Since Thanksgiving is coming up and we’re around people we love, but sometimes have strained relationships. We wanted to repost this episode so you can apply it to your family relationships and your spouse.
We love you and wish you a peaceful and grateful-filled Thanksgiving!!
Sometimes we look at our blowups and wonder -- how did we even get here?
How did a wrong turn, an unpaid bill, an unwashed dish, or a burnt potholder... turn into World War III?
What happened here?
And why is this kind of nonsense tearing our family apart at its foundations?
It's because you're not really fighting about a potholder.
You're fighting about all the unmet expectations from the years and years of pain you've experienced. And so is your spouse.
How do you get out of this cycle?
And more important: what does Jesus require of you in this cycle?
What does it matter in eternity whether or not you succumb to these kinds of blow ups?
Well, my goal is to give you a bit of fear of the Lord to decide you are going to be a real follower of Jesus and the blow ups aren't gonna fly.
I hope you'll listen in with an open heart and a desire to grow and be edified. And ultimately a desire to grow closer to God's will for you.
PS - Two things:
1 - If you haven't yet checked, there are a ton of helpful free resources here: delightyourmarriage.com/free
2 - If you need immediate help, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to get a free Clarity Call where someone from my team will speak to you deeply about your specific situation and see if we can help.
If it can happen for others, it could happen for you, too! From a MR graduate:
“We have prayed, we have read books, we have listened to podcast, and we have sought counseling, both individually and as a couple. They sometimes produce a little hope but we repeatedly fall back into old habit cycles.
I needed to try something different. This program provides a different approach through a team coaching framework. I wanted different strategies and individually focused feedback.
I have become a better person. Period. I am more patient, kind, loving, gentle. I am actively seeking the Fruits of the Spirit in practical behaviors. I am more forgiving and less apt to be offended. My wife SMILES AT ME OFTEN WHEN I WALK IN THE ROOM. We have more laughter and playfulness in our home. She holds my hand and cuddles with me. She tells me with her words and shows me with her behaviors that she enjoys making love to me.”
Often preparing for Thanksgiving is the real STRESS.
So -- guess what!? Make love now, so you have a connected, peaceful, and truly enjoyable Thanksgiving next week.
Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!
Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?
Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?
And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?
The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!
If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?
Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!
Here at Delight Your Marriage, God has blessed Belah with a lot of really good advice and encouragement for couples in this specific arena. Yes! There are principles that we can learn and apply to help us grow in our relationships - not just in the area of sexual intimacy, but in the overall connection within our marriage. This is what Delight Your Marriage is all about!
Okay, now this is THE bonus piece of information here that we hope you don’t miss because it can be cliche or common to our ears: THE key of loving others well is to be filled up with Jesus’ love and to lean into loving Him well! He IS love! As we grow in His love, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more abundant in OUR lives! I Cor. 14:1 “Pursue love…”
Would you pause right there and snatch that and think on it for a bit? I’m dead serious!
You know, we’re similar to a tree. Have you seen a branch on a tree that is partly broken off? What does the branch generally look like? A lot of times the leaves are shriveling up, right? The health of the branch is directly correlated to how well the branch is connected to the trunk of the tree.
Are we feeling shriveled up? Are we feeling unfruitful? Are we struggling to experience the abundant life that Jesus has offered to us? …That's a good gauge that we need to check our attachment to The Vine.
Do you need some guidance, accountability, and encouragement to grow in these areas? We want to help you!
We are not currently offering a free men's course, as this is a repost of this episode, but we do invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our course advisor. This is an opportunity for you to be heard...to share your story, to evaluate where you are in your marriage and life journey, and whether or not our courses may be the right fit for you or not.
We love you and wish you a peaceful and grateful-filled Thanksgiving!!
On behalf of Belah and the rest of our team,
PS From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:
"Today my wife and I celebrate our … Anniversary, and thanks be to God our marriage is better than it has ever been. As I sat this morning writing my daily gratitude's and LTP's (going strong), I am overcome with gratitude for how helpful your ministry has been.
Going through the program last fall was truly one of the most transformational hinge times in my life - first drawing myself closer to the Lord, and only from that coming first did we experience some unbelievable changes in our marriage.
By Gods grace, we've always had a "good" marriage - free from major issues or troubles, but since have learned how wonderful God really intends for this union to be. Ups and downs persist, they always will, but DYM has helped show me the tools & knowledge to navigate them and have a thriving and God honoring marriage.
I am forever thankful for DYM. Thank you for following your calling and your dedication. Have a wonderful weekend and God bless!!!"
We share these testimonies because God is SO good and He wants good in your marriage, too! We want to inspire hope and faith in you! Nothing is too difficult for Him!
(Alliteration is such a... joy--isn't it? :) Hoping that gave you a needed chuckle...
Mick's story is GREAT!
He is a dynamic, charismatic, and tell-it-straight kinda guy. When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that seemed on target.
Well, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage.
But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband.
So... with lots of smiling he shared that they enjoyed (like never before...ever) "full-blown, wholehearted sexual intimacy...truly unbelievable."
Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility. He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage.
He was ready to do the work and take 100% responsibility AND accountability for himself. His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage.
Is there hope for you?
We serve "the God of hope." (Rom 15:13)
In fact, He wants you to "overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Same verse ^)
I encourage you to listen to Mick's story and witness God's transformation in him. Maybe you need this. Maybe a friend does…and you get to be the one to share it with them (like a friend shared it with his wife, and thus God did THIS in his marriage AND HIS KIDS!!!!)
Love & Blessings,
PS -- We'd love to see if we can serve you in a Clarity Call where you dig into your specific journey and we help you clarify the challenges, where you're going, and WHY.
And if we genuinely feel you'd be the right fit, we might invite you in (our Clarity Advisor is reimbursed regardless of the end result -- because this is truly our gift to you.) Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Quote from a graduate: So... with lots of smiling he shared that they enjoyed (like never before...ever)... "full-blown, wholehearted sexual intimacy...truly unbelievable."
If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".
My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.
What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.
You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.
For many, it works (by God's grace).
But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.
This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.
Here's what I hope for you.
I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.
Whether they do X or not, you get to love them the way Jesus does.
The cool thing is...
Humans are designed to respond very differently to unconditional love.
Humans let down their guard.
Humans start to act differently when they know the rug won't be pulled out from under them at any moment.
The desperation ends.
Peace and freedom begin.
And marriage can become pretty amazing.
BUT your motivation should be to love your spouse unconditionally and enjoy--every moment--every smile--every laugh--every miscommunication--every peculiar habit--enjoy life alongside this wonderful God-designed being you get to love.
PS If you would like help in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our course advisor.
PPS From a graduate:
"It has transformed my relationship with my wife and with my coworkers and those I supervise. It has given me tools to listen and pray better and got me into the habit of daily gratitude. Every married man, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy your marriage, will benefit from the MR [Masculinity Reclaimed] program."