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Delight Your Marriage

Husbands and wives were designed to be different. You want different things in marriage and intimacy on every level (emotional, spiritual, and physical). Whether you're a wife or a husband, whether you're suffering or pretty good... and you're looking for Bible-based insights and scriptural practical guidance on how to transform your marriage, you've found the right podcast! We have "transformation stories" that will inspire hope that putting into practice these principles, by God's grace, can truly change your intimacy completely. If you're looking to see how to transform your marriage sign up for a free Clarity Call, we can hear your story and work with you to determine if we are confident we can help you: https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc
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Head over to delightyourmarriage.com for your free gift!

Sep 23, 2022

Enrollment for the program closes tonight, Masculinity Reclaimed delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

-----

Today's podcast episode...

If perverted masculinity is overly aggressive or on the other side, overly passive... what is it actually SUPPOSED to look like? 

What is a strong man? 

What is a true man of God?

What is the masculinity God desires of you?

 

That's the topic Kyle and I discuss today.

Lots of really fresh ideas, insights, frameworks, and also very, very old ways of viewing the nature of how God designed men. 

Kyle is super -- you're going to love his insights and heart after the Lord. 

Gosh, I'm excited for you to hear what it's all about!

 

If you've been praying about our 3-month program, Masculinity Reclaimed...

the program CLOSES TONIGHT, if you'd like to join, now is your time... 

delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Sep 20, 2022

Wow -- God is so good.

Men are joining the 3-month program Masculinity Reclaimed because they're ready to become the men that God has called them to be (and as it turns out... that is very attractive to their wives... the results are intimate, as you'll hear.)

I want you to listen to these transformation stories (several shortened stories that haven't been on the podcast before, so you can hear what God is doing!)

If you're ready to take the leap and say I am going to risk the money and invest the time and effort for the next 3 months to see the results that God is clearly doing in others' lives and marriages 

I invite you to check out all the details and register here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

 

Prayers of hope for you,

Belah & Delight Your Marriage team

 

PS -- If you are moved at all by these transformations, I encourage you to check out the details here. delightyourmarriage.com/minvite

Sep 16, 2022

Is Jesus the Lord of your life in EVERY area? 

Are you trusting God in everything except your marriage? 

Are you saying, "Yes, I will follow," but then when Jesus says to sacrifice for your spouse, that's where you draw the line to do it your own way?

Is your emotional intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

Is your spiritual intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

Is your physical intimacy with your spouse in God's hands?

 

Or, have you decided (like I too often do, sadly) "God, in this area, I can do it my way"?

 

God is really interested in your marriage.

Your spouse is the closest relationship to you.

Whom you can influence the most -- and they influence you the most.

 

So... if you decide to do marriage your own way, that's a big deal.

 

I was recently reminded that when I don't TRUST God, I suffer... often, unnecessarily. 

 

When I don't trust God, and I try to do it my own way...the work that God was in the middle of doing -- behind the scenes -- I can ROYALLY mess up! 

The lesson I invite you to learn from my fumble is: TRUST God in your situation. 

TRUST God in the way He set up marriage and your role (husband and wife) and witness God move in your 

emotional

spiritual 

and 

physical 

intimacy. 

 

He has a way. If you're suffering doing it His way, there is a reward on this side (or the other side) of eternity. 

But, as I was reminded of, we may suffer because we are doing it OUR way. And I encourage you to make sure you're doing it His way. 

IMPORTANT: Make sure you ARE doing your marriage and intimacy God's way, so you and your wife don't unnecessarily suffer.

(That's the biggest sadness I see with men I work with, they didn't have to suffer, they just didn't know...)

This is where I (shamelessly) plug our FREE Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! (Because I know it can help you!)

We are in the middle of it, but there's just enough time for you to catch up - if you sign up now. It won't be available much longer -- delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

(Also, if you already know you're going to join the 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed Program, we officially open enrollment Saturday, September 17 -- if you join the first day you get an extra Kick Start training -- where I'd love to spend time walking you through how to "win" MR and get yourself set up for amazing success -- by God's grace. You can join right away here: Masculinity Reclaimed Coaching Program

 

If you don't need help in your marriage -- will you pray for this free training -- that the men who need hope would sign on and witness God's transformation for many? And most importantly, that each man would draw closer to Jesus.

 

Thank you for your prayers. 

May God help you to TRUST Him in your specific situation. He continues to teach me, and I hope that encourages you!

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- The free men's training is going away soon. Sign up, and catch up here: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Sep 6, 2022

**Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course is starting Monday, September 12, 2022 -- it's on-demand training but will only be available for about a week, so register now: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining**

--

I've been posting a lot of resources for men, so this one is for the ladies (and the curious men :)

I used to be very confused on what my husband needed from me. A lot of women that I have worked with feel like it comes down to a clean house, hot meals and happy kids. 

And when that's not enough for him, it feels very unfair. That she is doing ALL of this and he's still grumpy and unsatisfied. 

She may even have intimacy as a part of their lives, but he still doesn't seem to care. 

What is missing? 

Well, it took a while, but by God's grace through trial and error, learning from mentors, books and courses... now I'm at a spot where I can give you the keys I wish I had! 

And I made it into a handy acronym so it's easy to remember:

RAWS. 

 

Super simple. But, not easy.

 

See that's God kindness. I've noticed, that in order to love our spouse well, we wives have to deny ourselves and choose to love our God-given assignment (our husband).

And that choice, every day, makes us more like Him. 

 

He's not like us, he's not designed like us. God made your husband unique and special. 

And it's my privilege to let you hear from my husband and what he recommends to us. 

Also, for the curious gents who plan to listen -- he's got some GREAT advice for you too! 

 

I hope this blesses you! 

Love, 

Belah

 

PS -- Women if you want to go further in this, we have a community of women who support and love each other on this journey to heal their marriage, honor God, and love well. If you're interested to find out if this is right for you, sign up for a Clarity Call and a kind, empathetic Clarity Advisor will listen to your story and be able to give you guidance on your next steps. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

PPS -- For the men who want direction for your next steps, join the free Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course, which is starting on Monday, September 12, 2022.

It's an on-demand training but has lots of interactive bells and whistles. It'll only be available for about a week, so register now! delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Sep 2, 2022

(My boys make an audio appearance on today's episode).

I thought it was appropriate because Robert and I both got choked up towards the end of this interview -- you'll hear why. 

Robert has more kids than me. Not 2, 3, 4 or 5... He has 7.

Robert also has about 7 times more energy than I do. Which is why I'd like him to write a book. (Please, Robert, we all need it.)

 

His wife was actually the one who invited him to Delight Your Marriage. And felt sure he would learn what he needed for her. 

 

And... I have got to hand it to her :) I think she was right!

But I also have to hand it to Robert, because he totally humbled himself, did the work.

Changed himself -- and God did beautiful things in their marriage!

I can't wait for you to listen in to their story! 

If you're a husband -- he gives tons of ideas and thoughts about what you can do to change things. 

 

He started his journey with the free training, that we're offering just around the corner -- September 12, 2022. You'll need to be signed up -- you can do so here

Love and Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- You might tear up too.

PPS -- Gents, grab a tissue while you sign up for the free training!

Or if you're a lady or a gent, and you want to get on a call 1:1 to see how we can help you, you can sign up for a Clarity Call here

Aug 27, 2022

From a past of pain and hurt Reed realized he needed healing.

His first wife left him after twenty years. He then found out that she had had several extramarital affairs. 

Completely devastating. And left him with 5 kids to raise on his own. 

Now, God be praised. He is remarried -- his wife is utterly wonderful. They had a really good marriage.

But he realized, the areas of his marriage that were not fully there around intimacy had to do with his woundedness from the past. 

He is in full-time ministry and heard God encourage him to take the program for himself. Not for others -- but he needed healing. 

And as he did the work of the program, his heart healed and his marriage did to -- in the ways he didn't even realize it was lacking. 

I want to share his story because -- you might be like Reed. 

Maybe you've done the right things for a LONG time... and you are hurt. And you are wounded. And you have rightfully, steadfastly done the good work.

And yet...

And yet... 

I want you to have hope through Reed's story. He not only shares his story -- but he also shares his process for healing. He gives lots of practicals!

He started by taking the free course: Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations (starting again Sept 12, 2022) -- and then decided to go forward with the full 3 month program. 

 

I am excited for you to get inspired by Reed's heart for the Lord and for his marriage and intimacy shifts because of the healing God brought in his heart. 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS -- We would love to have you on the Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations free training right around the corner -- sign up before you forget: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Reed began his healing through the free course.

PSS -- Seriously go register! :) But seriously... delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

 

 

Aug 19, 2022

An episode for a struggling husband -- or his wife. 

To give you hope. 

See, if you don't know what is the root of a behavior it's very hard to "white knuckle" yourself out of the behavior. 

Therapist Sam Tielemans specializes in helping couples who have suffered through the pain of porn addiction. 

He gives the specific reasons he sees over and over again at his practice (in Las Vegas of all places!) what is at the root of the porn addiction. 

Why does he keep going back? 

Why is he overwhelmed by shame but can't seem to stop?

And for the wife, how can she find healing in this?

Could she understand this addiction to see that the behavior is covering up the pain?

Should she have boundaries, and what should those be (we touch lightly on this -- there's a lot more depth we'll go into in the ladies program -- if you're interested, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc so we can support you).

 

For the man listening, Jesus took your sin. If you accept his sacrifice -- you are clean. Whiter than snow. As though it never happened. 

You can walk with that confidence.

We speak more about it -- but if you only read this -- I want you to know the truth. 

Jesus took your sin (yes, this is a bad sin). But HE -- the God of the universe -- died for it. 

Don't keep the sin and pay the price of shame anymore -- God came to die to pay the price FOR YOU. 

The gift you don't deserve. 

That's the good news. 

 

As a person who was addicted to porn for years, I know you can walk in victory, too. 

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- The men's training is coming up! All new videos and fresh training for you. I can't wait! It all starts September 12, 2022 -- sign up delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Ladies -- if you want to witness your marriage transform -- go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc and get on a Clarity Call to see how we can help you. 

PPS -- Sign up before you forget! It'll be gone before you realize it!

Aug 12, 2022

We invite you to listen in to Jameson's story.

Jameson participated in the free MR Foundations course that we offered in March 2022, and then decided to enroll in the full Masculinity Reclaimed course. (We're offering the free course very soon for a very limited time - Sept. 12th! Sign up here!)

 Having a good marriage, but wanting to take it to the next level, he learned of the free course and signed up for it.

One of the first lessons in the free course "wrecked me," Jameson said. He realized that he had more work to do on himself than he had realized. The deep reflection caused him to see things that he couldn't see before.

Another cool thing Jameson shared as an unexpected, but also "biggest game changer" result of him taking the Masculinity Reclaimed course, "was me growing with God."

"I wish I could make everyone take the course." ~Jameson

One important thing to remember about Jameson is that his wife joined the women’s program AFTER he did the work on himself. She was incredibly impressed with the results and wanted to join him in the journey! He said there’s no chance she would have done the program on her end had he not gone first. And he’s very grateful – by God’s grace – that things transformed.

If you're doubting that things can ever really change, check out Jameson's story. God can and does do powerful things in marriages and we invite you to have faith to believe that God CAN move in your marriage...through YOU!

Come join us for the free sampler course...what do you have to lose? God cares about you and your marriage and we do, too! Sign up here.

Aug 5, 2022

The FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations training is back for the last time this year. If you missed it previously, join on September 12 -- sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

-- 

First of all.

I'd like to tell you that I'm right in all that I do.

 In fact, I'd like to say that I'm right... all the time. 

I'd also like to tell you that I'm right even when others think I'm wrong.

I'd especially like to tell you that I'm right when other people think I'm right. (I mean, isn't that extra confirmation that I am definitely right...?)

 

So, the truth is...

[I have] become like something unclean, and all [my] righteous acts are like filthy rags (Is 64:6).

 

Even the things I think I did that are right... are filthy. 

Even the things you think I did that were right... are filthy. 

 

Oh, but then the things I did that were wrong! (The things I am sure were wrong... eek!) 

 

I hope you see where I'm going with all of this. 

You're in the same sad boat that I am. 

 

And... it's sinking. 

 

Seriously.

Can you imagine being on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and it sprung a leak... and then another... and then another... 

Seriously, take a moment to put the picture in your mind... breathe fast... your stomach is turning and feel utter alarm and desperation. 

The ONLY way you could survive is by being saved. 

 

That's what's happening here. You and me. We are in a leaky boat in the middle of the ocean.

We desperately need to be saved. 

Every single time we sin and we hammer a hole in our boat, we need a Savior to restore it. We can't do that ourselves. 

 

When we try to defend our sin, we continue to hammer through the sides of our boat.

 

What does this look like in your marriage...

As an example, when you are rude and cruel to your spouse (disrespecting and/or making them feel unsafe), you hammered a hole in your "marriage boat".

And then you defend your own righteousness by saying they triggered you... thus hammering another hole in your "marriage boat". Making your marriage worse.

The marriage boat is sinking and your self-righteousness is making it worse... it's going to continue to make it worse and worse and worse.

You can't fix it.

 

We can't hammer our way out of a leaky boat.

--

How hopeless this is for people who don't depend on Jesus.

If you don't, here's how it is...

You know you're on a leaky boat. You've made mistakes and your whole sense of self is tied up to being a good person.

So, when you see evilness in yourself, it threatens you're whole identity of being a good person. And you can't erode your whole identity by humbling yourself and saying you were wrong (!?)

Of course not! It wasn't your fault, you were triggered, someone didn't do something they should have... it was someone else's fault.

--

Do you see yourself in that description?

Are you following Jesus? Do you really believe in Him? Is He really your King, Master, Lord?

Is He mine? Every. Single. Day?

 

Our boat is sinking. 

 

That's why only in Jesus is there hope.

 

We need forgiveness for our sin against God and others. 

We need Jesus over and over and over again. 

 

Every day.

Every single action. 

 

It's pride to think we can do it ourselves. 

It's pride to think we're good enough.

It's pride to think we are righteous. 

It's pride, to defend our own righteousness. 

It's even pride to think we can do something great for God without Him. 

That's why our burdens are heavy. We think it's our job to do what only God can do. We just need to be grateful slaves. Humbled servants. Dying to ourselves and doing it God's way. 

 

Humility means depending on Him.

Humility is coming before Him. 

Humility is needing Him.

Humility is resting in Him.

Humility is being faithful to Him.

 

Humility is not contriving and defending an identity of perfection, it's boasting in our weaknesses.

 

Instead, go before Jesus, hand your worry, your issue, your burden, your identity, your pride to Him. 

 

Humble yourself... you can't fix your sinking boat. 

You need to be saved. Over and over again.

 

If you're married... you have hurt your spouse. You have hurt others in your life. 

 

And that was sinning against a precious child of God. 

That was sinning against God. 

That was tarnishing God's name in front of them. You represented God and you did evil to them. That was sin.

 

Here's your hope. This is the process.

1- Repent to Jesus --

Confess your need for Him. Accept His sacrifice for all of your sins, and believe in Jesus to be saved. Make Him truly your Lord. (Start reading the Bible and find a Bible-believing church to be discipled).

2- Every day after your first conversion, continue in the same way --- repent of that new sin that He reveals. Come closer to Him over and over and over. That is His invitation.

3- Regarding marriage, your next step is to repent -- tell them the wrong you did, own it, listen to and validate their hurt, and say genuinely how sorry you are that you hurt them like that. That you were wrong. 

 

Guess what that means? 

You're strong!

Because you humbled yourself, that means you're strong.

[God said:] "'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness'

[Paul said:] For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:9 & 10b)

 

Humble yourself today. 

Accept Jesus' sacrifice today.

Accept Him saving your boat today. 

 

And then apologize to others you've hurt.

 

Don't squander today. 

You don't know how many days you have left. 

 

I don't do right.
You don't do right.
Jesus is right. :)

 

Love, 

Belah

 

PS -- If you're a husband, you want to love your wife the way she was designed by God to be loved.

Maybe you know you have hurt her, you've accepted Jesus sacrifice but you don't know what to do next... this free training is going to be a big help.

The free Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations course will be coming on September 12, 2022 -- Sign up here. delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

Jul 29, 2022

Alternate Title: 7 Steps to a Productive Disagreement

--

Arguing. Ugh. It's so... so... unhelpful.

When have you left an argument where the dust has settled and you felt 100% good with everything you said -- your eyes, your words, your tones...? Everything. 

In fact, how would you feel if your church congregation watched what you said and did? 

Would you be proud of yourself? 

Would you feel small and immature?

Usually, after an argument, I only feel the latter.

 

To clarify, what I mean by arguing is having elevated emotions when we start using a stronger voice and intense words. 

Essentially, the judging/reasoning/impulse-control part of our brains (pre-frontal cortex) goes offline during that stressful conversation and we're left with the "lizard brain" which only knows how to flight, fight, or freeze.

All the wisdom that we have cultivated throughout all of our lives and have prayed for and read about, goes out of the window during an argument. 

We say things we don't mean and throw verbal knives at each other. 

Sure, we might apologize for it the next day when we're calm, but those words leave scars. 

 

So, can we ever disagree? 

Yes. 

We need to disagree. That's healthy and correct. 

 

We need to be courageous and disagree about things that matter. 

 

But we need to do it the Jesus way. 

 

I have some very practical tips on how to disagree well, and how to honor God in it. 

 

It's easy to use "popular thinking" and just say what you think. But the Bible is clear that's not best. 

"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check...

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:1 & 6

(Also, see the full book of James for more of this type of goodness. :)

 

How do we make sure we're not setting forest fires with our mouth? 

Well, I have given you 7 or 8 keys in this episode that if we could consistently apply, I'd be a closer reflection of Jesus, and I think you would be, too. 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage and intimacy - to be connected, and for you to rate your marriage a 9 or even a 10 out of 10 marriage! 

If you're interested in finding out if we can help you, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Jul 19, 2022

Encouraging believers is a very biblical concept in the New Testament. 

I want to encourage you in this episode. 

I am praying for several people through this episode:

7:00 - invitation prayer

8:30 - prayer for men who feel like they're not leaders in their home

12:28 - men who are receiving frequency in intimacy, but it feels like a duty from their wife

14:30 - men who don't have frequency in intimacy and lack joy in their marriage

17:00 - women who have a critical and judgmental husband

19:45 - women who want to find pleasure and desire

23:30 - churches and ministries and pastors who would have courage to address the hard issues around sex, sin, desire, & God-designed passion

May God give you grace and strength and encouragement - wherever you are in this mix. Or, if you want to agree and pray with me on these topics.

 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

 

PS We're here to bring hope and help in all these areas of your marriage...we invite you to schedule a Clarity Call to see if we can help you.

*"I speak the name of Jesus over you

In your hurting, in your sorrow

I will ask my God to move..."

*Lyrics to "In Jesus Name" by Katy Nichole

Jul 15, 2022

I'm excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you!

She is actually the Delight Your Marriage Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you and truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope.

Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. I am excited to let you hear what she has to say!

Love,

Belah

--

Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.

God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness!

*“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.” Ps. 63:3-4

I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Prov. 13:12

 

This is my prayer for you:

Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know them...intimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys.

You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God.

Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them.

God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust You...to take You at Your word...

 

I encourage you to read this scripture as though you've never read it before:

*"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:18-28

 

Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and every thing that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do! 

You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine!

Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappoint...we wait on You.

...in Jesus' name, I ask this, amen.

 

So, dear listener, remember:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Ps. 34:18

*"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4 

 

And let me ask you:

How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner?

How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son?

How long were the Jews in captivity?

Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said.

God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise - Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so.

Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God.

 

Husband...wife...are you willing to believe God?

Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes?

Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God.

What does that look like for you in your situation today?

 

He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it!

 

Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises,

Darcy

Office Manager

*(All verses are in the ESV Bible version - emphasis mine)

 

PS If you would like to grow in your walk with God in many various ways, and particularly how that relates to your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our very caring Clarity Call advisor - click here to schedule

 

A testimonial from a course graduate:

"I was very, very nervous to try this program out. My wife still doesn’t know about my involvement and I was very nervous about doing this without her knowledge.

But it has really exceeded any expectations I had about what might happen in my marriage.

I do believe I will talk with my wife about MR, in the right time, and I think it will go just fine. But if that is the reason you are hesitating, I can tell you…it really can work!"

Jul 8, 2022

Well, first of all, I feel very ill-equipped to answer this question. 

 

However, I don't think it serves you best for me to pretend that I don't know the limited things that I do believe God has taught me. 

 

So, with that in mind, I'd like to share the general themes of today's episode

-humility

-the horrific humiliation of the cross 

-how that makes us more surrendered followers

-the necessity of solitude

-the reality of our nothingness which we will only perceive should we stay in solitude long enough

-how I wrestle and fight pride and seek humility -- and how I always hope to. 

 

May this draw you closer to who God wants you to be. 

 

Blessings,

Belah

 

Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible!

We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.

Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call.  I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”

Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible! We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.

 

Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call.  I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”


A quote from a course graduate: “Nothing good ever comes easy, so if you are ready to stop trying to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place and start TRAINING to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place…this program is for you.”

Jun 30, 2022

When God said, "Let there be light," something amazing happened. 

When I said, "Let there be light," ummm... well... I felt silly and 0 things, amazing or not, happened.

 

I guess I'm just not God. Which is surprising? 

 

No, it's not. 

But, the world thinks we get to decide who God is. 

Unfortunately, too many Christians feel that way, too. 

 

It's tragic. 

God is not us. 

And we don't get to live by feelings. 

We don't get to say, "Today I feel x, so it must be true."

 

A follower of Jesus -- surrendered -- taking up his/her cross -- dying to his/herself -- is not led by his/her feelings. 

Feelings of right and wrong...

Feelings of attraction or non-attraction (to spouse or many types of others...)

Feelings of desire for sexual intimacy...

Feelings of pleasure in sex... 

 

Does this mean as a follower of Jesus you have to do things you don't want to do? 

...

Ummm...

...

Yes.

 

Does it mean that you have to do what the Bible says?

...

Ummm...

...

Yes.

 

Are there things I don't LIKE that the Bible says?

Yes. 

 

Am I the one who said "Let there be light," and something happened? 

No. 

 

So, I get to humbly submit to the God and author of ALL and say "You're smarter, You're wiser, Your ways are better, and I'm going to submit my will/feelings/desires to You".

My sexuality included. 

 

"No one should say God is tempting me...

but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death...

[God] does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth."

 

So, stop asking, "Why am I tempted?" Or, "Why don't I have desire for my spouse?" Or, "Why don't I enjoy sex?"

And instead, embrace the cross of Christ. Deny yourself. And decide this IS God's best for You. 

The surrendered Christian's questions become: "How do I do this Your way?" "How do I have desire for my spouse?" "How do I love MY spouse the way You created them?" "How do I enjoy and find pleasure in the sexual intimacy You designed and ordained and said I should not withhold?"

 

Yes -- sexual intimacy is a spiritual battle. Do you surrender all to Jesus?

Or are you still self-surrendered? Self-guided? Self-centered?

 

I pray that this would be as convicting to you as it is to me. May you listen and feel God calling you to greater repentance, depth, love, and worship of Him.

Love, 

Belah

 

PS -- We'd love to partner with you in this. God doesn't ask us to do any of this alone. We love helping people into joy in sexual intimacy and marriage at every level in every area. Get on a call with a Clarity Advisor to see if you'd be the right fit for us to help you in this vital part of life. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Jun 23, 2022

Clarity is crucial in a marriage because it allows individuals to gain self-awareness, understand their own emotions and behaviors, and without even realizing it, it can help you take responsibility for your part in the relationship dynamics. Maybe you didn't "cause it" but you haven't worked to solve it.

When couples face challenges or conflicts, it's easy to blame each other or external factors without examining what is really going on under the surface of the behaviors. A Clarity Call encourages an individual to look carefully at themselves, their patterns, history, and reflect on their thoughts, feelings, actions, and current situation.

Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc

By engaging in a Clarity Call, individuals can identify their own patterns and unresolved issues that may be impacting the relationship. It helps them recognize their own biases, insecurities, woundedness, and areas for personal growth. Through a Clarity Call, individuals can better understand how their own behaviors and reactions may influence the dynamics within the marriage.

Believe it or not, a Clarity Call can also foster empathy and compassion. When Dana speaks with an individual -- they take the time to understand their own experiences, process them, and become more attuned to their partner's emotions and perspectives.

This increased awareness enables them to approach conflicts with empathy, communicate more effectively, and find solutions that meet both partners' needs.

This is why the individuals on today's call said this: 

  • "After that call, everything that I went through, it was just like, all the pieces of a major puzzle being put together."

 

  • "You make it very easy. You make it our lives are in chaos and you guys just speak peace right into that situation and calm it down to where we can unload what we need to unload."

 

  • "It was a great experience something I’ll never forget because it was a great moment that I’ll hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life."

Sign up for a free Clarity Call today! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Jun 17, 2022

I am sharing the episode that has the most downloads at Delight Your Marriage of all time!

 

Blessings,
Belah

PS - Also, I have many free resources and would love to invite you to check them out: delightyourmarriage.com/free

PPS - If you need help with your marriage -- do not hesitate to apply for a free Clarity Call. One of our Clarity Advisors (a former graduate of a DYM course themselves and experienced transformation in their own marriage) will guide you through the process to determine how we can help you. Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

A recent grad wrote,

"I could probably fill a journal with the celebrations I experienced in the program!...

By far, the biggest celebrations have been what God has done in my heart! Our sex life has never been better…

our times of making love are passionate, tender, emotional and spiritual."

Jun 10, 2022

If your marriage is still plagued by your past mistakes -- she brings up what happened 20 years ago... or he brings up how you used to be all the time...

 

What can you do to heal it?

How can you two move forward and actually build a better marriage? 

 

I would like you to remember some important scriptures on this topic: 

It is His kindness that leads us to repentance.

He disciplines those He loves. 

Whoever heeds discipline shows the ways to life.

 

And then this is the one that's super practical: 

"if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.

First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."

 

How do you reconcile? 

Apologize. 

 

How do you make your apologies effective? 

That is what I want to walk through with you on this episode.

 

I want you to have all of the know-how to get out there and do the scary, excruciating but necessary thing of owning your side and apologizing for it. 

Is it 100% your fault. I bet not.

But, there is always an opportunity for us to own our side and for the purposes of getting right before God -- go and repair with your spouse. 

 

I hope this helps and gives you the encouragement you need to do the right thing. 

Blessings,

Belah

PS -- We'd love to support you in your marriage -- feel free to get on a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help transform your ho-hum marriage to one that's warm and inviting! 

A recent grad wrote:

"I’m not exaggerating, I’m keeping it real…this is what I would tell anyone who asked…

I had been praying intensely for my marriage daily for 8 months... I had very limited improvements until starting the program.

The [Clarity] Advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.

This program helped me stop doing the things that were undermining my efforts to improve my marriage.

I have spent much more money trying to rekindle my marriage with no results.

This might possibly be the best investment of my life."

We'd love to have you see this kind of transformation! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Jun 3, 2022

When I look back on my life -- when I see what is currently unseen -- when I see Jesus face to face -- when all has been revealed...

I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me. 

In the Bible, it says that God feeds the birds. (Mt 6:26)

He FEEDS the birds. 

 

I was observing birds yesterday in the park. 

There are tons of them, flitting around, this way and that. 

And yet the God of the universe cares about His creation, so much so, that He Himself feeds the birds! 

 

He is intimately aware of your life and what you're going through. 

And He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is giving you far more than just that.

He wants you to realize that in every good AND in every suffering, He remains good. 

There is SO much you (and I) cannot see. 

He allows suffering for His reasons only He can see.

But when you trust this truth that He is the one that gives everything that is right in your life -- it allows you to see the suffering better.

You can endure the suffering with a peace, a joy, and a contentment that is important.

In fact, when you have that peace/joy/contentment during the suffering, you will accomplish at least some of the important purposes He has for that suffering. 

 

Make no mistake, God cares about your suffering.

God cares about the rejection you feel from your spouse. 

He cares about your loneliness in the one supposedly "safe relationship" - your marriage.

He cares about the lack of intimacy. 

He cares about the lack of warmth. 

He cares when your spouse ignores the cravings of your soul that you were designed to have. 

He cares. 

 

And IN THIS He is good.

 

If we only knew how much He truly loved you... 

He would risk you possibly turning away from him due to that suffering because He has bigger purposes. 

Remember...

Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His ways higher than our ways, are His thoughts higher than our thoughts. 

We do NOT have to understand.

We DO have to trust His goodness. 

That starts with realizing, if the God of the Universe feeds each of these birds, that means he makes each of my breaths happen, each of my blood vessels moves when they are meant to. 

It means He causes my son to smile at me. 

It means He causes my eyes to even see the sunset. 

It means that He not only knit me together in my mother's womb for 9 to 10 months...

But He didn't stop.

He is still in me.

He is still designing, directing, causing all these things to go well in me. 

 

EVERY good gift is from Him.

Even the ones I don't take time to notice. 

 

When my arm breaks it should remind me that He was the one that caused it to thrive every other day. 

If we only soaked in the truth of His love, we could more easily trust it during the suffering... He is still good. 

If we only knew His love. 

 

If we only knew His love. 

 

If we only knew His love. 

 

May you know the love of Christ. 

May I know it, too.

 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

May 27, 2022

You're doing it. You want to hear where you might need to grow. You want to see where you might not see yet. That was Meredith's heart and what led to their amazing transformation. 

 

It is God's kindness to lead us to repentance. 

He loves those He disciples. 

What are Christians...?

Who are Christ-followers...?

What is a Disciple of Jesus?

We're the ones who ask:

"Jesus, what do you want to teach me? What can I learn to be more like you? How can I walk more in your will today? Show me. Teach me. Guide me."

 

We are all broken and blind to many things.

(I am in that category, for sure!) 

We are all missing some things that others already know -- because God opened their eyes.

 

If you click this episode, I am proud of you.

You are seeking how you might need to change.

You are seeking what God might want to show you, too, just as He opened Meredith's eyes. 

 

This is a story of transformation from a woman who chose to see the world as God set it up. 

Not because it's easy. 

Not because it's "natural".

Not because the non-Christians agree with this mindset. 

But, because when the Lord spoke truth to her heart surrounding her marriage, she chose to have an open heart and be moved by His truth. 

May God speak to you through her story. 

She loves God.

She wants to share her story not because it's easy to share.

But, because it's her duty to share what God has done in her, and now, how He can do it in others, too. 

 

What is her story: 

Through many things, she started her young life away from God and was promiscuous.

So, sex was tainted from the beginning. When she got into marriage, she associated negative things with sex and now she is a repentant Jesus follower.

This sex-thing must not be important to God.

But then, her eyes were opened and God has done incredible things in her, her husband, and their family.   

Now she even has the desire for intimacy. True desire. She's enjoying it and desiring it for herself. 

It wasn't immediate, it was a process.

But you can get there, too.

I love you and I'm rooting for you.

 

Blessings,

Belah

 

PS - We'd love to join you on this journey. A single podcast episode isn't enough. 

I'd encourage you to take the leap of faith and decide it's time to address this head-on. 

And like Meredith, we'd love to join you on a (proven) journey, where you can come to a place of healing, joy, and even desire for the gift God gave Adam and Eve. 

Let's talk: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

When you sign up for a time with a Clarity Advisor - a trained graduate of these very programs - where it's fully confidential and judgment-free, you'll have time to process things you may never have before.

An opportunity for us to see how we can help you in your specific situation. 

We love you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

May 20, 2022

If you have temptations to jealousy, here's what I recommend. 

If you've listened to the transformation stories and become upset, angry, bitter, resentful...

I want to give you some ideas on what to do.

I get that way too.

I have certain triggers that throw me completely off. 

You might as well. 

I want to give you some ideas on how I deal with my triggers. 

And I want you to get really CURIOUS about what you can learn from these triggers to jealousy and how you can end the cycle. 

 

Blessings,

Belah

 

PS -- We'd love to help you on a Clarity Call, feel free to sign up for a free one here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

We get to see miracles everyday and we'd love to help you.

May 13, 2022

I've been there. 

Angry because he wouldn't change. 

Hurt because he wasn't giving me what I needed.

And God was kind to me. 

He helped me to see that there were places in my heart that needed to be utterly changed. 

This journey to freedom in your marriage is one that should start with the heart. 

If you're a wife, you may see yourself in Emily's story. I know I do. 

If you're a husband, you can see more of how you can serve and love your wife, and also, have hope that God can do miracles in your marriage. 

Looking forward to you being blessed by God's kindness through this testimony of Jesus' transformation.

Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you'd like to find out how your marriage can shift in the ways Emily speaks about, I invite you to join a free Clarity Call ($300 value) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

We'd love to serve you and witness God do a miracle in your life as well. Schedule now: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Last year, Belah was part of the special intimacy expert panel in the 2021 Sex Seminar (a huge success!). Well, she was honored to be invited back for the 2022 Sex Seminar, presenting alongside 22 other professionals in the field. Her topic is THE 8 BARRIERS WOMEN HAVE TO SEX. 

Next week, we'll be sending you a discount code for the entire seminar (which is packed full of value and helpful insights from all sorts of important intimacy topics) and we hope it will be a blessing for your marriage!

 
May 6, 2022

"I was pretty much done with life...I wouldn't have minded if I passed away. If this is all life has to offer, what's the point?"

 

A father of 7.

Deep sadness of his inner life. 

Deep pain.

Desperation.

 

But then... God did an incredible, incredible, incredible thing.

 

This title doesn't by any means tell the whole story. But I want you to hear the incredible result that God did.

(My other suggested title was "Zero/yr to 5x/wk and She Didn't Know He Did the Program!")

However, the process is what God did in His heart and the fruits showed up in his marriage and intimacy.

 

And after 10 months of nothing, she started initiating (A LOT) and loving him the way he receives love (in response to his change.)

 

My favorite part of this story?

That there are seven children growing up in a happy home. A man who no longer hopes for the end, but one who looks forward to what God is doing through and in his life.

That is a good God story.

Blessings,
Belah

PS -  If you'd like to have access to the program that Ken took, sign up for a free Clarity Call (a $300 value) to see if your situation would transform like his. We have a trained Clarity Advisor who will help you discern where you are and if DYM can help you.

Whether your marriage is good or desperate. We get to witness the transformation like Ken, but also that those who have good marriages go to great (!!) 

Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
 

PS - A recent grad wrote:

"My marriage has completely changed.

I would have not guessed that all of this could have happened in such a short amount of time…

and I will forever be grateful for what God is doing in y’all and through y’all!"

Why couldn't this be you?

Sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Apr 29, 2022

They're saying a lot of hurtful things.

They're saying it in a mean tone of voice.

Their face has the look of disgust, or worse.

 

You can feel your temperature rising. 

You can feel your face getting red. 

You can feel your rage welling up from the pit of your belly. 

 

Is it righteous indignation?

Is it because they need godly correction -- and fast?

Is it that you're just plain tired of being unfairly beaten down?

 

Well...

In the midst of that moment of emotional alarm...

When the atomic bomb is counting down and it feels like everything has to happen right then, or else...

And your "wise brain" - the prefrontal cortex - has gone completely offline and your "childish/immature brain" is the only thing left and can't seem to see anything but red alarm bells everywhere...

 

Here are 3 tools to dismantle the bomb BEFORE the explosion detonates and destroys and/or damages all that you hold dear

...hurting the people you love the most - those you're assigned by God to protect, respect, love, and cherish.

 

But just like a professional bomb dismantler (it's probably called that, right?)...

You've got to be trained AND you've got to practice before the bomb is about to go off. 

These are tools to practice. 

These are tools that will make you more like Jesus if you practice them. 

God has given us wonderful ways to respond to situations in the moment and here are 3 that I want you to have.

Looking forward to hearing how this impacts your life! 

Blessings,

Belah

PS - We'd love to help you have the marriage you deeply desire and increase how God can use you more effectively if you do have it.

Emotionally, physically, and spiritually fulfilled in God's design. 

Get on a call with one of our Clarity Advisors to let us hear your story and to have the insights to see how we can help you. 

This is a $300 value -- our gift to you for free -- so God can move in you and your marriage. 

It's a brave and important step to get your marriage healed: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Apr 21, 2022

SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you.

Three points are made in this episode:

1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them.

2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important).

3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions. 

 

A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body. 

However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentleness, and kindness. 

So, they came into marriage assuming they'd be able to replace their "frustration valve" of pornography with their wife's body. 

And surprise... they're still frustrated. 

Because that's not Jesus' way. 

They may struggle now with anger, aggression, bitterness, resentment, being judgmental...

Sex addiction, still...

Alcoholism, video game addiction, binge-watching nonsense...

Longing for your past sexual escapades...

Daydreaming about divorce so you could get a new partner...

Other similar things are unhealthy ways of expelling the frustration.

(Things that, if it was printed on the front page of a newspaper, you would be ashamed of.) 

 

I want you to know -- I am proud of you for even reading this email -- and if you're in any of these loops -- I think God is proud of you for facing it! Bravo!

Listen, this is not just for men, but I hope this will help you process what's going on with you a bit more.

 

Feelings are good. They're God given. They tell us something. It may be that WE need to process, mature, slow-down, feel grief, etc. so we can feel empathy...

I want you to listen to this episode because I really think it could help you and help all of us pursue Jesus better. 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

PS - If you want to dedicate a short season of your life to DO this practically. To live this out for the betterment of your marriage & intimacy but also in service to your kids and ministry -- I'd love to invite you to join a free Clarity Call.

On that call, a Clarity Advisor who is specifically trained in helping you draw out your emotions that may be pent up and looking like anger and self-righteousness instead of frustration and sadness.

People who chose not to move forward with our recommendation because of their current season of life or any other things have emailed afterwards to share how helpful it was for that empathetic and listening ear. 

We'd love to help, schedule a call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Apr 8, 2022

This is a great sadness to me.

When a wife steps out (even an inch) from her comfort zone and her husband mishandles this vulnerability. 

Whether it's an inch sexually or in any part of their relationship...vulnerability should be appreciated and complimented and encouraged. 

Your response to her discovery of more sexual freedom (big or small) should be, "Oh! How can I love HER more, too?" Not, "Oh, how can I perfect/change/improve her attempts?"

Because the second piece undermines her sexual freedom. That is what saddens me and makes me pray that God will help me do this thing better. 

That's why it grieves me at times that my podcast can be heard by both men and women... because the enemy WANTS your focus to be on yourself. 

The enemy wants you to be focused on whether or not you're getting your "fair share". Or on "how can she love me better". 

But if we can be more like Christ and put the focus on the other "how can I love her better?"

How can her attempts to love me... inspire me to love HER!? That's the heart I believe God wants us to have around this topic.  

This is a part of what our Masculinity Reclaimed program addresses. 

Maybe you have lost all hope that intimacy could be different and you may think you're doing all the right things -- everything I teach you to do, right? But, if it's still not working, you haven't tried the program and that might be the step you're missing. 

Listen to the testimonials please, because you'll hear some stellar men who were doing it "right" and just couldn't get there until they followed the program and got incredible breakthroughs. 

Our whole team will give you 100%, we'd love to have you on the inside!

Schedule a free Clarity Call to get started in our online courses to begin healing your marriage at delightyourmarriage.com/cc!

Love, blessings, & prayers,

Belah

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