"I was pretty much done with life...I wouldn't have minded if I passed away. If this is all life has to offer, what's the point?"
A father of 7.
Deep sadness of his inner life.
But then... God did an incredible, incredible, incredible thing.
This title doesn't by any means tell the whole story. But I want you to hear the incredible result that God did.
(My other suggested title was "Zero/yr to 5x/wk and She Didn't Know He Did the Program!")
However, the process is what God did in His heart and the fruits showed up in his marriage and intimacy.
And after 10 months of nothing, she started initiating (A LOT) and loving him the way he receives love (in response to his change.)
My favorite part of this story?
That there are seven children growing up in a happy home. A man who no longer hopes for the end, but one who looks forward to what God is doing through and in his life.
That is a good God story.
SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you.
Three points are made in this episode:
1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them.
2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important).
3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions.
A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body.
However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentleness, and kindness.
So, they came into marriage assuming they'd be able to replace their "frustration valve" of pornography with their wife's body.
And surprise... they're still frustrated.
Because that's not Jesus' way.
They may struggle now with anger, aggression, bitterness, resentment, being judgmental...
Sex addiction, still...
Alcoholism, video game addiction, binge-watching nonsense...
Longing for your past sexual escapades...
Daydreaming about divorce so you could get a new partner...
Other similar things are unhealthy ways of expelling the frustration.
(Things that, if it was printed on the front page of a newspaper, you would be ashamed of.)
I want you to know -- I am proud of you for even reading this email -- and if you're in any of these loops -- I think God is proud of you for facing it! Bravo!
Listen, this is not just for men, but I hope this will help you process what's going on with you a bit more.
Feelings are good. They're God given. They tell us something. It may be that WE need to process, mature, slow-down, feel grief, etc. so we can feel empathy...
I want you to listen to this episode because I really think it could help you and help all of us pursue Jesus better.
Love & Blessings,
PS - If you want to dedicate a short season of your life to DO this practically. To live this out for the betterment of your marriage & intimacy but also in service to your kids and ministry -- I'd love to invite you to join a free Clarity Call.
On that call, a Clarity Advisor who is specifically trained in helping you draw out your emotions that may be pent up and looking like anger and self-righteousness instead of frustration and sadness.
People who chose not to move forward with our recommendation because of their current season of life or any other things have emailed afterwards to share how helpful it was for that empathetic and listening ear.
We'd love to help, schedule a call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This is a great sadness to me.
When a wife steps out (even an inch) from her comfort zone and her husband mishandles this vulnerability.
Whether it's an inch sexually or in any part of their relationship...vulnerability should be appreciated and complimented and encouraged.
Your response to her discovery of more sexual freedom (big or small) should be, "Oh! How can I love HER more, too?" Not, "Oh, how can I perfect/change/improve her attempts?"
Because the second piece undermines her sexual freedom. That is what saddens me and makes me pray that God will help me do this thing better.
That's why it grieves me at times that my podcast can be heard by both men and women... because the enemy WANTS your focus to be on yourself.
The enemy wants you to be focused on whether or not you're getting your "fair share". Or on "how can she love me better".
But if we can be more like Christ and put the focus on the other "how can I love her better?"
How can her attempts to love me... inspire me to love HER!? That's the heart I believe God wants us to have around this topic.
This is a part of what our Masculinity Reclaimed program addresses.
Maybe you have lost all hope that intimacy could be different and you may think you're doing all the right things -- everything I teach you to do, right? But, if it's still not working, you haven't tried the program and that might be the step you're missing.
Listen to the testimonials please, because you'll hear some stellar men who were doing it "right" and just couldn't get there until they followed the program and got incredible breakthroughs.
Our whole team will give you 100%, we'd love to have you on the inside!
Schedule a free Clarity Call to get started in our online courses to begin healing your marriage at delightyourmarriage.com/cc!
Love, blessings, & prayers,
I never want to "get over" the miracles we see, daily.
But, you will be blown away by what God continues to do.
It can happen for you.
It can happen for your friend.
It can happen for your acquaintance.
Families do NOT need to be torn apart.
Husbands do not need to cry in their cars of loneliness due to lack of intimacy.
Kids do not need to grow up fearful and stressed because of the strife in the home.
Ministries don't need to be undermined by leadership infidelity (privately or publicly.)
God can change it all.
It's not automatic.
It is a system.
By God's grace, He uses "Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & love being married again" for amazing purposes.
For His glory. Listen in to understand that the work is heart work but the results are true healing, connection & intimacy.
Could it all be different in just 3 months? Maybe! For these gents -- it was! Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
PS - This cohort closes Monday, April 4, 2022
Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
(Enrollment is open for Masculinity Reclaimed program -- check it out here delightyourmarriage.com/minvite -- closes April 4, 2022)
Skeptical. Yep, that's Bill :) (Ehemm, *was* Bill).
I don't blame him. He had been through it. His first marriage didn't work out.
He came to peace with being single for the rest of his life, until his (now) wife came along.
Things were good for a while. Until they weren't. And then that lasted 20 years.
Bill went through these two major heartbreaks... there's only so much heartbreak we can go through til we don't want to have hope that it could change.
Why would it. How could it. It's been like this for so long.
Well, though skeptical, he thought he would try the program just for the betterment of himself.
And he worked hard -- ups and downs -- because it's real life. But after a year of continuing what he learned -- he's here to say that it can change.
God brought him closer to Himself than he had been for many years.
And God utterly transformed their marriage.
If you've gone through heartbreak in your marriage. I want you to have hope. It can change. It can. It can.
You may be skeptical like Bill because of your pain and history. It's ok. But listen and see if God has a reason you should still have hope.
Enrollment into the same program he took: Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & enjoy marriage again! is open now (but closes on April 4 at midnight EST).
Our whole team of graduates would love to serve you and help you to witness God's transformation just like Bill! All for His glory.
Join us! delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
Prayers & Blessings,
Click here to sign up for the all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! THIS Monday, March 28, 2022! delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse
How many broken, sad, dramatic stories have you heard this week, this month, this year? Where hearts are broken and families torn apart? Maybe you're even in a similar situation.
This is why I want to share as many of these transformations as possible. Here's where Steve began...
"I felt like I was looking down a long dark tunnel and there was no light at the end. Divorce wasn't an option. But I was feeling hopeless it could ever be different."
Sadly, this is not the first time I've heard a husband describe his marriage that way. He is committed to Jesus. He loves his family. He wants his kids to grow up in a Godly home, with joy and laughter. And he wants them to see what a wonderful marriage can look like.
But instead, his wife is cold. Stand off-ish. Sex is just a scheduled thing that happens because it's on the (very bottom of) her checklist. A lot of frustration and tension was in their home.
One thing you'll find out about Steve is he's not one to sit idly by letting the marriage disintegrate. This is why when he was searching for podcasts on intimacy, he stumbled on DYM and became an avid listener.
Well, I am happy to say that after 3 months of, only him doing the work, in fact, she didn't know! He said she had no interest in changing, working on the relationship or certainly not discussing sex... but God has done some awesome things!
I want you to listen today because it's when we hear stories that God puts hope in us to a greater degree (I think) than just direct teaching. It's really through stories that we hear someone's heart and we hear what God has done in them and in their marriages.
If you're struggling... I want you to resist the temptation towards jealousy. And instead rejoice that God is still changing hearts, lives, and marriages! (Even if only 1 does the work!) Steve can give you great evidence that it's worth it even on this side of heaven.
Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!
Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?
Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?
And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?
The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!
If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?
Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!
Here at Delight Your Marriage, God has blessed Belah with a lot of really good advice and encouragement for couples in this specific arena. Yes! There are principles that we can learn and apply to help us grow in our relationships - not just in the area of sexual intimacy, but in the overall connection within our marriage. This is what Delight Your Marriage is all about!
Okay, now this is THE bonus piece of information here that we hope you don’t miss because it can be cliche or common to our ears: THE key of loving others well is to be filled up with Jesus’ love and to lean into loving Him well! He IS love! As we grow in His love, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more abundant in OUR lives! I Cor. 14:1 “Pursue love…”
Would you pause right there and snatch that and think on it for a bit? I’m dead serious!
You know, we’re similar to a tree. Have you seen a branch on a tree that is partly broken off? What does the branch generally look like? A lot of times the leaves are shriveling up, right? The health of the branch is directly correlated to how well the branch is connected to the trunk of the tree.
Are we feeling shriveled up? Are we feeling unfruitful? Are we struggling to experience the abundant life that Jesus has offered to us? …That's a good gauge that we need to check our attachment to The Vine.
Do you need some guidance, accountability, and encouragement to grow in these areas? We want to help you!
We’re SO excited to announce we are offering a FREE men’s course - it will only be available for a very short time! We offer this only a few times/year. March 28th is when the first lesson will be released. Sign up here if you want to join us!
PS -- if you'd like to witness your marriage transform as these team members have (all of them saw dramatic changes in their marriages due to the DYM programs) then get on a call with one of our Clarity Advisors to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Have you lost hope of your marriage EVER changing? You're not alone! Many who come to Delight Your Marriage (DYM) have all but given up on their marriages. Some who come here, are separated and/or on the verge of divorce.
Many others, have good marriages but want an even better one!
In regard to the specific challenges that Minister Matt and his wife experienced in their marriage, he shares, "I kind of resigned myself to, 'That's what it is and this is how it's going to be.'"
After finding Delight Your Marriage, "It gave me hope for the first time in a long time."
Minister Matt found the supportive community within DYM to be a key factor to helping guys to continue moving in the right direction.
For those of you who are in ministry and feel somewhat isolated to get the help you need in your marriage, DYM is the ideal place to come!
Your marriages are likely under a higher level of enemy attack because of your position as a leader in your church or ministry.
We welcome you and offer a safe and godly environment to get the support and help that you need! We love you and want to pour into you and your marriage to release you to better serve in the critical work that you are doing!
Thank you pastors and church leaders for your work! Don't suffer and struggle in silence, don't settle for defeat in your marriage...FIGHT for your marriage, knowing that the battle is with the principalities and powers of the darkness and not a physical battle! DYM will help support you in the battle for your heart, your marriage, and your family!
One of the coolest things that I loved about what Pastor Matt shares on this podcast is that He felt God's encouragement in this pursuit to learn to love his wife well and grow in intimacy with her but He also challenged Pastor Matt that he and God were going to grow in intimacy at the same time!
God longs for our heart and devotion, just as we long for the heart and devotion of our spouse! This is an earnest pursuit for us here at DYM...the heart of God - as He has already pursued us!! Would you like to join us?
We WELCOME you! Schedule a free call with one of our advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
How would you rate intimacy in your marriage…any type of intimacy?
Do you wonder why intimacy is such a difficult topic in marriage? Do you wish you could understand why husbands and wives see this topic so differently?
How do you know if you’re off target in how you relate to your spouse?
Maybe you feel like you’re not the one with a problem, it’s your spouse…
“You don’t know what you don’t know!”
Listen in as Pastor Luke shares how things that he thought he knew and had a handle on, had a whole new light shone on them in Masculinity Reclaimed. He also discovered that some things that he had once found confusing, now seem so clear!
Pastor Luke explains why he thinks Delight Your Marriage is effective, “It’s easy for women to understand how women feel. It’s easy for men to understand how men feel, but if you can find a man who understands women or women who understand men, I think they have a responsibility to help bridge that gap. Belah has it and she is living into that responsibility. She is bridging the gap for men and for women to understand each other and understand how they are different and understand sexuality. What a blessing!”
So, you’ve been hearing about this Masculinity Reclaimed course and wonder just how effective it is. Pastor Luke shares his observation of others in the course with him…
“Twelve weeks is not a lot of time but I think probably every guy was experiencing some change, if not like insane amounts of change over twelve weeks, from just following these simple principles consistently.”
Pastor Luke also says, “The cost was well worth it. I would pay it again…The value was there. The quality was there. The group time with Belah was there…It was worth every single penny. What would you pay to have your marriage filled with intimacy?...I would be really, REALLY surprised if you regretted it after the program.”
We’re here because God cares about marriages and He has equipped Belah and the team here at DYM to help marriages! He loves you and wants to heal and redeem your brokenness! All who are weak and heavy laden, come find rest at our Savior’s feet!
We invite you to schedule a free call with one of our course advisors to see if we're a good fit for you.
"I wish I could have done this course before I got married." - Pastor Bennie
This is a statement that we commonly hear at DYM. Whether a marriage is good or bad, whether couples have been married many years or few, marriage after marriage has been profoundly impacted through DYM - praise God!
In this podcast, Pastor Bennie shares about his personal experience taking Masculinity Reclaimed - DYM's main coursework for husbands.
He shares how the course helped him to better understand and love his wife and helps to address heart issues - which is the root of the problem to begin with.
Pastor Bennie shares about the "massive" changes that he and other men in the course with him experienced while progressing through the course.
You know, I don't know where you are in your marriage right now, but I would want for every marriage out there the great results that SO many couples are experiencing here at DYM!
We invite you to consider if this may be the place for you to find breakthrough or even just a brand new level of great in your marriage. It has been that way for all of us on the DYM team, and we love sharing our new normal with everyone else...because you just can't help but share things that have totally changed your life!
You don't have to just take our word for it, Pastor Bennie and so many others have shared their stories, too! We would love for YOU to experience a better, richer marriage, too, so come on in and join us!!
delightyourmarriage.com/cc - I invite you to schedule a free call with our course advisor to investigate if DYM may be the right fit for you.
"She felt he was pushing her towards sex and she would pull away and it would make him angry".
After 37 years of marriage, God has done a work in their marriage. Even though they were best friends, this was something that was always this "friction" between them.
She felt like she was up against a wall all the time and being pushed caused her to have no libido.
She had never, ever spoken to ANYONE about sex, ever. And she said now she is able to speak about it. After 37 years of questions and pain, now she's feeling healing.
He thought he was expressing his heart and it was just pushing me farther from him sexually.
She says this freedom in intimacy "impacts everything".
I think this will give you so much hope and insights into what you can do as a husband, and how you can be encouraged as a wife.
God is still transforming hearts!
PS - If you'd like to find out if a program that Julie was discussing that she or her husband went through, join us on a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to speak to a Clarity Advisor (a $300 value, for free) to determine if we can help you like Julie.
What a fantastic interview with Gary Thomas!
If you're not familiar with him yet, I think you'll be glad that you are now!
Gary has a new book out: Married Sex -- to add to the other books that have been such a perspective shift for me and many I know. His heart is specifically about God's design for marriage as an opportunity to grow closer to Him.
I want to share one specific phrase, the tagline of his bestseller Sacred Marriage, "What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" That inspires me and encourages me away from secular values and norms, and provokes me to be more aligned with God's will and desires.
But know, dear listener, he believes that enjoyable and pleasurable sex is a great part of God's plan!
How? Well, we talk about tools and tips and understandings around sex and the differences in men and women that can give you a whole different view of what God intended sex to be.
Gary helps people open their hearts to more. And because you can see so clearly his pursuit for the Lord, it helps to hear him say some things about sex that you might otherwise think are not "appropriate" for a holy person. But the truth is they are and so much more joy can be had in this realm.
Do pick up his book Married Sex and check out more of his work at marriedsex.us
It was a true honor to get to speak to Gary in person as I have admired his work from afar. It really has been a huge blessing to me, my understanding of God as well as grace, joy and respect for my own husband. I'm excited for you to get to know him better!
PS - If you'd like to find out more about Delight Your Marriage accountability-based programs and live coaching, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com and click on Clarity Calls or other free resources.
Do you ever feel flat-out humiliated?
Oh my, do I fall into that sometimes!
I think the enemy feels glad about that -- and then the shame he heaps upon us while we're recognizing the mistake (and maybe the enormity of it.)
And that's when God's truth (as Kyle, DYM Mentor, reminded me of yesterday) is so helpful.
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1
See, when we go out of our comfort zone and try to do God's work, we're going to trip. And that's normal.
One reason I hope and pray that you have seen me trip is so that you can have more courage to get out there and do something that God has called you to do also.
It takes courage, and we're going to trip. I'll raise my hand to that.
We're going to mess up.
But the nice thing is God is present and He is helping us to get up and get better over and over again.
Note: Perfection isn't even a real possibility anyway -- who gets to decide what "perfect" even is? Who are we trying to impress, really? Which of the billions of humans' opinions are you going to listen to? And what if their opinion changes?
But if you say, "I'm going to do my best. I'm going to do something bold". You're gonna mess up sometimes. And it's good!
It feels terrible though. But that means you're still living. Just like a plant, if you're growing it means you're living.
We have to own it and clean up the mess we made, but thank God you're not perfect and you're still growing.
Also, the great thing about God, is that He may reveal your imperfections to those who admire you, for the reason that they need to see you as "not God".
They need to see God as God and you as a humble, imperfect servant who is just trying their best to make Him proud.
Bravo to you. You're out there! You're doing it!
We're not perfect. We're making a mess, but we're cleaning it up and trying to move forward a bit wiser and more compassionate next time.
(Also, if you want to see someone "making a mess in public" check out our website right now: delightyourmarriage.com
We're in the middle of a refresh. And it's definitely in the "getting there" mode.
Why didn't we put an "under construction" sign up and reveal once it's perfect? Well, then I would be taking away a lot of ways I serve you, plus how interesting is it to walk into someone's workshop and see what they're tinkering with as it happens? So, you're welcome to see how we're tinkering :)
Wishing you a fantastic rest of your day, may this episode bless you and give you courage!
PS -- If you'd like your marriage to go from ok even good to wonderful -- we'd love to help! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This is a resource to invite your wife to Delight Your Marriage, and to me, Belah Rose.
I would love for you, husband, to listen first and see if you might use this as a warm introduction to my material.
It's so easy to see words on a page and be repelled by it, but it's far better for us to get to know each other on a personal level and I'm hoping that's what this episode allows for.
(For those who have already gone through MR1 -- or are the recent graduating class -- I especially made this for you!)
If you've done the work on yourself, I think it makes sense to pray and ask God for His timing and see if this might be a tool that He can use for a brief and positive introduction to the work.
The work that is transforming families and marriages around the world -- by God's grace!
PS -- If you'd like your marriage to have the passion (even if you're really great friends right now), then you need to chat with one of our Clarity Advisors.
Allow them to hear your story and see if a program could truly make the change you're seeking. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
I think we often forget about the power of words. Especially if the "party" we're talking about isn't present.
But what about the "party" that is present?
Here's a true saying: "those who talk to you about others, will talk to others about you".
And when your spouse hears you judge another person, they may feel glad that you consider them a confidant.
But the problem is, they also get to hear what kind of person you are.
They understand if you judge others, you're going to judge them the same way.
And judging outside of the bedroom means judging inside of the bedroom.
A judging mindset doesn't stop when you get in the sheets -- and your spouse knows it.
And specifically, women, can't feel safe and free if she knows she's sharing a mattress with a meany.
Then, Jesus has some pretty scary things to say about our words:
"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken."
Who needs to go delete a few social media posts (or dozens?), amazon reviews, apologize to our spouse/kids/family/friends/acquaintances/coworkers, and repent bitterly for the silly nonsense we say!?
Gossip. Slander. Criticism.
Lord have mercy.
This episode is a message to encourage all of us to watch our tongue.
(Regardless of how many followers someone has... you may be reading/listening to plain-old gossip.
And it's on each of us to look away from the "juicy slander" and recognize it for what it is and recognize that the speaker will have to give an account for it.)
This episode is a message is to remember the power of the tongue.
In James, he says A FOREST FIRE is ignited through it.
I want to challenge our cultural norm to say.... all sorts of immature things :) I can only say that with a knowing through experience expression.
Thank you, dear listener...
...for always wanting to grow.
...for always trying to do better.
...for always wanting to make God proud of you.
Bravo -- and good on ya!
Have a great weekend.
Love and Blessings,
PS -- You need help in your marriage? You know where to find us! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We'll get on a call with you and see how we can support you to transform your marriage to peace, playful, and passion <3
Do you have your goals for 2022?
Do you have your goals for Q1 of 2022?
I don't just mean business/work goals. I mean goals that help align your life with God's will.
Do you have a system for discerning God's will?
Well, in this episode I give you my system for discerning God's will and writing goals accordingly.
It's thorough, comprehensive, "begins with the end in mind", and keeps an eye to meeting Jesus central.
Too often people fail to consider the big picture so the small picture seems like it doesn't matter. Well, I want to give you a serious kick in the motivation and "you can do it!" through this episode.
Because -- through Christ -- you following God's will, can be super practical and doable! Here's my system.
The beginning of January is when everyone is excited about goals, so I suggest you use that momentum to set your own goals for the next 3 months (Not year, 3 months -- you'll hear why).
Now is the best time to discern and commit to those goals.
Also, if marriage is on that list...we can help!
Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call (similar to a consultation) where a Clarity Advisor speaks with you about your situation and evaluates how we can help.
Our 3-month programs cost about what you would pay a marriage therapist if you did weekly sessions for 3 months. We have seen couple after couple experiencing huge benefits in their marriages! (Have you checked out our amazing testimonials????)
Ever considered how much that you paid to get married? (Average cost of a wedding in the US is $28,000 nowadays!) Maybe yours was far less than that, but may I ask how much have you invested since then...to make it a lifelong, intimate & happy marriage? Which touches EVERY area of your life?
2022 may be the year to get help on that vow you made however many years ago!
Sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to find out how we can help you.
No matter what your goals are in 2022...I want you to be intentional about discerning and setting them.
From all of us at DYM -- We love you and love being a part of your lives in the last year and are so grateful we get to be a part in 2022!!!
Listen in to today's podcast: 320-How I Discern God's Will -- Your 2022 Goals
PS - A recent wife graduate wrote, "I have so enjoyed working with Belah. She has opened my mind and eyes to so many needs and desires of my husband that I honestly was ignorant of.
I am so grateful for the way we have grown closer in our relationship both sexually and emotionally.
Even though we are in a busy, tiring stage of life with 4 kids - 5 and under, I still find myself craving intimate sex and alone time with my husband."
Sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to find out how we can help you.
Oh, we wish you a Merry Christmas,
and we wish you fear-free Christmas,
and we wish you a faith-filled Christmas,
and from all of us at D-Y-M!
That's just one example of why my kids drown out my singing when I make up words to popular tunes.
Regardless of my kids, here's another one I'm proud of...
Let it go.
Let it go.
Don't worry 'bout it anymore--
Let it go.
Let it go ---
Just wait to see what's in store.
We don't know, what God has planned.
But if we trust in Him --
He'll give us the strength to stand.
I am proud of that one. They... are not.
(I promise I sang neither of those on today's podcast episode.)
But today's conversation is about faith.
Faith is what we celebrate at Christmas.
The faith we have in Jesus being brought into the world for us.
And this is the faith I want to remind you of during this season that often can get crowded up with all the holiday festivities.
I want to talk about how vital faith is for the miracle you're looking for in your marriage.
I want to talk about how vital faith is for God's hand in your life.
And how -- I don't want to block God's miracles, because of my lack of faith.
There are nuances that I hope you'll listen to from the episode.
But what about when you have faith and God doesn't come through like you hoped? We walk through that as well.
Ultimately, from this episode this is what my aim is:
When we get to the other side of eternity and look back, I hope, hope, hope Jesus will "marvel" at our faith.
That I would not be offended by His choices, but I would have faith all the more regardless.
That I would not disappoint and frustrate Him by lacking in faith, especially after ALL the amazing experiences I've seen others have and those He's given me personally.
May we each stand in that place of faith that moves mountains.
May Christmas provoke us to walk nearer and in closer relationship with and in awe of the man who came to us...
Jesus, who is Christ the King.
PS -- I challenged you to pray about whether or not 2022 would be the year that you spent 3 months focusing on transforming your marriage.
And if it is -- I ask you to schedule a call with a wonderful Clarity Advisor delightyourmarriage.com/cc who can guide you through your own story and see how we can help.
PPS -- Those songs above are not copyrighted (yet--just kidding ;D ), so you can feel free to whip those out the next time you need a bit of extra faith and trust!
How do we process feelings in order to bring about healing into our relationships, rather than cause tension and strife?
Can we trust our feelings?
Do you struggle to interpret your spouses feelings? Does your spouse misinterpret your feelings?
This podcast will help give some guidance about healthy ways to process our feelings and the feelings of those who are in our lives.
What is your compass?
Although feelings are real, feelings can be a disastrous compass. Feelings are volatile, unpredictable, and often, not even accurate to reality.
There is a MUCH better compass to live by!
In order to act in wisdom with our feelings, they cannot be our leader! Rather than react to our feelings, we need to respond to our feelings.
To be direct in our communication is easy for the speaker, but it is hard for the listener. Does our communication style make those who hear us feel safe, cherished, respected, admired, and loved?
Yes, feelings - wisely handled - can be so helpful in so many ways! I invite you into this podcast with Belah as she shares some valuable insights on this subject.
On behalf of Belah, ~ Darcy
Oh wow -- what an awesome and surprising conversation I got to have with Ebony.
Firstly, this was supposed to be my opportunity to coach her as a recorded call for our ladies in the group. But, it turned into her sharing her testimony and wonderful insights and encouragements from her life that I just had to share with you!
She was raised by a single dad, her husband was raised by a single mom.
Due to trauma and difficult heartaches in their history, they've suffered many challenges.
She has 3 kids and wanted to rewrite the story of their future families.
When she found DYM it was after she had a season of working on her mental health through therapy. (Something I have done and highly recommend as well!)
When she found the DYM podcast, God started speaking to her through the material. And she decided to get on a Clarity Call and join the program.
She didn't tell her husband because so many times in the past she has said something, he'd get his hopes up and then he would be disappointed.
She decided she would do the work this time without him knowing.
And she started but was so sad to see him resist her efforts. It wasn't until she gave it to God and waited on Him, did her husband started pursuing her again! And now things are getting closer and closer -- in amazing ways!
As a woman of color, she has lived the unique challenges of her community and has come to a place of seeking to be an example of transformation for her own daughters and their friends.
God is doing amazing things in her life and by listening, I think you'll be lifted up and encouraged as well!
PS - Like her, if you're interested in a Clarity Call, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc we can listen and see if we can partner with you and witness what God may want to do in your marriage!
AVAILABLE FOR 5 MORE DAYS....
Last week was part 1, and today I'm excited to bring you the last few items to rekindle the romance, intimacy, connection that may have been lost over the years.
Today, I am giving insights on sex, including responsive vs. spontaneous drive and libido. Which I think will help men and women - high or low drive.
Seriously, if you know someone struggling in marriage -- these are the episodes to send them.
It's definitely high-level but if they'd follow it -- oh, my -- they'd be in a better place!
PS - If you need help, we're here! Sign up for a Clarity Call (free, but worth $300) to determine how we can help you... delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - For a limited time (this training is going away soon!) there is a free masterclass for Christian wives:
Wife, it would be an awesome Christmas present to him for you to take it! <3 Enjoy!
So this is a catch-all type of episode that seeks to give you high-level insights where you can almost immediately gain traction in rekindling romance, passion, and connection your marriage -- or just take it to the next level.
So, if you've been looking for something...anything that could help -- here you go!
If you have a friend who is on the rocks with their spouse, send them this episode (and the one coming out next week).
If they follow it, I believe they'll witness God's dramatic transformation.
PS - If you need help with your marriage immediately -- get on a call with a Clarity Advisor to go through how we can help you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - If you are a wife and want to give your husband true connection for Christmas... take this free masterclass only available for a short time -- go to delightyourmarriage.com/wm
JUST in time for the holidays!
Please listen to this before you have a blow-up with the people most important to you. I'll give you a lot of tools that you can implement immediately.
(Warning: All of the scriptures below and in the episode are personalized to your spouse, but if you know you'll be seeing a certain someone who triggers you, put their name in there, too!)
When I look at scriptures like...
“Do nothing towards [your spouse] out of selfish ambition or strife but value [your spouse] above yourself.”
“Care not of your interests but care about the interests of [your spouse].”
That's kind of a knock in the face needed to stop always thinking about ourselves, isn't it?
And don't most of our marital fights start because that's the only one we're thinking about?
I just wonder if we'd be proud of ourselves if a transcript of the last fight was read from the pulpit on Sunday.
But...you may be thinking about when your spouse comes at you with...
-Totally, self-centered criticisms...
-Immature and discouraging complaints...
What are you supposed to do?
That's what I'm going to help you see in today's conversation.
Here's the summary if you can't listen in right now...
1 - Have a daily prayer time for your spouse & a daily time in the Word so your heart and mind are shaped by God's leadership.
[Enter negativity from spouse]
2 - Wait.
3 - Could there be something you don't understand that is why they are reacting that way?
4 - Compassionately circle back after emotions have calmed and listen to understand, not to respond.
5 - [Several other things I include in the podcast]
6 - Witness God do amazing things.
In this episode, I also teach you how to personalize the Bible so it helps you with your marriage.
And how to get started loving this book (even if it feels like a chore now).
Suffice it to say that God cares about what comes out of our mouths. Here's another motivating scripture...
Prov 12:18 -- “Your reckless words pierce [your spouse] like swords.”
Let's let that word picture motivate us to hold our tongue!
Start at home, because that's your most important human assignment. The person you can harm or heal the most.
The final part of Prov. 12:18 “...your tongue -- if you are wise -- brings healing to [your spouse].”
Isn't that what we want, everyone around us to be healed? Is us "being right" more important than their healing?
When this habit is strong with our spouse, it impacts our habits with our kids, our extended family, our friends, our work, our light in the world...
I pray that this encourages you to be the peacemaker in your home - as that is what God, through His Word, asks of you.
PS - Get the help you need by speaking to a Clarity Advisor (a $300 value) for free here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent grad from the Masculinity Reclaimed course said, "Thanks for changing my life and my marriage in ways I didn't even think needed changing."
PPS - I've got a ton of free resources if you haven't yet checked them: delightyourmarriage.com/free
You have too much riding on this.
There is too much to lose or gain.
Don't give up.
My goal today is to encourage you. You're doing a really good job. Just by tuning in, you're winning.
You're seeking to love your spouse well, even when it doesn't look like it matters.
You're seeking to do God's will in the midst of your circumstances.
My husband is on the show today because he's the best encourager that I know. And I want you to hear from him how much he wants you to know, you're on the right path, you're doing the right thing, and I am proud of you.
PS - If you need help right away, get with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - If you have yet to check out our free stuff -- do so here! delightyourmarriage.com/free