So, what I’ve noticed is that all of us are insecure. For some of us it’s more obvious than others.

It shows up in life, and it shows up in the bedroom.

I want to talk to you about what men are insecure about around intimacy and I want to talk about what women are insecure about around intimacy.

We have the opportunity to help our spouse feel more secure.

But how do we help our spouse when we ourselves are struggling with fear of judgment, rejection and body image (to name a few)?

Well, I think we need to understand where that fear is coming from.

And that’s what we explore together on today’s show.

Do you feel worthy?

Do you treat your spouse like they are worthy?

How can you help your spouse not be so insecure...

-around sex,

-around professional things,

-around the ways that they are in the world?

Hint: it’s different for men and women.

(To understand more about this framework, and get a free PDF download go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework )

So, on today’s show I want to tell you about what I think will be helpful for you to love your spouse in a way that will make them

-take down their guards,

-be less perfect (yep perfection is a mask for insecurity)

-be more vulnerable,

-be more messy & real,

-be more kind & loving,

-be less awkward,

-be more open, and

-be more secure.

And you too.

Addiction runs rampant... for most of us. Myself included. 

Especially when we're facing tough things: anxiety, pain, loneliness, vulnerability, identity, significance.

During a stressful time we are trying to avoid the pain...

so we move towards the pleasure of distraction, entertainment, alcohol, gossip, food, video games, cigarettes...

God has specific insight into what to do on a consistent basis to bring us to PEACE.

Specifically, I'm thinking about this scripture...

Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him".

That makes me what to squirm and run away and pretend I didn't read it and that it's not in the Bible.

If I'm really honest my response is

• "but I'm too important to wait" or
• "there's too much to do to wait" or
• "waiting is not going to help anything"

Waiting feels like facing the tiger that's chasing me. The truth is when I wait, when I'm patient, when I am still... I discover over and over again that it's a paper tiger.

Is meditation new age / non-Christian? I talk about that... and how to ensure your meditation is Christian.

I share what I do to be still and be present in intimacy and OUTside the bedroom to impact my pleasure in intimacy.

Also, when "Receiving" in intimacy is too hard, there are other ways that are easier at times and bring us together in beautiful ways.

A few resources I mentioned:

The Craving Mind by Judson Brewer MD, PhD

Deep Work by Cal Newport

International House of Prayer - 24-hr worship streamed online

Live a Life Worthy of Your Calling (the song starts at 1:18:15)

Delight Your Husband: The Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex by Belah Rose

--

I'd like to invite you to be on my email list. I send emails a couple times a month and I'd like to offer you some free resources for you...

For wives, you're welcome to get "8 Tips to Stay Present" in the bedroom:

www.delightyourmarriage.com/present

For husbands, you're invited to get the "7 Blocks to Her Libido" which clarifies what may be keeping her from desiring intimacy in your marriage.

www.delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks 

I'm very excited to share this interview with Dr. Kahn a renowned cardiologist (seen on Dr. Phil and The Doctors tv series among other great accolaides). This is my second time having him on the podcast and you're in for a treat!

What you put in your mouth affects your intimacy. (And I mean outside of the bedroom! :)

From libido to sexual response, our diet helps or hurts.

We also talk about COVID health and how the studies are showing there are specific things you can do to help your immune system (and of course be very focused on prevention).

On our last podcast I shared what I'm doing health-wise and how I think those things helped my health when fighting COVID -- some of those things Dr. Kahn encouraged (and some of them he DIScouraged!)

I encourage you to listen in to discover what may be most helpful for your intimate-life and your overall health. 

You can find more about Dr. Kahn's work at drjoelkahn.com

Check out some of his books: Vegan Sex, The Plant-Based Solution, and his newest one Lipoprotein(a): The Heart's Quiet Killer 

Hi there, 

Happy Good Friday. It feels a bit strange going to service online, but the beautiful thing about Jesus is we get to meet Him anywhere because of what He did for us on this day so long ago.

I am curious how you're doing? I've been praying for you and hope you're doing ok. 

We haven't chatted for a while because I've been a bit behind. My husband and I got COVID. The real one. 

You probably have heard of plenty of really sad stories. I wanted to share ours to hopefully encourage you and add one story to the "FAITH pile" in your heart.

How do we know we got it? Well after a grocery store cashier sneezed on my husband a few days later we got flu-like symptoms and then we both lost our taste and smell! 

​​(JFYI it's SO weird to not be able to taste or smell anything).

For me, I had super mild symptoms (thanking God!) and my husband has fairly mild symptoms though he's yet to be 100%.

When she found out me, my husband or my 2 sons (ages 5 and 6) hadn't crossed the threshold of our cozy NYC apartment in 13 days and we've had a peaceful and contented existence throughout, (by God's grace)... a friend asked "what is your secret weapon?" 

Well, that's what I share in our conversation today, so you have it too: "Your COVID Secret Weapon". 

I think there are a few things you can focus on amidst the chaos, anxiety and stress that will benefit you, your marriage, your health and ultimately the Kingdom of God. 

(At the end of the broadcast I share the specific health things I do that I think helped our situation as well, in case you're interested in hearing my opinions on it -- immune health is a personal passion of mine.)

Spoiler alert: I talk about intimacy being vital during this time. 

​​So I would love to have you listen for encouragement and PRACTICAL insights on how to use this time to HEAL your marriage. 

Blessings & love, 
Belah

Corona virus, COVID-19, has impacted you. 

For so many the fear is tangible. 

I know it's impacting your marriage. Sadly the divorce rates in China have skyrocketed as a result of the quarantine. 

I don't want that to continue or become worse.

I want to help you. In your marriage, in this time, is it possible to be a soft landing DURING this crisis?

How can you get better? How can you and your spouse grow into the people God wants you to become DURING this crisis. 

Many of us have a lot more time on our hands. (If you're in the medical field, please know we're praying for you).

How are we using that time? 

I want to invite you to a FREE online workshop: SOFT LANDING Webinar: Be encouraged & be loved by your spouse DURING crisis

On that webinar I'll be launching a brand new group: Delight Groups to help you stay encouraged DURING the crisis. 

You don't have to do this alone. If you want to sign up for the THRIVE webinar or learn more about the groups, sign up here. 

Fear activates.

Over the Christmas break my son had a very serious health crisis. And we cried out to God. And God moved. My faith was increased and everyone who has heard the story was impacted to trust God more. 

Have you ever heard, "There are no atheists in foxholes"? People want hope to grab onto. And when reason fails to give that hope, the power of God can come in to help people experience His love.

This is an opportunity to be an example to all who you know. 

Don't be the victim who numbs your fear, but the leader who stands in faith.

Believe me I've been the former, but I am want us to stand up and encourage and pray and love those who are in fear right now. 

As Jesus-followers, we are lucky to know that this earth is not the end. But how do we encourage and pray for our neighbors? How can you start now? You may have a lot more time on your hands. How can you start to encourage and help others even RIGHT NOW?

Encourage your spouse. Love them generously so they can do their best in the world right now. Prioritize peace in your home so the storm isn't ALSO raging in your home.

Sign up to my newsletter for more encouragement during this time: www.delightyourmarriage.com/present

And you'll also get my 8 Tips to Stay Present in Intimacy 

Love you and I'm praying for you,

Belah

In the midst of the storm that you both would be bound together. That any worry or fear would be replaced with faith, hope and love. 

So, I messed up. I'm throwing myself under the bus here. I'm having trouble having grace with myself. I share what happened here. Maybe you can totally relate to my situation, or maybe you can't. Hopefully you'll at least be amused by my humbling...

We all have thorns in our flesh to keep us humble so hopefully this will be encouraging to you... to see me hum-iliated :)

Also...

I want to help you be motivated toward intimacy. Whether you're a wife who needs motivation to love your spouse with sexual intimacy or you're a husband who needs motivation to care about your wife's emotional desires... or anywhere in between. This is how to be motivated to intimacy: emotional, physical and spiritual in your marriage!

Enjoy!

A couple of FREE resources I mentioned (after you're motivated of course) is learn to seduce!

The 5 Amazing Seduction Tips delightyourmarriage.com/tips

Also, for men to understand their wife and how to remove the blocks that are keeping her from intimacy: delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks The 7 Blocks to Her Libido

Thanks so much for listening--looking forward to speaking again next week!

So, I hear you.

And I validate your desire.

I wish wives would understand the importance and privilege she has to love him the WAY HE RECEIVES love.

With that in mind, I want to encourage you, dear husband.

Jesus KNOWS about your high sex drive. In fact, God is responsible for it. It's very clear in the Bible that He knows and designed you with it.

So, when I am encouraging you in how to view your wife, it's actually the most PRODUCTIVE thing you can do to bring you both at a better place in intimacy. 

It's not the last step, but it's the FIRST and has be there BEFORE anything else.

If you want to understand the next 12 steps (literally), you can sign up for a FREE Clarity Call (worth $500!) where you and I will talk about what your SPECIFIC situation is.

You'll get clarity and great value and as I'm listening and discerning whether or not you'd be the right fit for me to expect amazing transformation in your marriage:

-like a husband who was celibate for several years because his wife shut him out now they're making generous and enthusiastic love several times every week! 

-like a husband who walked on eggshells hoping his wife wouldn't reject him at night and she hadn't initiated in 20 years - now she's the ONLY one initiating and they're making passionate on a consistent basis!

If that's what you'd like to see in your marriage, I'd love to consider your story on a Clarity Call and IF I think you're the right fit I may invite you to work with me. Go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/call

(Due to capacity, I am only offering this call for husbands at this time though I have some options that may include them if I feel it's the right fit.)  

You may have an inkling, but I bet you'll be surprised by my guest Sharon Jaynes (sharonjaynes.com) and the interesting topics we dig into to help others understand in what ways the Song of Solomon was speaking about intimacy between husband and wife.

(Hint hint, they're not talking about the farmer's market). :)

Sharon Jaynes has authored over 20 books and is passionate about women walking confidently and freely in their God-given calling. She loves marriages and seeks for women to be free in intimacy as well as love their husband through prayer. Sharon and I had a lot of fun talking about how the Bible specifically gives us the green-light to do far more in sex than most Christians realize. Listen in!

Be sure to get Sharon's new book: Lovestruck: Discovering God's Design for Romance, Marriage, and Sexual Intimacy from the Song of Solomon to find out even more!

--

A couple of free resources I mentioned on the podcast that I'd love to offer you:

• delightyourmarriage.com/present - for wives the 8 secrets to stay present in intimacy
• delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks - for husbands to understand the 7 reasons she is blocked from having a higher drive

Why did she heal? 

What motivated a woman who was a size 0, undernourished, had been abused horribly to decide it was worth the challenge to heal?

How did she heal and now have a thriving intimate life with her husband?

Catherine gives us insight, hope and practical tools for you. You too can be healed, by God's grace.

Whether you were abused or your spouse, this will be helpful to understand the process and know that complete healing and restoration is possible for you!

Catherine is incredibly inspiring and has used her story to bring light and safety to so many through her organization Stop Trafficking Us (stoptraffickingus.org) which helps people out of being trafficked. 

If this resonates with you and you'd like some additional tips on how to stay present during intimacy, I'd love to also give you a free resource: "8 Secrets to Stay Present during Intimacy".

You can get it here: delightyourmarriage.com/present 

Today's interview is a story of resilience and hope. 

Catherine goes into her story lightly because her full story is extremely difficult to take in. 

HOWEVER, there is hope. Catherine is a living example that God can heal you. 

1 in 4 women AND 1 in 6 men have suffered some form of sexual trauma. So, the healing needs to happen for SO many of us. 

What can you do as a wife or husband to heal? 

What can you do to help your spouse heal?

What are the underlying causes for pain for the person who is trying to help their spouse heal?

There's a lot of great insights even for practical and fun ways to heal... yeah it doesn't have to be another exercise in pain to heal.

God can help even when the mood is light!

To find out more about Catherine Wilson's work, visit: https://www.stoptraffickingus.org/ 

If thoughts are inhibiting you in the bedroom and you're a wife, I'd like to get my 8 Secrets to Staying Present in Intimacy for FREE, you can go to this link!

Part 2 is coming out next week, I hope you'll come back for that on Thursday!

So this is one of those topics that even when we're talking about intimacy we don't talk about. 

But because I have the honor of speaking to women and men about some of the stuff they have never told ANYBODY, this comes up. 

I want to share this episode because I want to help you. I don't want you to feel alone and icky and like you're sinning. Maybe you're not OR what are the specific Biblical boundaries?

Maybe there are small tweaks you can make to your thought-life that will align them with God's will. Maybe there are wees growing in the garden of your mind and they need to be pulled up and we'll talk about that. 

But you may be surprised by some of my thoughts even around homosexuality. It starts in the mind and what we focus on grows. Just because someone has same-sex attraction doesn't make them gay. I want to clear about that because that's an insecurity a lot of people have. 

I believe we all have proclivities, it's what we do with those proclivities that matter. Some of us are more violent, some of us easily lie and some of us have other proclivities we need to keep in check. What you focus on grows. So if you're focusing on the ways God wants you to be attracted and turned on by your spouse, I think you might be quite surprised by the way God will redirect your thoughts, feelings and even stimulation just by directing your fantasy-life.

--

I am SO excited to invite you to my 3-part FREE Online Seminar, people had amazing things to say about it!

www.delightyourmarriage.com/renew

There's only a couple of days left to go and get the replay! 

"Belah, your webinar was absolutely amazing, we both enjoyed it and can't wait for the other 2! You have such an incredible insight on the male - female relationship that we haven't seen from any other relationship expert!

Your content was spot on and was such an awesome introduction. Where were you 25 years ago!!!!!!!" - Husband

"Thank you so much, Belah, for the distilling a lifetime of wisdom and teaching about God's plan for marital happiness, family harmony and personal fulfillment into one webinar!!!" -Wife of 32 years

"Belah , your webinar was absolutely amazing , we both enjoyed it and cant wait for the other 2!

​You have such an incredible insight on the male -female relationship that we haven't seen from any other relationship expert !

​Your content was spot on and was such an awesome introduction . Where were you 25 years ago !!!!!!! Lol"​​​
-Husband

Wives:

As a wife who was bewildered by his desire and feeling grossed out by it, I get it!

But more than that... my hangups included, it's dirty, wrong, sinful, perverted, from the pornos, etc etc etc.

But he kept caring about this. And he wasn't the only one.

And now I hear from husbands all the time about how important this is to them. 

And these guys aren't jerks, pigs, or abusers. 

They're God-honoring gentlemen, who love their wives, they're good fathers and they want to enjoy their lives and their marriage and LOVE HER THE WAY SHE FEELS LOVED TOO!

--

Husbands:

On this episode I have some practical (VERY ehemmm practical) tips for you. This can be something for you guys in your marriage even if you've been married many years!

If you're tempted to ask your wife to listen to this... consider for a bit. Will it make her feel forced? 

Instead, I want to invite you to my live, free webinar series coming up!

This is an awesome opportunity to get your wife introduced to my work.

It'll have intimacy sprinkled in but it won't be as focused (and possibly alarming to someone not really on board with my concepts).

But you'll want to attend the webinar too because it'll have golden nuggets for you two! What can YOU do to encourage your wife in this?

ReNewed Connection: Deeper, Loving Relationship & TRUE Intimacy!

--

The other free resource I mentioned is The 7 Blocks to Her Libido resource!

Looking forward to having you at the Webinar Series. (Also, if you are seeing this in the future, you can go to the same link and gain some kind of helpful material!)

ReNewed Connection: Deeper, Loving Relationship & TRUE Intimacy!

Oh man! You're going to get a lot out of this one. Larry Shushansky (from https://www.independentenough.com/) has 40 years of experience as a psychotherapist. We dig into what conflict is, why it happens and how to deal with it. But also that it is GOOD for your marriage.

However, MOST couples do conflict WRONG---thus it's BAD for theirs. Don't let yours be in this category!

He has been featured on: Psychology Today, Fast Company, Chicago Tribune, The Huffington Post to name a few... and it shows!

Some things may SURPRISE you.

• How could conflict be good?
• How do you MAKE conflict good?
• What does it mean to be independent but also dependent in your marriage?
• Aren't you supposed to be vulnerable with your spouse? So, why would you also be independent? Is there some kind of manipulation here?
• My hope is it will challenge you to think way differently about conflict and your connectedness with your spouse. 

Oh, and Larry and I have a conflict about something. I think you'll be really interested to hear! Neither of us backed down and he says we did it right.

--

Also, I mentioned that I'd like to invite you and your spouse to attend my Live and Free webinar series:

New Year, ReNewed Connection: Deeper, Loving Relationship & TRUE Intimacy! Sign up here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/renew2020

This is for couples (or people to watch on their own) and a ending segment JUST for wives. If you're looking for an easy segue-way to invite your wife to be interested in my work THIS IS IT.

Or if you have friends that need this work but you don't know how to talk to them about DYM because you know... sex. I get it!

This is a easy to digest and hints of truths about intimacy but nothing as strong and explicit as I have on my podcast or other material. Its a super easy intro as well as extremely helpful relationship tools.

Looking forward to having you!

Love,

Belah

If you’ve listened for a while you may be at a spot where you’re really hoping your spouse would tune into the content. 

Especially if you’re a husband there is a way that may be really effective around the holiday. 

“Honey, for my Christmas present would you [read this book, watch this video training with me...]?”

I have seen this be an effective way to encourage your spouse towards listening and recievubg some of this content that isn’t always the easiest to invite her to listen to or read. 

If you’d like to sign up for the free, limited offered 3-part video series go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/video

If you’d like to read my book Delight Your Husband: The Christian Wife’s manual to confidence, passion and oral sex, you can find it onAmazon in ebook or paper book. I’m working on the audiobook so that’ll be available soon!

God bless you this Christmas season!

Belah

The new year is just about upon us! But how are you prepping for it? How are you making sure you're growing in the ways God wants you to?

In this podcast, I invite you to think about the ways God may be asking you to reflect on the year you've had. I encourage you to have a pen and paper handy so you can jot down what comes up for you. 

Why is this a difficult task? I discuss the 3 reasons people don't reflect, but then the way it's vitally important if we're going to be the people God wants us to become. 

Don't go through a difficult season and NOT learn the lessons He wants you to. You'll just be doomed to repeat that same sad, painful situation. 

But when you reflect effectively, it gives you hope, peace and faith that God is going to guide you in the next season as well. 

When you go through this exercise you'll be able to know how you should focus for the new year. I encourage you to spend the time before the new year focusing on what He wants you to. 

With that in mind, I'll be taking 3 weeks off from the podcast so I can focus and listen and plan for 2020. During this time I hope you'll prep yourself for the new year (feel free to relisten to podcasts you may have missed or wanted to listen to again!). 

I'll speak with you in the New Year! Merry Christmas and God bless!

It's that time of year. Happiness and fun and joy is expected. 

Is it reality for you? 

Do you have joy in your heart? 

CAN you have it? 

I want to talk about this because the holidays can be extremely difficult. And I want to invite you to think about the things you can do even today that will change your perspectives. 

How do you make your life aligned with your deepest values and highest vision? I speak specifically about tools that will help you get there.

If you'd like the Prioritize Your Life chart I talk about you can email me at belah at delightyourmarriage.com

If you'd like to listen to an extremely inspiring story of marriage and love, check out this podcast with Joni Eareckson Tada - When Disability Challenges Your Marriage 

I'd love to have you on my 3-part Video Training that will be up for a limited time: The 3 Keys To Seductive Confidence

Happy Thanksgiving!

PS Don't forget to sign up for the video training! The 3 Keys To Seductive Confidence

We argued yesterday. Knives were involved. Well truthfully, it was a disagreement at a restaurant. But the actual emotions happened way before the restaurant. My husband is on the show again (back by popular demand!) to tell how he was feeling and what he did and why.

Why is this important for your intimacy? A wife wants to make love to a man she feels safe with. If you're arguing in a way that makes her feel unsafe, then you're repelling her from the very thing you crave.

I want to share this podcast because I think we have HORRIBLE examples of marital conflict. We take our cues from movies, dramas, chick flicks and sitcoms. All of which have very unhealthy and hurtful aspects.

I want to give you a vision of a REALLY GOOD conflict. One where each of us weren't "perfect". But each of us allowed our value of intimacy, connection and love to be higher than our emotions and impulses.

I hope this gives you encouragement and inspiration in your next emotional challenge between the two of you. There's another way and there are specific tools you can use to NOT leave you or your spouse bloody and bruised rhetorically.

---

If you're a wife and interested in the 5 Tips To Amazing Seduction go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/5tips

If you're a husband and interested in transforming your marriage to one of friendship and PASSION, go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/call and sign up for a FREE 40 min call ($500 value) and we will dive deep into what is blocking your intimacy and what are next steps for you! 

Your first time having sex, was it just like my experience? A bit awkward, NOT like how the movies portrayed it, and maybe even a BIT uncomfortable?

So now that you've done it a lot more, I bet what was uncomfortable in the beginning has started to feel a lot more comfortable, right? So, would you like to ENJOY it more?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions:

• Should I initiate? 
• Should I just go for it and stretch myself and seduce him?
• Is it okay for me to suddenly change and just go ahead and seduce him and be sexy?

Here's what I talk about in this podcast episode:

• How to enjoy the process of seduction and lovemaking more
• Why it's okay to be silly before being sexy
• What EXACTLY you need to do (practical tips and more!)

A lot of people say that DATING SEX is BETTER than MARRIAGE SEX. Well, that is what Delight Your Marriage wants to change.  It is our mission and we want to change it so that marriage sex is hotter, more enjoyable, and the best sex that anyone will ever have! 

Absolutely NOTHING in this life stays the same. If you choose to change and stretch yourself to become more seductive, then it's definitely okay! And you will actually ENJOY sex more. 

If that's not where you are in your marriage right now, it's okay to be gentle with yourself. God is a God of new beginnings. We can always start over and change and grow your marriage into something you enjoy and look forward to! 

Resources:

I’d love to receive your answers to this VERY QUICK survey which will help me give you the kind of content you want to hear! Go to: www.delightyourmarriage.com/seductionquestions 

Also! Get 5 fantastic and practical tips to amazing seduction here!:

www.delightyourmarriage.com/5tips

I used to think "if I just got thin enough then I'd be confident." But, then I did. And I didn't. 

Our society tricks us into thinking beauty is only a certain thing. But God made us beautiful. And when you don't love your body your chances of loving sex is far lower. 

On this episode I want to help you see more clearly and not have the inappropriate expectations of yourself that is inhibiting your joy and passion in sex. 

I also have some help for husbands on how to help their wives in this area. 

I used to be bulimic when I met my husband. He has loved me through lots of different shapes of my body and I gotta tell you, that kind of love encourages a wife to be sexually free and pleasured.

I answer:

• How can you feel more confident in your body
• Why the negativity is stealing your sex drive
• How you can conquer the inner critic
• The balance between loving your body and being healthy
• What the FIRST step is to getting there

If you'd like more specific tips on how to seduce, here's a FREE resource for you: The 5 Tips On Amazing Seduction PDF

Love, 

Belah

Also, if you are looking to get clear on what's really blocking you from having incredible intimacy, I'd like to invite you to a FREE 40-minute Clarity Call ($500 value) with me to help you uncover what is really going on. If I think you'd be a good fit for one of my programs then we can talk about that. But you'll get fantastic value either way! Schedule here!