This is the next part of Communication Secrets and I think it's an important addendum.
We talk about what to do when you're disappointed with your spouse.
When you want them to change.
When you feel they were irresponsible.
I have two examples for you:
1 - When a friend was irresponsible and God brought conviction even when He kept me from saying anything.
2 - When I was irresponsible (I know---unbelievable!) and God brought conviction even when my husband didn't say anything.
I hope this brings you encouragement, direction, and skills as you attempt to live God's way in your marriage.
PS - The free Masterclass is coming up soon (for a limited time) and I encourage you to sign up ASAP so you don't miss it! delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
PPS - I'm excited to invite you to an "Intimacy Secrets Summit" that I was honored to be a part of. A superstar cast of intimacy experts that I would encourage you to get a seat with! Coming up next week!
So much stress revolves around communication.
I've been there!
My husband and I have miscommunications everyday.
Today, for example, I was telling him about a sore in my mouth and he was sure I was talking about Europe.
That is silly and allowed for laughter.
But what about when someone is lost and just hoping for the other to quickly look up directions.
Or when you're in a stressful situation and one of you is incomprehensible (to you).
Well, I want to invite you to reframe what good communication is.
I want to invite you to consider what really matters in communication with your spouse.
I try to debunk some unhelpful cliches:
"Your spouse should be your best friend", or
"You have to be compatible with someone to be happy", or
"If you don't connect on common interests, you'll die a miserable, lonely, painful death.”
Alright, that last one isn't a cliche I've heard! (but maybe have felt?)
Let's get some fun back in our lives and let miscommunication be the fodder!
PS If you need immediate help in your marriage and you've seen some changes from podcasts so far, now is the time to let that inertia grow into long term transformation with training and tailored support.
So if that's what you need, get on the phone with a Clarity Advisor and they'll see if we are the right fit for your situation: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Two brothers were at the playground the other day.
I was talking to their mom. This happens to be a beautiful playground with a huge fountain and amazing monkey bars, places to run, sand, swings, ride-on toys, and loads of other kids to play with.
But guess what these two did? They fought over the same circular "stool" to stand on!
The mom and I laughed. With everything available for them to do, THAT is what they had to fight about.
Then I think about God.
We get into squabbles with our spouses. Over...
Who told the story most correctly, who knows the quickest way to the store, what they really meant by that phrase, whether or not they're late, who squishes the toothpaste out correctly...
Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His thoughts higher than our thoughts, are His ways higher than our ways.
God have mercy!
May we get it right...get into God's will for us.
That starts with the fear of the Lord.
The fear of the Lord puts our lives, habits, tiny things we do, and ways of being into the perspective of eternity.
I talk about how vital it is to get into the Word in order to see things correctly.
We can have absolute faith in the Word when we pursue people who have studied this. In fact, many people who started as atheists studied it and became Christians. The discipline is called "Apologetics" and I encourage you to pursue it to bolster your faith and then get on with what God wants you to do in this world.
...And let me tell you it doesn't include squabbles about toothpaste (or other things that are at that level of small, childish thinking.)
Listen in for perspective shifts and encouragement.
PS - Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to have a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to get help for your marriage right away!
I really do mean this title.
I keep seeing miracles, but when people don't recognize God's working in their lives... it may not continue.
It seems that sometimes people can get so fixed in a mindset of misery that when God does a miracle, they can think it was just a fluke and go back to their same ways of thinking.
The problem with that is, when your wife does something out of the ordinary and you don't thank God for it and have a grateful heart about it, she thinks it didn't matter to you and doesn't do that, or anything more, again.
Or, if your husband finally does some movement in the direction you've desperately prayed for him to go, but you don't believe it's really real, he decides it doesn't really matter to you so he decides he won't do that (very vulnerable) thing again.
We have to recognize God's miracle, let go of the past, trust His hand in our lives and live like He has done the work.
Ten lepers were healed. Jesus didn't call it faith that they were healed.
He called it faith when the one leper came back and praised God for the healing.
I don't think it was that they weren't grateful. I think they doubted the miracle. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe it would have happened anyway. Maybe it won't last.
And the problem is, from the story, Jesus only said, "Your faith has made you well," to the one who praised God for the miracle.
Sadly, I don't know if those other 9 got to keep their miracle...
I encourage you to recognize God's hand in your life. Call it a miracle. Praise God for it and witness Him continuing to work in your life.
PS - If you need immediate help in your marriage, sign up for a Clarity Call where a Clarity Advisor (trained by me and a graduate from DYM programs themselves) will help discern if we can help and what the right next step would be! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Do not let the sun go down on your anger IS a scripture.
But for us go-getters it often feels like an argument has to get settled before any of us go to sleep.
So there we are fighting about sex at 12am and wondering why the conversation didn't make both of us feel warm and connected?
My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her.
My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her. Forgive him.
And... as the scripture actually reads:
"Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger".
And get a good night's rest. Then be wise about how to have a real and connecting conversation in the future that moves the ball forward.
Short and sweet today. But hopefully powerful for you!
PS - If you'd like some free downloads check them here: delightyourmarriage.com/free
PPS - We're hiring!
I'm looking for an awesome part time Tech person who loves Jesus and DYM -- who knows about online business-type apps, integrations, and basically the stuff I don't :) And that you love tech!
You'll be trained on our particular tools, our tech team and I currently use, but I'd like you to come with some fantastic skills to bring to the table!
You'll be joining an amazing team and have the opportunity to use your skills and passion to truly impact lives around the world for the Kingdom!
Send an email to email@example.com and we can send you more details. <3
I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it.
Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral.
Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good.
My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean.
Maybe it's our human nature?
Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do...
He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.
(We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader.
And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.)
But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse...
I was doing everything and unless I would nag, push, correct, complain, teach, criticize... it wouldn't get done.
I was so exhausted.
It wasn't until I decided to
and no longer hold his past over his head---let him be a new man in my eyes,
2-let God change my heart according to His will,
3-change my words, and
Did I witness my husband transform.
And He changed without my "brilliantly helpful" input.
I also speak to women who have experienced betrayal in the form of pornography, an affair or something else.
My heart breaks for you. I would love to hold you in your legitimate anger and pain.
And I want to give some guidance on what I think is helpful next steps.
I encourage you to listen with an open heart and see if God has a nugget of wisdom that you need in your life.
PS If you need immediate help, please apply for a Clarity Call ($300 value) for free at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Clarity Advisor (graduates of DYM programs) will walk through your specific situation with you and help discern if this is the right fit for you to witness God's transformation of your marriage. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Also, I have loads of free content to get for you: delightyourmarriage.com/free
We're all insecure.
Which I think is why God says "do not fear" so often in the Bible.
The only one we are to fear is Him. (Which when we get that right, it puts everything else in perspective and it's a lot easier to not fear everything else.)
We have to take courage in all aspects of our lives in order to do God's will. And when we fear the wrong things we get off track.
Whether it's fearing rejection or meanness from your wife. Or whether it's fearing what he thinks about your body.
When we take courage in one area of our life it permeates to others. When we take courage in our intimacy in our marriage, it permeates to taking courage to do what God wants us to do in other people's lives.
I am really excited to speak to you today about the fears that typically hold men and women back from doing intimacy the way I think God intends: naked and unashamed, aka naked and courageous.
PS - If you need to speak to someone about what a next step might be for you in your walk and journey.
You can apply for a Clarity Call where a member of my team a Clarity Advisor may be able to speak with you and determine how we can help you get to where you're yearning to go.
PPS - I have a ton of free resources for you at delightyourmarriage.com/free
PPSS - Oh! And I was interviewed on this cool youtube channel the other day by a friend from long ago. It's exciting to see where she is and that she shared her platform with me. Check it out here!
If you've ever heard my husband on the podcast, you'll want to hear him now. I was speaking to a mom at the playground and she was remarking at how calm Darrow is. "I think babies love him because they can somehow sense his calmness and presence. It's very unique.” I couldn't agree more.
On today's episode, you'll hear the amazing stories! (I was hoping to go "rapid fire" through a ton of the stories... well, we definitely didn't do that, but I think it's actually a lot better this way.)
If you're a man who is suffering in your marriage, you will find encouragement, validation, and hope---you are not alone. Your marriage can change. It has for many others.
Where these men started from was seriously bleak. But, wow! It is wild to see where they they have gone! Darrow says it's like they were stuck in this deep, deep mud - frustrated, angry, in pain, sad, and ready to give up (you may be able to relate), and now they're on the red carpet - like a dream. No one would ever imagine they were ever in that spot.
Listen in today to hear my husband's advice, suggestions, and plain-old encouragement to you, dear listener.
PS - The free Men's Masterclass is going on right now, but it will be closing soon, so be sure to sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass.
PPS - If you're ready to enroll in Masculinity Reclaimed for the fall semester, space is limited and we'll close enrollment if we hit a certain size, so be sure to go to delightyourmarriage.com/mr-enroll-fall and sign up asap.
JFYI - Anyone who signs up on the first day of enrollment - Thursday, July 22, 2021 - will receive a free team strategy session with me directly!
I'm so excited to witness God transform your marriage, too!
So, this is such a fun story to share. I believe it will inspire hope, excitement and most importantly faith that God can do this for you too!
I remember speaking with Timothy on our first call together and the sincere pain and loneliness he felt with his wife which was so visceral and real.
He reached out firstly just to thank me for an encouraging podcast that he stumbled upon after a really tough moment between he and his wife and it encouraged him.
My heart went out to him. A big part of him thought the state of his marriage was "just the way it was".
How could a class fix that?
Timothy shares what happened to him when he got the tools and training of Masculinity Reclaimed.
What happened to his marriage when he implemented it.
What changes he made.
Week in and week out he "showed up" and did what I asked -- and what I think you can tell by listening to his story is that he changed.
She didn't know he was doing the program, but she started responding to his change.
He was a "Delight Your Marriage binge-listener" before. (I'm super honored for those of you out there! :)
But it wasn't until he was actually in the Masculinity Reclaimed program where the principles I teach are ordered in the way that his marriage needed with tweaks particular to his situation to heal and then be on a completely different trajectory.
Before he worked so much because he didn't have a reason to be home, before she didn't want to spend time, always on her phone,
And guess who cuddles up to him now?
And guess who initiates much more often?
And asks for new things in intimacy?
And has magically dropped life-long the body image concerns and now gives loads of flirty visuals?
Timothy has witnessed his wife become a very different woman because of the way he has changed!
Now people comment to them about how much fun they have together.
Timothy just graduated from the MR program this Spring, and if you want to be in the Fall Semester of Masculinity Reclaimed, I have a "sample" free Men's Masterclass which you can sign up for here.
The free Men's Masterclass is starting Monday, July 19 - 21.
Enrollment in the Fall Semester of Masculinity Reclaimed opens July 22.
I'm so excited for God's miracles to continue to surprise and encourage us toward faith and glorifying Jesus' work... in more mens' lives, more marriages, and continue the good things only God can do!
(Also, keep in mind, Timothy said: "most of the guys" in the course got his kind of results... just wild.) Listen to hear more.
Love & Blessings,
If you are wondering why she won't initiate or she doesn't have passion when you do...
Here are a few things you may be missing.
Too many men reach out to me and work with me that need this.
If we really believe the Bible, then its instruction will solve the "unsatisfied sexually" dilemma in your marriage too!
Spoiler alert: Being the spiritual leader is a turn-on for your wife! Here's why.
Maybe it didn't matter to her early in your relationship, why would it matter now?
What does being the spiritual leader mean? What would help her to feel like you're filling that role?
And here are practical insights to give grace that will motivate her. I fall prey to the issues all women fall prey to which cause us to lose focus on priorities.
How do you help her in a way that motivates and does not repel or bring distance between you two?
You'll also hear from a missionary in a hard-to-reach country about how his marriage lacked passion and frequency, but he shares what he was getting wrong and how you can get it right.
Also, that missionary went through the free masterclass back 3ish months ago.
It's accepting registrants again so, if you're not yet signed up, the free men's masterclass is coming up next week Monday, July 19 - Wednesday 21! Register asap.
This only happens a couple of times a year, so I encourage your o put it on your calendar and be sure you're registered!
After the free masterclass, you'll have the option to enroll in the full, 3-month Masculinity Reclaimed program, opening July 22.
So sign up for the free masterclass, and you'll get all the details to sign up for the Masculinity Reclaimed program!
The free masterclass starts July 19 at 11am, and the free masterclass trainings will be available for about one week.
Coming up on their 35th wedding anniversary, Kim didn't even want to celebrate.
"I don't like you.... I don't want to be mean, but I don't want to lie either".
And Kim definitely didn't want Russ to listen to my material. Because she didn't want him to think more about sex than he already did.
But, after taking the Free Men's Masterclass, Russ felt God told him to go forward with the paid Masculinity Reclaimed program... without her knowledge.
He felt (at least at first) it'd be better for her not to doubt his changes were sincere and not just to "get sex," plus he admitted his motivations became more sincere as he went through the program.
But now she knows...
And I'm excited for you to hear what happened at their anniversary just several days before this recording.
How their marriage, intimacy, and kids have changed. And what SHE thinks about it all now.
If you're suffering in your marriage with pain, feeling unloved, I think hearing from Kim's perspective what changed in her husband that drew her to him and transformed their marriage, will help you have faith for your own.
This is real life and there's time is still required for trust and healing -- but you can tell they are well on their way and there is an openness that only God could have created. Love and
PS - 1) Announcement: The Free Men's Masterclass: Passionize Your Marital Intimacy (even if you're the only one doing the work) is happening July 19, 20 & 21.
So, I encourage you to get registered and mark your calendar because it's only live for 1 week. Assume each day's lesson requires 1 hour, including homework.
I was speaking to some men yesterday who took the Free Men's Masterclass and they emphatically told me about how valuable it was.
Some men have been signed up for months. If you're registered, mark your calendar to be sure you dedicate the time to go through it.
2) Announcement: For those of you who have been waiting for me to reopen enrollment for the paid program...
The Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy, and love being married again, enrollment opens on July 22!
The free men's masterclass I mentioned above provides awesome value and insight and if you want to go deeper and see dramatic transformation...
Join the full Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) is enrolling July 22 -- sign up for the masterclass to get all the information.
The MR program will occur July 29 - Oct 28, 2021.
To find out all the details, enroll in the free men's masterclass :)
Today's topic is a topic that I hear a lot about from men and women.
I'm addressing men because I think there is a lot of misunderstandings about what turns a woman on. I want to give you some practical help. I'm not mincing words here (though I do make up my own--if you're a long-time listener you understand. :)
This may be some of my best guidance for men, and so I hope you listen with a pen and paper. But women may never have been able to articulate their challenges before, and this may give them language for it...
- What matters to her in orgasm
- How to tease
- How to make her enjoy the experience
- Why she doesn't now
Men, I believe this could transform your intimacy if you let it.
PS If you like this, I have a FREE Men's Masterclass coming up Monday, July 19, Tuesday, July 20, & Wednesday, July 21. This is a great effort for me and my whole team (including interactive coursework and an opportunity to win discounts or free coaching with me). Some men have been waiting for this to reopen for months, so register now and add Mon.-Wed., July 19 - 22, to your calendar. (Assume each lesson is about 1 hour -- for the lesson & homework). delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
Life is messy.
Things get busy.
Our focus can get on things that just don't matter.
We get to start over.
We can take a breath.
We can reach to see God's perspective.
What does He think about this situation?
What matters to Him most in this difficulty?
I don't think we can see His perspective unless we're well-rested.
Unless we "come to Me all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.”
It's a discipline to come to Him...to receive His rest.
It's a discipline to not fill your schedule, mind space, sad moments, loneliness, or even the spots of boredom with things that crowd out our possibility to ponder God's perspective on it.
Because God has a totally different perspective on our lives than we do.
We all get off-base.
Loving our spouses the way they receive love isn't natural.
We're seeking to do something supernatural when we love our spouses well.
So if you are noticing you're falling on your face while trying to do that, or you've gotten off track in loving them well...
God wants you to rest, refocus and get back out there -- He is rooting for you.
All is not lost, He is refining you on the path and in the ways He chooses.
Today's podcast goes into how to rest, how I rest, how I refocus, and how I suggest you "start over" in your marriage and all other areas of your life.
PS - If you haven't looked yet, there are really fantastic free resources at delightyourmarriage.com/free!
She wanted nothing to do with touch, much less intimacy.
She loved the Lord and it took a journey for Him to bring her to a place where she was ready to receive teaching around the importance of intimacy.
When Dana felt like her marriage was all but broken and then God took her on a journey and helped her to see what was missing in their marriage.
They hadn't made love (at all) for years.
And when she took the Free Women's Masterclass the Holy Spirit spoke to her and completely transformed her marriage in a week!
And this is her story of transfomration.
From being repelled by his touch to craving intimacy with her hubby!
PS - If you'd like to take the Free Women's Masterclass that Dana speaks about it's available here for a limited time! delightyourmarriage.com/sc
PPS - If you're a husband who is hoping and praying for your wife to have this kind of transformation, let's see how we can help you.
Fill out a Clarity Call application so you can speak to a DYM Clarity Advisor -- someone who was in your shoes and the Delight Your Marriage programs changed their marriage and life: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
"It's part of life."
But it really is, IF we're growing. If we numb and distract ourselves away from God's growth opportunities, we can really get off track.
When you have made a mistake, own it, apologize for it, learn from it, and tether yourself to Christ BECAUSE of it.
We can't do this on our own. We're not supposed to. And if you think you can, sin is probably getting in there.
When you make a mistake it is a grace.
"It is His kindness that leads us to repentance." Romans 2:4
How cool is it that he redirects us on THIS side of eternity.
Accept a failure as a gift.
A gift to grow.
A gift to say "never again".
A gift to completely change everything.
A gift to make an important tweak.
A gift to make a life-altering habit change. (Yes, habits alter our lives... more on that another time!)
Bravo to you for growing. Bravo to you for listening to God's leadership.
"His ROD and His staff, comfort me." Psalms 23:4
His rod is his direction and redirection -- we get to be comforted by the fact that He will not let us go off the path into danger. If we allow his rod which is firm and instructive to guide us.
Listen in for encouragement and the knowledge that your failure is a GOOD opportunity for God's work in you.
PS - If you're ready to see how God can transform your marriage possibly through a DYM program, you can sign up for a FREE Clarity Call with me or a member of my team here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
If you were looking for marriage counseling, you would first have a consultation to see if you'd be the right fit. That's what a Clarity Call is.
But the real value you get is seeing what's under the surface in your relationship and discerning what God wants in your marriage and life. Would love to have you on! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When she says, "We just don't communicate," or "You never listen,"...she is talking about this learnable skill.
Listen to her heart. Listen to understand. Listen to let her know you understand and care.
Not listening to respond or even defend yourself.
It is to listen to her emotions and sit with her in her pain. To be curious and to give her a safe space to share. When she shares her emotions (her heart) vulnerably, you are witnessing courage.
You are on sacred ground.
Tread carefully and gently.
For Mother's Day, just the other weekend --
Did I get diamonds?
A weekend getaway at a fancy resort?
A stainless steel, 14-quart Instant Pot Duo Mini 7-in-1 Electric Pressure Cooker?
Sure those would have been good gifts.
what I got was priceless:
Hours of his full attention.
He got excited about what I shared.
He cared about what matters to me -- how I'm growing,
how I was feeling,
and genuinely wanted to hear more.
He noticed my feelings -- wanted to hold space for them --
and held me emotionally...
And...well...did what I teach you to do in today's episode.
It was far more fulfilling than those other things ever could be.
(Just FYI, when he surprised me with my favorite wine, beautiful glasses, roses, and sitting together in a gorgeous spot in Central Park...that did add to the intimately fulfilling conversation. :)
PS If you'd like to have a conversation with me or a member of my team about what's going on in your marriage and see if one of my programs can help you, apply for a Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Delight Your Marriage has been awarded in the Top 30 Relationship Podcasts for 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021!
"Through working with Belah, my marriage is saved and thriving, and I am forever changed and grateful."
It's ok to not feel amazing in your marriage all the time. This is real life and sometimes things happen.
Someone gets sick.
Someone is tired.
Someone was selfish.
Someone wasted away their entire Saturday watching superhero movies and didn't feel like being an intentionally seductive tigress.
(This last one was definitely me).
Your spouse is wonderful, but even in the best marriage there will be moments of the negative side of the wave. And that's ok.
If you're a 2 out of 10 and on the best days you're a 4 out of 10...
I want you to get to a 9 out of 10 and the bad days are just a 7 out of 10.
So, get your marriage to a better spot but when you're up there in your healthiness, expect waves.
Also, if you want to work with Belah to get your marriage healthy (up your marriage to an 9 or 10), find out more by getting on a call with her or a member of her team to see if it's a good fit.
Fill out an application here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".
My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.
What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too.
You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations.
For many, it works (by God's grace).
But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.
This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.
Here's what I hope for you.
I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.
Whether they do X or not, you get to love them the way Jesus does.
The cool thing is...
Humans are designed to respond very differently to unconditional love.
Humans let down their guard.
Humans start to act differently when they know the rug won't be pulled out from under them at any moment.
The desperation ends.
Peace and freedom begin.
And marriage can become pretty amazing.
BUT your motivation should be to love your spouse unconditionally and enjoy--every moment--every smile--every laugh--every miscommunication--every peculiar habit--enjoy life alongside this wonderful God-designed being you get to love.
PS - Loads of free downloads here: delightyourmarriage.com/free
Delight Your Marriage has been awarded in the Top 30 Relationship Podcasts for 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021!
"Through working with Belah, my marriage is saved and thriving, and I am forever changed and grateful."
We work through recommendations---if you've been impacted by our work, please consider helping another couple by sending them to delightyourmarriage.com
In our family, we are going through some important paradigm shifts around parenting - through a coach, articles, books, etc.
It's great! It’s also hard to look at the mistakes.
The truth is that it is hard to change. It is not only difficult to do things differently, but it also takes courage.
It takes courage to say, "You know what? I was doing things wrong and now I'm going to do it better.”
It's vulnerable and can feel excruciating - very!
But it is strength, not weakness, to change.
God is a good God and He will lead you when and how He wants you to change.
There are times the enemy will use those genuine convictions from God as opportunities to take you into a tailspin of self-doubt/self-loathing...don't let him!
Here are some fantastic tools to give you more insight to help you change faster without the issue of depression that you've done it wrong for so long.
That's the beauty of Jesus...He is leading you. He is guiding you.
He is revealing what He wants to reveal to you in the season He wants you to learn it. We can trust Him on that.
The fact that you're willing to "go there" means you're already on the right track!
PS - If you leave an iTunes review and send me a screenshot, I'd happily send you a couple of free trainings from some of my best-selling courses!
If you're not sure how to do this, find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
Duty sex" or "lazy or selfish husband". These are phrases I hear a lot. And it's sad.
It's certainly not what a good and loving marriage should be. "Duty sex" often means a wife's body might be present during physical intimacy, but her mind and enthusiasm are far, far away. These are painful to a man's heart.
And "lazy or selfish husband" is usually the man who from her perspective takes her for granted--the romantic getaways, surprises and special gifts or experiences are long gone and his character is abysmal. These are painful to a woman's heart.
It comes down to our discipline to change these parts of ourselves.
Feelings are important and God-given. They get to be acknowledged, drained, and let go. They are important, and you can curiously listen to them (in yourself and others), but at the end of the day they don't get to "drive your bus"--your values do.
In this episode, both husbands and wives will be edified to become more aware of their own gaps of discipline which is causing their feelings to go in the wrong direction.
And I'll share the important and generally unusual disciplines that will get your feelings on track to pursue God's will for your life in the context of your marriage.
PS If you write a review on iTunes, I'd love to send you some free trainings!
Post a review and send me a screenshot - find out how at delightyourmarriage.com/itunes
I talk a lot about success stories. To inspire you that transformation can happen and God does it all the time!
But this is really all about unconditional love. That your actions and words towards your spouse are "I love you no matter what."
Why is that such a difficult posture to take with our spouse?
I think our culture and society teaches us to compare, wrong ways of interacting with our spouse and a very "I won't do that unless you do this."
So, this podcast episode is to...
1-Remind you that you're doing a really good job at a hard thing. The fact that you're listening in means you want to do this God's way--and I'm proud of you!
2-Remind you that this is all about loving the way Jesus loves.
3-What to cut out of your life that may be getting in the way of you doing this.
Bravo to you.
2 Different Stories:
1 - Norm's wife shared that she wanted to end the marriage. That she didn't like or love him anymore.
He prayed fervently, listened to, and read lots of resources (including to all of mine :), but he didn't realize he was missing some key components that were actually undermining the good he was doing.
He joined Masculinity Reclaimed (MR) because he wanted the marriage that he heard from other MR Graduates had. He shares the specifics of what he did that made the difference in his marriage:
"A complete 180...our marriage is completely reborn, everything is wonderful...she's pursuing me now."
Before frequency was 1x a month and often ending in an argument. But now she comes to him and it's about 3x a week. And it's open and loving with awesome visuals and freedom from her.
She didn't know he did the program. And still doesn't know. But she says she's "in love" with him now!
He said "It's never been like this in our entire marriage" in intimacy and every other way.
Here's another story of God's transformation from a different marriage:
2 - Hope has been a part of DYM for 4 years. And now she's part of the Intimate Freedom program which includes Grad Groups.
She helps to clarify the confidential space of Grad Groups and invites you to join the journey with other ladies.
And how the philosophies of DYM have changed her and what she thinks about this program for her and other women.
Enrollment of the men's and women's programs closes on Thursday at 11:59pmEST. Join now! delightyourmarriage.com/enroll
ANNOUNCEMENT: For those of you already registered for the FREE Masterclass---they are being released at 7pmEST, TODAY.
Or sign up here: delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
About 15-20% of couples are "sexless" meaning very few instances of intimacy per year. When I work with these couples it's evident that both people are hurting.
And often the husband doesn't realize he's injuring his wife on a daily basis which prevents her from coming towards him in intimacy... which leads us to Paul's powerful testimony of Jesus' work in his marriage.
This conversation is such a joy because you can’t help but be in awe of God after listening.
Lyle and his wife had been married 35 years. And unfortunately, many of those years were sexless.
Though they spent 21 years in counseling, tens of thousands of dollars on counseling, they had experienced separations and he said they were housemates and often adversaries.
“The year before your course, we had sex 4 times” and as he puts it there was no intimacy, just “sex”.
He decided to take the leap of faith and enroll in the Masculinity Reclaimed program. He worked for 3 months. But he saw changes even after the first meeting.
His heart changed. He started to see her as an incredible woman again. Something he hadn’t been able to see for many years.
And his wife started noticing his changes and liking them!
And then they started making love! Enthusiastically and regularly! And even a few months after the program (and him still implementing what he learned!) SHE suggested they make love every week in a playful and positive way.
They went from housemates to friends and lovers.
Lovemaking increased in all ways, but as Lyle mentioned it is reflective of their entire relationship improving.
And she didn’t even know he was doing the program, because he didn’t want her to think his efforts to change their marriage were selfish or all about sex.
When he did share it with her a couple of months after the program, not only was she glad he did it, but she also said she was glad he didn’t tell her.
Otherwise, she would have been suspect.
I grilled Lyle pretty hard on this point because it’s a question I get from husbands a lot.
They want to take the program but feel they need to involve their wives. But Lyle wonders how about planning a surprise for your wife--a birthday party for example.
It’s also a secret, but a good secret. And one your wife will THANK you for later.
You’ll be encouraged by Lyle’s testimony. You can have hope of transformation. Truly you can.
The burdens of rejection, stress, and oppression were gone and instead were replaced with creativity, energy, and LIFE.
Intimacy can be hard to navigate especially when your marriage seems to be falling to pieces, but by God’s grace, it does not have to stay that way.
Listen in to this amazing testimonial of God's transformation! And Lyle gives plenty of advice and encouragement for you!
PS Today is the day for the FREE Masterclass! One for men or the other one for women, go to delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass (It’ll be available for just a few days.)
It's released at 7pmEST today!