Have you ever felt so disconnected in your marriage that you wondered if it was worth fighting for?

Kevin found himself in that very place—emotionally, spiritually, and physically distant from his wife. Harshness and criticism seemed to cloud their every interaction, leaving him discouraged and ready to give up. He felt his energy was drained and was unmotivated in many aspects of life. 

He took the courage to sign up and speak with Dana on a Clarity Call, he felt it gave him insights into himself and helped him discover what was at the root of their disconnection.

He felt he wasn't the role model he'd want to be for his children. He had allowed his marriage to be transactional which he knew wasn't what God designed marriage to be. That's when he decided he wasn't giving his family all that he should and he signed up for the men's program.

Through this journey, Kevin began to implement the daily gratitudes—a practice that sparked a profound shift in his mindset. He was encouraged through his Coaching Calls to stand firm as the spiritual leader he longed to be for his family, even amidst resistance. He finally feels he is spiritually leading his family.

We are so proud of Kevin and know that the same change he saw in his marriage can happen with yours. As he shared with us, where there is breath, there is hope. We believe this podcast will encourage you that God CAN heal this marriage. He may be calling you to be the very one who does it, by changing yourself. 

Love,

Belah & Team

PS -  If you are interested in a Clarity Call and speaking with one of our advisors as Kevin did, we would love to talk with you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - Here a quote from a (different) recent graduate:

“Some of my biggest celebrations: Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before!... She has expressed often how she likes the changes she sees in me… I have a renewed hope that things can get better. I now have a clearer vision of my role as a husband and how things can and should be. I have grown in confidence by learning what is the path to get there. I understand my wife so much better now and realize that contrary to what I thought before, she is not broken!... One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives: Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!”

By the end of this episode, I hope you'll get this, men: Courage. Character. Restraint.

What I really want to share is that if you want your wife to follow you and be turned on by you, cowardice isn't sexy... to say the least.

It's true that the "righteous are as bold as a lion". If you want to grow in courage you must grow in your character.

When you lie to yourself or to others, you are undermining your confidence and courage. 

You are the leader of your home. Whether you feel that way or not, what you do (or don't do) creates the culture. 

You are the first man your children ever see as a role model. 

You are the first husband your wife has ever had. 

You are their standard. 

If you "follow" your father, and don't realize you're a leader, you will fall into the same issues he had.

But if you realize that you're a lion, you are a leader. You have the opportunity to do everything differently. 

It starts with looking at your character. 

It starts with not lying. 

You must work on integrating all the parts of yourself: your spirituality, sexuality, wealth, family life, etc, etc, etc.

When your character is your focus and goal to increase, you become more courageous. When you can be honest with the tiny, then you can make big decisions easily. 

I give some embarrassing examples that I hope you can learn from (at my expense). 

Please know I love you and am praying for you. 

Blessings, 

Belah

PS - If you’re ready to take the next step in fighting for your marriage, we want to talk with you. Please contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc and schedule a totally free Clarity Call with us.

PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

Before the Masculinity Reclaimed Program: “I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy.

I often felt I couldn’t be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart… hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died.”

After MR: “I have a renewed hope that things can get better. I now have a clearer vision of my role as a husband and how things can and should be. I have grown in confidence by learning what is the path to get there.

I understand my wife so much better now and realize that contrary to what I thought before, she is not broken! Anxiousness about when sex will happen next is pretty much gone.

Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!”

Consider this: you might be more like Paul than you realize. Yes, Paul—the apostle whose praises were so powerful they shook prison walls, and who found joy even in his suffering. What could you possibly have in common with him?

Well, Paul had a thorn in his side. A persistent struggle that he begged God to remove. I’m willing to bet there’s a thorn in your side too—something you’ve desperately asked God to take away. Whether it’s sexual sin, pride, greed, jealousy, or anger, this thorn is your personal struggle.

I am here to tell you: Embrace the thorn in your side. This might sound counterintuitive, but in your weakness, God’s strength is made perfect. The thorn is there for a reason. God has given it to you to keep you humble, to remind you that you’re not in control of everything, and to draw you closer to Him.

How do folks often respond to their (God-given) thorns?

Disassociate. Disown. Disregard.

Disassociating yourself from these struggles—especially the deep ones like hidden addictions—can be perilous.

Essentially, if you do not embrace your thorn, it is the enemy's playground to attack you in the same way again... and again... and again... to the destruction of all those you love and the reputation of the gospel that you represent to others. 

We are urging you, bring these struggles into the light. Seek accountability, find support, and create a plan. On the good days it's easier to make that plan and structure to support you on the hard days that you know will come... because you've embraced the thorn that is God's gift which keeps you humble.

Important: Perfection isn’t required- 80% of a plan is enough to start making meaningful progress. The point is to start. Remember when you perceive the negative pattern in your history, it's time to take action so you can prevent things going downhill... for when you are weak, then you are strong.

This week, I encourage you to identify your thorn (start with one, we likely all have many! I certainly do), confront it, confess it to God, repent and confess it to safe people. Then, know that He forgives you and makes a way of escape for the future so you can truly truly walk in the humility that comes through the gift of this thorn... because His grace IS sufficient for you.

Love,

Belah & Team

PS - If you are interested in learning more about our program, maybe even getting that accountability in your life, we would love to talk to you. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc

PPS - I am excited to share with you a resource that I believe will be of value for your marital intimacy!

A group of pro-marriage / intimacy experts have gotten together and are doing a sex seminar. These are folks that believe marriage is right and good but they are not necessarily Bible-believing Christians. 

Amongst really valuable and wise content, there will likely be perspectives represented that I don’t 100% agree with. 

I encourage you (as always) to seek discernment from God to gain the good insights that may be in this event and leave what may not be helpful to you. 

Keep eternity in mind: at the end of it all we want to hear from God “well done.” We want it to be true that we loved the spouse we were given with a servant heart and according to His Word.

I hope you gain wonderful encouragement and practical ideas to love your spouse well through intimacy!

Here are the links-
2024 Sex Seminar: https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYM24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-2024

Sex Seminar Bundle (all 5 years):
https://shop.thedatingdivas.com/discount/DYMBUNDLE24?redirect=%2Fproducts%2Fsex-seminar-bundle-2024

PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

"After 8 years of marriage, we had both grown complacent in investing in each other…  I have long struggled with pornography and I tend to be a bit of a workaholic while my wife has been at home with our kids for 15 years. It seems we took every one of those opportunities to create distance in our relationship… [Now], I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God.”

We want to share an inspiring story about Karl, a widower who experienced profound loss when his first wife passed away in 2020. Since then, he’s rebuilt his life with a new marriage to his lovely wife Rachel and a vibrant blended family of six children. 

At first, their new life together seemed to be falling into place beautifully, but just nine months into their marriage, an unexpected challenge arose. Due to circumstances beyond their control, pornography was inadvertently introduced into their home through one of their children’s devices. This incident outside of their control ignited a series of conflicts, tension and bitterness.  

As a pastor, he realized if he lost his marriage, everything, every thing in his life was at stake.

Through a series of unusual events, Karl learned of the success of Delight Your Marriage and decided to give it a try and fight for his marriage.  He took our free Clarity Call and described it as a “breath of fresh air” that gave true clarity. He was able to see how not only the past few months had affected his marriage but how things from his previous marriage and the loss from 2020 were also affecting him even now. 

He committed to the men's program, and the transformation was remarkable. Through the tools and guidance he received, he learned to communicate more effectively and approach his relationship with a renewed sense of empathy and understanding. As Karl’s approach to their marriage shifted, Rachel’s heart began to soften. This newfound healing was put to the test when their luggage, including passports, thousands in cash, work laptop, and IDs, was stolen right before their trip to Rachel’s home country. 

He said this (and this is what we want for you) they leaned into each other and God during crisis, rather than being torn apart. When they used to have massive discord on something as simple as a family routine, now they have connection and healing amidst what could be described as a significant disappointment. 

What they've discovered through it all... they have both said: “I have my best friend back.” 

Be encouraged by God's miracle working power, which He can do for you too! 

Belah & Team