I get so many emails from husbands. I want to send a message to their wives...the wife I used to be. I was a wife who saw sex as
And so I avoided it and got resentful that the things I was doing wasn't appreciated. He kept asking me to learn more... and I got angrier.
Well God has changed my heart on this. I have discovered that God made my husband's member, and I am his wife. It is my privilege to be a part of intimacy with him. I am his only means of receiving this vital fulfillment righteously.
I believe this podcast will bring you closer to God. If you're anything like I was, I wish I had known this even before I got married. If I could only understand what sex meant to him. If I could only understand God's purposes for it.
I pray this would be something husbands can give to their wives (when she's ready---listen and practice these 3 episodes: Encourage Your Wife’s Sexuality (How A Husband Can Help His Wife Be More Into Sex) 156, 156/157, 157 first).
Podcasts I mention:
Praying for you and your marriage,
Now that you know the value of your sexuality (from Part 1), what does it mean to share that with your spouse?
I was a woman so insecure and unaware of the beauty of my body that it shocked me to realize the attraction my husband felt towards me. It took a while to actually come to accept it was true. But from there, to become fierce in the bedroom, that was another process. That's what we're going into today.
What does it mean to captivate your man? How do you "embody your sexuality" with your husband?
What we cover:
Interested in going further? Become a woman who has the intimacy you (and he) crave. Sign up for coaching with Belah.
After releasing Episode 56 & 57, I realized the good guys needed an episode. I may have been a bit too harsh on those episodes. So, I have this updated/revised/clarified/contextualized episode to give a bit more grace and kindness to the good guys, looking to love and be loved in sexual intimacy with their wives.
Part 1: You want to captivate your man. Is that even possible, you may ask? Am I captivating?
It was a process for me to move from thinking my sexuality (body + "Ressa") was gross to then accept and embody my sexuality as a gift from God to walk out (exclusively) in my marriage. But as I did, I found my confidence and identity began to shift into a woman who knows her value, who is fiercely aware of the jewel she is...and how that informs and transforms her marriage.
How do you walk this out? How do you become a woman who knows her value and allows that to inform her intimacy? How to make your husband get distracted with fantasies of you, his own wife?
Ultimately this is a God-honoring podcast that moves you closer to him by empowering you to become the woman God designed you to be when he gave you your sexuality.
Specific things discussed:
-What embodying your sexuality DOESN'T mean
-Understanding what your body means to men
-Why our lady parts are ignored
-How lady parts need a new name and identity in your heart
If I told you how my husband proposed to me, you would be shocked that I said yes (well I didn't exactly...but that's a different story...).
But that is not the man I have today. Just this past weekend, Mr. Romance, surprised me by making dinner, getting our 2 toddlers ready, packing extra toys to keep them occupied, packing an entire picnic, bringing wine glasses and my favorite bottle of wine... which we enjoyed in the park under the stars.
Stuff like this is pretty normal and I believe The Surrendered Wife (by Laura Doyle) and Delight Your Husband (by me, Belah Rose) are the two resources that are most significant to this transformation. If you get the surrendered stuff (Surrendered Wife) and the sex stuff (Delight Your Husband), give it 6 months and you will have an incredible man...I truly believe it.
Author of Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle, is on for the second part of her interview. (I hope you'll listen to the first part to see how sad and broken her marriage was). But, its amazing to see what happened.
Here's some quotes from this show:
"I almost divorced the man of my dreams."
"All control is based in fear. [Because I'm surrendered] I really do feel like I'm a woman of faith now."
"Fear is still going to come up. Make the decision that something else is more important."
Hear more from Laura Doyle:
The Surrendered Wife (Please, please read this!)
Empowered Wife (new name of Kill All the Marriage Counselors book)
Her husband didn't want to spend time with her. He was apathetic towards her. He would rather watch television than even make love to her. Now he can't keep his eyes and hands off her :) Dancing in the kitchen, less stress and glorious compliments are just side benefits.
Laura Doyle's work began a marriage-changing transformation for me.
Laura Doyle, best selling author, speaker and coach. The book I love the most: The Surrendered Wife (though I'd prefer to call it "How to Stop Stressing and Start Enjoying" or "How to Get Your Husband to Become The Man of Your Dreams")
(If you've listened for a while you'll know I posted this interview over a year ago, but we all need a refresher, so I thought you wouldn't mind if I posted it again!)
Find out more about Laura:
This is Part 2 of my advice for men who want their wives to enjoy sex more. Though you may feel so hurt that your wife doesn't desire and/or meet your intimacy with joy the way you crave, there is a lot going on for her too.
"Hurt people hurt people". In this podcast, I hope to shed light on things both of you may be going through. And not even realize that you (men) are undermining the very intimacy you seek to encourage.
I hope to help you understand the ways a wife desires to be loved in life and how that directly relates to her experience intimately with you.
-Why she thinks you only want her for sex (and what you can do to change that)
-How you can communicate a man's need for sex in a way that will reach her (rather than repel her)
-Specific things you can do in physical intimacy that will allow her to enjoy intimacy to much greater degree, thus desiring it more
For wives, I want you to know...
My goal for your physical intimacy is that it would get to a level and place to would support your life, but NOT be the focus of it. I want you to be able to relax into the joy of amazing intimacy so it would fuel the pursuits of God's heart. There is much more than sex, it shouldn't be the focus; if you're married, it should support the focus.
(Part 1) You may want more sex. You may want her to want you more. You may want her to care more about your drive. Maybe all of the above and a whole lot more...
Well, the biggest barrier women face is insecurity. An insecure wife can't take off her clothes, can't seduce, can't enjoy physical intimacy. But isn't that her problem? Isn't that something she needs to go do, with the guidance of her husband? NO! Please stop pushing/teaching/correcting/criticizing... your wife on sexual things.
It is not helping it is hurting---your cause AND your wife. So today's episode is all about getting you dear husband, to understand 1) your wife's mind 2) her biggest barrier to love making 3) what you can do about it
Why did I have to make this episode? I hear far more from husbands than I do from wives. And it's time I gave these hurting husbands some help. Its not that they don't care about their wives and which is why they treat them this way. Not in the least. It's that they don't feel loved by their wives through sex and they don't know what to do about it. Here's some guidance that I believe will turn things around in your marriage.
This is part 1 in a 2 part series. Second part coming out next week.
If this has blessed you, please share with a friend and leave a review on itunes---here's how (it helps spread the show further).
Hi there! I had planned to have a break with the DYM podcast until August, but now that its here... I need another month!
I hope you do too! To rest & reflect. Be inspired to do both and 1 practice I do weekly to make sure both happen. Its my favorite time.
So I'll be back with you in September on the first Tues!
Though our culture says you can "do it all". The truth is life is about trade offs. We have limits in this life, and in order to ensure those which are off most priority are accomplished, we have to say no to the good to say yes to the best.
Today's topic goes into this in depth. Why does it matter to your marriage? Physical intimacy, emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy all need to take priority while most others need to take a back seat or no seat at all. How do you decide that? Lets chat together.
And I also share how I believe God is teaching me these vital lessons and how it affects DYM.
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Juana Mikels of choosinghim.com. Juana shares in Part I the very difficult beginning to her marriage. But she shares in this episode that things still require her to rely on God. She says she depends on God's grace in her husband to be the leader of her family. Listen in as she shares insights around what keeps her trusting God and allowing Him to use her even while feeling faithless...God is faithful.
Hi there! Belah here. Today, I have with me Juana Mikels of choosinghim.com. Juana is a wife and mother of 4; her youngest daughter was born blind. She shares about her marriage that almost fell apart. Neither were believers when they married. It's an incredible story of how they were separated for a long time and what God did to bring them back together. Juana encourages us to honor and cherish the man He has given us.
Hi there! Belah here and it's just me this time. I talk about the taboo topic of Oral Sex. Yes, we need to start talking about this. And answering questions, like is it: bad? wrong? gross? And what does it mean to your marriage. And more importantly what does it mean to your husband. Listen in to hear why I think it is dirty and the change that needs to be made. You'll probably be surprised at my responses about it.
Check out delightyourmarriage.com/14 to sign up for the webinar happening where I get very specific! (Only open to wives!)