A lot of women are under the impression that they need to share everything with their husbands. In fact, they say this is being “honest”.

I disagree. In EVERY marriage (yes, even VERY good ones), there are many things that are not (and should not) be shared. No one needs to share about tons of bathroom stuff---yuck, not sexy. But there are tons of other things that just wouldn’t be useful, helpful, godly, respectful, kind or many other reasons to share.

AND it depends on what level of the Marriage Health Spectrum your marriage is to determine what you SHOULD or SHOULD NOT share.

If your marriage is awful right now, you shouldn't SHARE what someone who has an awesome marriage can share. You have to be strategic with what you do and do not share. SO that it can BECOME an awesome marriage.

Find out...

• Where your marriage is on the Marriage Health Spectrum
• • Considering that, does he--your husband--deserve “your heart”?
  • How can you still be the faithful, generous wife AND guard your heart?
• HOW to respond to heartbreaking adulterous situations strategically, like affairs or addictions to pornography
• • If you don’t want to lose your marriage, HOW your react is vital!
• WHAT we can learn from Esther, the woman who changed the heart of the King!
• • Can you believe sex was involved?
• How to transform zero-affection marriages and get to a place where you're doing God's will in this life
• How to respond to your husband when he hurts you…
• • Hurt people HURT PEOPLE
• Understand how your husband is motivated, how he is designed so you can work with that and help him become the man, God wants him to be.
• • And the man that supports you, loves you, allows you to be fulfilled and do God's work

Resources:

• Jump on a free 40-minute Clarity Call with me. To schedule, go to: www.dym.as.me
• IF I think I can help you, then I'll share with you what the 90-Day Delighted Wife Program looks like!

As a mother, you would do ANYTHING for your children.

What does that have to do with making love to their father? Well, A LOT. In fact, their eternity is at stake. Really.

• Your marriage teaches your kids to treat others, adults and themselves.
• Your marriage teaches them what a healthy relationship/marriage looks like and that they want one.
• Your marriage shows them that a relationship with Jesus is fun and worth picking the right spouse and waiting for it!
• Your marriage shows them what character means.
• Your sex life is foundational to all of this...
  • Your husband can be an incredible dad
  • He can be focused on his family not the temptations of the world

Other things covered:

• How sex satiety and desire for sex occurs in opposite ways for women and men
• Why your children need to be well-liked by adults (and that's your job) 

  World-renowned psychologist mentioned: Jordan B. Peterson

• When you're a whole woman, totally emotionally held and loved in your marriage you have a far greater capacity to be a present, teaching, loving but wise mother (rather than a resentful, haggard and push-over stressed-out mother)

Excited for you to dive deep into how to transform your marriage!

What does money have to do with your marriage? Finances are often touted as the biggest reason for divorce... but get this: when you have an awesome sex life studies estimate that it's equivalent to having an additional $100k per year! So... NO financial issues...

But there's more, the BIGGEST financial DISASTER that can ever befall someone is divorce. SO an awesome marriage and sex life can either pay big $$$ or cost you a ton of money!

With all that said, how well are you prioritizing life so that your marriage is protected and your finances support it? WISELY.

The Bible is very specific: wisdom is more valuable than silver and gold... "nothing your heart desires can compare with her". So, how high are you prioritizing wisdom to ensure you have an awesome marriage?

The cool thing is that Solomon first asked for wisdom and then God also gave him riches! So if you invest your finances into wisdom the rewards may also be material wealth!

I talk about the way to prioritize your life that is accorded with the Bible and how your money should reflect those priorities.

Right now I'm doing FREE Clarity Calls (I am not sure how long I'll be able to do these as I have limited space) but on these we go 40 min to uncover the bandaid to discover what is underneath the surface issues of your marriage. If I feel like you're the right fit and I can help you I may invite you to be part of my program: The Delighted Wife: Reclaim Your Sexuality, Live In Your Womanly Wisdom and Witness Him Transform Into Who You've Always Wanted. www.dym.as.me

Find out what is preventing you from having the marriage of your dreams? Sign up for a FREE Clarity Call quickly as my schedulle fills very quicly. www.dym.as.me

Looking forward to working with you one-on-one soon!

I get so many emails from husbands. I want to send a message to their wives...the wife I used to be. I was a wife who saw sex as

• Dirty
• Wrong
• Ungodly
• Scary
• He was sinning for wanting it
• Too much work
• I didn't like it / it hurt / I didn't know what to do
• I don't have time
• I don't have energy
• What's in it for me?
• He's way too interested in sex

And so I avoided it and got resentful that the things I was doing wasn't appreciated. He kept asking me to learn more... and I got angrier.

Well God has changed my heart on this. I have discovered that God made my husband's member, and I am his wife. It is my privilege to be a part of intimacy with him. I am his only means of receiving this vital fulfillment righteously.

I believe this podcast will bring you closer to God. If you're anything like I was, I wish I had known this even before I got married. If I could only understand what sex meant to him. If I could only understand God's purposes for it.

I pray this would be something husbands can give to their wives (when she's ready---listen and practice these 3 episodes: Encourage Your Wife’s Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) 156, 156/157, 157 first).

Podcasts I mention:

• 132-S: The Most Important Piece To Amazing Intimacy with Belah Rose
• 144-S: The Discipline of “No” with Belah Rose
• Encourage Your Wife’s Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) 156, 156/157, 157

Praying for you and your marriage,

Belah

Are you having the WRONG type of sex?

• Why your wife doesn't LOVE intimacy
• Why sex feels carnal
• Why sex feels like it's just for HIM
• Why sex isn't fulfilling (EVEN if you orgasm)
• I argue that there is a very legitimate reason... You guys haven't made feminine sex....ever
  • Have you ever even been exposed to what feminine sex is?
  • Let me give you a description and then the tools on how to get started!
    • Go to www.delightyourmarriage.com/type for further explanation and a step-by-step guide to feminine sex 

• Resources referenced: 
  • Miss Representation documentary
    • If you want to know more about our sexualized culture and how men have defined those you can check this own
    • My very serious warning is there's a ton of very negative visuals--sexually-explicit music videos, movies with very provocative clothing... but they have really educational good content
    • What I would suggest is turning it on your phone and then turning your phone over so you can hear the content without being exposed to the crude and sinful visuals...or just trust that somehow I gleaned what would be helpful for you!
  • A great TED talk which explains how our movies are lacking female influence, thus the feminine values and sexual desires: The Data Behind Hollywood's Sexism

• FREE (Potentially Life-Changing) Opportunity
  • I am doing a limited amount of FREE Clarity Calls to help wives go deep and truly understand and get clear on what is prohibiting them from getting to the intimacy and marriage God wants for them.
  • The catch? IF I think I can help you (and I don't think I can help every woman I speak with) I may invite you to be one of the few women I coach this month.
  • But if not, you'll definitely get a ton of value from the call, so get on my calendar soon -- right I believe my next Clarity Call is available in 3 weeks from now... so get on the calendar as soon as you can so your marriage can blossom as God wants it to!! www.dym.as.me

So... my husband listens to every podcast before I post them. He often gives me notes on what I need to take out or change. I have been podcasting since Feb 2015 (!!) and by God's grace have been awarded one of the Top 30 Relationship podcasts on the web!!

My husband ended up listening and having an entire page FULL of notes.

POSITIVE notes! (One negative note--not that it was wrong but that it might be a bit too explicit. I countered "I just don't want wives to be confused with what I'm really talking about". He said well, it's ABSOLUTELY true..." so, I left it it in!)

In my almost 200 episodes (!!) my husbands said this is one of the best--maybe THE BEST. 

So! I encourage you to listen with an open heart and get ready for some (maybe uncomfortable) truth bombs!

Here is the site I mention where I have collated a sampling of SOME of the emails I get from husbands WISHING (and some even are crying) because they want so badly for their wives to work with me! Seriously...read it... delightyourmarriage.com/husbands

AND if you want to jump in and schedule a FREE Clarity Call where we unpack what's going on in your marriage, in your intimacy, the baggage and start to shed light on how to move it in the right direction, I am offering FREE 40+ min Clarity Calls. You can sign up here: www.dym.as.me

I don't know how long I'll be able to do these for free as it's a giant time commitment--but I love being able to help women. And if I think I can help, you're ready, committed and coachable and that I have the specialization to help your SPECIFIC situation I may invite you to be one of the few clients I take on this month. (I truly don't take on or even invite everyone who wants to work with me). But either way, you get a ton of clarity and direction towards next steps! So, sign up as soon as you can for a FREE Clarity Call with me, Belah!  www.dym.as.me

How could suffering ever be a gift? Why would focusing on suffering be a wise thing?

A lot of times the women I coach don't take the time to look at the pain and suffering they're experiencing.

But when they do that, they are distracting themselves away from its lessons--the wisdom God wants to teach us through it. And even through our AWARENESS of it.

On this episode, I talk about the 13 Gifts of Sufferings and I talk specifically about some of my own sufferings that have given me great gifts and it was because I was aware of them in the moments that God used it profoundly in my life.

Jump on a call with me personally to unearth what you're going through and use the suffering to provoke action! Check to see if I have some time on my calendar at www.dym.as.me It's a 40min call for free with me directly!

---

Testimonial: of a husband of 20+ years:

I just wanted to say a few things, like...Thank you!

Thank you for the time you spent with her, and for your generosity, it is much appreciated. I don't know what the two of you discussed, I haven't asked and she hasn't told. But I haven't seen such a fast change in [her] in, well....ever.

It's like she is a different woman. Actually, she is behaving more like the woman I thought I married or wish I had married... The changes I have seen in her are profound...

Again, I don't know what you coached her to do, and I don't know if she is doing it all or only doing half. But I do see a changed woman in my life. So again I say "Thank You!"

Check to see if I have some time on my calendar at www.dym.as.me I'd love to speak with you directly for free! 

Can things really change? "It's been 5, 10, 25 years, how could this ever be different?"

Suffering in marriage makes your whole life suffer---kids, job, ministry, peace, walking in the fruits of the spirit, sexual fulfillment, chastity in thoughts, satisfaction in marriage, covetous thoughts of other marriages, sin in many places, not starting the ministries God has called you to and would thus not touch the many people God wants you too!!

It's 2019, packed in this message is lots of hope, and practical steps to make changes in you that will greatly impact your marriage!

Here is a testimonial I just received by a wife who has been married 10+ years:

WHAT SHOULD YOUR LIFE BE ABOUT AT THE BEGINNING OF 2019?

I used to try to cram all of my goals into the beginning of the year. And I would scramble for a few weeks potentially months—at best and then drop all of them by April.

I’ve learned something very valuable that I wanted to share today. I want to talk to you about exactly how I set my priorities throughout every year. It frees me up to focus, relax and listen to God’s voice.

This year I’m really excited and there’s a lot of really good things! And I want that for you as well. If you want to move your marriage to a place of peace and passion and joy and purpose, I would love to jump on a FREE breakthrough call where you can discover solutions immediately.

Sign up here: https://dym.as.me/ God bless you in 2019!

(If you’re not in my FREE private Facebook group where we discuss intimacy and marriage and purpose in life and I walk with God join here!… Wives only! :-) ) www.facebook.com/groups/delightym/

You might think your marriage is too far gone. There is too much strife, emotional and mental abuse, painful memories, WAY too much baggage to ever recover. 

I encourage you to review this entire series and take a journey with me on this episode.

Maybe we've been looking at this whole marriage thing all wrong. And we've been looking at what it means to be man and woman wrong too?

What is the masculine nature? What is the feminine nature? Can a man have both, can a woman have both? 

Is this a sacrilegious framework?

Well, I think there is a ton of biblical precedence for thinking of men and women as possessing both masculine and feminine natures and both are good, should be respected and honored. I'm going to share that here. 

I want to talk about how this shows up in my own marriage specifically and how it can radically change yours!

--

Jump on a 40min clarity call with me so we can sort this stuff out. What is going on in your marriage and how can we get to the bottom of it to truly, deeply transform the lives of you, your spouse, your children and what God wants of you in this world! Delightyourmarriage.com/call

1 in 4 women this year will be sexually abused. You may never know who... your sister, best friend, daughter, mother, wife...

You may have been the victim. I'm so sorry for your pain and what you have been through. You are not alone and you do not need to feel shame any longer. 

Today's podcast is to help all women process the pain of abuse. I think it affects all of us whether we ourselves have experienced it or not, we live in a culture where that is the norm...

• When was the last news show you were able to get through without hearing at least one incident of violence against a woman?
• 1 in 5 searches on the internet are for pornography and 90% of pornography is violent towards women.
• Most women who have been abused are not believed even if they have the courage to speak out--so most stay silent.

Here's what I cover:

• Why are women abused? 
• Why the shaming question she is always asking herself: "why didn't I know better?" or "she was asking for it" isn't her fault based on her God-given nature
• My experiences with sexual abuse
• Why I think it's vital that we continue to understand women's experiences and give them a voice and let them know we hear them and believe them 
• Why we all need to be speaking about it and not expect only the victims to

How does it affect your marriages...

• What if you have sex without wanting it in your marriage? Why that makes you feel abused even though it might not actually abused

• It affects sex, her feelings of safety and I have some specific guidance for that (get my specific guide referenced on the show! Send me a message to get the Connection Session Guide here: belah@delightyourmarriage.com)

Here's what is covered in today's episode

• There are a ton of "submit" verses in the Bible. 
  • They were used to abuse me in my first marriage.
  • I think these also have made men feel that they had the right to abuse & justify their actions with the misuse of these scriptures.
• But what people don't realize is they are reading the Bible (and even translations of the Bible) through a patriarchial lense.
  • Don't believe me?
  • What does "help-meet" mean?
    • This word which Eve is supposed to be to Adam.
    • Well, it's not the supporting, secondary, servant role you may have always thought.
    • The original word in Hebrew is "ezer kenegedo". Ezer is used 21x in the Old Testament
      • When speaking of Eve 2x in Genesis, it's translated as "help" 
      • Three times it is used to describe a powerful nation that comes to save the nation of Israel from their enemies
      • The other 16x it's used to describe God as a military warrior, the powerful savior, giving  desperate salvation from foes
      • Is that how you see women?
      • Is that how you see yourself?
• What if more verses are viewed through this patriarchial lense and we just aren't aware?
• What scriptural references do we KNOW for sure speak of female leadership even in the New Testament (sprinkled among the books including "wives submit to husbands" verses are found):
  
  • Woman apostle
  • Paul honoring the 10 out of 28 people who have been colaborers
  • Woman deacons

• As a feminist myself, this material breaths life to my soul

• BUT, what if there IS something to this "submitting" thing in the 21st century, Christian marriages with powerful, feminist women...?
• What if there's an empowering message for both men and women when done "right"?
• This is a morsel of a much larger conversation, but God-willing it will leave all of us with a bit more of a softened heart to where God may be leading us.

This isn't easy territory, but I pray that it is an eye-opening episode for every listener. 

--

It was my husband's birthday this week and I'm asking every listener to take 5 minutes to review the show!

If you're not sure how, here's a link for delightyourmarriage.com/itunes

This one honestly wasn’t that easy to think through or record. 

Here’s what I cover:

• how I hold my opinions about women in the church and I think we all should
• how women showed up in the Bible
• I think Christian men should be on the forefront of the movement to end sexual abuse against women (Jesus would have been)
• women in ministry leadership
• the things I’m still processing around this
• your sexual abuse story should be believed, heard, processed, given space
• and the same goes for church abuse (of any kind)
• the body of Christ needs women in leadership because they are lacking without us

 When I work with women, I think the biggest problem is they don’t have boundaries.  And for them to slowly strategically come out of abusive relationships and cause their marriage to thrive instead of the abusive, they have to have boundaries. But it might not look the way you think it will look.

I grew up without boundaries myself. And So I never learned that I was responsible for me: my feelings, my thoughts, my choices, my property, my own things, my privacy... So naturally when I got married, I didn’t think I owned these things either.  And I didn’t think my husband did either.  Especially hearing the “two will become one flesh”, to me that meant that I owned him and he owns me. So  we had to be the same.

However that doesn’t work. 

How do you create boundaries in your marriage? How do you make sure those boundaries are respected?

And should we always be “honest” with our husbands? I don’t think so necessarily. 

I look forward to our conversation!

—

DYM is sponsored by my new business Couragess: Christian Women’s Mastermind group. Would love for you to check out my new site and get my free resource: 3 Habits to Grow Your Confidence immediately! www.Couragess.com

(So sorry, my computer broke so I wasn't able to edit and this is late, but I think the content is all there!)

--

I was abused and I was completely unaware at the time. Because he was spiritually gifted I trusted him. But he wasn’t exhibiting the fruits of the spirit. 

If you’re being abused, it’s so hard to see what’s really going on in your marriage because something that’s inherent in abuse is blinders. Today, I talk about my own experience with abuse in my first marriage, and what it took to get the blinders off for me. 

And then not only removing your blinders, but then what is your next step after becoming clear on what’s really going on in your marriage. And then to make wise action towards what I believe can completely transform him. 

This is the beginning of a series of DYM shows on abuse. There’s many different levels, categories and types of abuse towards women in many aspects of life. I want to help a woman who is currently in an abusive situation to think through the really difficult areas to walk the hard strategic road to recovery that I believe is possible.

Please note: I am not a licensed therapist or social worker and I cannot provide that “professional” guidance. But this is what I have learned through my story and the suffering I went through and what I have helped some of my coaching clients out of. 

Regardless of my credentials, we need to be helping women in this extremely common and devastating arena. 

—
The resource I referenced about getting support around domestic violence and abuse is www.nomore.org 

Not discussed… but it’s common to be attracted to someone that’s not your spouse.

What do you do about it?

First, figure out where you are in your level of attraction and then decide action steps:

-1-3 (when you see them/talk to them you feel a chemistry)
talk to God, get busy, be an enthusiastic lover with your husband, redirect your thoughts, read the Word, work with your hands

-4-7 (find your mind wandering to this person consistently) confide in a mature friend of the same sex–tell them what’s going on and be very honest, avoid spending time with this person, journal about their qualities and affirm that your husbands qualities are better because x, y & z, speak affirmations in faith, draw close to your husband

-8-10 (if you’re considering an affair, divorce or in that spot already) seek counsel of a therapist or counselor, use all sexual inspiration and direct it towards your spouse, be as enthusiastic in the bedroom as you’d be with this new person, pray fervently, be very intentional about falling in love with your husband again, write pros and cons list of this decision and include EVERYONE who would be positively and negatively affected in short term and long term—be honest with what you’re dealing with, pretend you’re in the future looking back on your life and determine whether you’d make that same choice if you could do it all over again

Remember, what you imagine you see now…it’s all a fantasy. You are with the right person. And God will give you the grace to see that if you trust in him.

——

UPDATE: I have had to postpone this virtual class referenced on the podcast. Feel free to sign up here to hear more about when the class is ready to be open.

To men:

I have men that reach out to me a lot of direction and support because they wish their wives would be interested in my material. My heart goes out to them and I’d like to give them individual and specific guidance, but I don’t feel comfortable working with men one on one. So, I am developing a Delight Your Wife virtual classroom just for men. This will be a weekly class where I will be live with you discussing a particular topic. You can send me your questions or add to the discussion during the call. These will be recorded and ready for you any time you’d like them in the future as well.

If you sign up in November 2018, you’ll have the lowest subscription fee as the content is still being developed and the virtual classes will just be getting started. Sign up for Delight Your Wife here!

Excited we're back together after far too long! We have got some fantastic episodes coming your way in this new season of DYM!

• What was the last sex scandal you heard about?
• What was the last Christian sex scandal?
  • It probably wasn't too long ago. It's really sad. And it happens so much, far too much.
  • Why is this happening? What can we do about this? 
• On today's show, I talk about why this is so common. I describe the problem and then what you can do in your own marriage. What you can do in your own sphere of influence to guard yourself and others.
• Why I have told my husband if he sins--goes outside the bounds of our marriage--he will be forgiven. That doesn't mean it isn't going to hurt me, and the marriage and plenty of others, but anything less can destabilize us in the long-run.

---

• You might know me as the author, podcaster and intimacy coach, but I've also helped many women over the years get their goals: writing their books, transforming their marriages, getting a job, starting or leveling-up their business (brick-and-mortar and online). I’ve worked in entrepreneurship, non-profit and for-profit (with Fortune 50 companies).
• I am hosting a "Goal-set in God's will" webinar Sunday, October 14, 2018, at 8 pm EST and Tuesday, October 16, 12 pm EST.
  • Discover the 3 questions you need to ask AND goal-set with me on this webinar! 
  • You're someone who sets big, hairy, audacious goals, but could they need a bit of tweaking?
  • Let's do something really important and have fun doing it! Sign up for this FREE, live webinar with me!

Hi all, 

DYM is taking a break for the summer but will be back on late August, early September. 

Blessings, 

Belah

Questions Discussed:

• Is it helpful to fantasize about others?
• How to get turned on
• How to have an orgasm
• Female erections
• How to rekindle your attraction
• How to get turned on even if you don't "like" him right now
• How you can be turned on by him 
  • What he can do
  • What you can do

• Check out this episode's show notes with links

--------

I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So, I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course! And the biblical foundations as to why you should be able to enjoy!

Check out The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.

• The 3 Components of Seduction
• Freedom in Language & Actions (Why & HOW!)
• Teasing & Variety for Hot Sex (Specifically)
• Three Things to Steer Clear of At all Costs
• All Steamy AND Sacred

Well, by now you know that I’m a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful.

Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions about making your desires known, sex, and some more challenging realities like pornography.

Ultimately, its a fantastic conversation which I hope you'll listen in!

Part 2: 

Well, by now you know that I’m a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful.

Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions about making your desires known, sex, and some more challenging realities like pornography.

Ultimately, its a fantastic conversation which I hope you'll listen in!

Well, by now you know that I'm a fan of The Surrendered Wife. It has changed the way I think and I am so grateful. Well, this time I have some of the more challenging questions answered like... 

-What about when you have fundamental differences?

-What about different parenting styles?

-Marriage therapy ever a good idea?

-What about when he's nasty but you don't want a huge issue by saying "ouch" and leaving the room?

-When you're vulnerable but he hurts you because you're vulnerable

-How do you share your feelings (that are negative) on big things? (Assuming your surrendering the small things)

Discussed in this conversation:

• Divorce is an option, for Christians and non-Christians.
• I hope I can convince you of the importance of this truth.
• If you are not aware that this is possible for your marriage, you may be blindsided by this reality. But if you believe you both are free beings who choose everyday to remain faithful to your vows, I think you can walk more circumspectly and carefully.

• How do you shift the way you view your marriage? Well, what are things about your husband that you rely on? How can you be grateful for the things we rely on?
• How can you be grateful for the man you have instead of the man you wish he was?
• As I am a woman who got divorced, I wish wives (and husbands) started marriages believing divorce is an option so they would be more careful. So they felt more responsible and accountable for their choices and there are natural consequences to consistently choosing poor behavior towards to their spouse.
  • 1 Corinthians 10:12 "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall."
• So how do you turn around a ship heading towards divorce: Gratefulness. Appreciating and respecting and honoring the tiny glimmers and watering those seeds to grow through encouragement and love.
  • How to have habits of gratefulness to help each other grow in noticing the positive. What you focus on grows.
  • Not to be motivated by fear but motivated by freedom.
• How to be careful to ensure affairs are not blind spots.

——

Ensure that you're infusing your marriage with exciting sex:

I’ve released the first 4 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.

I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course!

Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 5th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.

• The 3 Components of of Seduction
• Freedom in Language & Actions (Why & HOW!)
• Teasing & Variety for Hot Sex (Specifically)
• Three Things to Steer Clear of At all Costs