There are too many marriages flirting with divorce. You may be one, if not you probably know several.
Maybe you're at a spot where you don't want to be there.
...you want to run away.
...your spirit is broken.
Maybe you've only ever thought it or maybe you've admitted it to others.
I want to invite you to take the power you have to see that there may be a real strategy to get this thing turned around.
The podcast I released is a roadmap on how to get to a place this thing turned aroundce where you maybe, could possibly want to stay married.
It's not easy when you have been beaten down, neglected, rejected, controlled...
What can you do?
I want to give you 5 Steps that if followed in order, can quite possibly save your marriage and actually make you want to stay in it!
I don't have to convince you that your life (your kids' lives...) would be better if your marriage became healthy and loving again.
I hope you'll take the encouragement to focus on this and make these important changes.
If you want to find out about my live coaching & accountability programs...
For wives: Intimate Freedom (accepting enrollment now) or
For husbands: Masculinity Reclaimed (accepting enrollment in mid-March) you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Sign up for the free PDF Framework here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/framework
If you're listening to this in the present, our world is in many challenges and the holidays may look different than they ever have for your family.
How can we see this as a gift?
If you're a husband...
-you have an opportunity to shift the culture of your marriage to one that attracts your wife towards frequency, engagement, and freedom in intimacy.
If you're a wife...
-you have an opportunity to shift your intimate interactions to one which attracts your husband to be a man of the fruits of the spirit, romantic, and the spiritual leader.
Either party can make important changes.
But changes are hard and risky. Risking looking silly. Risking being laughed at or judged because this is outside of your "norm".
Luckily in the midst of the challenge, there is a huge opportunity to redefine your "norm". Redefine the culture of your marriage.
Making a culture that actually brings you two together rather than tears you two apart.
That's my invitation today: look at this challenge as a gift.
During a challenge, everything can change.
You can use this as a jumping-off point for your entire marital culture to change: warmth, laughter, playfulness, and safety as well as passion, freedom, and frequency in intimacy.
This challenge is truly an opportunity for dramatic changes in your marriage.
My conversation today is with a wife who had a persistent husband.
After he worked on himself (!) he highly encouraged her to work with me in a program. At first, she wasn't happy about it and she felt pushed into it.
But through the process of understanding who her husband is... different than who she is, she discovered that God may be asking of her something that she didn't expect.
For wives: if you feel "pushed," (assuming there's not abuse and your husband is a good man) Diana's encouragement is to come at it with an open mind. "What do you have to lose? ...Your marriage"
I believe this conversation is one you won't want to miss!
For wives... Right now I have FREE training series for wives: Seductive Confidence, you can get it at delightyourmarriage.com/sc
(Be sure to sign up right now so you can have access to the training!)
For husbands: here's some free advice if you'd like to invite your wife to listen to my trainings: delightyourmarriage.com/advice
This is part 2 with my husband where we're talking about what seduction means to men.
I encourage you to "catch" my husband's heart. That's what's so attractive. That spirit is what encourages me to be generous in the ways my husband desires.
If you want more insight, on how to introduce your wife to my material, I have a special FREE Advice for Men To Invite Their Wives training.
If you're a wife and want to get access to a FREE training called Seductive Confidence Masterclass. I am excited to encourage more women to grow in their God-given right to be free, playful, and loving through intimacy!
Today is extra special because I have on the most amazing man I've ever met. Ehemm... my husband. :)
If you want to know why I am the way I am (well, regarding the generous things in intimacy), it's because this gentleman loved me really, really well and continues to every day.
It's not necessarily intuitive, but it is God's way.
This conversation will be instructive for wives -- who feel insecure and challenged by seduction -- and husbands -- who want to be pursued with playful and fierceness.
For men - You'll find out that gentleness and compassion are the keys to her heart as well as specifically what to say to her that makes her want to make you happy intimately.
For women - You'll hear from a really good man, what seduction means to him and why it's important.
If you'd like to get a free download of some of my favorite seduction tips, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com/tips and you'll be signed up for the Free Training on Seductive Confidence coming soon!
I'd like to give you a view of communication that isn't repressing feelings but also isn't open with all of them, at least not all at once. And when you are open slowly, you are in a way that encourages the good rather than discouraging everything.
I think in our fast-paced society nowadays, we feel this inappropriate pressure to share all the feelings we have about a topic (sex is a big one!) with our spouse because we need to get that checked off of our mental burden list. Or we need to finally unload or get it off our chest.
So we pile on all these painful complaints, criticisms, and unacknowledged feelings all at once.
And it causes huge divisions between partners and can take years to heal, if at all.
My encouragement in today's podcast is to think of your relationship not as a 30-minute conversation but as a 90-year conversation. There is no need to address everything right now.
There is a need to be respectful, kind, gentle, grateful, and loving in all your communication with your spouse. When that is your "normal," then there is an opportunity to strategically place encouragements towards a general movement in a direction that is important to you.
"But that could take months, even years." Luckily, you have that. And you are strong enough to shift things slowly but surely in the right direction. The shocking thing is if you are disciplined and you are careful, it may take way less time than you think.
One important piece is you can make yourself happy during that time and happier as you wisely encourage and compliment in the direction you desire. (More on that in the podcast).
This is giving the truth in love. We don't need to rhetorically cut each other because we're lazy or we're "good at fighting." We can be gentle, humble, meek, self-disciplined, and patient with the truth--even in response to our partner's accusations.
This way is harder and requires Jesus' strength and character, but it will actually move you farther faster. The other can set you back for years to come and may undermine the very thing you're trying to improve.
I hope you'll listen to this podcast with an ear for what Jesus wants for your marriage and interactions in it.
PS If you haven't yet rated and reviewed the podcast, I'd love to receive a screenshot and give you a $97-value training for men--for free!
Send me a screenshot of your review to belah at delightyourmarriage.com
If you're not sure how to do that and you listen vai iTunes, you can find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
Well, it all started with Steve the rooster. This is a good story. So...Step #1 - Buy a roosterStep #2 - Invite your mom overStep #3 - Just kidding... :P
If you're not already, sign up for LIVE, FREE Men's Masterclass on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday!
The best way to encourage your spouse is to attract them. I find it clear in the Bible that people have to be attracted towards Jesus by us living like him. Jesus did miracles and was compassionate to people before he ever rebuked them.
Hoping your day is going well? There's a lot of difficulty you may be facing right now, and one of the best gifts I can give you is rest. Well, not me but God.
It seems strange to think rest could help you cope with the intense struggle you're dealing with, but you may be quite surprised.
I'd like to share a podcast episode that is dear to my heart and my growth.
Why does rest matter to your life? Well, Jesus by no means hurried through life. He practiced Sabbath. He enjoyed His day to day life. Even children wanted to be around Him.
If we're stressed we don't spend the time to connect with our partner in a meaningful way, in or out of the bedroom. For women, usually stress kills her libido but can increase her need for emotional connection. For men, it often makes them crave the release sex brings but he has low capacity to be present to her emotions.
How can any of us not stress? There are bills to be paid, kids to raise, food to prepare, chores to accomplish every single day.
Rest doesn't fit into our lives.
But I would posit, as followers of Jesus, we can't NOT rest and be aligned with His will. We need rest to ensure we're on track. It's easy to be on the rat race for years and have no perspective to see what does God actually care about in your life.
If you don't have pause to calm your heart and mind, you can't discern what that is. It's not work, it's rest.
I am looking forward to sharing this with you. Good news: when you're rested, your intimacy in all ways increases.
Love and Blessings,
PS I am inviting you to save the date for the free LIVE Men's Training Oct 9 - 11!
You can sign up here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
In this episode, I have a former student who is in his 70s and has been married over 45 years.
Not only has he and his wife used some of these interventions themselves, he is also very well-versed in the research behind it.
He nor I am a doctor and this is not meant to be taken as medical advice, but it is worth asking your doctor about these possible solutions.
He also talks about the important health choices their family has made to keep them healthy sexually and vibrant even in their latter years.
For links to the many resources mentioned, go to the show notes page.
To understand the Framework that I taught he and his wife when they worked with me, go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/framework
With so much going on in the world, I think people are making big changes in their lives.
Given that people are becoming more aware of their own mortality, I think its making them decide to take action.
My encouragement in today's podcast: 256-How to Not Fail at Marriage, comes from a failure at marriage --ehemm --me!
When my first marriage failed I blamed him. When my second marriage was on the rocks, I realized I was the common denominator.
When I transformed myself, I witnessed this man change before my very eyes.
Now, that I work with many men and women from around the world, I wish I understood these truths and the essential Framework a wife and husband needs to not fail at marriage. And in fact thrive.
This episode is for you if your marriage isn't what you think it could be. I'd encourage you, if you know someone in that spot, this may be the perfect opportunity to send them insights that very well may transform their marriage.
None of us know when it's our time and God calls us home.
But right now, God has given us our spouse as the most important human relationship and I hope you honor it as such.
On today's show I cover:
-The 3 things men need to feel fulfilled in marriage
-The 3 things women need to feel fulfilled in marriage
-This Framework is what men and women need to understand to love each other the way the other receives love (hint: it's different for each spouse)
-What I wish I had known about sexual intimacy in my first marriage
-Why we are more respectful to strangers than our own life partner
If you are new to the Delight Your Marriage philosophies, this is a really good introduction. If you've been around for a while "repetition is the mother of learning" so I encourage you to take these insights too!
Find a deeper understanding of the Framework here!
Love & blessings,
PS - I'd love to invite you to send this to a friend if they're facing marriage challenges right now, this could save their marriage.
But the one about "do not covet your neighbor's wife," if taken seriously, guards against the "do not commit adultery" commandment.
Coveting is actually a very important sin for men AND women. We each need to take it very seriously.
It causes your sex life to dwindle if either partner is doing it.
Though men and women covet differently around sex, if given to that temptation, it has a huge impact on the bedroom.
God cares about our hearts. He cares about how we think and how we judge. And when we covet, we are taking our eyes off of what God wants us to focus on and consuming our attention with things that just don't matter as much and maybe they are even egregious sins.Coveting is actually a very important sin for men AND women. We each need to take it very seriously.Also, I talk about the sins of sex addiction and greed in this episode because I think they're very related as well.
When women covet the "neighbor's wife", it's still sin.Maybe we're jealous of another woman's flat stomach or some other standard of beauty we think is better than our own.
It causes us to hide, feel insecure and go away from intimacy with our spouse. Leaving our marriage more exposed to potential destruction.(Also, ladies, I still have to fight against this! That's our fight to win--the fight in our hearts and minds.)
If you want the specific Framework I use when working with my clients to help them love--the way their spouse receives love.
When you discover how your spouse receives love, and fulfill them in that way, they will naturally naturally love you the way YOU receive love (men differently than women)!
So go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework for the free download!
Have you been hurt? Have you been disappointed?
By your spouse. By those you love. By God.
I think the answer has to be yes. Disappointment is part of the human experience.
Jesus was disappointed and hurt by those he loved. But he somehow put his disappointments in a category where it didn't slow down His mission to do God's will.
In this episode, I share how I felt disappointed by my husband and went about things the wrong way.
And I share what I should have done (for your benefit :)
Yes, I'll share how to motivate your spouse to do what you want, but more importantly what to do if they don't. It's a perspective shift that's required if you're going to have a healthy and happy marriage.
But also I share how to have less disappointments and be less hurt by your spouse.
If you've been disappointed by God, I want to speak to that as well.
Especially as this pandemic is taking it's toll on so many in so many different ways, we can easily get disappointed at God. How could he do this? How could He allow this?
How does He not stop this? I want to speak to this.
I aim to comfort you and help you process your disappointments and give you a road map of how to have a much better sense of control when you are seeking to heal things with your spouse.
Love & blessings,
Hoping you're well? In challenges, my aim is to keep showing up and helping inspire and empower you to have a wonderful marriage and intimacy in it. To that end...
This is Part 2 of my Interview with my husband about his perspectives on fatherhood (and why that makes me so attracted to him!)
Is it his ripped abs and amazing biceps?
Well... let's just say he's got a very healthy "dad bod" going on right now. :)
Truth is, the attraction may have started out physical, but became emotional. Because that emotional attraction is there, it flows back into a physical desire for intimacy.
So, if you're concerned that the "Quarantine 15" (aka weight you put on because of being in the house all the time) has left you less attractive to your spouse, I'd say worry more about your character, which will attract her to you.
To answer the question: what makes me so attracted to this man?
His sincerity. Kindness. Genuine care for me and our family... that makes me want to love him in all the spicy ways possible.
Just by tuning in, I think you can "catch" his heart and emulate it.
Check out the episode: 253-The Sexiest Dad Alive! Interview with My Husband, Part 2
And as an added bonus: it's more efficient than the hours in the gym... it's about what's inside.
Here's a story that's not in the episode...Last night, our just-turned-7-year-old insisted that we relax on the couch with our wine while he made us dinner.
He found a recipe for tacos in his school book and asked daddy to buy the right ingredients, so he could make it!Then when the 5-year-old finished showering, he taught his younger brother how to scoop the salsa, avocados, beans and lettuce into the shells.Between the two of them, about 1/8 of the ingredients landed on the floor...
But golly---we ate dinner and didn't have to make it! You better believe those boys got some serious compliments and encouragement for treating mom and dad to a "feast"! And because of our reaction I'm sure it won't be the last time!
(You should have seen those boys puff out their chests!)Am I bragging? Well, maybe. I think there is purpose to it. I'm hopefully casting a vision of what's possible when you have an amazing marriage.
I never saw or heard of such things. EVER. Growing up. So, maybe this is me sharing a vision of what I wish I had had.Here's what I've learned...
My son treats us that way because he imitates his dad. His dad treats me that way. And (I fail plenty... but..) I sure try to treat my husband that way.
"I listened to a three part series about being peaceful and laid back [Episode 214-Transform to Be Easygoing Part 1 of 3].As I listened to her husband talk I fell to my knees in tears. I have been teaching men for a long time, and have been thirsting for someone to look up to. Yes, it's Jesus.But I heard Jesus's character in these two's hearts. It was beautiful hearing Belah laugh at and affirm him.I loved it when he spoke so highly and with gratitude of her and listened to her sounds in the background.Their interactions and emotion while speaking is novel in a world where we are so used to sarcasm and selfishness and calloused feelings about our kids and loved ones."
You have an Assignment (1 Cor 7:17). A plan a purpose God laid out for you to do.
A set group of people He wants you to impact.
Jesus didn't assign you to everyone.
He even had limits on himself.
Jesus himself limited his prayers: "I am not praying for the world, but for those whom you have given me" John 17:9
But if we think that we're supposed to be doing everything, we'll miss who He is really assigning us to. Thus, His perfect plan doesn't go forward.
This impacts your sex life, and is impacted by your sex life. Whether you're a woman or a man this has impact.
I think this allows us to all take a breath and say, "Lord help me to know who you have given me.
Help me to be content with who you have given me. Help me to truly serve, love and impact only those you have given me".
And if all of us did that... then the world would look a lot different, I think.
I share how I'm doing that in my life, with my family and in my current launch of the renewed Masculinity Reclaimed program right now.
I share how men I've worked with (who I believe God put in my assignment) have been able to stop "burning with passion" even though they're married and get on with what God wants them doing. Because after my program they are more Christ-centered men.
One--maybe surprising--thing I share in this episode is how I wish my ex-husband took the Masculinity Reclaimed course. It's basically written for a man who thinks like that to help him become a man who thinks like my current husband...a man by his behavior and heart motivates me to want to make love to him. (I'll tell you it works!)
I hope this encourages you to deeply reflect on your Assignment and the role sex plays in it. And I pray that will help direct your steps.
Enrollment for the Masculinity Reclaimed program is open now, but is closing very soon, so I hope you register now. Delightyourmarriage.com/mrsp
This is probably THE question I hear in one way or another over and over again.
Lights off, sheets up and "vanilla" sex is the refrain that is very frequent.
Why is she like this?
How can this change?
What about specific things she's squeamish about like "intimate photos of us", anal sex, and mirrors?
If you'd like more insight on anal sex: delightyourmarriage.com/sod
All that is covered in our conversation! Especially for men, but helpful for women!
In the Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again!
You'll learn how to strategically transform your marriage so she WANTS to enjoy sex with many new positions, visuals and variety...
...a 92% success rate!
We are launching very soon (and won't be opening up the doors til next year!) so go to delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining to get all the details!
To my beloved listener,
I want to encourage your heart in trying to understand what’s happening and why.
I know you’re doing hard work to figure out what your role is and should be in all of this.
And I commend that so much. <3
Also, as you’re going through so much right now, I hope you rest.
I invite you to practice self-care especially right now.
I hope you’ll read, write by hand, & meditate on Matthew 7:12-24 & Galatians 5:19-24
(Further reading: Further resources: I recommend this interview you listen to and interview with Brene Brown and Ibram X. Kendi and a message from Bishop TD Jakes.)
By Gods grace... We’re going to get through this.
PS If you're signed up for the Men's Training: from her "duty" to her desire, delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining it will be released Saturday and the rest next week!
If you're not signed up, be sure to soon (it'll only be available for a limited time!)