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If you’ve been listening to the Delight Your Marriage podcast or reading these blogs for a while, you know I don’t take marriage lightly. And if you’re a follower of Jesus, I want to lovingly remind you: your marriage is a spiritual responsibility.
This isn’t just about your personal happiness or even your kids’ well-being—though those matter deeply. No, the success of your marriage speaks volumes to everyone who knows you, especially those who know you’re a Christian.
Think about it: if people know you follow Jesus, but your marriage falls apart, what does that say about the relevance of Jesus in your life? About the Bible? About the power of God?
Yes, divorce is painful for the children—but it’s also painful spiritually for everyone who witnesses it. We’re supposed to be making disciples of all people, right? So when our marriage breaks down, we’re tarnishing the very witness we’re meant to live out.
I say this from personal experience. My first marriage ended in divorce, and I carry that pain and regret. It wasn’t a biblical divorce—I had to plead the blood of Jesus over it. But I’ve repented, I’ve been forgiven, and now I’ve made a decision: I will never again allow my marriage to dishonor the name of Jesus.
I want the same for you.
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance your faith is already strong. You want biblical answers, not pop psychology. Thank you. If I can help you have a great marriage, your work for the Kingdom becomes that much easier.
But let’s be real. Marriage is hard. It’s easy to get selfish. It’s easy to get frustrated with your spouse being a messy, imperfect human (just like we are!). But we can’t stay in that space. We’ve got to pull ourselves out of our self-centeredness and serve.
Husbands, Scripture calls you to die for your wife. Wives, we’re called to submit to our husbands. I know—it’s not easy. Believe me, I don’t like that verse either. I’ve struggled with being a controlling wife. But control is rooted in fear. And fear means I’m not trusting God.
When both spouses choose to obey God, not based on their spouse’s actions but based on God’s call—that’s where transformation begins.
We’re not left wondering what marriage is supposed to be. God gave us His Word. It’s the most printed, most transformative book in human history. You don’t have to guess what it means to be a godly husband or wife—it’s all there.
Your spouse can hurt you the most—or they can be the very instrument God uses to heal you the most. I’ve lived both. And I want to be the kind of wife who makes my husband’s meeting with Jesus even better because he was married to me.
What if that was your motivation? That your love could heal your spouse. That your encouragement could empower them into God’s purpose for their life. That your gentle presence could become their safe space in this tough world.
That’s the kind of love Jesus shows us—and the kind we’re called to give.
This is one of our core teachings at DYM: love your spouse the way they receive love. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means not giving chocolate ice cream if they love vanilla. It means learning what makes them feel safe, respected, cherished.
Husbands need to feel safe, known, and cherished.
Wives need to feel respected, admired, and pursued in wholehearted sexual intimacy.
(If you’d like to learn more, we break this down in our free framework at delightym.com/framework. It’s an amazing starting point to grow in loving your spouse practically and biblically.)
Friend, you didn’t find this blog because you’re failing. You’re here because you want to grow. And that’s beautiful. That matters. Don’t give up on the hard days when it feels like no one sees your effort. God does. He sees every unseen act of love, every sacrifice, every decision to forgive.
We don’t get to skip the suffering. Jesus didn’t. Paul didn’t. In fact, suffering is often God’s tool for growth, purification, and transformation.
But you don’t have to do this alone. There’s help. There’s hope. And there is healing.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to learn more, we recommend you take our Marital Health Assessment. It is a free assessment that gives insight on your Marital Health and what we recommended as next steps based on your Marital Health score.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"I love life and am dreaming again because God has bought healing to my marriage. It’s like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God's will in my marriage have been pushed to Go/Green again... I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again."
Hi friend,
This one’s pretty personal.
After 10 years of podcasting, coaching, and quietly building Delight Your Marriage—without social media—we’re finally stepping into a new chapter. (I’m still kind of holding my breath saying that.)
In today’s episode, I share the real behind-the-scenes story of:
Why I stayed off social all these years (and it’s deeper than just “not liking it”)
The Gideon moment that confirmed my calling to do this in secret
Publishing my book under a pseudonym—and the fears behind that decision
How God still grew DYM to a team of 10, hundreds of clients, and millions of downloads
And most importantly—why we’re trying social media now.
But! Before you go hunting down our Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube… wait just one more day.
Tomorrow (Friday), we’ll be sending you all the links (if you're on our email list -- if not go to delightyourmarriage.com) so you can follow, share, and help us get this message out to the world.
For now—would you take a moment to listen to this episode? I poured my heart into it.
With love and (slightly trembling?) excitement,
Belah
P.S. I won’t be reading the comments (my team will!)—but if something resonates, share it with a friend. That’s how this whole thing started in the first place. :)
If you’re anything like me, you grew up knowing that sex was something to be saved for marriage. Maybe you heard it in church, at youth group, from your parents, or maybe it was something just understood. You were told to “save yourself,” and by God’s grace—you did.
But now you’re married. And... what gives?
Why is this thing that’s supposed to be beautiful, powerful, and God-designed... still clouded with guilt? Why does it feel so hard to enjoy? Why does it feel wrong?
Friend, I get it. I was right there with you.
See, the problem is that many of us were given half-truths about sex. Yes, sex is meant for marriage. That’s clear in Scripture (Matthew 19:5, Hebrews 13:4, and so many others). But what wasn’t clear—what was never really taught—was what happens after the wedding.
We weren’t told that sex could be joyful, playful, passionate, and a gift. We weren’t told that it was meant to be good for you, dear wife—not just your husband. We weren’t told that God is the one who designed our bodies with tens of thousands of pleasure-sensitive nerve endings. That He’s not shocked by desire. He created it.
Instead, many of us internalized the message that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be tolerated—maybe even resented. And so, we carried that shame right into our marriages.
I didn’t grow up having “the talk.” There was no open, healthy conversation about sex or my body. What I had was silence, shame, and confusion. I stumbled onto pornography while innocently doing homework one day, and curiosity turned into a struggle I couldn’t shake for many years.
And even though I was a virgin on my wedding night, sex was not what I expected. It was painful—physically and emotionally. My husband and I didn’t know how to understand each other. I assumed if he really loved God, he wouldn’t have so many desires. I didn’t understand that God made him that way—and me, too. But I didn't feel free to receive that truth.
But God brought me on a journey of healing—of discovering what His Word really says. That sex in marriage is good. That it’s for unity. That it’s for mutual joy. That “May you ever be intoxicated with her love” (Proverbs 5:19) is not an embarrassing suggestion—it’s God’s idea.
Even with this new desire, I still didn’t (and still don’t!) have the same drive as my husband. And often, I would fall into that trap of “duty sex”. Yes, I know what that’s like. I’ve done it. I’ve gone into intimacy just hoping to avoid conflict. But friend, that’s not God’s best. That’s not what He dreamed up when He designed your body or your marriage.
When I engage in intimacy from a place of love and trust, I come out of it refreshed, connected, grounded. Even if I wasn’t “in the mood” at the beginning, choosing to lean in with the right heart often opens the door to real pleasure—real bonding. It’s a spiritual gift.
One thing that often hindered this connection and desire was the restrictions I put on my own self, but where had these even come from? They weren’t from the Bible. Sometimes, the rules we put on ourselves aren’t in the Bible—they’re just tradition, fear, or misunderstanding.
I want to challenge you to ask: Is this boundary actually from God? Because Scripture gives us boundaries to keep sex holy—but it doesn’t micromanage how you express love with your spouse.
God is not offended by pleasure. He invented it.
Let’s stop walking past the “sunset” He painted for us in this area of our lives. Let’s slow down, take a breath, and receive the beauty.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a step-by-step path out of shame and into joy. And yes, sometimes that means trying something a little new—changing up the lighting, experimenting with different types of touch, or even using intimacy accessories (yep, I said it!) to help bridge the gap between desire and delight.
And no, not every time has to be earth-shattering. But what if some of the times were breathtaking? What if the oneness and the joy and the laughter and the satisfaction made you say, “Wow, thank you, God”?
Because He deserves that praise. He made you for this. He wants this for you.
Sweet sister, I’m so proud of you. You’ve already taken a step by reading this far. Don’t stop now! God made your body for beauty. He made your marriage for joy. And He made sex for you, too.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to check out the Pre-Marriage workbooks mentioned in today's episode, check out our Amazon page. All three are available now!
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My faith has grown. I am praying more from my heart in conversation with God instead of sending him my "wishlist" of prayers. I am desiring to read my Bible daily and hear God's message for me and know his direction and leading in my life. I am more playful and fun! Playfulness not only brings me joy and makes me feel "lighter" but I've seen it affect my husband and kids as well. We are a more joy-filled family. Our growth in intimacy is a big celebration. I better understand the freedom God gives a husband and wife in sexual intimacy and so I feel free to be creative, spontaneous, fun, and confident with my husband."
Before she began the Delighted Wife program, Kalee was in a place of deep discouragement. She and her husband, Chris, had been married for eight years, built a beautiful family together, and yet, they felt utterly lost. Their marriage was dissolving, and hopelessness had settled in.
She didn’t see a way out.
But God did.
In His divine intervention, Chris was introduced to the program through a friend who had experienced transformation in his own marriage. Chris took a step of faith, signed up for the program, and invited Kalee to do the same. What she didn’t realize was that the biggest transformation wouldn’t just be in her marriage—it would be in herself.
Kalee entered the program believing that her marriage was the only problem. But as she journeyed through the teachings, she came to see something deeper. She lacked confidence. She didn’t understand her worth. She had been seeking validation in others, rather than allowing God to restore her from the inside out.
Through the program, Kaylee began to see how deeply God loved her, how valuable she was, and how her identity wasn’t defined by the struggles of the past.
And as she changed, so did her marriage.
Kalee and Chris both went through the program separately, which turned out to be a gift. After years of couples’ therapy, they found that what this program allowed them to do was heal separately rather than working together.
Instead of coming at each other with blame, they were each able to focus on their own growth, healing, and the changes they personally needed to make.
The result? A marriage that was once on the brink of destruction was now filled with trust, forgiveness, and connection. The barriers of past hurts were broken down, and they began to see each other through fresh eyes.
Kalee describes it as the first time in years she didn’t feel fear lingering in her mind about the future of their marriage. She and Chris were finally on solid ground, and for the first time in a long time, they had peace.
But this transformation didn’t just stay between Kalee and Chris—it overflowed into their home. Their children, especially their oldest daughter, began to experience the difference.
Their daughter, who had been cautious and unsure about marriage because of what she had witnessed in their home, was now talking about her own future as a wife and mother. In her playtime, she began to play “Mom” and “Wife”, something that Kalee had never seen before.
Where once there was tension and uncertainty, now there was joy. She saw her parents in a new light—loving, affectionate, and truly connected.
Maybe you find yourself where Kalee once was. Maybe you feel hopeless, uncertain, and afraid that your marriage won’t survive. But let me encourage you—God is still in the business of restoring marriages. He still brings beauty from ashes. He still makes all things new.
If Kalee’s story resonates with you, I invite you to take a step toward healing. Don’t let fear or hopelessness hold you back. Your marriage can be transformed. Your home can be filled with peace and joy. It starts with taking that first step.
God bless you on your journey.
He is able, and He is faithful.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you're ready to take the step that Kalee made, schedule a free Clarity Call here. Not quite ready for that yet? Take our free online Marital Health Assessment to learn more about the current health of your marriage and next steps to take.
PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"I feel so much more joyful. I have learned how to be playful and silly again…I am growing in my understanding of my value based on Christ's righteousness, not my own accomplishments. My eyes have been opened to many areas where I am Martha instead of Mary…I have so much more hope for the future…We are a more joy-filled family…there is HOPE and we are healing!”