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Delight Your Marriage

Husbands and wives were designed to be different. You want different things in marriage and intimacy on every level (emotional, spiritual, and physical). Whether you're a wife or a husband, whether you're suffering or pretty good... and you're looking for Bible-based insights and scriptural practical guidance on how to transform your marriage, you've found the right podcast! We have "transformation stories" that will inspire hope that putting into practice these principles, by God's grace, can truly change your intimacy completely. If you're looking to see how to transform your marriage sign up for a free Clarity Call, we can hear your story and work with you to determine if we are confident we can help you: https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc
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Head over to delightyourmarriage.com for your free gift!

Apr 12, 2024

Delightyourmarriage.com/accessories

Free training to gain insights, Christian how-tos and practical tips as well as specific recommended (non-scary) intimacy accessories.

I hope this blesses you!

Apr 12, 2024

I was confused. 

There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage... 

only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things. 

Where did he get all this "inspiration" anyway? 

Oh, I knew: sinful places.

So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt). 

What's your story?

If it's even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex. 

I wasn't viewing sex from a biblical standpoint. 

I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.)

I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God's will. 

Maybe you've gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes out to you. And now you're married and there are so many things that feel hard to move towards because of the past. There is hope. Hope for healing and even hope for desire. 

Be washed by truth. That's my aim in this conversation. That you will realize that our God is a God of intimacy and freedom in your marriage. 

When you wash your mind with the truth of His design within the marriage bed, may you slowly wade (or dive in) into the waters of marital intimacy and find out it's nice and warm (with your spouse :) )

In this conversation, I talk about:

1 - the actual boundaries God gives in the Bible

2 - the clear freedom He gives, biblically speaking and logically reasoned

3 - the difference between masculine and feminine sex

4 - the invitation to align your typical life with the standard of the Bible (which is often overlooked... a frequent contradiction)

Love, 

Belah

PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it and bring you the freedom and joy you are longing for!


Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Start the process today and start enjoying your marriage!


PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: 

“We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house, but didn't live together.  I was angry and bitter…”

AFTER: “My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other.  Life is fun!”

Apr 5, 2024

Bethany felt like her marriage was a lost cause. 

She knew that she and her husband were called to be together, but after years of serving in church ministry, three kids, and infidelity, Bethany and her husband began questioning their promise of “no divorce” and began considering separation. 

She knew she needed help. She was desperate.

She searched for a Christian answer and found Delight Your Marriage. After listening to the podcast and the testimonies, she felt unsure because the testimonies felt too hard to believe. 

“God couldn’t do that for me, could he?”

But she kept listening until she felt God tugging on her heart telling her it was time.

Through Delight Your Marriage, Bethany received encouragement, support, wisdom, and a team of people that was in her corner. 

 

She has seen a transformation in her marriage including surprise flowers and a softness in her husband that she had never seen before. (Not to mention weekly dates! Which was never a thing before!)

 

We are so thankful to be able to share Bethany’s story with you today and know that it is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what God can do in so many marriages. 

 

He is a good, thoughtful, and intentional God.

 

Blessings,

 

Belah and team

PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work! 

Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

As Bethany said, “It truly is a CLARITY call.”

PPS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate:

BEFORE: “Before DYM, there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs and these were replayed constantly in my head… I did not trust him and had not forgiven him. Intimacy felt like something I had to do to keep him somewhat happy.”

AFTER: “After going through the program, the stress is gone and replaying the affairs in my head is pretty much gone… I told him I have forgiven him and intimacy is something I desire now and enjoy with my husband. We are both so much happier in our marriage!”

Your story can be next, schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Mar 29, 2024

Maybe you've done something wrong...

Maybe there's a deep discomfort that you keep trying to avoid...

Maybe you feel if you let yourself be with yourself quietly, the shame will swallow you whole...

 

The guilt and shame you feel may be justified.

 

And that is exactly why we need a sacrifice that allows us to live in confidence and freedom, peace and joy in life.

 

As followers of Jesus, we don't have confidence that "we're good enough" because of some baseless affirmation. 

We have a strong foundation of reason as to why we have confidence.

 

The truth is, on our own...

We aren't good enough. 

We don't deserve the goodness God gives us every day.

And we don't deserve His sacrifice. 

 

But what we are as Jesus followers are receive-ers. 

We are trust-ers. 

We are people who say THE event that altered the human race 2000 years ago is WHY I can have freedom from shame. 

 

If you have felt like you've been "paying for" the sin you've committed, it's time to receive the payment from God and start walking in your freedom as His son and daughter.

 

His payment actually means something in your day to day life. 

 

You can never earn your way into being worthy of His love and goodness, peace and freedom. You get to believe and receive it. He is that good and loving and merciful and kind.

 

I invite you to let the gift of Jesus' sacrifice move you today.

Spend time in the story today and this weekend. Remember and receive His sacrifice for every part of your life and heart.

 

Love, 

Belah

 

PS - We'd love to walk with you in this journey of living free in Christ, connected with your spouse in passion, purpose, playfulness and doing God's will as man or woman of God. We're here for you, find out the details at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 


PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

DW Before: We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways.

DW After: WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage.

​​ Change starts with me - God can only save my marriage if I am humble enough to surrender and let Him start with ME!!!!

​​Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept. It was directly and purely to JESUS. He was the main focus, and everything else just fell into place. It helped me to re-center everything in my life.

Mar 19, 2024

Maybe you're in the midst of a really tough season. 

It feels like you're alone and barely keeping your head above water. 

 

Marriage woes can be the most stressful aspect of a person's life. 

I want to encourage you that your suffering matters. 

 

I was walking through a museum with my son the other day, and a painting depicted a martyr who was tortured for his faith. 

It was a moment that helped me reflect on the importance of my suffering every day.

If a moment like that occurred, where I would have to make a choice between Jesus and comfort... 

I would be strong enough and have endured enough hardship to choose rightly.

I hope today's podcast will give you encouragement that you CAN endure ALL things through Christ who strengthens you. 

Love,

Belah

PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work!

Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

This may be the very best thing you've done for your marriage. Period.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: 

"Prior to coming to DYM my marriage was at a 3 out of 10... We were at odds for most of our 30+ year marriage"

AFTER: "My feelings towards my husband came back to life... This was the catalyst to the deeper changes that have given me a marriage I had always wanted."

Mar 15, 2024

If you're a pastor or are shepherded by a pastor, it is important to know that the work of the pastor is hard and can have a deep impact on the leader of such work. 

In this episode, we explore the emotional and psychological cost of deeply caring for others. 

In today's episode, we delve into compassion fatigue, its causes, and the impact it has on individuals in helping professions.

Here's what you'll learn:

  • What is compassion fatigue and how does it differ from burnout?

  • Professions most susceptible to compassion fatigue.

  • Warning signs and symptoms to watch out for.

  • Strategies for managing and preventing compassion fatigue.

I'm excited to speak with Kevin Bueltmann, a pastor who helps pastors with Compassion Fatigue. He went through it himself.

I encourage you to find out more about him and his ministry for pastors at https://www.shepherdscanyonretreat.org/

If you are wondering if you are burnt out and/or have compassion fatigue, we have a great conversation with practical ideas. I believe this will bless you!

Blessings,

Belah 

PS - If we can help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn all the details.

Graduate Quote:

Before the program… “I felt that I was not connecting as well with my wife and children as I should. I could sense my wife's frustration with me…I was tired, I was grouchy, I was irritable and it was affecting my most important relationships. It was negatively impacting them and my relationships with them, and it needed to change.”

After the program… ”My overwhelming feeling coming out of this course is gratitude - gratitude for my wife, for who she is, for how she has hung in there with me and not given up on me, for how she has continued to love me for who I am. I am grateful for this course and the blind spots it has helped me recognize. I wasn't a good listener at all. I was grouchy. I was ungrateful. I was often guilty of having a transactional mindset when it came to sexual intimacy. All that has changed for the better.  It's all about the routine, and doing things [taught in the program] each day.”

Mar 8, 2024

I pulled out a fan-favorite episode to share today! If you haven't heard it, you don't want to miss this story. It'll encourage you.

--

Mick is a dynamic, charismatic, but also a tell-it-straight kinda guy.

When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that he discerned understood him as a man and also had a proven track record for change. 

After taking responsibility, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage.

But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband.

Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility.

He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage without intentionality.

He was ready to do the work and take 100% ownership for his marriage transformation and had full accountability for himself.

His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage.

 

I encourage you to listen to Mick's story and witness God's transformation in him.

From the outside they looked great, but it wasn't until God changed his heart that their connection went to a whole new level.

Maybe you need this. Maybe a friend does…and you get to be the one to share it with them (like a friend shared it with his wife, and thus God did this in his marriage and for his kids).

 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- We'd love to see if we can serve you in a Clarity Call where you dig into your specific journey and we help you clarify the challenges, where you're going, and WHY.

Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

Quote from another recent graduate (2024): 

Before: "We were two roommates who both felt a lot of hurt and rejection.  We lived together, but never talked about the elephant in the room."

After DYM men's program:  "I am so thankful to be in a loving and happy marriage that I could not have imagined only 12 weeks earlier.  I am excited every day to go home to my wife, something that I felt anxious about three months ago." 

 

Maybe you're next? Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Mar 1, 2024

Maybe you don't really understand what "servant" means in relation to your spouse. 

 

Let's explore that together on our podcast today.

 

Be your spouse's servant. 

That's Jesus' way. 

If we believe what He said, this should not offend us but teach us how to live.

 

Mark 10:45: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve..."

Matthew 20:26b-28 "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve,"

Matthew 23:11-12: "The greatest among you will be your servant."

Luke 22:26: "the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves."

John 13:14-15: "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."

Matthew 25:40: "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'"

Mark 9:35: "Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'"

Luke 14:11: "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."

Matthew 5:16: "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Luke 6:38: "Give, and it will be given to you... For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Luke 10:27: "He answered, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

 

If we truly believe Jesus, this should not offend us but free us to love and serve extravagantly. 

 

Be your spouse's servant. For great will be your reward. 

 

Love, 

Belah 

 

PS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at:  delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PSS Client Testimonial:

Before Delighted Wife: “Our biggest marital struggle was PRIDE. Pride sent us into a downward spiral early on in our marriage.  It went unchecked and only got worse over the years. We were both hopeless and lost.”

 

After Delighted Wife: “I can finally SEE! God shined a light on my pride the very first week of the program.  We had big celebrations nearly every week. I finally see my husband through God's eyes! I have grace for his imperfections and use them as opportunities to honor God by loving him through them with absolute joy. 

 

My husband could see a change pretty instantly.  The energy in our home is positive and joyful! We've had celebrations of vulnerability and intimacy I never thought possible and finally share hope that we can actually have the marriage we've always dreamed of. We're all happier, sleeping better, and able to breathe! It's truly a miracle.”

Feb 22, 2024

If you've been around for a while, you may have heard that we say you must have "0 arguments" in your marriage. 

"But that's not normal."

"But that's not healthy."

"But that means someone is not being honest."

Well, firstly, it's not my rule. 

Among many other verses, let's look at Romans 1:29, 30, 32; 2:1, 2.

“They have become filled with every kind of wickedness... murder, strife... gossips... arrogant and boastful..." 

"Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them...”

"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness... God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance"

--

Let's not take God's kindness for granted.

Allow His patience and kindness with us to lead us to repentance.  Let us not take liberties because we haven't been "smitten" yet.

--

I'll assume we're on the same page with the thoughts around no arguments, so how do you communicate differences? 

Are differences of opinion or disagreements allowed in a marriage?

YES. 

But the marital relationship is unlike any other relationship. 

There is a unity that is not like any other relationship.

Thus, things must be sorted through in a way that does not compromise unity. 

It matters how healthy your marriage is right now. 

Some topics may need to wait until you're healthier before it's wise to bring it up.

I have several practical ways of looking at this that I am excited to share. 

May God bless you in this discernment of His way in your relationship. 

Love, 

Belah

PS - Here is a free tool called the Marital Health Assessment to help you evaluate where you currently are in your marital health: delightyourmarriage.com/health

PPS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Client Testimonial:

Before MR: “The biggest struggles were that my wife and I had a gap between us and we were moving farther and farther away from each other.

My wife would use my shared vulnerabilities immediately against me and was constantly mothering/telling me what to do and how to do it. We had physically separated in the home and arguments hinting at divorce were starting to creep in. Our marriage was sick. 

Playfulness had long since gone from it, and the priorities of life and the world were weighing on us. I highly preferred not to be in the same room with her versus being around her.”

After MR:  “I have grown to love my wife.

I have grown to know God loves me enough to give me the miracle of a refreshed marriage—one that I’d hoped and prayed for but wasn’t sure I was worthy of the help. And I’m not. But He granted it anyway and it has made ALL the difference. 

We are sharing plans and hopes for our future a lot more. We are making better decisions together.”

Feb 17, 2024

The definition of a half-truth is "a statement that conveys only part of the truth, especially one used deliberately in order to deceive someone."

I don't know that anyone who says these half-truths is INTENTIONALLY choosing to deceive someone. I'd prefer to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

However, we must look at these beliefs and discern if they are scripturally based.

Certainly, the enemy has deliberately used them to deceive and wreak horrific tragedies in marriages and families.

Unfortunately, half-truths are more slippery and harder to discern than outright (obvious) lies.​

Because we see something that somewhat resembles God's way, but we haven't given it the time or held it up to scripture to discern if it is actually aligned.

My hope in this episode is to help you discern truth from half-truths.

  • Here are a few we talked about in this episode:
    Duty sex is bad (true... and there are things you should do to change that)
  • Women should not feel they have to keep their husbands faithful by offering him sex (true... and she has an opportunity to love him well and fill this God-designed desire)
  • Men should not oppress women (true... and he is designated as the leader of the home)
  • Everyone fights and it's normal (true... and the Bible is clear that it is evil)


Listen in to today's podcast: 419-Half Truths Can Destroy More than Lies

Listen to the episodes on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or your favorite podcast platform


I hope also you remember as I mentioned in the beginning ANYONE who has spoken these half-truths likely had great intentions.

​​Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that everyone is trying to help marriages become God's best... I hope this shines a light on how God Himself designed marriage to be, according to our guide, the Bible.

Let's have charity and kindness with one another as fellow believers. We are just seeking God's way above our own.​

 

Love and submission to Jesus,
Belah

PS - We'd love to help you and your marriage. Find out how to have a free Clarity Call ($300 value!) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - A recent graduate who came first and then because of his changes the wife joined and God did amazing things (!!) wrote this:

"Hi Belah, I am well, thank you!

And thank you so much for EVERYTHING you've done for me and my marriage.

Your positive impact on my family will resound for generations.

Truly words don't do justice to the blessing that you and DYM have been to us. God is good!"

Glory to God for all of it!

I hope you'll allow us to journey with you and see God transform your life too! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Feb 9, 2024

(This is a re-release from previously.)

I used to be so weirded out by sex because I was pursuing Jesus with everything.

How could my life be sold out for Christ and have to engage in such carnal behavior?

Then God opened my eyes to quite a lot. I hope you’ll listen to today’s podcast with an open heart and willingness to let Him reveal His true design and desire for you in your marriage.

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS – We'd love to help with your marriage/intimacy please set up a call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Feb 2, 2024

"We're just so different."

"We have nothing in common."

"Our personalities are not compatible."

 

This is a big problem in marriages. 

People notice differences and assume it's a bad thing. 

This is understandable...but very wrong. 

 

God, in His amazing creativity, designed your spouse and you differently. 

He also made a deer look differently than an alligator. He made a duck's personality differently than an anaconda's.  He made the octopus loners, but curious, and the ant disciplined, but incredibly collaborative.

Why do we assume and expect God to make two humans alike? 

Especially when the two sexes are SO different in many other ways (hair growth, voice pitch, hip width...to name a few!)

You're different from your spouse and it's to be marveled at as God's handiwork (Ephesians 3). 

And, HE knit your spouse together (Psalms 139). 

You GET to appreciate their uncommon traits. Not scowl and be annoyed at how unusual they are.

This is GOD's creativity that YOU get to enjoy if you have the right perspective. 

 

That's my invitation today. 

Put on new glasses when you look at your spouse. The glasses of appreciating their uniqueness and idiosyncrasies and make that something that fills you with joy and respectful amusement and admiration.

Love,
Belah

 

PS Do you want help developing healthy mindsets like this? We can help and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.

 


Client Testimonial:

Before Delighted Wife: 

“Coming into the program initially, things between us were very bad. We could not speak to each other at all and we felt pretty hopeless. Our home was constantly full of tension and negativity. My husband was singling out our son and taking his frustrations out on him.”

 

After Delighted Wife:

“My biggest celebration is my shift in mindset and being able to see the good in my husband once again. Even for a long time while I was in the program, I was convinced that if my husband would "do something," things would improve. I did not realize how much I contributed to the discord in our marriage. I didn't realize how hard my heart was or how much healing needed to take place.

 

It has changed everything! If I were to take the marital health assessment, I think our score would still be a low number, but we are the happiest we have ever been and I am going to focus on that and on making tomorrow better than today.”

Jan 26, 2024

"Why can't I be fulfilled by what I SHOULD be able to?"

-Higher-drive men, Higher-drive women

"Why can't I get aroused by what I SHOULD be able to?" 

-Lower-drive women, PI/ED men

 

I want to invite you to consider what brings you pleasure. 

I want you to consider what causes you to ENJOY life. 

At Delight Your Marriage we focus a lot of intimacy. (And this episode does too). 

God has designed sex to be a way to receive pleasure. 

But is it God's only way for you to receive pleasure in this amazing world?

Did Jesus receive pleasure in this world? (Even without sex?) 

 

For higher drive husbands/wives (or those in sexless marriages): You are a wo/man who doesn't receive the pleasure from sex that you crave.

Jesus was tempted in every way that we are, and yet he never sinned. (HOW???)

For lower-drive wives/porn-induced ED/ED men: When you go on a journey of resensitizing your pleasure to everything this amazing world has to offer, you also resensitize yourself to the amazing gift of intimacy your spouse's unique body that God gives you in marriage. 

Gaining pleasure in many more things in this life is incredibly important for you to fulfill God's call in the world. 

Too many leaders/pastors/preachers have secret (and sometimes horrific) sins because they have no pressure release from the HARD work of ministry. 

They do not have ANY pleasure activities except sex (at least that's what they think constitutes a holy life).

It's hard. 

Jesus knows it's hard to resist temptation.

But he had MANY ways of receiving pleasure that had nothing to do with sex

He had zero "sinful outside-of-marriage sex" and he had zero "holy inside-of-marriage sex".

I invite you to listen with a curious heart to how God might want to invite you to resensitize yourself to the pleasure in HIS good world (in and out of marital intimacy) so that you can do the will of the Father ...as Jesus did.

 

Blessings,

Belah

PS - We'd love to help you and your marriage be all that God wants it to be to ultimately support the life and call God wants you to have... go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for all the information of first steps!

PPS -Recent wife grad: "I wish I could really express just how many celebrations I’ve had through my weeks in this program. Both alone, and in my marriage."

Let's go! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Jan 19, 2024

Many of our wife listeners have lower drives than their husbands. (I hear you!) And that’s just the way it is. Nothing to be done, just deal with it. 

 

Also, if they’re like I have been, since she has a lower sex drive she just has to put up with the requirement of her to make love even though she’s less than enthusiastic about it because she has to have sex and can’t do the things she really wants to be doing. Or sometimes avoids it altogether. 

 

I have been there. And so has Sarah. 

 

She and I both have high drive husbands. 

 

And we both know that sex is supposed to be a beautiful gift and a joy for him but we just couldn’t desire it even if we wanted to.  

 

I want to allow you to hear Sarah’s heart because she knew something wasn’t right. 

 

She loved her husband and they waited till marriage to engage sexually together, as is biblical, but her desire just wasn’t there, and it was so disheartening. 

 

But, she rejected the idea that there was nothing she could do about it. Even when sexual assault was in her past, she hoped God could still redeem and heal her sexuality. 

 

I’m excited for you to hear her story and see how you might be blessed by the advice and encouragement.

 

Her first step was sharing her story with someone who gets it. That was the free Clarity Call she had with someone who had walked this road before and can share there is hope for change!

 

Love,

Belah

 

PS - Would you like help? We would love to help. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to have a compassionate and helpful conversation to evaluate if you’re a good fit for our programs.

 

PPS - If you’re a husband who wants his wife to do what Sarah did, the best thing you can do is work on yourself first.

 

From a guy who has been there, took the next steps, and did the work:


“Before taking the course I would have defined our struggle as not being on the same page sexually. I thought that her view of me, and the attitudes that she held, were hurting our marriage. She thought I was too demanding and moody when my expectations weren't met. I felt she prioritized work, kids, church, her phone, etc. above me. The vast majority of the intimacy we had was duty sex. 


My biggest challenge has been my lack of understanding. I didn't realize how much pain I was causing her, or how self focused I was. I was trying to get her to change and should have been working on me. I am skilled at justifying myself and passing blame on my own heart.


Understanding the concepts of Safe, Known, and Cherished was a big deal. Forgiveness and apologizing have been huge. The disciplines of faith statements, gratitude, prayer, and Bible reading make for a solid start to my day.


My wife has told me she feels safe. She has begun to trust that my change is not a passing fad. I have gained understanding in how to love her well. I look forward to being around her, and to pampering her and loving her well. This has overflowed into intimacy emotionally, spiritually, and physically.”

Dec 30, 2023

In approaching the new year, I invite you to rewind your calendar and consider...your marital performance in 2023.

What if I asked your spouse what it was like being married to YOU this past year?

Yikes!

If my spouse chose to be fully open and honest I think I'd have plenty of... ehemmm... "growth-opportunities". :)

 

Seriously though... feel free to go back through your calendar and check out what your priorities were throughout the year.

Day by day. Week by week. Month by month.

What was it like being married to YOU?

 

If marriage is your first human assignment, was that reflected in...

How you spent your time?

How you spoke/listened to them?

How you spent your energy?

 

How you loved them the way he or she receives love?

 

Assume you're looking at your year through your spouse's eyes.

What were your challenges of the year?

What were the things you should celebrate?

 

Now that you have thought through that...

We all know marriages are under attack, so what are you doing about it in your own home? You want it strong to withstand the challenges.

& If you're a pastor or ministry leader, what are you doing about this for your flock or in your organization?

(Aside: We have some exciting resources for ministry leaders that we'll be sharing with you in upcoming communications -- make sure you're on our email list to get notifications.)

 

In this episode, I have some practical next steps and things to ponder as you're setting out into this fresh year.

 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS - We'd love to help heal your marriage in 2024 (as has happened many times before), feel free to take us up on our gift to you: Clarity Call. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

 

Dec 22, 2023

As we are soon gathering together with loved ones to celebrate the Savior's birth, I would love for you to remember what life is all about. 

When we meet Jesus face to face, what do we want to be true of us?

In today's episode, I walk you through a meditation I did with our men's graduate group a couple of months ago. 

It is really meant to give you a chance to consider eternity. What is Christmas really about? 

It's about Jesus. And are we living in light of His life, will and ultimate sacrifice. 

I invite you to listen in and gain more insight into what you want that day to be. Because we are Delight Your Marriage we focus a lot on marriage, but we will all stand before Jesus one day and this is good practice :)

 

Love, 

Belah

PS - Maybe you're considering launching into a healing season for your marriage in the New Year -- if so, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - A recent lady graduate: 

"Years ago I prayed to God for a short life. I didn't want to break my marriage vow, but I didn't see how I could be happy with him and it was getting harder as the children became adults.

Death seemed to be the only acceptable answer. I was obviously very unhappy. 

Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It's a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again.

Physical intimacy is better than ever. He cares about me and I feel secure. When we come together physically, we feel closer and both of us look forward to it!

I miss him when he gets busy with work and would be devastated if something happened to him."

Maybe you're transformation is next. Learn more in a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Dec 15, 2023

It's hard to discern (or even admit) if we are obsessed. 

So here's the definition: 

"an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind."

Is your marriage an obsession? 

Or is God's will an obsession? (And your marriage is an important part of God's will for you.)

I encourage you to consider what God's will is for you in this next season.

It's all about priorities. 

If God is your first priority then everything else falls underneath. 

He puts all of our lives into perspective. 

Marriage shouldn't put all of our lives in perspective. It must be God first, then we can rightly serve our spouse well.

I want to invite you to rightly obsess over God's will and put marriage in its proper place so that it's healed and somewhat on "autopilot" so you can get on with God's will for your life. 

Listen in to understand more about what this means for you.

(I have an exciting announcement included in our conversation today, I'd love for you to hear it!) 

Love, 
Belah

PS - If you're in a really hard place or even a really great place, I encourage you to get on a Clarity Call. 

Maybe (as a gent emailed me today) your marriage is a 10, but you feel you need to take this course because YOU need to become the man/woman your spouse needs, then we'd love to help. 

delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

A recent grad shared: (we try to never reuse testimonial quotes in multiple emails jfyi)

“I've grown a lot spiritually, I had thought that I had always been a pretty good Christian...but realized that I was very selective in when and how I followed God's word. I feel a lot closer to God, and now realize that I can't really do marriage well on my own and truly need Him. 

The program was great! It so aligned with what I needed...

If people seem stuck, don't hesitate to push...I know we should take that initiative ourselves but sometimes a spark or catalyst can help. 

I really believe in what you're doing...it's the best program out there… and think this program can really help a lot of people."

Learn more at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Dec 8, 2023

After 33 years of marriage, they were disconnected. 

At that point, they were sleeping in separate bedrooms. 

Maybe you're at a spot where it's hard to have hope because it has been SO hard for SO long. 

Jacques is here to say, even when only you do the work, it can change. 

Glory to God. 

Blessings,

Belah

PS - Could your marriage be one of the next ones to transform? Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. You don't have to, but what if you do?

 

Quote from a client...

Before the program: "My biggest struggle coming into MR was openness with my wife about what I was thinking and feeling and fear of asking her about what was going on in her life. I had just come out of therapy for my addiction of lust and porn and trust was a big issue. I wanted her to know that she was the only one for me and I didn't know how to do that.

I knew our marriage could be so much more but didn't know how to make that happen. It was a constant weight on me that made my everyday life like walking around on eggshells."

 

After the program: "DYM has given me the confidence and tools to be able to handle difficult situations with my wife. It has given me such a better understanding of how my wife thinks and what is important to her. I have learned that I have to be the leader of the relationship. I love how the program was based on scripture in the bible. I learned how God wanted us to treat our wives and then how to do it. Surprisingly it has helped with my porn and lustful addiction. Now I respect women and my wife as they are all God's daughters. I am so excited for the next stage of my marriage."

 

Dec 1, 2023
You may wonder when God is going to show up in your life.
 
In your situation. 
 
In your marriage. 
 
You may believe in God but don’t feel His love for you, or at least haven’t for a long time. 
 
Maybe you felt His love for you at first, and that is what brought you to give your life to Jesus, but slowly, things have really gotten stale. 
 
Maybe like your marriage. 
 
It was great at first. But slowly other loves entered the picture. Children. Careers. Commitments. Current events. Costs. Culture. Cars. Curtains. (Other things that also start with “C”. :)
 
Ultimately, our job is to sacrifice for our priorities. 
 
God. 
Spouse.
Kids.
Everything else.
 
If you’re not sacrificing for each (in that order), then it makes sense that you’re not feeling the love from them. 
 
I encourage you to listen with a curious heart attuned to what the Lord may be drawing you to.
 
Blessings,
Belah
 
PS - If you’d like our help with your marriage, your first step is a Clarity Call (a free gift from us) delightyourmarriage.com/cc
 
 
Before the Delighted Wife Program:
 
"Problems with tension and unforgiveness, exhaustion from childcare, loss of connection and lack of wholehearted intimacy. Husband was extremely resentful of me. I’ve lost respect for him. Was close to divorce.

There wasn’t peace at home, kids constantly saw us arguing, I didn’t want to be at home, I was doing many things on my own with the kids because my husband didn’t want to do things with me, I was craving for other male attention who valued me.” 

After the Delighted Wife Program:           

"My heart has softened and I can now see the brokenness in my husband, that he was just a very wounded soul. He was trying to love me and wanted this marriage to work but he had no clue how to go about improving it and was instead making things worse. 

Wholehearted intimacy. Not arguing for a long time and the atmosphere has completely shifted, there is peace at home and he is a much happier and better father to the children...

Impacted everything, it turned everything around. My husband is now loving, patient, caring, and a very present and patient father.”

 
Nov 22, 2023

Tomorrow is the day (in the US) we set aside to be grateful.

 

Or it’s a day we set aside to get frustrated with family, binge eat, and watch football.

 

Just kidding.

 

I invite you to do Thanksgiving this year, Jesus way.

 

Let’s allow peace, joy, and thanksgiving being the most important aspects of this holiday.

 

Everything else is after those.

 

Let’s be intentional to not allow wounds of the past (even from yesterday) to rob our kids or extended family of the opportunity to see how Jesus followers love each other. Whether they deserve it or not.

 

I want to just encourage you to do a few things if your marriage is tense right now.

 

Take 100% ownership to turn it to thanksgiving. Here are some very basic and very practical steps.

 

Love,

Belah

 

 

PS - If you’d like our help to turn your marriage around, we’re here for you. Your first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Nov 17, 2023

Randy felt lonely, disconnected, and that his wife cared about everything and everyone else more than his wife.

He was a strong believer and prayed for change in his marriage.

He stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage through podcast searching and found something that seemed right. He and his wife really dug into the material. And it did start to make sense.

Sadly, they were again up at 3 am and both very frustrated and hurting. She decided to make the free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

And ultimately, they both chose to do the work together. 

As a natural skeptic and somewhat pessimistic he was concerned whether it was...

1- Going to work for them.

2- Whether it had a cult-like vibe. 

I think he was wise to consider this. But he assures you on this episode that it wasn't like that at all. 

Our goal is marriage transformed so they can continued doing the work of the Kingdom even better. 

Randy shares about how they are adoptive parents. Such important work requires a healthy marriage to love well. 

I'm so glad to see what God has done in these two and what He's continuing to do!

 

Blessings,

Belah

 

PS - Join a free Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor like Randy did and see how we can help you specifically: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - The holidays are coming. I encourage you to consider who in your life needs Delight Your Marriage.

Maybe today is the day to tell them:

You say: "Have you heard of DYM?" 

They say: "No"

You say: "I'll send it to you". 

And then send them one or two and write: "Here are some that I got a lot out of". (That way it doesn't make them feel like you think there's something wrong with them.)

Who knows, maybe you just changed the trajectory of a family, forever. Just by sending them a podcast.

Nov 10, 2023

Dads,

When it comes to fatherhood, do you feel at times like you don't know what you're doing? 

At times, does the chaos and frustration of it all feel like you're left to solve a very difficult puzzle without directions?

Dr. Don is here to tell you, "Every dad CAN win".

He's been there.

His wife, the "Relationship Ninja", Suzanne wants you to know that you are handpicked by God for  this. 

For fatherhood. 

For your children.

You can do this.

 

Early on in his family life, Don felt like parenting was more like solving a Rubix cube with no instructions.

Over the years of raising a family of 7 kids and gaining insights from other experts, they've discovered family comes down to 2 words: 

a- relationships 

and 

b- culture 

Don says, if you build your family right on the inside, then you can tackle anything that happens on the outside.

They invite you to constantly ask the question: How can I connect to my child today? Words, time, & creating experiences and memories are all examples of how to connect.

I specifically love when Suzanne says as parents, our goal is to take our kids from being parent-controlled to self-controlled.

She also shares how wives can encourage their husbands in the midst. 

 

Seriously, gents, you can win at fatherhood. Even if you didn't have a role model. And even if--like the Rangers (TX MLB not NY NHL :)--maybe your track record hasn't been great... it is possible to still win! 

Seriously though...

You can be a good father.

It really is not too late.

Don is opening an opportunity for you in the new year for fathers to learn how to do just that for free. Just email him dads@crazycoolfamily.com to find out more. 

Their many resources, podcasts, and courses can be found at crazycoolfamily.com 

I hope this message will encourage you to keep fighting to win!

 

Love, 
Belah

PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage. Maybe that has felt like it is the thing holding you back from working on your fatherhood.

We'd love to get you to the other side and really enjoy peace and joy in your marriage, thus empowering your kids! delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call to discover your first step in marriage healing. 

 

Recent graduate wrote: 

Before men's program... "this inability caused me to be concerned about our future and caused me to feel like I was alone... There were so many needs and desires that would go unmet, that I struggled to be holy and joyful.

After men's program... "Too many [celebrations] to recount here! In summary, she has made the most intimate bids for connection with me over the last weeks than I can remember! These have been both sexual and non-sexual.

My biggest celebration could be that I feel loved and desired by my wife again, and that is so fun and empowering for life on a mission!"

Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc so we can help you have that story too!

Nov 3, 2023

When I was first with my (now) husband he showed me my value. 

Value I didn't know I had.

Worth I didn't know I was.

He taught me how precious my heart was.

He taught me how precious my body was.

God loved me through my husband.

God healed me through my husband.

I remember on our first date I told him that I had never felt safer in my whole life.

I felt completely respected and honored by this man.

I felt like he would protect me from anything and everything (even from himself).

Unassuming.

Tender.

Kind.



And when I read the scriptures, I see that is what Jesus is to women.

He is kind.

He is loving.

He doesn't speak to them harshly.

He is moved by compassion when they cry.



Seriously. Take a minute and think.

Is there ever a time that Jesus is harsh to women?

Even when he tenderly corrects Martha, it is in protecting Mary (a woman who had the gall to value herself enough to learn from the great Rabbi).

I invite you to explore with me how Jesus treated women.

Men if you have never learned from Jesus in this way, I think this will help you.

It will help you see your wife as the daughter of the king.

As a precious soul that you are tasked to heal and care for. And God can heal her through you... through your genuine safety.

 

Book referenced:

Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer

 

Blessings,

Belah 


PS - If you want our help, feel free to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more info.


PPS - Recent husband grad: 

BEFORE: 
"Constantly getting rejected was demoralizing and took a mental toll on me for sure.

Not being listened to and the lack of respect was basically a punch in the gut pretty much daily, causing depression and definitely other issues within the house as well with the kids also."


AFTER: 
"I wanted to think that I was doing all the right things and that it was her problems that were causing all of the issues between, but I was definitely wrong.

Through this program, I have realized that I definitely was living up to my "man of the house" role.

Mainly I was not providing her safety.

My actions, or lack of actions depending on the situation, were not getting my wife into a safe place where she would be in the mindset to share herself with me physically, mentally, or spiritually.

By doing this in turn it has proved to be beneficial with what I feel is much more respect from her, especially around the kids, as well as more frequent episodes of lovemaking."

Oct 30, 2023

Solomon. The wisest man in the whole world. Ever. Fell to sex. 

David. The man after God's own heart. Fell to sex.

Samson. The real-life superhero. Fell to sex.

Falling to sex is something men have done for a long time...

AND each was severely punished.


1 Cor 10:8
We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did—and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died... 
These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us...

12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!

13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted d beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

For your own sake (much less for the sake of everyone who knows you follow Jesus) get humble.

Humble yourself while the monster is one inch tall. Confess the internet search, the extended browsing, the questionable conversation, the __________________________.... 

Get humble at the earliest warning level.

Run into the light. Share it exactly with your brother or sister (not co-ed).​​​​

​​You have an opportunity to get healed. 

Put crazy strong boundaries in place. ​

Every man in our community... be open with your sin to another man.

Every woman in our community... be open with your sin to another woman.

Let's not end up with their consequences...

Humble yourself.

Be specific.

Own your sin.

Confess it to another person.

Fully repent.

Allow them to pray for you.

Submit yourself to their accountability and humble yourself over and over again​...​​​

...that you may be healed.


Listen in to today's extra short (since it's a Monday) podcast.

Belah

 

PS - If you want our help, feel free to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more info.

Oct 20, 2023

Today's story is by a wonderful man who needed help to receive the intimacy he was really hoping for. 

 

As a person who believed in Jesus and was serious about the Word of God, the lack of intimacy in his marriage was not something he was willing to find a sinful outlet for.

Instead, he had heard of Delight Your Marriage and began listening to the podcast. After listening for several years, he decided to sign up for the men’s program when it began to be offered. 

The first time he went through the 3-month program, he learned, implemented, and saw results! 

He saw some great changes in his marriage.

But after a year, he realized it wasn't enough. 

So, he did it again... 

 

I invite you to hear what his changes have been this time around, after he had a foundation to build from and really finetune his shifts. He's got some exciting things to share as a result of his second round of the program…an even greater progression of growth in his marriage.

If you've done "all the things" but haven't seen your marriage change, I invite you to listen to David's story... 

 

God is still changing hearts and lives, marriages, and families. 

 

God bless you, 

Belah 

 

PS - Could your marriage change? What do you have to lose…and potentially gain? We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

Graduate quote: 

Before the program: “Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage. I felt totally unattracted to her and trapped.

I became very depressed as a result of our unhappy marriage feeling like a life sentence that couldn't improve. The inability I felt to do anything positive in my marriage made me hesitant and unconfident in my vocation as a minister. I felt like I had zero positive influence with my own wife, so how could I have any influence with others that I hoped to point to Christ or build a trusting relationship with. Even more so, my role as a dad and as a friend to others was constricted by how small and worthless I felt.”

 

After the program:  “I've seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I've ever felt. The faith-statements, the forgiveness exercises, and the daily gratitudes have made an enormous change inside me. The ways my wife saw me as unsafe and unsatisfied all seemed from my heart of anger and ungratefulness toward her. Forgiveness toward her has softened my heart, and the daily gratitude has accumulated to change my attitude toward her, even in a daily way. I sincerely have a delight toward her that I've not felt in over a decade.”

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