When God said, "Let there be light," something amazing happened.
When I said, "Let there be light," ummm... well... I felt silly and 0 things, amazing or not, happened.
I guess I'm just not God. Which is surprising?
No, it's not.
But, the world thinks we get to decide who God is.
Unfortunately, too many Christians feel that way, too.
It's tragic.
God is not us.
And we don't get to live by feelings.
We don't get to say, "Today I feel x, so it must be true."
A follower of Jesus -- surrendered -- taking up his/her cross -- dying to his/herself -- is not led by his/her feelings.
Feelings of right and wrong...
Feelings of attraction or non-attraction (to spouse or many types of others...)
Feelings of desire for sexual intimacy...
Feelings of pleasure in sex...
Does this mean as a follower of Jesus you have to do things you don't want to do?
...
Ummm...
...
Yes.
Does it mean that you have to do what the Bible says?
...
Ummm...
...
Yes.
Are there things I don't LIKE that the Bible says?
Yes.
Am I the one who said "Let there be light," and something happened?
No.
So, I get to humbly submit to the God and author of ALL and say "You're smarter, You're wiser, Your ways are better, and I'm going to submit my will/feelings/desires to You".
My sexuality included.
"No one should say God is tempting me...
but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death...
[God] does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth."
So, stop asking, "Why am I tempted?" Or, "Why don't I have desire for my spouse?" Or, "Why don't I enjoy sex?"
And instead, embrace the cross of Christ. Deny yourself. And decide this IS God's best for You.
The surrendered Christian's questions become: "How do I do this Your way?" "How do I have desire for my spouse?" "How do I love MY spouse the way You created them?" "How do I enjoy and find pleasure in the sexual intimacy You designed and ordained and said I should not withhold?"
Yes -- sexual intimacy is a spiritual battle. Do you surrender all to Jesus?
Or are you still self-surrendered? Self-guided? Self-centered?
I pray that this would be as convicting to you as it is to me. May you listen and feel God calling you to greater repentance, depth, love, and worship of Him.
Love,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to partner with you in this. God doesn't ask us to do any of this alone. We love helping people into joy in sexual intimacy and marriage at every level in every area. Get on a call with a Clarity Advisor to see if you'd be the right fit for us to help you in this vital part of life. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Clarity is crucial in a marriage because it allows individuals to gain self-awareness, understand their own emotions and behaviors, and without even realizing it, it can help you take responsibility for your part in the relationship dynamics. Maybe you didn't "cause it" but you haven't worked to solve it.
When couples face challenges or conflicts, it's easy to blame each other or external factors without examining what is really going on under the surface of the behaviors. A Clarity Call encourages an individual to look carefully at themselves, their patterns, history, and reflect on their thoughts, feelings, actions, and current situation.
Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
By engaging in a Clarity Call, individuals can identify their own patterns and unresolved issues that may be impacting the relationship. It helps them recognize their own biases, insecurities, woundedness, and areas for personal growth. Through a Clarity Call, individuals can better understand how their own behaviors and reactions may influence the dynamics within the marriage.
Believe it or not, a Clarity Call can also foster empathy and compassion. When Dana speaks with an individual -- they take the time to understand their own experiences, process them, and become more attuned to their partner's emotions and perspectives.
This increased awareness enables them to approach conflicts with empathy, communicate more effectively, and find solutions that meet both partners' needs.
This is why the individuals on today's call said this:
Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
I am sharing the episode that has the most downloads at Delight Your Marriage of all time!
Blessings,
Belah
PS - Also, I have many free resources and would love to invite you to check them out: delightyourmarriage.com/free
PPS - If you need help with your marriage -- do not hesitate to apply for a free Clarity Call. One of our Clarity Advisors (a former graduate of a DYM course themselves and experienced transformation in their own marriage) will guide you through the process to determine how we can help you. Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent grad wrote,
"I could probably fill a journal with the celebrations I experienced in the program!...
By far, the biggest celebrations have been what God has done in my heart! Our sex life has never been better…
our times of making love are passionate, tender, emotional and spiritual."
If your marriage is still plagued by your past mistakes -- she brings up what happened 20 years ago... or he brings up how you used to be all the time...
What can you do to heal it?
How can you two move forward and actually build a better marriage?
I would like you to remember some important scriptures on this topic:
It is His kindness that leads us to repentance.
He disciplines those He loves.
Whoever heeds discipline shows the ways to life.
And then this is the one that's super practical:
"if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."
How do you reconcile?
Apologize.
How do you make your apologies effective?
That is what I want to walk through with you on this episode.
I want you to have all of the know-how to get out there and do the scary, excruciating but necessary thing of owning your side and apologizing for it.
Is it 100% your fault. I bet not.
But, there is always an opportunity for us to own our side and for the purposes of getting right before God -- go and repair with your spouse.
I hope this helps and gives you the encouragement you need to do the right thing.
Blessings,
Belah
PS -- We'd love to support you in your marriage -- feel free to get on a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help transform your ho-hum marriage to one that's warm and inviting!
A recent grad wrote:
"I’m not exaggerating, I’m keeping it real…this is what I would tell anyone who asked…
I had been praying intensely for my marriage daily for 8 months... I had very limited improvements until starting the program.
The [Clarity] Advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.
This program helped me stop doing the things that were undermining my efforts to improve my marriage.
I have spent much more money trying to rekindle my marriage with no results.
This might possibly be the best investment of my life."
We'd love to have you see this kind of transformation! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When I look back on my life -- when I see what is currently unseen -- when I see Jesus face to face -- when all has been revealed...
I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.
In the Bible, it says that God feeds the birds. (Mt 6:26)
He FEEDS the birds.
I was observing birds yesterday in the park.
There are tons of them, flitting around, this way and that.
And yet the God of the universe cares about His creation, so much so, that He Himself feeds the birds!
He is intimately aware of your life and what you're going through.
And He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is giving you far more than just that.
He wants you to realize that in every good AND in every suffering, He remains good.
There is SO much you (and I) cannot see.
He allows suffering for His reasons only He can see.
But when you trust this truth that He is the one that gives everything that is right in your life -- it allows you to see the suffering better.
You can endure the suffering with a peace, a joy, and a contentment that is important.
In fact, when you have that peace/joy/contentment during the suffering, you will accomplish at least some of the important purposes He has for that suffering.
Make no mistake, God cares about your suffering.
God cares about the rejection you feel from your spouse.
He cares about your loneliness in the one supposedly "safe relationship" - your marriage.
He cares about the lack of intimacy.
He cares about the lack of warmth.
He cares when your spouse ignores the cravings of your soul that you were designed to have.
He cares.
And IN THIS He is good.
If we only knew how much He truly loved you...
He would risk you possibly turning away from him due to that suffering because He has bigger purposes.
Remember...
Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His ways higher than our ways, are His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
We do NOT have to understand.
We DO have to trust His goodness.
That starts with realizing, if the God of the Universe feeds each of these birds, that means he makes each of my breaths happen, each of my blood vessels moves when they are meant to.
It means He causes my son to smile at me.
It means He causes my eyes to even see the sunset.
It means that He not only knit me together in my mother's womb for 9 to 10 months...
But He didn't stop.
He is still in me.
He is still designing, directing, causing all these things to go well in me.
EVERY good gift is from Him.
Even the ones I don't take time to notice.
When my arm breaks it should remind me that He was the one that caused it to thrive every other day.
If we only soaked in the truth of His love, we could more easily trust it during the suffering... He is still good.
If we only knew His love.
If we only knew His love.
If we only knew His love.
May you know the love of Christ.
May I know it, too.
Love & Blessings,
Belah