If you've been around for a while, you may have heard that we say you must have "0 arguments" in your marriage.
"But that's not normal."
"But that's not healthy."
"But that means someone is not being honest."
Well, firstly, it's not my rule.
Among many other verses, let's look at Romans 1:29, 30, 32; 2:1, 2.
“They have become filled with every kind of wickedness... murder, strife... gossips... arrogant and boastful..."
"Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them...”
"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness... God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance"
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Let's not take God's kindness for granted.
Allow His patience and kindness with us to lead us to repentance. Let us not take liberties because we haven't been "smitten" yet.
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I'll assume we're on the same page with the thoughts around no arguments, so how do you communicate differences?
Are differences of opinion or disagreements allowed in a marriage?
YES.
But the marital relationship is unlike any other relationship.
There is a unity that is not like any other relationship.
Thus, things must be sorted through in a way that does not compromise unity.
It matters how healthy your marriage is right now.
Some topics may need to wait until you're healthier before it's wise to bring it up.
I have several practical ways of looking at this that I am excited to share.
May God bless you in this discernment of His way in your relationship.
Love,
Belah
PS - Here is a free tool called the Marital Health Assessment to help you evaluate where you currently are in your marital health: delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Client Testimonial:
Before MR: “The biggest struggles were that my wife and I had a gap between us and we were moving farther and farther away from each other.
My wife would use my shared vulnerabilities immediately against me and was constantly mothering/telling me what to do and how to do it. We had physically separated in the home and arguments hinting at divorce were starting to creep in. Our marriage was sick.
Playfulness had long since gone from it, and the priorities of life and the world were weighing on us. I highly preferred not to be in the same room with her versus being around her.”
After MR: “I have grown to love my wife.
I have grown to know God loves me enough to give me the miracle of a refreshed marriage—one that I’d hoped and prayed for but wasn’t sure I was worthy of the help. And I’m not. But He granted it anyway and it has made ALL the difference.
We are sharing plans and hopes for our future a lot more. We are making better decisions together.”
The definition of a half-truth is "a statement that conveys only part of the truth, especially one used deliberately in order to deceive someone."
I don't know that anyone who says these half-truths is INTENTIONALLY choosing to deceive someone. I'd prefer to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
However, we must look at these beliefs and discern if they are scripturally based.
Certainly, the enemy has deliberately used them to deceive and wreak horrific tragedies in marriages and families.
Unfortunately, half-truths are more slippery and harder to discern than outright (obvious) lies.
Because we see something that somewhat resembles God's way, but we haven't given it the time or held it up to scripture to discern if it is actually aligned.
My hope in this episode is to help you discern truth from half-truths.
Listen in to today's podcast: 419-Half Truths Can Destroy More than Lies
Listen to the episodes on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or your favorite podcast platform
I hope also you remember as I mentioned in the beginning ANYONE who has spoken these half-truths likely had great intentions.
Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that everyone is trying to help marriages become God's best... I hope this shines a light on how God Himself designed marriage to be, according to our guide, the Bible.
Let's have charity and kindness with one another as fellow believers. We are just seeking God's way above our own.
Love and submission to Jesus,
Belah
PS - We'd love to help you and your marriage. Find out how to have a free Clarity Call ($300 value!) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - A recent graduate who came first and then because of his changes the wife joined and God did amazing things (!!) wrote this:
"Hi Belah, I am well, thank you!
And thank you so much for EVERYTHING you've done for me and my marriage.
Your positive impact on my family will resound for generations.
Truly words don't do justice to the blessing that you and DYM have been to us. God is good!"
Glory to God for all of it!
I hope you'll allow us to journey with you and see God transform your life too! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
(This is a re-release from previously.)
I used to be so weirded out by sex because I was pursuing Jesus with everything.
How could my life be sold out for Christ and have to engage in such carnal behavior?
Then God opened my eyes to quite a lot. I hope you’ll listen to today’s podcast with an open heart and willingness to let Him reveal His true design and desire for you in your marriage.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
PS – We'd love to help with your marriage/intimacy please set up a call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
"We're just so different."
"We have nothing in common."
"Our personalities are not compatible."
This is a big problem in marriages.
People notice differences and assume it's a bad thing.
This is understandable...but very wrong.
God, in His amazing creativity, designed your spouse and you differently.
He also made a deer look differently than an alligator. He made a duck's personality differently than an anaconda's. He made the octopus loners, but curious, and the ant disciplined, but incredibly collaborative.
Why do we assume and expect God to make two humans alike?
Especially when the two sexes are SO different in many other ways (hair growth, voice pitch, hip width...to name a few!)
You're different from your spouse and it's to be marveled at as God's handiwork (Ephesians 3).
And, HE knit your spouse together (Psalms 139).
You GET to appreciate their uncommon traits. Not scowl and be annoyed at how unusual they are.
This is GOD's creativity that YOU get to enjoy if you have the right perspective.
That's my invitation today.
Put on new glasses when you look at your spouse. The glasses of appreciating their uniqueness and idiosyncrasies and make that something that fills you with joy and respectful amusement and admiration.
Love,
Belah
PS Do you want help developing healthy mindsets like this? We can help and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
Client Testimonial:
Before Delighted Wife:
“Coming into the program initially, things between us were very bad. We could not speak to each other at all and we felt pretty hopeless. Our home was constantly full of tension and negativity. My husband was singling out our son and taking his frustrations out on him.”
After Delighted Wife:
“My biggest celebration is my shift in mindset and being able to see the good in my husband once again. Even for a long time while I was in the program, I was convinced that if my husband would "do something," things would improve. I did not realize how much I contributed to the discord in our marriage. I didn't realize how hard my heart was or how much healing needed to take place.
It has changed everything! If I were to take the marital health assessment, I think our score would still be a low number, but we are the happiest we have ever been and I am going to focus on that and on making tomorrow better than today.”