They saved themselves for marriage. (Yay!)
But there were other hurdles encountered as a result of a lack of insight around intimacy and God's wonderful design.
Hear how Lindsay got to the other side. Was it just flipping a switch and suddenly there's freedom? No.
It was a process.
It was a journey, and it took support and guidance.
I look forward to you hearing from someone who got there, and you can, too.
For men: her husband went first.
For women: she had to commit and realize it was important enough for her to get free.
PS - Like Lindsay, if you want freedom in your intimacy but have hang-ups from purity culture, you can get on a free Clarity Call to be listened to and asked questions. Maybe our program is the right fit for you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
If you're a husband who sees his wife "holding back" because of this, Lindsay's husband took the men's program first, so I also encourage you to get on a Clarity Call. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Program Graduate Quote:
Before the program: “We had recurring arguments surrounding intimacy. I felt like [my husband’s] love was conditional and he felt like I neglected his needs.
It was so discouraging. [My husband] felt lonely and I felt like a failure. The cycle would repeat every couple months, leaving both of us discouraged and hopeless that things could ever change… especially after 23 years of marriage. It impacted every relationship in our life, including our kids, work, in ministry, etc.”
Same graduate after the program: “I am amazed at the peace and unity in our marriage. I no longer feel like sex is an obligation but something that I am really learning to enjoy! It’s better than it has ever been. I have a hard time taking credit for it because [my husband] is killing it at implementing the principles from his ‘Masculinity Reclaimed’ program. I have never felt more known, safe or wholeheartedly cherished. It is easy to respond to a man who loves me like this. It is easy to be attracted to and vulnerable with a man who loves me like Jesus loves his church.
I have really grown in vulnerability, boldness and freedom in my sexuality, including discovering how sex can be so enjoyable for me. And turns out, [my husband] LOVES when I enjoy it! I am overcoming my physical insecurities and realizing that my body is a gift for my husband. What a beautiful design and privilege that I can please, comfort and bless my husband in intimacy. I want to continue being courageous to experience all God has for our marriage.
I see how my upbringing and the influence of culture have warped how I think and hindered me from experiencing marriage like God designed. I see how I desperately need God to renew my mind to see myself, marriage and sex the way He does.
This is the best marriage material we have ever come across. The Lord is using you in huge ways!”
We are LOVING the excitement about the Pre-Engaged Workbook, which will be released soon.
(It is supposed to go live today, but isn't available yet... there is a hold-up in the review process. We will let you know once it goes live!)
What I think happens a lot in marriages is a dynamic of competition.
They both want to impress their spouse, and both of them are clawing on top of each other trying to get the other one to notice them and admire them.
They’re trying to get their spouse to see that they’re doing a good job.
At the very same moment, the other spouse is trying to get them to see that they’re doing a good job and trying to impress them.
So each is trying to get their security and their approval and their sense of doing a good job from their spouse. And so this competition takes hold.
Instead of enjoying each other and the gift that they are---in the strengths and the differences---they are competing and they can’t see past their own hurt and lack of encouragement from their spouse.
So, what I highly recommend is that you consider if this dynamic is happening in your home.
Are you trying to get compliments and admiration and encouragement from your spouse but getting hurt over and over and over again?
My recommendation is that you listen to this episode to understand how to actually receive the affirmation, the approval, and the encouragement you crave.
The good news is you could actually have both security and affirmation… and change the dynamic from competition to love and generous compliments.
You’ll find out how if you listen to today's episode.
PS - Help could be a click away…you’re invited to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if you’re a good fit for our programs.
What do graduates say about the results of the program?
“Before I took the program, I thought my wife and I were getting on ok, but as it turned out this was far from the case. It soon became clear that my wife had been feeling very lonely and isolated for years, and this had been showing in her behaviour, which though pleasant, was somewhat aloof and detached emotionally.”
“Things moved exponentially, very quickly, though not without struggle and some reverses.. She did not recognise this “new husband” as she put it! …Completely unintentionally I had made my wife feel ignored, not attended to, and taken for granted… Communication was generally businesslike rather than affectionate. …As the program has gone on, huge strides have been made in our marriage. We now spend quality time together most meal times, we’ve started going out on dates again, we are much more playful than before and we enjoy being with each other. Most importantly, my wife has relaxed, she’s begun to trust me, and her true bubbly self is coming out into the open. And it’s a delight to see. It almost feels like it used to when we were first dating. Sex has even taken on a completely new appearance.”
I just have to apologize ahead of time because this headline is way too sensational. I can hear you saying, "It's frankly not realistic."
I get it.
But, hear me out. (Or, hear him out...? :)
So, Hunter had twin 4-year-old girls.
His wife was fed up with asking him to change. To pull his fair share. To be proactive in the family responsibilities.
She said she was done. They had talked about divorce in the past, but there was finality this time.
He could tell she was serious. And she was.
This is when a lot of people would feel helpless and decide they're going to give up and end the marriage since their spouse wants a divorce.
He had done a Clarity Call a year earlier and wasn't ready to take that step then. But knew, at this point, he had to dramatically change to save his marriage.
He said, "At the beginning of the program, I had trouble getting just a few sentences out before I would bust out in tears..."
Week in and week out Hunter plugged along.
But because of the amazing men in our program, he didn't feel he was doing it by himself.
They were texting him, praying for him, encouraging him each time it got hard.
When he had a bad week and felt absolutely worthless and hopeless, they'd be there to brush him off and remind him WHY he was doing this. They'd help him get encouraged and refocused.
Hunter did one scary change after another, one step forward and one step back, one awkward skill practiced after another until it became normal, natural, and just who he is...
And his wife started to respond.
She started to end the snarky, mean comments.
And she started even being receptive to his touch.
Ever so slowly, she started to trust that he is indeed a new man.
And he was indeed able to heal his marriage even though she didn't do the program.
Now he feels closer to God and he can see that she is closer to God, as well.
Now they are in love again… like when they were first married.
Now their 4-year-old girls are 5, and they are in a family with parents that are unified and loving.
This is a big deal and worth a giant celebration! And, a sensational headline (because it's true).
PS - If you need a transformation like Hunter, please don't let hopelessness overtake you. Focus on WHY it's so important for you to save your marriage, and get help.
We have resources to help you every step of the way (literally, it's step-by-step). You may be so flooded with fear and pain that you can't even think straight. It's okay, we've got a step-by-step process. It's proven, and it works.
Wife or husband, we want to help you. Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call.
Like Hunter, take the next courageous step. It's worth it.
Like Hunter, gain clarity on a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Like Hunter... it could save and transform your marriage, forever.
From a recent lady graduate:
"Delight Your Marriage has brought a breath of fresh air to our marriage! It helped me to forgive myself and others for wrong that had been done in my life.
DYM [Delight Your Marriage] gave me new tools to use to revive my marriage and a renewed focus on God to guide and direct our marriage through the next phases of life!
I enjoyed every aspect of this program! From the first podcast I listened to, to the clarity call, accountability calls, modules, and coaching calls! It all has been a joy, challenge, and work that has helped me and my marriage now thrive!"
We invite you to learn more! delightyourmarriage.com/cc
(If you know someone who needs this... forward this episode to them! Maybe you'll save a family.)
We're all insecure.
We might not be insecure about the same things, but we've all got it.
Today, I want to talk about the insecurities that are common for women and the insecurities that are common for men. Spoiler alert: they're different.
But the insight most of us miss is that our specific insecurity in marriage actually is harming our spouse.
Because of the way our spouse is designed by God, if there are certain things missing in marriage, it pains them.
This is an episode I hope you'll take to heart.
Your insecurities may be harming your spouse.
Included in this episode:
-What are insecurities?
-What are yours as a husband or as a wife?
-How are they affecting your spouse?
-How to move past them?
-How to get free of them?
I really hope this helps.
PS - We'd love to have you on the inside of a program and witness God do something amazing in and through you! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc is the place to sign up for a free Clarity Call.
When asked how we can improve the program a recent graduate wrote:
The course is absolutely brilliant. The course materials (videos and pdfs) are top notch in terms of content, and Belah is totally invested in her teaching and coaching, the content of which is simply superb.
It’s been meticulously researched. And the materials are attractive and mostly very user friendly.
The accountability groups are a master stroke. Most of all, everything is covered by prayer and led by the Holy Spirit. I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious.
More importantly no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behaviour as this one. There are very few things that could be improved.
Well done Belah and all the team in producing something that is not only very professional, but is an absolute life saver in so many marriages, including mine!