This is Part 3 of Why we became romantic. I was a generous wife in intimacy and I felt loved in some areas, but I didn't feel loved outside of the bedroom. The romance on dates, the random gifts, the consistent compliments, the surprises were missing.
(Part 1 is more of the theory behind it and Part 2 is the beginning of my discussion with my husband that exemplifies this process.)
- Being happy and pleasable makes my husband motivated to plan and give me big surprises
- My husband takes note of "I would like" but rejects specific commands.
- "Its not what you say, its the way you say it."
- Deciding where to focus, the negatives are easy to remember.
- When you say it, it stays in the records. Encouragement "erases" the bad
- Before I surrendered I was in charge of the finances, and now that he is, we're much happier (less stress for me and more confidence for him)
- I am closest to my husband so I can affect him the most: in your self-conception, who you are in the world
Ultimately, Belah's husbands feel her changes caused the marriage to change. Caused him to change.
Resources: Emotionally Healthy Relationships Course; Financial Peace University, Surrendered Wife
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