What if you're a wife that has WAY lower libido than your husband? If you feel like this is just physiologically the way you were made, I want to help. I think there's a lot more to you and the way you're set up sexually.
I, Belah Rose, "the sexpert", can easily say I have a low libido. Does that keep me and my husband from having an incredible sex life? Fierce, firey, sensual, spiritual... And I get turned on too and get excited about making love! So... I don't think your libido/"natural" sex drive has to prevent you either!
Listen in to find out the top 3 things you need to know if you have a LOW sex drive. And how to turn that around. How I did and do.
But what if HE is the one with the low sex drive? Ouch! So sorry, I know that's so hard!
There are several important questions you need to be asking. I help you to sort through what could be the real source of the issues and how to overcome them. Are you contributing to the issue or COULD be contributing to live the solution?
What’s a Clarity Call:
You can sign up for a FREE, 40-minute call (a $500 value) for an opportunity to get clear on the issues you deal with. If you are the right fit for the program this can be a phenomenal opportunity as I can’t invite everyone into the program. Clarity Calls are free for now but I’m not sure until when. To schedule, go to: www.dym.as.me Even if we find a program is not the right fit, you’ll get a ton of awesome value.
Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed.
If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages!
She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here.
My husband is a very wise man. Probably the wisest I've met (and I get to live with him! :) :) :) )
Listeners have asked to hear from my husband and I'm glad because he has a lot of wonderful & helpful things to share! I think his message has nuggets that any and every marriage will benefit from!
If you're a husband...
I'm about to pilot a brand new program:
Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again!
I have SO many men--may be like yourself--whose wives wouldn’t dream of hearing my work or considering changing their behavior or even understanding those needs.
Productiveness IS good, but we forget that we're not just human doers -- we're also human beings.
Take the story of Martha and Mary. Martha was working hard and being productive FOR JESUS. Mary was calmly sitting, being still and LISTENING TO JESUS. Both were Godly women. And Jesus even defended Mary for “choosing the good part” when Martha accused her of not DOING.
Consider how Jesus modeled JOY and DELIGHT -- not just productivity. He certainly “did” a lot, but he also had breakfast with his friends, ate dinner and drank wine (sometimes he was even accused of being a drunkard!) and little children ran to him. He must have been pretty enjoyable to be around if even little children want to run up to the revered Rabbi.
If you are ALWAYS thinking that "God wants me to be productive. I need to do this and that..." then I challenge you to sit back, listen to Him, and just take delight in His presence.
We can also apply this to our sex lives. What if sex was fun and filled you up? And it's not just about sex. Being FUN and PLAYFUL in the bedroom EXTENDS to how you interact with your husband daily.
In this podcast episode, you'll discover...
How does fun and playful sex affect us:
We serve a God that loves us. He want us to know that:
SCARED to START BEING PLAYFUL? I'm curious where that fear is coming from? I have Clarity Calls set up especially to get at the root of how you feel underneath the behavior.
If you go to www.dym.as.me for a 40-Minute FREE conversation with me to understand where you are in your marriage.
If you're distraught or even if you're on the edge of divorce, by God's grace, a Clarity Call may be exactly what you need to gain hope and discern next steps FOR YOU.
Words are important. They can cause a wildfire or a passionate flame in your bedroom.
Outside of the bedroom:
Now onto the SEXY STUFF:
Sexy language is going to feel silly at first. Just like when you study a new language! As you practice it, you get less awkward and you’ll push through and take courage in your marriage bed!
A lot of women are under the impression that they need to share everything with their husbands. In fact, they say this is being “honest”.
I disagree. In EVERY marriage (yes, even VERY good ones), there are many things that are not (and should not) be shared. No one needs to share about tons of bathroom stuff---yuck, not sexy. But there are tons of other things that just wouldn’t be useful, helpful, godly, respectful, kind or many other reasons to share.
AND it depends on what level of the Marriage Health Spectrum your marriage is to determine what you SHOULD or SHOULD NOT share.
If your marriage is awful right now, you shouldn't SHARE what someone who has an awesome marriage can share. You have to be strategic with what you do and do not share. SO that it can BECOME an awesome marriage.
As a mother, you would do ANYTHING for your children.
What does that have to do with making love to their father? Well, A LOT. In fact, their eternity is at stake. Really.
Other things covered:
World-renowned psychologist mentioned: Jordan B. Peterson
Excited for you to dive deep into how to transform your marriage!
What does money have to do with your marriage? Finances are often touted as the biggest reason for divorce... but get this: when you have an awesome sex life studies estimate that it's equivalent to having an additional $100k per year! So... NO financial issues...
But there's more, the BIGGEST financial DISASTER that can ever befall someone is divorce. SO an awesome marriage and sex life can either pay big $$$ or cost you a ton of money!
With all that said, how well are you prioritizing life so that your marriage is protected and your finances support it? WISELY.
The Bible is very specific: wisdom is more valuable than silver and gold... "nothing your heart desires can compare with her". So, how high are you prioritizing wisdom to ensure you have an awesome marriage?
The cool thing is that Solomon first asked for wisdom and then God also gave him riches! So if you invest your finances into wisdom the rewards may also be material wealth!
I talk about the way to prioritize your life that is accorded with the Bible and how your money should reflect those priorities.
Right now I'm doing FREE Clarity Calls (I am not sure how long I'll be able to do these as I have limited space) but on these we go 40 min to uncover the bandaid to discover what is underneath the surface issues of your marriage. If I feel like you're the right fit and I can help you I may invite you to be part of my program: The Delighted Wife: Reclaim Your Sexuality, Live In Your Womanly Wisdom and Witness Him Transform Into Who You've Always Wanted. www.dym.as.me
Find out what is preventing you from having the marriage of your dreams? Sign up for a FREE Clarity Call quickly as my schedulle fills very quicly. www.dym.as.me
Looking forward to working with you one-on-one soon!
I get so many emails from husbands. I want to send a message to their wives...the wife I used to be. I was a wife who saw sex as
And so I avoided it and got resentful that the things I was doing wasn't appreciated. He kept asking me to learn more... and I got angrier.
Well God has changed my heart on this. I have discovered that God made my husband's member, and I am his wife. It is my privilege to be a part of intimacy with him. I am his only means of receiving this vital fulfillment righteously.
I believe this podcast will bring you closer to God. If you're anything like I was, I wish I had known this even before I got married. If I could only understand what sex meant to him. If I could only understand God's purposes for it.
I pray this would be something husbands can give to their wives (when she's ready---listen and practice these 3 episodes: Encourage Your Wife’s Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) 156, 156/157, 157 first).
Podcasts I mention:
Praying for you and your marriage,
Are you having the WRONG type of sex?
So... my husband listens to every podcast before I post them. He often gives me notes on what I need to take out or change. I have been podcasting since Feb 2015 (!!) and by God's grace have been awarded one of the Top 30 Relationship podcasts on the web!!
My husband ended up listening and having an entire page FULL of notes.
POSITIVE notes! (One negative note--not that it was wrong but that it might be a bit too explicit. I countered "I just don't want wives to be confused with what I'm really talking about". He said well, it's ABSOLUTELY true..." so, I left it it in!)
In my almost 200 episodes (!!) my husbands said this is one of the best--maybe THE BEST.
So! I encourage you to listen with an open heart and get ready for some (maybe uncomfortable) truth bombs!
Here is the site I mention where I have collated a sampling of SOME of the emails I get from husbands WISHING (and some even are crying) because they want so badly for their wives to work with me! Seriously...read it... delightyourmarriage.com/husbands
AND if you want to jump in and schedule a FREE Clarity Call where we unpack what's going on in your marriage, in your intimacy, the baggage and start to shed light on how to move it in the right direction, I am offering FREE 40+ min Clarity Calls. You can sign up here: www.dym.as.me
I don't know how long I'll be able to do these for free as it's a giant time commitment--but I love being able to help women. And if I think I can help, you're ready, committed and coachable and that I have the specialization to help your SPECIFIC situation I may invite you to be one of the few clients I take on this month. (I truly don't take on or even invite everyone who wants to work with me). But either way, you get a ton of clarity and direction towards next steps! So, sign up as soon as you can for a FREE Clarity Call with me, Belah! www.dym.as.me
How could suffering ever be a gift? Why would focusing on suffering be a wise thing?
A lot of times the women I coach don't take the time to look at the pain and suffering they're experiencing.
But when they do that, they are distracting themselves away from its lessons--the wisdom God wants to teach us through it. And even through our AWARENESS of it.
On this episode, I talk about the 13 Gifts of Sufferings and I talk specifically about some of my own sufferings that have given me great gifts and it was because I was aware of them in the moments that God used it profoundly in my life.
Jump on a call with me personally to unearth what you're going through and use the suffering to provoke action! Check to see if I have some time on my calendar at www.dym.as.me It's a 40min call for free with me directly!
Testimonial: of a husband of 20+ years:
I just wanted to say a few things, like...Thank you!
Thank you for the time you spent with her, and for your generosity, it is much appreciated. I don't know what the two of you discussed, I haven't asked and she hasn't told. But I haven't seen such a fast change in [her] in, well....ever.
It's like she is a different woman. Actually, she is behaving more like the woman I thought I married or wish I had married... The changes I have seen in her are profound...
Again, I don't know what you coached her to do, and I don't know if she is doing it all or only doing half. But I do see a changed woman in my life. So again I say "Thank You!"
Check to see if I have some time on my calendar at www.dym.as.me I'd love to speak with you directly for free!
Can things really change? "It's been 5, 10, 25 years, how could this ever be different?"
Suffering in marriage makes your whole life suffer---kids, job, ministry, peace, walking in the fruits of the spirit, sexual fulfillment, chastity in thoughts, satisfaction in marriage, covetous thoughts of other marriages, sin in many places, not starting the ministries God has called you to and would thus not touch the many people God wants you too!!
It's 2019, packed in this message is lots of hope, and practical steps to make changes in you that will greatly impact your marriage!
Here is a testimonial I just received by a wife who has been married 10+ years:
WHAT SHOULD YOUR LIFE BE ABOUT AT THE BEGINNING OF 2019?
I used to try to cram all of my goals into the beginning of the year. And I would scramble for a few weeks potentially months—at best and then drop all of them by April.
I’ve learned something very valuable that I wanted to share today. I want to talk to you about exactly how I set my priorities throughout every year. It frees me up to focus, relax and listen to God’s voice.
This year I’m really excited and there’s a lot of really good things! And I want that for you as well. If you want to move your marriage to a place of peace and passion and joy and purpose, I would love to jump on a FREE breakthrough call where you can discover solutions immediately.
Sign up here: https://dym.as.me/ God bless you in 2019!
(If you’re not in my FREE private Facebook group where we discuss intimacy and marriage and purpose in life and I walk with God join here!… Wives only! :-) ) www.facebook.com/groups/delightym/
You might think your marriage is too far gone. There is too much strife, emotional and mental abuse, painful memories, WAY too much baggage to ever recover.
I encourage you to review this entire series and take a journey with me on this episode.
Maybe we've been looking at this whole marriage thing all wrong. And we've been looking at what it means to be man and woman wrong too?
What is the masculine nature? What is the feminine nature? Can a man have both, can a woman have both?
Is this a sacrilegious framework?
Well, I think there is a ton of biblical precedence for thinking of men and women as possessing both masculine and feminine natures and both are good, should be respected and honored. I'm going to share that here.
I want to talk about how this shows up in my own marriage specifically and how it can radically change yours!
Jump on a 40min clarity call with me so we can sort this stuff out. What is going on in your marriage and how can we get to the bottom of it to truly, deeply transform the lives of you, your spouse, your children and what God wants of you in this world! Delightyourmarriage.com/call
1 in 4 women this year will be sexually abused. You may never know who... your sister, best friend, daughter, mother, wife...
You may have been the victim. I'm so sorry for your pain and what you have been through. You are not alone and you do not need to feel shame any longer.
Today's podcast is to help all women process the pain of abuse. I think it affects all of us whether we ourselves have experienced it or not, we live in a culture where that is the norm...
Here's what I cover:
How does it affect your marriages...
Here's what is covered in today's episode
This isn't easy territory, but I pray that it is an eye-opening episode for every listener.
It was my husband's birthday this week and I'm asking every listener to take 5 minutes to review the show!
If you're not sure how, here's a link for delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
This one honestly wasn’t that easy to think through or record.
Here’s what I cover:
When I work with women, I think the biggest problem is they don’t have boundaries. And for them to slowly strategically come out of abusive relationships and cause their marriage to thrive instead of the abusive, they have to have boundaries. But it might not look the way you think it will look.
I grew up without boundaries myself. And So I never learned that I was responsible for me: my feelings, my thoughts, my choices, my property, my own things, my privacy... So naturally when I got married, I didn’t think I owned these things either. And I didn’t think my husband did either. Especially hearing the “two will become one flesh”, to me that meant that I owned him and he owns me. So we had to be the same.
However that doesn’t work.
How do you create boundaries in your marriage? How do you make sure those boundaries are respected?
And should we always be “honest” with our husbands? I don’t think so necessarily.
I look forward to our conversation!
DYM is sponsored by my new business Couragess: Christian Women’s Mastermind group. Would love for you to check out my new site and get my free resource: 3 Habits to Grow Your Confidence immediately! www.Couragess.com
(So sorry, my computer broke so I wasn't able to edit and this is late, but I think the content is all there!)
I was abused and I was completely unaware at the time. Because he was spiritually gifted I trusted him. But he wasn’t exhibiting the fruits of the spirit.
If you’re being abused, it’s so hard to see what’s really going on in your marriage because something that’s inherent in abuse is blinders. Today, I talk about my own experience with abuse in my first marriage, and what it took to get the blinders off for me.
And then not only removing your blinders, but then what is your next step after becoming clear on what’s really going on in your marriage. And then to make wise action towards what I believe can completely transform him.
This is the beginning of a series of DYM shows on abuse. There’s many different levels, categories and types of abuse towards women in many aspects of life. I want to help a woman who is currently in an abusive situation to think through the really difficult areas to walk the hard strategic road to recovery that I believe is possible.
Please note: I am not a licensed therapist or social worker and I cannot provide that “professional” guidance. But this is what I have learned through my story and the suffering I went through and what I have helped some of my coaching clients out of.
Regardless of my credentials, we need to be helping women in this extremely common and devastating arena.
The resource I referenced about getting support around domestic violence and abuse is www.nomore.org
Not discussed… but it’s common to be attracted to someone that’s not your spouse.
What do you do about it?
First, figure out where you are in your level of attraction and then decide action steps:
-1-3 (when you see them/talk to them you feel a chemistry)
talk to God, get busy, be an enthusiastic lover with your husband, redirect your thoughts, read the Word, work with your hands
-4-7 (find your mind wandering to this person consistently) confide in a mature friend of the same sex–tell them what’s going on and be very honest, avoid spending time with this person, journal about their qualities and affirm that your husbands qualities are better because x, y & z, speak affirmations in faith, draw close to your husband
-8-10 (if you’re considering an affair, divorce or in that spot already) seek counsel of a therapist or counselor, use all sexual inspiration and direct it towards your spouse, be as enthusiastic in the bedroom as you’d be with this new person, pray fervently, be very intentional about falling in love with your husband again, write pros and cons list of this decision and include EVERYONE who would be positively and negatively affected in short term and long term—be honest with what you’re dealing with, pretend you’re in the future looking back on your life and determine whether you’d make that same choice if you could do it all over again
Remember, what you imagine you see now…it’s all a fantasy. You are with the right person. And God will give you the grace to see that if you trust in him.
UPDATE: I have had to postpone this virtual class referenced on the podcast. Feel free to sign up here to hear more about when the class is ready to be open.
I have men that reach out to me a lot of direction and support because they wish their wives would be interested in my material. My heart goes out to them and I’d like to give them individual and specific guidance, but I don’t feel comfortable working with men one on one. So, I am developing a Delight Your Wife virtual classroom just for men. This will be a weekly class where I will be live with you discussing a particular topic. You can send me your questions or add to the discussion during the call. These will be recorded and ready for you any time you’d like them in the future as well.
If you sign up in November 2018, you’ll have the lowest subscription fee as the content is still being developed and the virtual classes will just be getting started. Sign up for Delight Your Wife here!
Excited we're back together after far too long! We have got some fantastic episodes coming your way in this new season of DYM!
DYM is taking a break for the summer but will be back on late August, early September.
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So, I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course! And the biblical foundations as to why you should be able to enjoy!
Well, by now you know that I’m a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful.
Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions about making your desires known, sex, and some more challenging realities like pornography.
Ultimately, its a fantastic conversation which I hope you'll listen in!
Find out more at delightyourmarriage.com
Ensure that you’re infusing your marriage with exciting physical intimacy:
I’ve released the first 4 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.
I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course! And the biblical foundations as to why you should be able to enjoy!
Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 5th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.