The FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations training is back for the last time this year. If you missed it previously, join on September 12 -- sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
First of all.
I'd like to tell you that I'm right in all that I do.
In fact, I'd like to say that I'm right... all the time.
I'd also like to tell you that I'm right even when others think I'm wrong.
I'd especially like to tell you that I'm right when other people think I'm right. (I mean, isn't that extra confirmation that I am definitely right...?)
So, the truth is...
[I have] become like something unclean, and all [my] righteous acts are like filthy rags (Is 64:6).
Even the things I think I did that are right... are filthy.
Even the things you think I did that were right... are filthy.
Oh, but then the things I did that were wrong! (The things I am sure were wrong... eek!)
I hope you see where I'm going with all of this.
You're in the same sad boat that I am.
And... it's sinking.
Can you imagine being on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and it sprung a leak... and then another... and then another...
Seriously, take a moment to put the picture in your mind... breathe fast... your stomach is turning and feel utter alarm and desperation.
The ONLY way you could survive is by being saved.
That's what's happening here. You and me. We are in a leaky boat in the middle of the ocean.
We desperately need to be saved.
Every single time we sin and we hammer a hole in our boat, we need a Savior to restore it. We can't do that ourselves.
When we try to defend our sin, we continue to hammer through the sides of our boat.
What does this look like in your marriage...
As an example, when you are rude and cruel to your spouse (disrespecting and/or making them feel unsafe), you hammered a hole in your "marriage boat".
And then you defend your own righteousness by saying they triggered you... thus hammering another hole in your "marriage boat". Making your marriage worse.
The marriage boat is sinking and your self-righteousness is making it worse... it's going to continue to make it worse and worse and worse.
You can't fix it.
We can't hammer our way out of a leaky boat.
How hopeless this is for people who don't depend on Jesus.
If you don't, here's how it is...
You know you're on a leaky boat. You've made mistakes and your whole sense of self is tied up to being a good person.
So, when you see evilness in yourself, it threatens you're whole identity of being a good person. And you can't erode your whole identity by humbling yourself and saying you were wrong (!?)
Of course not! It wasn't your fault, you were triggered, someone didn't do something they should have... it was someone else's fault.
Do you see yourself in that description?
Are you following Jesus? Do you really believe in Him? Is He really your King, Master, Lord?
Is He mine? Every. Single. Day?
Our boat is sinking.
That's why only in Jesus is there hope.
We need forgiveness for our sin against God and others.
We need Jesus over and over and over again.
Every single action.
It's pride to think we can do it ourselves.
It's pride to think we're good enough.
It's pride to think we are righteous.
It's pride, to defend our own righteousness.
It's even pride to think we can do something great for God without Him.
That's why our burdens are heavy. We think it's our job to do what only God can do. We just need to be grateful slaves. Humbled servants. Dying to ourselves and doing it God's way.
Humility means depending on Him.
Humility is coming before Him.
Humility is needing Him.
Humility is resting in Him.
Humility is being faithful to Him.
Humility is not contriving and defending an identity of perfection, it's boasting in our weaknesses.
Instead, go before Jesus, hand your worry, your issue, your burden, your identity, your pride to Him.
Humble yourself... you can't fix your sinking boat.
You need to be saved. Over and over again.
If you're married... you have hurt your spouse. You have hurt others in your life.
And that was sinning against a precious child of God.
That was sinning against God.
That was tarnishing God's name in front of them. You represented God and you did evil to them. That was sin.
Here's your hope. This is the process.
1- Repent to Jesus --
Confess your need for Him. Accept His sacrifice for all of your sins, and believe in Jesus to be saved. Make Him truly your Lord. (Start reading the Bible and find a Bible-believing church to be discipled).
2- Every day after your first conversion, continue in the same way --- repent of that new sin that He reveals. Come closer to Him over and over and over. That is His invitation.
3- Regarding marriage, your next step is to repent -- tell them the wrong you did, own it, listen to and validate their hurt, and say genuinely how sorry you are that you hurt them like that. That you were wrong.
Guess what that means?
Because you humbled yourself, that means you're strong.
[God said:] "'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness'
[Paul said:] For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:9 & 10b)
Humble yourself today.
Accept Jesus' sacrifice today.
Accept Him saving your boat today.
And then apologize to others you've hurt.
Don't squander today.
You don't know how many days you have left.
I don't do right.
You don't do right.
Jesus is right. :)
PS -- If you're a husband, you want to love your wife the way she was designed by God to be loved.
Maybe you know you have hurt her, you've accepted Jesus sacrifice but you don't know what to do next... this free training is going to be a big help.
The free Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations course will be coming on September 12, 2022 -- Sign up here. delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
Alternate Title: 7 Steps to a Productive Disagreement
Arguing. Ugh. It's so... so... unhelpful.
When have you left an argument where the dust has settled and you felt 100% good with everything you said -- your eyes, your words, your tones...? Everything.
In fact, how would you feel if your church congregation watched what you said and did?
Would you be proud of yourself?
Would you feel small and immature?
Usually, after an argument, I only feel the latter.
To clarify, what I mean by arguing is having elevated emotions when we start using a stronger voice and intense words.
Essentially, the judging/reasoning/impulse-control part of our brains (pre-frontal cortex) goes offline during that stressful conversation and we're left with the "lizard brain" which only knows how to flight, fight, or freeze.
All the wisdom that we have cultivated throughout all of our lives and have prayed for and read about, goes out of the window during an argument.
We say things we don't mean and throw verbal knives at each other.
Sure, we might apologize for it the next day when we're calm, but those words leave scars.
So, can we ever disagree?
We need to disagree. That's healthy and correct.
We need to be courageous and disagree about things that matter.
But we need to do it the Jesus way.
I have some very practical tips on how to disagree well, and how to honor God in it.
It's easy to use "popular thinking" and just say what you think. But the Bible is clear that's not best.
"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check...
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:1 & 6
(Also, see the full book of James for more of this type of goodness. :)
How do we make sure we're not setting forest fires with our mouth?
Well, I have given you 7 or 8 keys in this episode that if we could consistently apply, I'd be a closer reflection of Jesus, and I think you would be, too.
Love & Blessings,
PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage and intimacy - to be connected, and for you to rate your marriage a 9 or even a 10 out of 10 marriage!
If you're interested in finding out if we can help you, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Encouraging believers is a very biblical concept in the New Testament.
I want to encourage you in this episode.
I am praying for several people through this episode:
7:00 - invitation prayer
8:30 - prayer for men who feel like they're not leaders in their home
12:28 - men who are receiving frequency in intimacy, but it feels like a duty from their wife
14:30 - men who don't have frequency in intimacy and lack joy in their marriage
17:00 - women who have a critical and judgmental husband
19:45 - women who want to find pleasure and desire
23:30 - churches and ministries and pastors who would have courage to address the hard issues around sex, sin, desire, & God-designed passion
May God give you grace and strength and encouragement - wherever you are in this mix. Or, if you want to agree and pray with me on these topics.
Love & Blessings,
PS We're here to bring hope and help in all these areas of your marriage...we invite you to schedule a Clarity Call to see if we can help you.
*"I speak the name of Jesus over you
In your hurting, in your sorrow
I will ask my God to move..."
*Lyrics to "In Jesus Name" by Katy Nichole
I'm excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you!
She is actually the Delight Your Marriage Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you and truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope.
Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. I am excited to let you hear what she has to say!
Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity.
God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness!
*“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.” Ps. 63:3-4
I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Prov. 13:12
This is my prayer for you:
Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know them...intimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys.
You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God.
Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them.
God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust You...to take You at Your word...
I encourage you to read this scripture as though you've never read it before:
*"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:18-28
Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and every thing that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do!
You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine!
Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappoint...we wait on You.
...in Jesus' name, I ask this, amen.
So, dear listener, remember:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Ps. 34:18
*"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4
And let me ask you:
How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner?
How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son?
How long were the Jews in captivity?
Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said.
God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise - Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so.
Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God.
Husband...wife...are you willing to believe God?
Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes?
Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God.
What does that look like for you in your situation today?
He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it!
Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises,
*(All verses are in the ESV Bible version - emphasis mine)
PS If you would like to grow in your walk with God in many various ways, and particularly how that relates to your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our very caring Clarity Call advisor - click here to schedule
A testimonial from a course graduate:
"I was very, very nervous to try this program out. My wife still doesn’t know about my involvement and I was very nervous about doing this without her knowledge.
But it has really exceeded any expectations I had about what might happen in my marriage.
I do believe I will talk with my wife about MR, in the right time, and I think it will go just fine. But if that is the reason you are hesitating, I can tell you…it really can work!"
Well, first of all, I feel very ill-equipped to answer this question.
However, I don't think it serves you best for me to pretend that I don't know the limited things that I do believe God has taught me.
So, with that in mind, I'd like to share the general themes of today's episode
-the horrific humiliation of the cross
-how that makes us more surrendered followers
-the necessity of solitude
-the reality of our nothingness which we will only perceive should we stay in solitude long enough
-how I wrestle and fight pride and seek humility -- and how I always hope to.
May this draw you closer to who God wants you to be.
Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible!
We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.
Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call. I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”
Invitation: Would you like help in your marriage? We truly do care and so does God! Have you given up hope of change? God can do the impossible! We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with a caring, understanding advisor here at Delight Your Marriage. Click here to schedule.
Here is what one man shared about the Clarity Call experience: “Fear and shame tried to stop me from a clarity call. I had to humble myself to get the help I needed. The advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.”
A quote from a course graduate: “Nothing good ever comes easy, so if you are ready to stop trying to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place and start TRAINING to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place…this program is for you.”
When God said, "Let there be light," something amazing happened.
When I said, "Let there be light," ummm... well... I felt silly and 0 things, amazing or not, happened.
I guess I'm just not God. Which is surprising?
No, it's not.
But, the world thinks we get to decide who God is.
Unfortunately, too many Christians feel that way, too.
God is not us.
And we don't get to live by feelings.
We don't get to say, "Today I feel x, so it must be true."
A follower of Jesus -- surrendered -- taking up his/her cross -- dying to his/herself -- is not led by his/her feelings.
Feelings of right and wrong...
Feelings of attraction or non-attraction (to spouse or many types of others...)
Feelings of desire for sexual intimacy...
Feelings of pleasure in sex...
Does this mean as a follower of Jesus you have to do things you don't want to do?
Does it mean that you have to do what the Bible says?
Are there things I don't LIKE that the Bible says?
Am I the one who said "Let there be light," and something happened?
So, I get to humbly submit to the God and author of ALL and say "You're smarter, You're wiser, Your ways are better, and I'm going to submit my will/feelings/desires to You".
My sexuality included.
"No one should say God is tempting me...
but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death...
[God] does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth."
So, stop asking, "Why am I tempted?" Or, "Why don't I have desire for my spouse?" Or, "Why don't I enjoy sex?"
And instead, embrace the cross of Christ. Deny yourself. And decide this IS God's best for You.
The surrendered Christian's questions become: "How do I do this Your way?" "How do I have desire for my spouse?" "How do I love MY spouse the way You created them?" "How do I enjoy and find pleasure in the sexual intimacy You designed and ordained and said I should not withhold?"
Yes -- sexual intimacy is a spiritual battle. Do you surrender all to Jesus?
Or are you still self-surrendered? Self-guided? Self-centered?
I pray that this would be as convicting to you as it is to me. May you listen and feel God calling you to greater repentance, depth, love, and worship of Him.
PS -- We'd love to partner with you in this. God doesn't ask us to do any of this alone. We love helping people into joy in sexual intimacy and marriage at every level in every area. Get on a call with a Clarity Advisor to see if you'd be the right fit for us to help you in this vital part of life. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Are you hurting in your marriage? Is emotional, physical or spiritual intimacy tough for your relationship? Do you want to grow in your connection with your spouse and your walk with God?
You matter...your marriage and family matters...to God and to us at Delight Your Marriage!
We want you to know that there is ALWAYS hope!
As long as there is breath in the lungs, there is hope.
God is a God of the impossible and still a God of miracles! As a team, we are honored and humbled to see them regularly.
As humans, do we always get what we want? No. Do all struggles go away? No.
That's not what we're talking about.
Jesus said that in this world we WILL have trouble but to take heart because He has overcome the world!
Here at Delight Your Marriage, we take Jesus' words very seriously and believe in God's transforming power! He has transformed all of us and we have seen Him transform a whole lot of other people as well!
In that process, a LOT of times, marriages are healed and/or improved! Families are healed and/or improved!
When our team gets together to celebrate, often we’re moved to tears because of the men, women, and children whose lives are impacted because of the marriages that are healed. It’s truly His work.
God is the ONLY One who can transform ashes and brokenness into beauty and fruitfulness! He can use ANY vessel that will yield to Him and allow Him to mold and shape their heart and mind.
You've likely heard the invitation to schedule a free Clarity Call if you want help for your marriage from Delight Your Marriage.
What does a Clarity Call look like and what does one expect to gain from the experience? Maybe you feel a little awkward or uncomfortable with the concept.
This podcast is a view “under the hood” into how we do Clarity Calls…
You’ll meet Dana, a Delight Your Marriage Clarity Advisor, as well as Ray, Fran and James who share with you their specific experience in a Clarity Call.
Whatever holds you back, if you're hurting or would like to be even better in your marriage, Delight Your Marriage has been a whole lot of help to a whole lot of people by God's empowering and grace! We don't take credit for it, we're just His servants being obedient to His calling on our lives!
We'd love to help you, too! We invite you to "step into the water" by faith and see what God will do!
Delight Your Marriage
From a current client:
“I am starting mod [module/lesson] 6 and absolutely amazed at what God is doing in me and my marriage. I listened to several of your podcasts today. Thank you for being so willing to share truth with those who have an ear to hear.
I am sharing the episode that has the most downloads at Delight Your Marriage of all time!
PS - Also, I have many free resources and would love to invite you to check them out: delightyourmarriage.com/free
PPS - If you need help with your marriage -- do not hesitate to apply for a free Clarity Call. One of our Clarity Advisors (a former graduate of a DYM course themselves and experienced transformation in their own marriage) will guide you through the process to determine how we can help you. Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent grad wrote,
"I could probably fill a journal with the celebrations I experienced in the program!...
By far, the biggest celebrations have been what God has done in my heart! Our sex life has never been better…
our times of making love are passionate, tender, emotional and spiritual."
If your marriage is still plagued by your past mistakes -- she brings up what happened 20 years ago... or he brings up how you used to be all the time...
What can you do to heal it?
How can you two move forward and actually build a better marriage?
I would like you to remember some important scriptures on this topic:
It is His kindness that leads us to repentance.
He disciplines those He loves.
Whoever heeds discipline shows the ways to life.
And then this is the one that's super practical:
"if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."
How do you reconcile?
How do you make your apologies effective?
That is what I want to walk through with you on this episode.
I want you to have all of the know-how to get out there and do the scary, excruciating but necessary thing of owning your side and apologizing for it.
Is it 100% your fault. I bet not.
But, there is always an opportunity for us to own our side and for the purposes of getting right before God -- go and repair with your spouse.
I hope this helps and gives you the encouragement you need to do the right thing.
PS -- We'd love to support you in your marriage -- feel free to get on a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help transform your ho-hum marriage to one that's warm and inviting!
A recent grad wrote:
"I’m not exaggerating, I’m keeping it real…this is what I would tell anyone who asked…
I had been praying intensely for my marriage daily for 8 months... I had very limited improvements until starting the program.
The [Clarity] Advisor was warm and friendly and could empathize with my situation.
This program helped me stop doing the things that were undermining my efforts to improve my marriage.
I have spent much more money trying to rekindle my marriage with no results.
This might possibly be the best investment of my life."
We'd love to have you see this kind of transformation! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When I look back on my life -- when I see what is currently unseen -- when I see Jesus face to face -- when all has been revealed...
I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.
In the Bible, it says that God feeds the birds. (Mt 6:26)
He FEEDS the birds.
I was observing birds yesterday in the park.
There are tons of them, flitting around, this way and that.
And yet the God of the universe cares about His creation, so much so, that He Himself feeds the birds!
He is intimately aware of your life and what you're going through.
And He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is giving you far more than just that.
He wants you to realize that in every good AND in every suffering, He remains good.
There is SO much you (and I) cannot see.
He allows suffering for His reasons only He can see.
But when you trust this truth that He is the one that gives everything that is right in your life -- it allows you to see the suffering better.
You can endure the suffering with a peace, a joy, and a contentment that is important.
In fact, when you have that peace/joy/contentment during the suffering, you will accomplish at least some of the important purposes He has for that suffering.
Make no mistake, God cares about your suffering.
God cares about the rejection you feel from your spouse.
He cares about your loneliness in the one supposedly "safe relationship" - your marriage.
He cares about the lack of intimacy.
He cares about the lack of warmth.
He cares when your spouse ignores the cravings of your soul that you were designed to have.
And IN THIS He is good.
If we only knew how much He truly loved you...
He would risk you possibly turning away from him due to that suffering because He has bigger purposes.
Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His ways higher than our ways, are His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
We do NOT have to understand.
We DO have to trust His goodness.
That starts with realizing, if the God of the Universe feeds each of these birds, that means he makes each of my breaths happen, each of my blood vessels moves when they are meant to.
It means He causes my son to smile at me.
It means He causes my eyes to even see the sunset.
It means that He not only knit me together in my mother's womb for 9 to 10 months...
But He didn't stop.
He is still in me.
He is still designing, directing, causing all these things to go well in me.
EVERY good gift is from Him.
Even the ones I don't take time to notice.
When my arm breaks it should remind me that He was the one that caused it to thrive every other day.
If we only soaked in the truth of His love, we could more easily trust it during the suffering... He is still good.
If we only knew His love.
If we only knew His love.
If we only knew His love.
May you know the love of Christ.
May I know it, too.
Love & Blessings,
You're doing it. You want to hear where you might need to grow. You want to see where you might not see yet. That was Meredith's heart and what led to their amazing transformation.
It is God's kindness to lead us to repentance.
He loves those He disciples.
What are Christians...?
Who are Christ-followers...?
What is a Disciple of Jesus?
We're the ones who ask:
"Jesus, what do you want to teach me? What can I learn to be more like you? How can I walk more in your will today? Show me. Teach me. Guide me."
We are all broken and blind to many things.
(I am in that category, for sure!)
We are all missing some things that others already know -- because God opened their eyes.
If you click this episode, I am proud of you.
You are seeking how you might need to change.
You are seeking what God might want to show you, too, just as He opened Meredith's eyes.
This is a story of transformation from a woman who chose to see the world as God set it up.
Not because it's easy.
Not because it's "natural".
Not because the non-Christians agree with this mindset.
But, because when the Lord spoke truth to her heart surrounding her marriage, she chose to have an open heart and be moved by His truth.
May God speak to you through her story.
She loves God.
She wants to share her story not because it's easy to share.
But, because it's her duty to share what God has done in her, and now, how He can do it in others, too.
What is her story:
Through many things, she started her young life away from God and was promiscuous.
So, sex was tainted from the beginning. When she got into marriage, she associated negative things with sex and now she is a repentant Jesus follower.
This sex-thing must not be important to God.
But then, her eyes were opened and God has done incredible things in her, her husband, and their family.
Now she even has the desire for intimacy. True desire. She's enjoying it and desiring it for herself.
It wasn't immediate, it was a process.
But you can get there, too.
I love you and I'm rooting for you.
PS - We'd love to join you on this journey. A single podcast episode isn't enough.
I'd encourage you to take the leap of faith and decide it's time to address this head-on.
And like Meredith, we'd love to join you on a (proven) journey, where you can come to a place of healing, joy, and even desire for the gift God gave Adam and Eve.
Let's talk: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
When you sign up for a time with a Clarity Advisor - a trained graduate of these very programs - where it's fully confidential and judgment-free, you'll have time to process things you may never have before.
An opportunity for us to see how we can help you in your specific situation.
We love you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
If you have temptations to jealousy, here's what I recommend.
If you've listened to the transformation stories and become upset, angry, bitter, resentful...
I want to give you some ideas on what to do.
I get that way too.
I have certain triggers that throw me completely off.
You might as well.
I want to give you some ideas on how I deal with my triggers.
And I want you to get really CURIOUS about what you can learn from these triggers to jealousy and how you can end the cycle.
PS -- We'd love to help you on a Clarity Call, feel free to sign up for a free one here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We get to see miracles everyday and we'd love to help you.
I've been there.
Angry because he wouldn't change.
Hurt because he wasn't giving me what I needed.
And God was kind to me.
He helped me to see that there were places in my heart that needed to be utterly changed.
This journey to freedom in your marriage is one that should start with the heart.
If you're a wife, you may see yourself in Emily's story. I know I do.
If you're a husband, you can see more of how you can serve and love your wife, and also, have hope that God can do miracles in your marriage.
Looking forward to you being blessed by God's kindness through this testimony of Jesus' transformation.
PS - If you'd like to find out how your marriage can shift in the ways Emily speaks about, I invite you to join a free Clarity Call ($300 value) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
We'd love to serve you and witness God do a miracle in your life as well. Schedule now: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Last year, Belah was part of the special intimacy expert panel in the 2021 Sex Seminar (a huge success!). Well, she was honored to be invited back for the 2022 Sex Seminar, presenting alongside 22 other professionals in the field. Her topic is THE 8 BARRIERS WOMEN HAVE TO SEX.
Next week, we'll be sending you a discount code for the entire seminar (which is packed full of value and helpful insights from all sorts of important intimacy topics) and we hope it will be a blessing for your marriage!
"I was pretty much done with life...I wouldn't have minded if I passed away. If this is all life has to offer, what's the point?"
A father of 7.
Deep sadness of his inner life.
But then... God did an incredible, incredible, incredible thing.
This title doesn't by any means tell the whole story. But I want you to hear the incredible result that God did.
(My other suggested title was "Zero/yr to 5x/wk and She Didn't Know He Did the Program!")
However, the process is what God did in His heart and the fruits showed up in his marriage and intimacy.
And after 10 months of nothing, she started initiating (A LOT) and loving him the way he receives love (in response to his change.)
My favorite part of this story?
That there are seven children growing up in a happy home. A man who no longer hopes for the end, but one who looks forward to what God is doing through and in his life.
That is a good God story.
They're saying a lot of hurtful things.
They're saying it in a mean tone of voice.
Their face has the look of disgust, or worse.
You can feel your temperature rising.
You can feel your face getting red.
You can feel your rage welling up from the pit of your belly.
Is it righteous indignation?
Is it because they need godly correction -- and fast?
Is it that you're just plain tired of being unfairly beaten down?
In the midst of that moment of emotional alarm...
When the atomic bomb is counting down and it feels like everything has to happen right then, or else...
And your "wise brain" - the prefrontal cortex - has gone completely offline and your "childish/immature brain" is the only thing left and can't seem to see anything but red alarm bells everywhere...
Here are 3 tools to dismantle the bomb BEFORE the explosion detonates and destroys and/or damages all that you hold dear
...hurting the people you love the most - those you're assigned by God to protect, respect, love, and cherish.
But just like a professional bomb dismantler (it's probably called that, right?)...
You've got to be trained AND you've got to practice before the bomb is about to go off.
These are tools to practice.
These are tools that will make you more like Jesus if you practice them.
God has given us wonderful ways to respond to situations in the moment and here are 3 that I want you to have.
Looking forward to hearing how this impacts your life!
PS - We'd love to help you have the marriage you deeply desire and increase how God can use you more effectively if you do have it.
Emotionally, physically, and spiritually fulfilled in God's design.
Get on a call with one of our Clarity Advisors to let us hear your story and to have the insights to see how we can help you.
This is a $300 value -- our gift to you for free -- so God can move in you and your marriage.
It's a brave and important step to get your marriage healed: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you.
Three points are made in this episode:
1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them.
2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important).
3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions.
A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body.
However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentleness, and kindness.
So, they came into marriage assuming they'd be able to replace their "frustration valve" of pornography with their wife's body.
And surprise... they're still frustrated.
Because that's not Jesus' way.
They may struggle now with anger, aggression, bitterness, resentment, being judgmental...
Sex addiction, still...
Alcoholism, video game addiction, binge-watching nonsense...
Longing for your past sexual escapades...
Daydreaming about divorce so you could get a new partner...
Other similar things are unhealthy ways of expelling the frustration.
(Things that, if it was printed on the front page of a newspaper, you would be ashamed of.)
I want you to know -- I am proud of you for even reading this email -- and if you're in any of these loops -- I think God is proud of you for facing it! Bravo!
Listen, this is not just for men, but I hope this will help you process what's going on with you a bit more.
Feelings are good. They're God given. They tell us something. It may be that WE need to process, mature, slow-down, feel grief, etc. so we can feel empathy...
I want you to listen to this episode because I really think it could help you and help all of us pursue Jesus better.
Love & Blessings,
PS - If you want to dedicate a short season of your life to DO this practically. To live this out for the betterment of your marriage & intimacy but also in service to your kids and ministry -- I'd love to invite you to join a free Clarity Call.
On that call, a Clarity Advisor who is specifically trained in helping you draw out your emotions that may be pent up and looking like anger and self-righteousness instead of frustration and sadness.
People who chose not to move forward with our recommendation because of their current season of life or any other things have emailed afterwards to share how helpful it was for that empathetic and listening ear.
We'd love to help, schedule a call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
This is a great sadness to me.
When a wife steps out (even an inch) from her comfort zone and her husband mishandles this vulnerability.
Whether it's an inch sexually or in any part of their relationship...vulnerability should be appreciated and complimented and encouraged.
Your response to her discovery of more sexual freedom (big or small) should be, "Oh! How can I love HER more, too?" Not, "Oh, how can I perfect/change/improve her attempts?"
Because the second piece undermines her sexual freedom. That is what saddens me and makes me pray that God will help me do this thing better.
That's why it grieves me at times that my podcast can be heard by both men and women... because the enemy WANTS your focus to be on yourself.
The enemy wants you to be focused on whether or not you're getting your "fair share". Or on "how can she love me better".
But if we can be more like Christ and put the focus on the other "how can I love her better?"
How can her attempts to love me... inspire me to love HER!? That's the heart I believe God wants us to have around this topic.
This is a part of what our Masculinity Reclaimed program addresses.
Maybe you have lost all hope that intimacy could be different and you may think you're doing all the right things -- everything I teach you to do, right? But, if it's still not working, you haven't tried the program and that might be the step you're missing.
Listen to the testimonials please, because you'll hear some stellar men who were doing it "right" and just couldn't get there until they followed the program and got incredible breakthroughs.
Our whole team will give you 100%, we'd love to have you on the inside!
Schedule a free Clarity Call to get started in our online courses to begin healing your marriage at delightyourmarriage.com/cc!
Love, blessings, & prayers,
I never want to "get over" the miracles we see, daily.
But, you will be blown away by what God continues to do.
It can happen for you.
It can happen for your friend.
It can happen for your acquaintance.
Families do NOT need to be torn apart.
Husbands do not need to cry in their cars of loneliness due to lack of intimacy.
Kids do not need to grow up fearful and stressed because of the strife in the home.
Ministries don't need to be undermined by leadership infidelity (privately or publicly.)
God can change it all.
It's not automatic.
It is a system.
By God's grace, He uses "Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & love being married again" for amazing purposes.
For His glory. Listen in to understand that the work is heart work but the results are true healing, connection & intimacy.
Could it all be different in just 3 months? Maybe! For these gents -- it was! Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
PS - This cohort closes Monday, April 4, 2022
Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
(Enrollment is open for Masculinity Reclaimed program -- check it out here delightyourmarriage.com/minvite -- closes April 4, 2022)
Skeptical. Yep, that's Bill :) (Ehemm, *was* Bill).
I don't blame him. He had been through it. His first marriage didn't work out.
He came to peace with being single for the rest of his life, until his (now) wife came along.
Things were good for a while. Until they weren't. And then that lasted 20 years.
Bill went through these two major heartbreaks... there's only so much heartbreak we can go through til we don't want to have hope that it could change.
Why would it. How could it. It's been like this for so long.
Well, though skeptical, he thought he would try the program just for the betterment of himself.
And he worked hard -- ups and downs -- because it's real life. But after a year of continuing what he learned -- he's here to say that it can change.
God brought him closer to Himself than he had been for many years.
And God utterly transformed their marriage.
If you've gone through heartbreak in your marriage. I want you to have hope. It can change. It can. It can.
You may be skeptical like Bill because of your pain and history. It's ok. But listen and see if God has a reason you should still have hope.
Enrollment into the same program he took: Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & enjoy marriage again! is open now (but closes on April 4 at midnight EST).
Our whole team of graduates would love to serve you and help you to witness God's transformation just like Bill! All for His glory.
Join us! delightyourmarriage.com/minvite
Prayers & Blessings,
Click here to sign up for the all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! THIS Monday, March 28, 2022! delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse
How many broken, sad, dramatic stories have you heard this week, this month, this year? Where hearts are broken and families torn apart? Maybe you're even in a similar situation.
This is why I want to share as many of these transformations as possible. Here's where Steve began...
"I felt like I was looking down a long dark tunnel and there was no light at the end. Divorce wasn't an option. But I was feeling hopeless it could ever be different."
Sadly, this is not the first time I've heard a husband describe his marriage that way. He is committed to Jesus. He loves his family. He wants his kids to grow up in a Godly home, with joy and laughter. And he wants them to see what a wonderful marriage can look like.
But instead, his wife is cold. Stand off-ish. Sex is just a scheduled thing that happens because it's on the (very bottom of) her checklist. A lot of frustration and tension was in their home.
One thing you'll find out about Steve is he's not one to sit idly by letting the marriage disintegrate. This is why when he was searching for podcasts on intimacy, he stumbled on DYM and became an avid listener.
Well, I am happy to say that after 3 months of, only him doing the work, in fact, she didn't know! He said she had no interest in changing, working on the relationship or certainly not discussing sex... but God has done some awesome things!
I want you to listen today because it's when we hear stories that God puts hope in us to a greater degree (I think) than just direct teaching. It's really through stories that we hear someone's heart and we hear what God has done in them and in their marriages.
If you're struggling... I want you to resist the temptation towards jealousy. And instead rejoice that God is still changing hearts, lives, and marriages! (Even if only 1 does the work!) Steve can give you great evidence that it's worth it even on this side of heaven.
Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!
Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?
Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?
And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?
The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!
If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?
Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!
Here at Delight Your Marriage, God has blessed Belah with a lot of really good advice and encouragement for couples in this specific arena. Yes! There are principles that we can learn and apply to help us grow in our relationships - not just in the area of sexual intimacy, but in the overall connection within our marriage. This is what Delight Your Marriage is all about!
Okay, now this is THE bonus piece of information here that we hope you don’t miss because it can be cliche or common to our ears: THE key of loving others well is to be filled up with Jesus’ love and to lean into loving Him well! He IS love! As we grow in His love, the fruit of the Spirit becomes more abundant in OUR lives! I Cor. 14:1 “Pursue love…”
Would you pause right there and snatch that and think on it for a bit? I’m dead serious!
You know, we’re similar to a tree. Have you seen a branch on a tree that is partly broken off? What does the branch generally look like? A lot of times the leaves are shriveling up, right? The health of the branch is directly correlated to how well the branch is connected to the trunk of the tree.
Are we feeling shriveled up? Are we feeling unfruitful? Are we struggling to experience the abundant life that Jesus has offered to us? …That's a good gauge that we need to check our attachment to The Vine.
Do you need some guidance, accountability, and encouragement to grow in these areas? We want to help you!
We’re SO excited to announce we are offering a FREE men’s course - it will only be available for a very short time! We offer this only a few times/year. March 28th is when the first lesson will be released. Sign up here if you want to join us!
PS -- if you'd like to witness your marriage transform as these team members have (all of them saw dramatic changes in their marriages due to the DYM programs) then get on a call with one of our Clarity Advisors to see how we can help you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Have you lost hope of your marriage EVER changing? You're not alone! Many who come to Delight Your Marriage (DYM) have all but given up on their marriages. Some who come here, are separated and/or on the verge of divorce.
Many others, have good marriages but want an even better one!
In regard to the specific challenges that Minister Matt and his wife experienced in their marriage, he shares, "I kind of resigned myself to, 'That's what it is and this is how it's going to be.'"
After finding Delight Your Marriage, "It gave me hope for the first time in a long time."
Minister Matt found the supportive community within DYM to be a key factor to helping guys to continue moving in the right direction.
For those of you who are in ministry and feel somewhat isolated to get the help you need in your marriage, DYM is the ideal place to come!
Your marriages are likely under a higher level of enemy attack because of your position as a leader in your church or ministry.
We welcome you and offer a safe and godly environment to get the support and help that you need! We love you and want to pour into you and your marriage to release you to better serve in the critical work that you are doing!
Thank you pastors and church leaders for your work! Don't suffer and struggle in silence, don't settle for defeat in your marriage...FIGHT for your marriage, knowing that the battle is with the principalities and powers of the darkness and not a physical battle! DYM will help support you in the battle for your heart, your marriage, and your family!
One of the coolest things that I loved about what Pastor Matt shares on this podcast is that He felt God's encouragement in this pursuit to learn to love his wife well and grow in intimacy with her but He also challenged Pastor Matt that he and God were going to grow in intimacy at the same time!
God longs for our heart and devotion, just as we long for the heart and devotion of our spouse! This is an earnest pursuit for us here at DYM...the heart of God - as He has already pursued us!! Would you like to join us?
We WELCOME you! Schedule a free call with one of our advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc.
How would you rate intimacy in your marriage…any type of intimacy?
Do you wonder why intimacy is such a difficult topic in marriage? Do you wish you could understand why husbands and wives see this topic so differently?
How do you know if you’re off target in how you relate to your spouse?
Maybe you feel like you’re not the one with a problem, it’s your spouse…
“You don’t know what you don’t know!”
Listen in as Pastor Luke shares how things that he thought he knew and had a handle on, had a whole new light shone on them in Masculinity Reclaimed. He also discovered that some things that he had once found confusing, now seem so clear!
Pastor Luke explains why he thinks Delight Your Marriage is effective, “It’s easy for women to understand how women feel. It’s easy for men to understand how men feel, but if you can find a man who understands women or women who understand men, I think they have a responsibility to help bridge that gap. Belah has it and she is living into that responsibility. She is bridging the gap for men and for women to understand each other and understand how they are different and understand sexuality. What a blessing!”
So, you’ve been hearing about this Masculinity Reclaimed course and wonder just how effective it is. Pastor Luke shares his observation of others in the course with him…
“Twelve weeks is not a lot of time but I think probably every guy was experiencing some change, if not like insane amounts of change over twelve weeks, from just following these simple principles consistently.”
Pastor Luke also says, “The cost was well worth it. I would pay it again…The value was there. The quality was there. The group time with Belah was there…It was worth every single penny. What would you pay to have your marriage filled with intimacy?...I would be really, REALLY surprised if you regretted it after the program.”
We’re here because God cares about marriages and He has equipped Belah and the team here at DYM to help marriages! He loves you and wants to heal and redeem your brokenness! All who are weak and heavy laden, come find rest at our Savior’s feet!
We invite you to schedule a free call with one of our course advisors to see if we're a good fit for you.
"I wish I could have done this course before I got married." - Pastor Bennie
This is a statement that we commonly hear at DYM. Whether a marriage is good or bad, whether couples have been married many years or few, marriage after marriage has been profoundly impacted through DYM - praise God!
In this podcast, Pastor Bennie shares about his personal experience taking Masculinity Reclaimed - DYM's main coursework for husbands.
He shares how the course helped him to better understand and love his wife and helps to address heart issues - which is the root of the problem to begin with.
Pastor Bennie shares about the "massive" changes that he and other men in the course with him experienced while progressing through the course.
You know, I don't know where you are in your marriage right now, but I would want for every marriage out there the great results that SO many couples are experiencing here at DYM!
We invite you to consider if this may be the place for you to find breakthrough or even just a brand new level of great in your marriage. It has been that way for all of us on the DYM team, and we love sharing our new normal with everyone else...because you just can't help but share things that have totally changed your life!
You don't have to just take our word for it, Pastor Bennie and so many others have shared their stories, too! We would love for YOU to experience a better, richer marriage, too, so come on in and join us!!
delightyourmarriage.com/cc - I invite you to schedule a free call with our course advisor to investigate if DYM may be the right fit for you.