SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you.
Three points are made in this episode:
1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them.
2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important).
3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions.
A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body.
However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentleness, and kindness.
So, they came into marriage assuming they'd be able to replace their "frustration valve" of pornography with their wife's body.
And surprise... they're still frustrated.
Because that's not Jesus' way.
They may struggle now with anger, aggression, bitterness, resentment, being judgmental...
Sex addiction, still...
Alcoholism, video game addiction, binge-watching nonsense...
Longing for your past sexual escapades...
Daydreaming about divorce so you could get a new partner...
Other similar things are unhealthy ways of expelling the frustration.
(Things that, if it was printed on the front page of a newspaper, you would be ashamed of.)
I want you to know -- I am proud of you for even reading this email -- and if you're in any of these loops -- I think God is proud of you for facing it! Bravo!
Listen, this is not just for men, but I hope this will help you process what's going on with you a bit more.
Feelings are good. They're God given. They tell us something. It may be that WE need to process, mature, slow-down, feel grief, etc. so we can feel empathy...
I want you to listen to this episode because I really think it could help you and help all of us pursue Jesus better.
Love & Blessings,
PS - If you want to dedicate a short season of your life to DO this practically. To live this out for the betterment of your marriage & intimacy but also in service to your kids and ministry -- I'd love to invite you to join a free Clarity Call.
On that call, a Clarity Advisor who is specifically trained in helping you draw out your emotions that may be pent up and looking like anger and self-righteousness instead of frustration and sadness.
People who chose not to move forward with our recommendation because of their current season of life or any other things have emailed afterwards to share how helpful it was for that empathetic and listening ear.
We'd love to help, schedule a call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This is a great sadness to me.
When a wife steps out (even an inch) from her comfort zone and her husband mishandles this vulnerability.
Whether it's an inch sexually or in any part of their relationship...vulnerability should be appreciated and complimented and encouraged.
Your response to her discovery of more sexual freedom (big or small) should be, "Oh! How can I love HER more, too?" Not, "Oh, how can I perfect/change/improve her attempts?"
Because the second piece undermines her sexual freedom. That is what saddens me and makes me pray that God will help me do this thing better.
That's why it grieves me at times that my podcast can be heard by both men and women... because the enemy WANTS your focus to be on yourself.
The enemy wants you to be focused on whether or not you're getting your "fair share". Or on "how can she love me better".
But if we can be more like Christ and put the focus on the other "how can I love her better?"
How can her attempts to love me... inspire me to love HER!? That's the heart I believe God wants us to have around this topic.
This is a part of what our Masculinity Reclaimed program addresses.
Maybe you have lost all hope that intimacy could be different and you may think you're doing all the right things -- everything I teach you to do, right? But, if it's still not working, you haven't tried the program and that might be the step you're missing.
Listen to the testimonials please, because you'll hear some stellar men who were doing it "right" and just couldn't get there until they followed the program and got incredible breakthroughs.
Our whole team will give you 100%, we'd love to have you on the inside!
Schedule a free Clarity Call to get started in our online courses to begin healing your marriage at delightyourmarriage.com/cc!
Love, blessings, & prayers,
I never want to "get over" the miracles we see, daily.
But, you will be blown away by what God continues to do.
It can happen for you.
It can happen for your friend.
It can happen for your acquaintance.
Families do NOT need to be torn apart.
Husbands do not need to cry in their cars of loneliness due to lack of intimacy.
Kids do not need to grow up fearful and stressed because of the strife in the home.
Ministries don't need to be undermined by leadership infidelity (privately or publicly.)
God can change it all.
It's not automatic.
It is a system.
By God's grace, He uses "Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & love being married again" for amazing purposes.
For His glory. Listen in to understand that the work is heart work but the results are true healing, connection & intimacy.
Could it all be different in just 3 months? Maybe! For these gents -- it was! Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
PS - This cohort closes Monday, April 4, 2022
Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
(Enrollment is open for Masculinity Reclaimed program -- check it out here delightyourmarriage.com/minvite -- closes April 4, 2022)
Skeptical. Yep, that's Bill :) (Ehemm, *was* Bill).
I don't blame him. He had been through it. His first marriage didn't work out.
He came to peace with being single for the rest of his life, until his (now) wife came along.
Things were good for a while. Until they weren't. And then that lasted 20 years.
Bill went through these two major heartbreaks... there's only so much heartbreak we can go through til we don't want to have hope that it could change.
Why would it. How could it. It's been like this for so long.
Well, though skeptical, he thought he would try the program just for the betterment of himself.
And he worked hard -- ups and downs -- because it's real life. But after a year of continuing what he learned -- he's here to say that it can change.
God brought him closer to Himself than he had been for many years.
And God utterly transformed their marriage.
If you've gone through heartbreak in your marriage. I want you to have hope. It can change. It can. It can.
You may be skeptical like Bill because of your pain and history. It's ok. But listen and see if God has a reason you should still have hope.
Enrollment into the same program he took: Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & enjoy marriage again! is open now (but closes on April 4 at midnight EST).
Our whole team of graduates would love to serve you and help you to witness God's transformation just like Bill! All for His glory.
Join us! delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
Prayers & Blessings,