's name in front of them. You represented God and you did evil to them. That was sin.
Here's your hope. This is the process.
1- Repent to Jesus --
Confess your need for Him. Accept His sacrifice for all of your sins, and believe in Jesus to be saved. Make Him truly your Lord. (Start reading the Bible and find a Bible-believing church to be discipled).
2- Every day after your first conversion, continue in the same way --- repent of that new sin that He reveals. Come closer to Him over and over and over. That is His invitation.
3- Regarding marriage, your next step is to repent -- tell them the wrong you did, own it, listen to and validate their hurt, and say genuinely how sorry you are that you hurt them like that. That you were wrong.
Guess what that means?
Because you humbled yourself, that means you're strong.
[God said:] "'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness'
[Paul said:] For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:9 & 10b)
Humble yourself today.
Accept Jesus' sacrifice today.
Accept Him saving your boat today.
And then apologize to others you've hurt.
Don't squander today.
You don't know how many days you have left.
I don't do right.
You don't do right.
Jesus is right. :)
PS -- If you're a husband, you want to love your wife the way she was designed by God to be loved.
Maybe you know you have hurt her, you've accepted Jesus sacrifice but you don't know what to do next... this free training is going to be a big help.
The free Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations course will be coming on September 12, 2022 -- Sign up here. delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining