You are teaching them.
Whether consciously or unconsciously, they're observing you and figuring out whether you have something they want.
Do they want the marriage you have?
Is marriage worth it?
Do you have guidance that would actually give them the result they want?
If you’ve been around Delight Your Marriage a while, you know we are passionate about helping marriages get better, SO THAT they can do God’s will better in the world.
But what if your marriage was set up with the right framework, role modeling, and good habits BEFORE you even started your dating relationship?
Since we started teaching marriage, we have always been told that they WISHED they knew this before ever getting married.
And it’s so true.
So many people didn’t start out with the tools.
They’ve never even seen a good marriage!
But your son or daughter could get a leg up.
They could get started on the spouse pursuit journey by having not only a great example (you!) but also the tools clearly articulated for them.
What if your son or daughter knew how to find and attract the right partner to help you fulfill your God-given purposes?
In our climate that may seem like a tall order!
You are teaching your kids whether you like it or not.
They learn that you have nothing helpful for them, or they learn that you can give them the tools and insights they need to thrive in their most important human relationship!
With all of our work with men and women, we have seen it done well and done very poorly many times.
And it is the right time for us to help this next generation START their marriage pursuit well. Ultimately we want them to find, marry, and sustain a wonderful marriage built upon biblical wisdom SO THAT they can do God's will in the earth.
Today’s podcast is about how you can help the next generation.
We'd like your help as we're finalizing a pre-dating resource! If you'd like to offer your wisdom and experience and suggestions, we'd really appreciate your input! Partner with us by filling out this survey How to help the next generation get and stay married? delightyourmarriage.com/dating
PS - Seriously, I want to know what you think! We’re finalizing pre-dating resources now – get in on this!
PPS - If you need help on your own marriage for the sake of your kids, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When the crisis occurs outside of your home, if it's not peaceful and healed in your marriage, it becomes an additional stress instead of support in a horrible time.
I am not sure if you’ve lived through war – literally – but if so, you’ll relate to Alex. I’ll share more about him in a second.
Every member of our DYM team witnessed life transformation in their own marriages (first) and then God seemed to give us a need for a position right as He gave us the person who fits that need.
But with our need for a tech and automations specialist, the expertise was so specific that it was important we go for someone who is foremost extremely good in their specialized field, as we can’t risk the infrastructure of the organization to not work correctly.
That’s when, last April we hired Alex as our tech and automations consultant. He has amazing experience in the field, with our specific systems, and has worked with hundreds of clients, some businesses making millions per year and one even $50M per year.
It was such a relief to hire him. Purely on a professional level, he has been amazing to work with – hardworking, proactive, humble, responsible, and (shockingly) positive.
But he was living through war.
His home is the capital city of Kyiv, Ukraine, which was attacked last February. Since, he has endured this horror at his doorstep.
Eventually, he and his wife were able to escape to Spain but after a couple of months, they returned to Ukraine to help with generators and getting food and clothing to orphans suffering the bitter winter.
As a member of the team – he was the only one who hadn’t gone through the program. But unlike anyone who has ever been a candidate for the program, he had seen the full backend. How we handle data, how we set up the program, the many transformation stories and really getting to know our team personally.
He also had an opportunity to decide is now a good time to focus on his marriage and take the Masculinity Reclaimed program.
Yes, it was.
And his encouragement to you is
"don't postpone it...
as it won't only affect your marriage but it will have a positive effect on your entire life."
All in all, there is hope.
Even if you're struggling and the battle rages not only outside your home but inside.
It is worth it to get your marriage better so you can withstand the difficulties and even literal wars in this life.
We would love to help you.
PS - Sign up for a free clarity Call to find out if you're the right candidate to witness the transformation as well: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Another recent grad wrote:
"I want to reiterate my appreciation of the whole DYM process: from Dana's Clarity Call, Darcy's logistic support, Bob and Russ's guidance, the shared vulnerability and support of the other men, and Belah's profound wisdom through divine inspiration.
I would really recommend this program to all married men. There is so much wisdom and depth to this program that can be applied to intermarital problems that seem almost universal.
I wish I had this coaching and information 30 years ago."
Are you exhausted from the fight? The struggle? The resist and then fail? Then try, then fail, then good, then fail, then try again, then fail...
Maybe you have a few good days, weeks even months...
But it's lurking in the background.
Waiting to take you down again. And who knows how long you'll be down this time. Maybe it'll be just this once... maybe you'll be down forever.
Maybe you'll never get back out.
Maybe you'll never be the man God has called you to be. Truly.
Maybe you'll squander the life He gave you...
And no one knows. And the ones that do, don't understand.
I honor you.
In your suffering.
I hear you.
I hear you.
I hear you.
You are not alone.
And there is hope.
And there is a way out.
It's Good Friday tomorrow. And you know the story. And you know the ending. And you know what happens. And you sing the songs. And you attend the service. And you have heard it all -- maybe you even conduct the service. And you know the stuff -- maybe you've memorized it. You teach it to others. And you believe it. And you're even grateful.
That's really good.
And I want to invite you...
There is a way out of your prison of shame.
PS - Seriously. There is a way out.
So... a serious ex-military gent (on his way to becoming a drill sergeant) decided it was time to fix his marriage.
Then as a business leader and a leader in the church, people would come to him for marriage advice. Their connection looked good on the outside, but sadly it was lonely.
When he started the program, he began to realize maybe he should stop giving marriage advice.
He shares in his story how hard, but necessary it was to become humble.
Which as, Andrew Murray says, is the chief sin -- all others flow from it.
Murray goes on to say, if you think you don't struggle with pride, sadly, you do more than those who are at least aware of it.
We all have to fight against pride.
Steve decided to take on that challenge. (Maybe his military background helped?)
And he decided to listen and deeply consider if his heart, perceptions, and approach have been wrong in his marriage.
He not only became humble, but he also became teachable and asked the Lord to change him from the inside. And that caused him to lead as God designed.
Well, God is faithful... and did that.
And when we seek first His Kingdom -- it's possible He changes things in our world as well (not guaranteed... but what IS guaranteed is we will see eternal riches though!)
Steve ended up being so grateful for what God did through the Masculinity Reclaimed program.
Before, he admitted that he would feel jealous of his own children because his wife gave them so much attention, affection, and pursuit and he was left with less than crumbs.
Now, things have shifted SO much that she pursues him!
And he LOVES being around his kids now. He said he feels he is the father they need.
He said this program has ultimately changed the trajectory of all 5 of their lives because it has changed their father and the home they grow up in.
It's a story in which you'll be inspired and challenged and encouraged. If God can do it for Steve, He really can do it for you.
(And Steve's wife didn't do the work... in fact, she didn't even know he took the program! Seriously, it can happen for you too. Have hope. God does miracles still!)
PS - The only way to get into this program is through a selection process called a Clarity Call. It is free, however, it takes a lot from our team and is a true gift to the one who signs up.
If you are ready like Steve was, make the call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We work with wives in a separate program and God does amazing things there too!
A different, recent graduate wrote:
BEFORE the DYM program:
I didn't enjoy time with her, intimacy was not passionate, physical touch was lacking, we didn't have a connection anymore besides being parents to the same kids.
Every day was a struggle, and I often avoided my wife because I wanted to protect myself from attacks
AFTER the DYM program:
I have rediscovered joy! I am the leader of the home, in terms of mood, spiritual life, finances, relationships, everything. And by leading my house, my wife will become the partner I need and the woman she was created to be.
I've become the man my wife trusts, someone she can talk to openly and at length. We enjoy each other's company again & look forward to spending time together. Physical intimacy is no longer a chore, but a way to connect in addition to frequent non-sexual touch.
This program is so incredible, it has changed the trajectory of my household forever. "
(Wife didn't know he did the program).
Let's see if we can help YOU just like this! Sign up now, it's worth it: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
"Unbelievable." (ie: There's no way that's true.)
That's how he felt when he heard the transformation stories.
He was in a place of desperation.
Being in the marriage felt like a chore.
But that glimmer of hope that kept him listening to the transformation stories made him wonder if he should take the leap of faith and schedule the free Clarity Call ( delightyourmarriage.com/cc )
Well, he did.
His wife didn't know.
We don’t make these stories up. Maybe your marriage could be next. We invite you to schedule a free, no obligation call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. What do you have to lose? This could permanently change your life.
From a graduate:
“After 36 years of marriage and being ‘settled’ (or maybe complacent?) in the rhythm of our relationship, I figured something along the lines of, ‘Well, for us this must be as good as it’s going to get!’
Now, two months and eight modules later, my feeling is, ‘If it can be this good already, and I still have four modules to go, where are we going from here?’”
There are so many people I wish I could help when I meet them at the playground, park, at a party... so here it is.
Marriage can be tough. VERY tough.
And there is a dearth of helpful insight nowadays.
My content is focused towards people who follow the teachings of Jesus.
But I really want to give you help because, from one perspective, we may not even be able to ask the hard philosophical questions about "is there a God?" or "what is Truth?" if we're bogged down with so much emotional pain in our marriage.
So, I tried my best in this episode to give you a roadmap at a very high level of how to rescue your relationship.
Whether you follow the teachings of Jesus or not. (Yes, all my training is based on that, but I want to HELP you... so I invite you to listen in because I am very practical.)
Maybe you want to stay married because of the kids (good for you!) or you really can't afford a divorce, or you want to keep the commitment you made however many years ago, or you have the slightest bit of hope that you could get back to what you had at first or... fill in the blank.
So, how do you do that when your partner has hurt you in so many ways?
And most of all I want you to have hope that it can change and that it's worth you putting in the work (yet again) to see to it that your kids have a solid and safe family to grow up in.
Love & Blessings,
PS - To help you determine the current health of your marriage, take this free assessment at delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - If you want help in your marriage, click here to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent graduate of a Delight Your Marriage program said:
"No hope of anything beyond glorified roommates. We were lacking in communication, vulnerability, trust, emotional connectedness and of course physical intimacy."
[We had a sexless marriage].
That she has initiated love-making multiple occasions. We made love 3 days in a row on our anniversary trip and twice in a row on a recent work trip.
I feel like I have a system or structure—a way forward—to a better marriage. Whereas before I felt lost, hopeless and stuck.
I have loved the program! ... I cannot believe its been 13 weeks!!! WHAT?!"
Sign up for a Clarity Call to see if this is right for you! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Their marital intimacy never seemed to be right.
Early on, they struggled with infertility and then a heartbreaking miscarriage.
God did give them a baby (praise God!), and then that was another layer of challenge.
But she couldn't seem to get intimacy "right."
And she knew he wasn't satisfied.
And that was a big dig to her confidence. Consistently.
Which impacted their relationship.
She decided to take the brave step and schedule the Clarity Call (with wonderful Dana).
But even just on that call, she felt so heard and cared for. And had a twinkle of hope.
She sees sex as pure and good. She already knew that. But somehow, through this work, it went from head to heart.
She felt so encouraged by the community. And finally had a judgment-free zone to deeply share.
Now she has gotten a great sense of freedom that she didn't have previously, and even encourages adventure in intimacy -- why not!?
May Rose's story encourage you. There is hope for you, too.
Our team is praying for you and we hope this episode leaves you with encouragement and hope that it can happen for you, too. <3
Here's where you can sign up for a free, non-scary Clarity Call with super kind and friendly Dana at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
From another program graduate:
BEFORE the program: "I wanted to leave the marriage or die."
AFTER the program: "We are making each other the happiest we have ever been."
If you're a wife...this podcast is dynamite!
Wow, I just gotta say...thank You, Lord, for giving our dear Belah such wise insight and for her willingness, humility, and surrender to keep sharing the powerful things that You give her to share with all of us!
After listening to this podcast, I feel like I just got a feast at a banquet table!
This is a message that empowers our God-given role as wives, breaks it down in simple, yet incredibly insightful and inspiring ways, AND enlarges the vision for the Kingdom of God and how our role as wives plays such a vital role in it all.
I truly hope and pray that this podcast speaks to and encourages your heart as it did mine. This will be one of my favorites that gets repeated many times over!
Thank you, Belah!
Thank You, Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit for Your work in Your people and the incredible love You have for all of us that You show us the way to abundant life...and it is all though an intimate walk with you...a TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP with The King of Kings and Lord of Lords! What an amazing gift!
PS The resource Belah mentioned is available at https://delightmarriage.lpages.co/boundaries-in-sex/
PPS If you'd like to schedule a free Clarity Call, we invite you to do so at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Delighted Wife client quote:
"I'm so happy that I fought for this marriage. We are much better together than apart. We are an amazing team!"
When asked if she would recommend the program:
“Yes! It works! It has transformed my crummy life to an amazing happy fulfilled life.”
My goal today is to inspire a curious heart.
Could God have really designed men and women differently?
Could your differences truly be HIS design?
Could it be that "in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female he created them.” Gen 1:27
Could your husband's member be God-designed?
Could it be that sex is God-designed?
Could there be a reason God's boundaries around this gift are all over the Bible?
Could loving your husband well (loving your husband the way he receives love) bring God glory?
Love & Blessings,
PS -- This is a free Marital Health Assessment to find out how healthy your marriage is in emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy: delightyourmarriage.com/health
So, I think God gives us opportunities to change all the time.
Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world.
And it makes me sad when so many of us choose to assume this is as good as it gets and we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better.
Nothing in the world has ever improved with that kind of thinking.
To me, that's a very negative mindset called "wallowing."
I think it's childish, in fact. (I say that with conviction because I've been there far too often myself!)
I think God wants us to take our power back and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about.
Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world.
And as followers of Jesus, we DO something about it.
We link arms with a mission or organization doing the work that needs to be done (like the Good Samaritan picking up the beaten man and paying for him to get better at the inn---he didn't start his own inn---he paid someone else to do the work that needed to be done).
So, in your marriage, you need to do one or the other:
1 - Use discontentment to motivate you to change your marriage
We can help. (We are the "INN!" You don't have to make it up -- we know how to fix it by God's grace.)
Join a program and use your discontentment to change the whole thing! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc
2 - Choose to no longer be discontent, and instead, be grateful for what you have and live in God's purposes in other areas of your life.
You may be quite surprised that things get better as you choose a life of contentment and purpose in God's will.
Ultimately, take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on.
Don't be a “Discontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!”
It's not cute.
And I think it has eternal consequences...
Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus.
PS - Would you like to improve your marriage?
Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship?
Would you like our help?
If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates:
“DYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage!
After several years of feeling “stuck” in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage.”
Hi, dear sisters.
My husband felt inspired to share some thoughts with you.
Actually, I was trying to communicate something to wives that I just kept re-recording and re-recording and I just couldn't get it right.
So I brought in the big guns. Yes... my husband is here to communicate what I couldn't.
I invite you to see how to CATCH what may be most important for you to hear.
May God work in your heart as you listen so that you will remember what He wants you to hear through this.
PS - If you are ready to find out how healthy your marriage is, I invite you to find out through this free resource: Marital Health Assessment: delightyourmarriage.com/health
PPS - If you're ready to transform your marriage, join a free Clarity Call (it's such a blessing) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Recent Delight Your Marriage program graduate's testimonial:
"After listening to the podcasts for a couple of years, I had hope that this might be a source of real change.
But now that I have participated in MR [Masculinity Reclaimed], I can say that my hopes at the beginning have been greatly exceeded...
In my experience, DYM [Delight Your Marriage] is one of the most Christ-honoring and Spirit-empowered ministries that I have benefited from after following Jesus for 26 years.
DYM would be the first ministry I would recommend to transform a marriage in a real and lasting way."
Roy was married 25 years with 5 kids. And they had a good marriage.
They love the Lord and seek to serve Him with all.
Intimacy was tough though.
And every time he brought it up, she would get defensive, or feel like she wasn't good enough, or like he'll never be satisfied.
Anyone else feel that way?
He had heard about Masculinity Reclaimed for a couple of years and finally decided it was time.
He kept hitting a wall.
And if you're in that place, I want you to know...
It's legitimate that issues around intimacy hurt.
They hurt deeply.
But Roy got to a place where trying to change her wasn't working.
And so, he decided it was time to look at himself.
He knew going into the program if he let his wife know, in the beginning, she would put many, many more walls up...
So, he decided to go forward without her knowing. Because, as he said, this was a coaching program FOR HIM.
He had to talk to someone.
It was either therapy or a coaching program.
(And he said she doesn't really like therapy either).
Anyway... that's where things started.
But, in 12 weeks, God did something amazing.
If you're a man looking/grasping for hope and/or you want the tools for changing your marriage, I invite you to listen.
If you're a woman who will listen with a curious heart to find out how men really feel about intimacy, I invite you to listen.
Love & Blessings,
PS - Would you like to work on your side of your marriage? I invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call here at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
PPS - How healthy is your marriage, really? Take the free Marital Health Assessment here! delightyourmarriage.com/health
Quote from a Masculinity Reclaimed Graduate:
"I've learned so much, your course helped me figure out so many things I've been struggling with in my life and I've really been able to make sense of pain and emotions that I haven't figured out until now.
There are many more great things that have come from doing your course!"
Is what you're doing in your marriage right now working for you?
Do you feel hopeless?
Are you lonely in your marriage?
If you believed that your actions alone could make a difference, if you knew the tools to use to make a difference in your marriage, would you be willing to use them?
Tom's story is inspiring and is not unique to graduates of Delight Your Marriage programs.
Praise God, the tools given to married individuals through our programs have moved so many marriages into places of hope, joy, and a much greater degree of the abundant life that God wants for us to live out as His people.
It is not easy. It requires us to have humility, faith in what God can do with a yielded obedient heart, perseverance, and a desire to please our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
If any of this resonates with you, we invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call right here.
We hope that Tom's story gives you hope that marriage could be more and motivates you to a willingness to do the work of building a better marriage and family...as much as it depends on you.
Love and prayers,
Darcy (on behalf of Belah)
Quote from a Graduate:
"The MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] program was the best thing I’ve ever done for my marriage, hands down! Wish I’d taken it years ago.
Just amazing to see the work God can do in a person’s heart, if that person is willing to do the work and make the changes needed.
I hope everyone who goes through the program tells their friends about it. I for one will be spreading the news about DYM [Delight Your Marriage]!!
Why wouldn’t I, when it changed my life??"
Is there dignity in humility?
Is there dignity in humiliation?
Initially, you might think not.
But then we have to take a moment to consider the cross.
An excruciating death, reserved not for Roman citizens, but for rebels and slaves...
because it was
And yet, the God of glory, the One who DESERVES all glory and honor...
Himself not only to come as a baby,
giving up His power,
constraining Himself to human form,
and giving up His rights in an infinite number of ways...
to then suffer the humiliation, the pain...
for the joy set before Him.
Not because we deserved it,
...but because it is a testament to HIS surrender to the Father's will that He endured the cross.
This is why you are humble and a servant to your spouse,
...because humility is the VERY dignity of Jesus.
Humility is what Jesus Himself modeled.
Why do you close your mouth when you want to criticize your spouse?
Why do you pause instead of, "let them have it," when they deserve to be dressed down for their bad behavior?
Why do you go out of your way to make them feel special, even though they haven't done it for you?
Why do you forgive them for the pain they have caused you?
Why are you joyful even though they don't add to it in the ways they know you'd love?
Because you are walking in the humility that Jesus Himself invites you to.
Every single day, in your marriage, you are invited to walk in His humility.
What does humility look like?
Was He a pushover? No.
Was He passive? No.
But was He an extravagant servant? Most definitely.
So, are there boundaries to humility? Yes.
I invite you to have a curious heart if God has something for you here.
I reference the book "Humility," by Andrew Murray, a lot in this episode. I also reference the Bible a lot. (I highly recommend it :)
Love & Blessings,
PS - Have you already downloaded our intimacy framework so that you can love your spouse the way they receive love? If not, go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework
PPS - Are you ready to be the spouse God has called you to be, but need some guidance about what that looks like? To schedule a free Clarity Call, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if our programs could be what you need.
A Graduate's Testimonial:
"I would recommend this program to a fellow Christian who is looking to make their marriage better in all aspects. The intimacy aspect is important but there were so many other ideas and realizations around other ways to better my marriage.
I appreciate so much Belah's enthusiasm and honesty. There is a lot of great info and expertise in here. She did an amazing job propping guys up and being positive which was infectious!"
"It's my spouse who needs to change."
If you've said this or thought this...you are right.
So now, no need to listen to anything because there's nothing for you to do but wait around in a grumpy mood 'til your spouse decides to do something.
Maybe there's another opportunity here.
Maybe we can be (as our team member Kyle says) "playfully curious" about this response.
Why do we assume it's all on our spouse?
What questions are we...
a-refusing to ask
b-unaware that we need to be asking
c-too distracted to think about it :)
(Oh, was that your email/TikTok/IG/Facebook/text message notification that just went off? :P )
Today's episode is to help you honestly look at where your marriage is, and discern if and how your partner is the issue.
And, if and how, with playful curiosity, you might have an opportunity in your situation, as well!
Love & Blessings,
PS If you want to see if we can help you in your marriage and honestly evaluate where you can work in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call by clicking here.
Quote from Masculinity Reclaimed Graduate:
“I have spent much more money trying to rekindle my marriage with no results. I have 2 failed “Romantic Vacations” and a bathroom remodel to prove it. I spent less on this and had fantastic results. This might possibly be the best investment of my life."
This episode was back from the very beginning of 2019. Wow! It's STILL relevant. And even when I re-listened, I was struck by a specific exercise that put life in great perspective. I encourage you to do the same -- for God's glory to ultimately be experienced in your marriage, family, and life!
In the long view of your 100 years on earth, what is going to matter in THIS season?
I had an abrupt and unsettling realization when I had a parent-teacher conference a few weeks ago. Though I believe I was discerning God’s will and way for my life, I don’t believe I was pursuing it in God’s timing.
And that is one of the central themes around today’s podcast. What is your season (mine is a quarter inch) in the grand scheme of life? And what matters most right now?
From there, what do you do with that understanding? How does it become practical and lived out?
PS If you’d like to see if we can help you in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call here.
From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
“My confidence with my wife is now enabling me to be her rock much more effectively. (Before DYM [Delight Your Marriage] I would often blame myself and pull away when we had disagreements).
Thank you and Belah and the whole Team for being there!! God specifically used MR 1 [Masculinity Reclaimed] and 2 [MR Graduate group] to transform me into a much better man and husband in a way I did not think possible!”
This was meant to be a light & encouraging holiday podcast episode.
Then, it turned into a heavy and warning-type episode.
You'll be around souls this holiday.
Souls, that maybe you don't feel fully at peace with.
Souls, that maybe you have been wronged by.
Souls, that maybe you still feel the sting of the pain they inflicted on you.
This is spoken for no specific person...except, definitely for me.
Also, maybe for all of those I work with.
And maybe every person who has ever told me about their marriage struggles.
And maybe everyone else I know, too.
So, yeah... take this one personally.
May God stir His truth in you.
This is the good news:
"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."
This is the terrifying truth...
"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Jesus said this in the gospel of Matthew 6:15 (NIV).
Here's the deal...
I follow Jesus and need Him to save me. I NEED him to forgive me.
And according to that verse, if I don't forgive others... I have no hope of eternal salvation.
May that sober us up this holiday to forgive every person, every single one.
So, I needed to hear this.
And, I NEED to live this in EVERY single relationship.
It's a command. I needed to be reminded of it. I hope you did, too.
Love you with great love -- in courage and integrity,
PS -- If you'd like to see what more God wants to do in your marriage, sign up for a free Clarity Call delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This was originally published a while back--but we highly recommend you listen again as you're praying through and discerning what God has for you in the new season of 2023.
I love New Years because everything feels fresh and energized. Even though, practically speaking, it's the same as every other day, you just have to start training yourself to use a new number at the end of your dates.
But I am all about using whatever energy there is to increase my chances of growth and change--in God's will.
So, that's what today's podcast is about--becoming stronger in your vision. It's about realizing that you're going to stand before Jesus and He'll be curious what you did with your days…which lead to weeks…which lead to years, and then decades.
We must be cautious about how we spend our time and spend it in priority to God's will.
I will show you the specific document I have used since 2013 and review at least quarterly to align my life with how I perceive God wants me to live.
I will also discuss the process I use to discern God's will for my life every quarter. I think we need to be considering God's will consistently in our lives and move toward it more and more everyday.
I think you'll love the conversation and I look forward to hearing from you!
PS If you'd like the free resource I mentioned to help you understand how to love your spouse the way they are craving, go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework
PPS If you’d like help in your marriage, you are invited to schedule a free Clarity Call here. This call is invaluable in helping you to examine and evaluate where you currently are in your marriage and whether or not our courses could be helpful to you.
From a Clarity Call participant who decided not to take the course(s)::
“Thank you and thanks for your guys' help. I honestly couldn't have done it without the help of the podcast and just our talk opens my eyes up to what God wants for me and what direction and guidance he is showing me so thank you so so much!”
This is the next part of Communication Secrets and I think it's an important addendum.
We talk about what to do when you're disappointed with your spouse.
When you want them to change.
When you feel they were irresponsible.
I have two examples for you:
1 - When a friend was irresponsible and God brought conviction even when He kept me from saying anything.
2 - When I was irresponsible (I know---unbelievable!) and God brought conviction even when my husband didn't say anything.
I hope this brings you encouragement, direction, and skills as you attempt to live God's way in your marriage.
PS - If you’d like to see if our programs would be a good fit for you in helping you grow in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call.
From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
“For the first time EVER we had whole-hearted sexual intimacy, 2 or 3 times total. This was something that I had no idea even existed and it was barely believable. It was so amazing.
We haven't argued in months. Based on a DYM [Delight Your Marriage] podcast that I listened to before starting MR [Masculinity Reclaimed], I began the process of responding in ways that fully prevented arguments, so it's been more than 12 weeks without an argument. That was a massive game-changer for me and our relationship.
God has called me to a far deeper level with His word than ever before. The Holy Spirit has downloaded significant insight regarding how to love. This was done as a combination of scripture, DYM [Delight Your Marriage], and clarity provided during prayer.”
So much stress revolves around communication.
I've been there!
My husband and I have miscommunications everyday.
Today, for example, I was telling him about a sore in my mouth and he was sure I was talking about Europe.
That is silly and allowed for laughter.
But what about when someone is lost and just hoping for the other to quickly look up directions.
Or, when you're in a stressful situation, and one of you is incomprehensible (to you).
Well, I want to invite you to reframe what good communication is.
I want to invite you to consider what really matters in communication with your spouse.
I try to debunk some unhelpful cliches:
"Your spouse should be your best friend," or
"You have to be compatible with someone to be happy," or
"If you don't connect on common interests, you'll die a miserable, lonely, painful death.”
Alright, that last one isn't a cliche I've heard! (but maybe have felt?)
Let's get some fun back in our lives and let miscommunication be the fodder!
PS If you need immediate help in your marriage and you've seen some changes from podcasts so far, now is the time to let that inertia grow into long term transformation with training and tailored support.
So if that's what you need, get on the phone with a Clarity Advisor and they'll see if we are the right fit for your situation: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Quote from a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
"I just wanted to thank you again for your help in building the intimacy [my wife] and I have discovered.
Last night [my wife] wore lingerie, was passionate, and we had amazing sex.
You played a huge part in helping us get there.
In a thankless world, I want to give you a big high five and thank you for all of your insight."
Since Thanksgiving is coming up and we’re around people we love, but sometimes have strained relationships. We wanted to repost this episode so you can apply it to your family relationships and your spouse.
We love you and wish you a peaceful and grateful-filled Thanksgiving!!
Sometimes we look at our blowups and wonder -- how did we even get here?
How did a wrong turn, an unpaid bill, an unwashed dish, or a burnt potholder... turn into World War III?
What happened here?
And why is this kind of nonsense tearing our family apart at its foundations?
It's because you're not really fighting about a potholder.
You're fighting about all the unmet expectations from the years and years of pain you've experienced. And so is your spouse.
How do you get out of this cycle?
And more important: what does Jesus require of you in this cycle?
What does it matter in eternity whether or not you succumb to these kinds of blow ups?
Well, my goal is to give you a bit of fear of the Lord to decide you are going to be a real follower of Jesus and the blow ups aren't gonna fly.
I hope you'll listen in with an open heart and a desire to grow and be edified. And ultimately a desire to grow closer to God's will for you.
PS - Two things:
1 - If you haven't yet checked, there are a ton of helpful free resources here: delightyourmarriage.com/free
2 - If you need immediate help, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to get a free Clarity Call where someone from my team will speak to you deeply about your specific situation and see if we can help.
If it can happen for others, it could happen for you, too! From a MR graduate:
“We have prayed, we have read books, we have listened to podcast, and we have sought counseling, both individually and as a couple. They sometimes produce a little hope but we repeatedly fall back into old habit cycles.
I needed to try something different. This program provides a different approach through a team coaching framework. I wanted different strategies and individually focused feedback.
I have become a better person. Period. I am more patient, kind, loving, gentle. I am actively seeking the Fruits of the Spirit in practical behaviors. I am more forgiving and less apt to be offended. My wife SMILES AT ME OFTEN WHEN I WALK IN THE ROOM. We have more laughter and playfulness in our home. She holds my hand and cuddles with me. She tells me with her words and shows me with her behaviors that she enjoys making love to me.”
Often preparing for Thanksgiving is the real STRESS.
So -- guess what!? Make love now, so you have a connected, peaceful, and truly enjoyable Thanksgiving next week.
Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!
Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?
Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?
And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?
The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!
If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?
Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!
Here at Delight Your Marriage, God has blessed Belah with a lot of really good advice and encouragement for couples in this specific arena. Yes! There are principles that we can learn and apply to help us grow in our relationships - not just in the area of sexual intimacy, but in the overall connection within our marriage. This is what Delight Your Marriage is all about!
Okay, now this is THE bonus piece of information here that we hope you don’t miss because it can be cliche or common to our ears: THE key of loving others well is to be filled up with Jesus’ love and to lean into loving Him well! He IS love! As we grow in His love, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more abundant in OUR lives! I Cor. 14:1 “Pursue love…”
Would you pause right there and snatch that and think on it for a bit? I’m dead serious!
You know, we’re similar to a tree. Have you seen a branch on a tree that is partly broken off? What does the branch generally look like? A lot of times the leaves are shriveling up, right? The health of the branch is directly correlated to how well the branch is connected to the trunk of the tree.
Are we feeling shriveled up? Are we feeling unfruitful? Are we struggling to experience the abundant life that Jesus has offered to us? …That's a good gauge that we need to check our attachment to The Vine.
Do you need some guidance, accountability, and encouragement to grow in these areas? We want to help you!
We are not currently offering a free men's course, as this is a repost of this episode, but we do invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our course advisor. This is an opportunity for you to be heard...to share your story, to evaluate where you are in your marriage and life journey, and whether or not our courses may be the right fit for you or not.
We love you and wish you a peaceful and grateful-filled Thanksgiving!!
On behalf of Belah and the rest of our team,
PS From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
"Today my wife and I celebrate our … Anniversary, and thanks be to God our marriage is better than it has ever been. As I sat this morning writing my daily gratitude's and LTP's (going strong), I am overcome with gratitude for how helpful your ministry has been.
Going through the program last fall was truly one of the most transformational hinge times in my life - first drawing myself closer to the Lord, and only from that coming first did we experience some unbelievable changes in our marriage.
By Gods grace, we've always had a "good" marriage - free from major issues or troubles, but since have learned how wonderful God really intends for this union to be. Ups and downs persist, they always will, but DYM has helped show me the tools & knowledge to navigate them and have a thriving and God honoring marriage.
I am forever thankful for DYM. Thank you for following your calling and your dedication. Have a wonderful weekend and God bless!!!"
We share these testimonies because God is SO good and He wants good in your marriage, too! We want to inspire hope and faith in you! Nothing is too difficult for Him!
(Alliteration is such a... joy--isn't it? :) Hoping that gave you a needed chuckle...
Mick's story is GREAT!
He is a dynamic, charismatic, and tell-it-straight kinda guy. When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that seemed on target.
Well, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage.
But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband.
So... with lots of smiling he shared that they enjoyed (like never before...ever) "full-blown, wholehearted sexual intimacy...truly unbelievable."
Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility. He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage.
He was ready to do the work and take 100% responsibility AND accountability for himself. His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage.
Is there hope for you?
We serve "the God of hope." (Rom 15:13)
In fact, He wants you to "overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Same verse ^)
I encourage you to listen to Mick's story and witness God's transformation in him. Maybe you need this. Maybe a friend does…and you get to be the one to share it with them (like a friend shared it with his wife, and thus God did THIS in his marriage AND HIS KIDS!!!!)
Love & Blessings,
PS -- We'd love to see if we can serve you in a Clarity Call where you dig into your specific journey and we help you clarify the challenges, where you're going, and WHY.
And if we genuinely feel you'd be the right fit, we might invite you in (our Clarity Advisor is reimbursed regardless of the end result -- because this is truly our gift to you.) Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Quote from a graduate: So... with lots of smiling he shared that they enjoyed (like never before...ever)... "full-blown, wholehearted sexual intimacy...truly unbelievable."
If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".
My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.
What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.
You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.
For many, it works (by God's grace).
But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.
This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.
Here's what I hope for you.
I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.
Whether they do X or not, you get to love them the way Jesus does.
The cool thing is...
Humans are designed to respond very differently to unconditional love.
Humans let down their guard.
Humans start to act differently when they know the rug won't be pulled out from under them at any moment.
The desperation ends.
Peace and freedom begin.
And marriage can become pretty amazing.
BUT your motivation should be to love your spouse unconditionally and enjoy--every moment--every smile--every laugh--every miscommunication--every peculiar habit--enjoy life alongside this wonderful God-designed being you get to love.
PS If you would like help in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our course advisor.
PPS From a graduate:
"It has transformed my relationship with my wife and with my coworkers and those I supervise. It has given me tools to listen and pray better and got me into the habit of daily gratitude. Every married man, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy your marriage, will benefit from the MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] program."
I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it.
Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral.
Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good.
My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean.
Maybe it's our human nature?
Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do...
He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.
(We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader.
And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.)
But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse...
I was doing everything and unless I would nag, push, correct, complain, teach, criticize... it wouldn't get done.
I was so exhausted.
It wasn't until I decided to
and no longer hold his past over his head---let him be a new man in my eyes,
2-let God change my heart according to His will,
3-change my words, and
Did I witness my husband transform.
And He changed without my "brilliantly helpful" input.
I also speak to women who have experienced betrayal in the form of pornography, an affair or something else.
My heart breaks for you. I would love to hold you in your legitimate anger and pain.
And I want to give some guidance on what I think is helpful next steps.
I encourage you to listen with an open heart and see if God has a nugget of wisdom that you need in your life.
PS If you need immediate help, please schedule a Clarity Call ($300 value) for free at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Clarity Advisor will walk through your specific situation with you and help discern if this is the right fit for you to witness God's transformation of your marriage. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS From a Delight Your Marriage wife:
“It's been so amazing! I still call it a rollercoaster, because there are ups and downs, but the ups are way more than the downs now and that's a huge win! I honestly was at a place where I didn't like my husband a lot of the times...
I now WANT to spend time with him, miss him when we're apart, initiate intimacy, and enjoy intimacy!”